Guest guest Posted July 2, 2004 Report Share Posted July 2, 2004 Do you think their over indulged childhoods have anything to do with this problem or do you think it is a chemical imbalance? Has your daughter had any treatment; either medical or therapy? Is their any improvement in her? I've read it starts to go away as they get older, but my daughter is 31 and she is in this new cycle of nutty behavior. When does it end? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 3, 2004 Report Share Posted July 3, 2004 Don't blame yourself - the 3 C's..... Re: Just a thought.... I'm curious as to how many parents of borderlines treated them when they were children as little prima donnas. I have a friend whose daughter has problems similar to my daughter's. Actually, these girls, though 2 years apart in age, went to the same elementary school, took dancing lessons together, as well skating, etc. They were both quite smart and in retospect we both lived vicariously through their achievements. We were both way too ego involved with their accomplishments and failures. I think that perhaps my daughter hates me because although I thought she was beautiful, brilliant, wonderful, etc, perhaps she was terrified to fail at anything and deicided that she wasn't as spectatular as I always told her she was. I know she was never sexually or physically abused as the experts say 75% of borderlines are, but I wonder if my over zealous expectations of her coulldn't be a trigger for her to have unconsciously said to hell with it all and started living a lifestyle with no expectations. Her first bout of this behavior 6 years ago started when she graduated from college. Never got a decent job, just waitressed, which was fine while she was a student, but not with a 4 year degree. For the past few years, while still waitressing, my son started and finished law school and I know she was quite envious of him. And it was just recently, that she got her real estate license, sold 3 house within 2 months and netted $27,000 in commissions. And then, hooked up with this bum and let everything go to hell again. There just seems to be some correlation. Anyone have any similar experiences??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 3, 2004 Report Share Posted July 3, 2004 I don't know. Have been wondering that myself. My son is not like this. She had problems as a kid, but we didn't know what they were. We heard ADHD, Depression, etc. Had to force her to go to therapists, which of course didn't work. >From: cascorsam@... >Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs >To: WTOParentsOfBPs >Subject: Re: Just a thought.... >Date: Fri, 2 Jul 2004 18:58:20 EDT > >Do you think their over indulged childhoods have anything to do with this >problem or do you think it is a chemical imbalance? Has your daughter had >any >treatment; either medical or therapy? Is their any improvement in her? >I've >read it starts to go away as they get older, but my daughter is 31 and she >is in >this new cycle of nutty behavior. When does it end? > > > _________________________________________________________________ From ‘will you?’ to ‘I do,’ MSN Life Events is your resource for Getting Married. http://lifeevents.msn.com/category.aspx?cid=married Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2004 Report Share Posted July 4, 2004 I do see some similarities. My daughter was the apple of my eye and looking back I did favor her (although she swears I favored her brother). She was always looking for validation which I constantly gave her, wanting to know she was beautiful etc. It was never enough, the amount of love, the material things, which would only satisfy her for litterly a few minutes, then on to the next. It was almost like I was a bottomless pit of emotions, money which drained me of just about everything I was and am today. It is almost like I have to rest in order to get up the strength in order to see her again and have her drain every emotion and feeling (from extreme hope that this time will be different to the realization that it isn't again). Don't know if this makes much sense to anyone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2004 Report Share Posted July 4, 2004 I agree with all you have said, . My daughter was always " cute " and doing cute things, and she knew she was cute. She always had to have all the attention. My son was very quiet. Even though he was older, if someone asked him a question, she would answer for him. She was a very vocal child, and always wanted to be the center of everything. I also agree with how it wears you out now. the " down time " is spent waiting for the next shoe to drop. Does it ever end? She's talking about the army now. Would be good for her if they would take her, but I don't know. >From: 3330@... >Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs >To: WTOParentsOfBPs >Subject: Re: Just a thought.... >Date: Sun, 4 Jul 2004 00:11:15 -0400 > >I do see some similarities. My daughter was the apple of my eye and >looking back I did favor her (although she swears I favored her >brother). She was always looking for validation which I constantly gave >her, wanting to know she was beautiful etc. It was never enough, the >amount of love, the material things, which would only satisfy her for >litterly a few minutes, then on to the next. It was almost like I was a >bottomless pit of emotions, money which drained me of just about >everything I was and am today. It is almost like I have to rest in >order to get up the strength in order to see her again and have her >drain every emotion and feeling (from extreme hope that this time will >be different to the realization that it isn't again). > >Don't know if this makes much sense to anyone > > > _________________________________________________________________ FREE pop-up blocking with the new MSN Toolbar – get it now! http://toolbar.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200415ave/direct/01/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2004 Report Share Posted July 4, 2004 Boy this is odd. My daughter was the vocal one and my son was quiet also. But in middle and hs he change, became outgoing and really popular (which I think bothers her alot). Everything she did was cute, always the center of attention. Ironically they were both adopted, and she was my first, and my son was adopted a year later but was almost 6 when we got him so she is my first, and my baby. I whole heartly believe in this being genetic. I saw a difference in her from the beginning but my husband always told me she would grow out of it. THe worst part is what she has grown into. She is naturally so more intelligent that her brother, but refuses to go to HS. Her brother is starting his 3rd year at USF here in Fla. He is nearly the perfect son and don't get me wrong he is also intelligent but more book smart than common sense. She has both which is rare. He is what keeps me going, anytime I think I was at fault (which we all think at some time, because none of us can say we are the perfect parents) I look at him and I know I did something right. SOmetimes it gives me comfort and sometimes it doesn't Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2004 Report Share Posted July 4, 2004 , It is interesting about how some BP's end up in the Army - it is my observation that BP's are " calmer " with routines around them - they can't handle unpredictability. Chris. Re: Just a thought.... > >Date: Sun, 4 Jul 2004 00:11:15 -0400 > > > >I do see some similarities. My daughter was the apple of my eye and > >looking back I did favor her (although she swears I favored her > >brother). She was always looking for validation which I constantly gave > >her, wanting to know she was beautiful etc. It was never enough, the > >amount of love, the material things, which would only satisfy her for > >litterly a few minutes, then on to the next. It was almost like I was a > >bottomless pit of emotions, money which drained me of just about > >everything I was and am today. It is almost like I have to rest in > >order to get up the strength in order to see her again and have her > >drain every emotion and feeling (from extreme hope that this time will > >be different to the realization that it isn't again). > > > >Don't know if this makes much sense to anyone > > > > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > FREE pop-up blocking with the new MSN Toolbar - get it now! > http://toolbar.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200415ave/direct/01/ > > > > > Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2004 Report Share Posted July 6, 2004 Janna, I'm glad your daughter is doing better. We had kind of a rough weekend where she was constantly having an " attitude problem " and also trying to goad my son and my husband into fights. That's why it will probably do everyone good when I take her up north with me in a few weeks. Give everyone a break. She does everything she can to get one of them to say something that she can start a fight over. We'd had a little lull in the action the end of last week. Then came the weekend... Oh well, that's the way it goes I guess. > >Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs >To: WTOParentsOfBPs >Subject: Re: Just a thought.... >Date: Sun, 4 Jul 2004 20:38:49 -0700 (PDT) > >My daughter is at least temporarily doing better. She is 38. She has not >drank alcohol for three weeks now and says she and her boyfriend are going >to go to AA. She still smokes pot along with her legal meds. That is >better than she was doing. She also is paying her bills with her SSI >check. At one point she was not. She was doing lots of drugs and alcohol >along with her legal meds and cutting herself. She has not done that in >months (the cutting). There have been times I thought I would lose my mind >over her cutting. It hurt so bad to see her physically hurting herself. I >was afraid she would kill herself accidentally if not on purpose. I am so >thankful that part has subsided and the drug/alcohol abuse has lessened. >We have to be thankful for any small steps they take that are positive, but >remember not to get our hopes up too far. Janna > > _________________________________________________________________ Check out the latest news, polls and tools in the MSN 2004 Election Guide! http://special.msn.com/msn/election2004.armx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2004 Report Share Posted July 6, 2004 I understand completely. That's how we feel. We want to feel there is an end to it somewhere. For everyone's sake. We no longer have " cutting " (that was like 4 years ago), I don't think there's any substance abuse (she was addicted to narcotics for her back, but hasn't used any since she's been out of detox), but it's the anger that knocks us out here. The " looking for a fight " , the cussing people out, etc. I'm hoping it ends. Unless she loses the attitude and learns to finish things, she's going to have a tough time out there. She's almost 20 also. It's a huge worry. > >Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs >To: WTOParentsOfBPs >Subject: Re: Just a thought.... >Date: Sun, 4 Jul 2004 20:01:41 -0700 (PDT) > >I sure wish someone could tell us it does get better...I'm feeling pretty >hopeless. DSD is about to turn 20 and shows NO improvement whatsoever - it >just goes on and on. Her biological mother is 42 and is still floundering >with no job, illegitimate child, living off of child support from men she >can manage to marry (several divorces and children), drugs, etc. DSD is so >much like her personality wise...it's so depressing. > > _________________________________________________________________ Get fast, reliable Internet access with MSN 9 Dial-up – now 2 months FREE! http://join.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200361ave/direct/01/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2004 Report Share Posted July 7, 2004 , how ironic........my dtr., too the same as yours, now also talking going in to the marines. of all the forces, I would choose that one last, but she's extremely excited about this. We'll see........I know it would be good for her, hoping the same as you, that they would take her and that she would be successful. Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2004 Report Share Posted July 7, 2004 We will all be keeping our fingers crossed. My daughter is talking of going in the army in January. She says she doesn't want to do basic training in the Carolinas in the summer. >From: funnygirl1154@... >Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs >To: WTOParentsOfBPs >Subject: Re: Just a thought.... >Date: Wed, 7 Jul 2004 08:34:49 EDT > >, how ironic........my dtr., too the same as yours, now also talking >going in to the marines. of all the forces, I would choose that one last, >but >she's extremely excited about this. We'll see........I know it would be >good >for her, hoping the same as you, that they would take her and that she >would be >successful. >Debbie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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