Re: chip on my shoulder (not chocolate)

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 09/10/2000 11:09:12 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

dbandas@... writes:

> Well, folks, I upset a little dinner party last night because a very, very

> good friend of mine started going on about how you could spot the Americans

> in Europe....they were the fat ones. This friend has loved me through

thick

> and thin, but has mentioned before about how fat people just have stretched

> their stomachs out because they ate so much. He thinks that I've lost

> weight because I've developed some willpower and is quite proud of me. The

> hostess has a morbidly obese daughter. The line that really got me going

> was " how can people let themselves get that way. " I took it *totally*

> personally....called him ignorant....made one of those scenes....then we

> stopped.

>

> I wasn't upset about the ability to spot Americans....we're the land of too

> much....it was the " how could someone let themselves...... "

>

> Anyway, I tried to educate him on the phone today about how will power

might

> help someone who needs to take off 10-20 pounds of middle age spread, or

> whatever, but that people over, say, 100 pounds are in a really different

> category.

>

> I can't change his thinking and I can't change the fact that not all, but

> *most* of the world, including me at times, thinks that we somehow bring

> this on ourselves. We had a long talk and at least we're speaking. I

> apologized for escalating the conversation, er, uh, shouting match. But it

> still just hits a nerve with me. He pointed out that I'd better work on

it,

> because no one thinks of me as fat any more and I'll probably be hearing a

> lot of things that upset me that people held back before. My " sense of

> humor " about being overweight was better before I lost the weight. Well,

of

> course I laughed....duh!

>

> I could have just been polite and waited until we were along, but it really

> hit a nerve. Somehow, I would like to come to better grips with this

" chip "

> I have, but I'm not so sure that's going to come easily.

>

> I guess this is the life I got. The hostess was very understanding when I

> apologized to her for escalating the row, saying how she has watched her

> daughter be hurt, etc.

>

> I'm glad I'm skinny now, but sometimes you just can't win.

>

> Bandas

I have actually found myself in the position of being the " expert " on

weight gain and loss with my friends. I grew up in a wealthy and exclusive

southern California beach city. Being obese in people's eyes begins at 10

pounds over some magic number. Normal is considered fat by many . . . that

is what started me dieting when I wasn't fat! There is an expectation of

perfection here.

Anyhow, I am really open with my friends and always have been . . .

And sometimes people say things not trying to hurt or just not thinking. I

have openly talked about what happened to me . . . how and why I gained 120

pounds in 15 years. Everything I tried to lose the weight. How I lost the

weight beginning with surgery and then I explain the different surgeries and

different outcomes . . . And then the discussion of why dieting and weight

control leads to increasing obesity! And why people are getting fatter . .

.. I think I have helped a lot of people get off the 'diet of the minute'

bandwagon and get back in touch with their bodies which prefer to be slim and

healthy. It has been a really positive almost 2 years . . .

) Vicki in CA

[Guest guest]

,

I am glad you spoke up. I think we all reach a point where we are not willing

to put up with hearing that s**t one more time. Obviously your hostess felt

affirmed and card for, even if it did liven up her dinner party a bit!

blessings,

Ann

[Guest guest]

I kinda feel the same way about this and my worst problems have been kinda

in a opposite light.. I've had more problems with aquaintances that are

overweight and very big into fat acceptance and can not understand why I had

my surgery.. to the point that one girl forbaid her boyfriend to ever come

over to visit my husband again (which they were friends since boyhood) and

then continued on to tell my husband how I had somehow attacked her and

poked fun at her when all she was doing was trying to tell me how it was ok

to be over weight.

blah... such is life...

Sally

>

>Reply-To: Graduate-OSSGegroups

>To: Graduate-OSSGegroups

>Subject: Re: chip on my shoulder (not chocolate)

>Date: Sun, 10 Sep 2000 23:36:07 -0400

>

>this is a sore subject with me... many really do believe the whole

>weight thing is only a matter of willpower... I do believe its

>ignorant. Its very easy for someone who doesn't have a problem to not

>understand the MANY factors and complexities related to obesity....

>It doesn't sound like his mind opened any wider from the incident.

>Sounds like he has absolved himself from any negative part of the

>scenario, and only you would know if this is typical to his

>personality makeup. Fortunately, not everyone shares his antipathy

>for those with weight problems. I guess you win some, & lose some.

>I suppose he is in the lose category (trish baring cat claws)

>Trish

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[Guest guest]

this is a sore subject with me... many really do believe the whole

weight thing is only a matter of willpower... I do believe its

ignorant. Its very easy for someone who doesn't have a problem to not

understand the MANY factors and complexities related to obesity....

It doesn't sound like his mind opened any wider from the incident.

Sounds like he has absolved himself from any negative part of the

scenario, and only you would know if this is typical to his

personality makeup. Fortunately, not everyone shares his antipathy

for those with weight problems. I guess you win some, & lose some.

I suppose he is in the lose category (trish baring cat claws)

Trish

>Well, folks, I upset a little dinner party last night because a very, very

>good friend of mine started going on about how you could spot the Americans

>in Europe....they were the fat ones. This friend has loved me through thick

>and thin, but has mentioned before about how fat people just have stretched

>their stomachs out because they ate so much. He thinks that I've lost

>weight because I've developed some willpower and is quite proud of me. The

>hostess has a morbidly obese daughter. The line that really got me going

>was " how can people let themselves get that way. " I took it *totally*

>personally....called him ignorant....made one of those scenes....then we

>stopped.

>

>I wasn't upset about the ability to spot Americans....we're the land of too

>much....it was the " how could someone let themselves...... "

>

>Anyway, I tried to educate him on the phone today about how will power might

>help someone who needs to take off 10-20 pounds of middle age spread, or

>whatever, but that people over, say, 100 pounds are in a really different

>category.

>

>I can't change his thinking and I can't change the fact that not all, but

>*most* of the world, including me at times, thinks that we somehow bring

>this on ourselves. We had a long talk and at least we're speaking. I

>apologized for escalating the conversation, er, uh, shouting match. But it

>still just hits a nerve with me. He pointed out that I'd better work on it,

>because no one thinks of me as fat any more and I'll probably be hearing a

>lot of things that upset me that people held back before. My " sense of

>humor " about being overweight was better before I lost the weight. Well, of

>course I laughed....duh!

>

>I could have just been polite and waited until we were along, but it really

>hit a nerve. Somehow, I would like to come to better grips with this " chip "

>I have, but I'm not so sure that's going to come easily.

>

>I guess this is the life I got. The hostess was very understanding when I

>apologized to her for escalating the row, saying how she has watched her

>daughter be hurt, etc.

>

>I'm glad I'm skinny now, but sometimes you just can't win.

>

> Bandas

>Austin, TX

>RNY 4-28-98, Dr. Selinkoff, San , TX

>Then: 305 Now: 190

>115 pounds gone forever!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Looks like $22 or so...

Thanks,

www.vitalady.com

Re: chip on my shoulder (not chocolate)

> this is a sore subject with me... many really do believe the whole

> weight thing is only a matter of willpower... I do believe its

> ignorant. Its very easy for someone who doesn't have a problem to not

> understand the MANY factors and complexities related to obesity....

> It doesn't sound like his mind opened any wider from the incident.

> Sounds like he has absolved himself from any negative part of the

> scenario, and only you would know if this is typical to his

> personality makeup. Fortunately, not everyone shares his antipathy

> for those with weight problems. I guess you win some, & lose some.

> I suppose he is in the lose category (trish baring cat claws)

> Trish

>

>

>

> >Well, folks, I upset a little dinner party last night because a very, very

> >good friend of mine started going on about how you could spot the Americans

> >in Europe....they were the fat ones. This friend has loved me through thick

> >and thin, but has mentioned before about how fat people just have stretched

> >their stomachs out because they ate so much. He thinks that I've lost

> >weight because I've developed some willpower and is quite proud of me. The

> >hostess has a morbidly obese daughter. The line that really got me going

> >was " how can people let themselves get that way. " I took it *totally*

> >personally....called him ignorant....made one of those scenes....then we

> >stopped.

> >

> >I wasn't upset about the ability to spot Americans....we're the land of too

> >much....it was the " how could someone let themselves...... "

> >

> >Anyway, I tried to educate him on the phone today about how will power might

> >help someone who needs to take off 10-20 pounds of middle age spread, or

> >whatever, but that people over, say, 100 pounds are in a really different

> >category.

> >

> >I can't change his thinking and I can't change the fact that not all, but

> >*most* of the world, including me at times, thinks that we somehow bring

> >this on ourselves. We had a long talk and at least we're speaking. I

> >apologized for escalating the conversation, er, uh, shouting match. But it

> >still just hits a nerve with me. He pointed out that I'd better work on it,

> >because no one thinks of me as fat any more and I'll probably be hearing a

> >lot of things that upset me that people held back before. My " sense of

> >humor " about being overweight was better before I lost the weight. Well, of

> >course I laughed....duh!

> >

> >I could have just been polite and waited until we were along, but it really

> >hit a nerve. Somehow, I would like to come to better grips with this " chip "

> >I have, but I'm not so sure that's going to come easily.

> >

> >I guess this is the life I got. The hostess was very understanding when I

> >apologized to her for escalating the row, saying how she has watched her

> >daughter be hurt, etc.

> >

> >I'm glad I'm skinny now, but sometimes you just can't win.

> >

> > Bandas

> >Austin, TX

> >RNY 4-28-98, Dr. Selinkoff, San , TX

> >Then: 305 Now: 190

> >115 pounds gone forever!

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/11/00 1:32:02 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

civory@... writes:

<< Not too long ago, my company newsletter did a peice on a personal

accomplishment of one of our employees. I called the editorial assistant

(the editor knows my story - pre- and post-op) and suggested that my WLS be a

topic to consider for the next issue. Now, mind you, it has been three years

since the surgery. I never heard back from them but the feeling is that I

did not have to work hard to get where I am. >>

Carol,

It could be that the editorial assistant did NOT tell the editor about your

suggestion. Also, have you thought about writing it up yourself and then

submitting it to the editor? If you still feel it is worthwhile, pursue it.

In Charlottesville, VA

[Guest guest]

You know two years ago I could not walk. standing on me feet at

work all day did me in and after work I did nothing but lay down.

And when someone needed to be sent home I was the first out the

door. Here today 19 months almost later I can work 10 hours come

home to housework and still have energy. On October 1st I will be

walking in the America's Walk for Diabetes. (I need sponsors LOL

e-mail me if you are interested) This is a 5.5 mile walk and they

also have a 4.5 mile walk. I plan on doing the 5.5 mile and if I have

time do the shorter one as well. This is a big thing for me. Also I

am sending a e-mail to a local paper with a short write-up about how

this surgery changed my life for the better. I feel what a way to

do something good! Good in all aspects. Imrove my health by

walking, help raise money for a good cause and also get the word out

about the BENEFITS of this surgery. I say if you want to tell you

story then do it! Do it yourself if hou have too! WE ALL have to

concentrate on educating those around us about the surgery. My

family

doctor I gave him info and he has even done more and more research

just to be able to know my needs. (He even had several patients talk

to him mentioning surgery and he gave them my number) As long as we

can SHOW people how much better our lives are mentally, physically,

not just cosmetically. That is the last reason I had the surgery.

However the cosmetic rewards are just a bonus! More people to LEARN

about weight loss surgery. Maybe more open the insurances will become

to listen and pay!

D

> In a message dated 9/11/00 1:32:02 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> civory@v... writes:

>

> << Not too long ago, my company newsletter did a peice on a

personal

> accomplishment of one of our employees. I called the editorial

assistant

> (the editor knows my story - pre- and post-op) and suggested that

my

WLS be a

> topic to consider for the next issue. Now, mind you, it has been

three years

> since the surgery. I never heard back from them but the feeling is

that I

> did not have to work hard to get where I am. >>

>

> Carol,

>

> It could be that the editorial assistant did NOT tell the editor

about your

> suggestion. Also, have you thought about writing it up yourself and

then

> submitting it to the editor? If you still feel it is worthwhile,

pursue it.

>

> In Charlottesville, VA

[Guest guest]

D,

After seeing you a couple of times, it's hard to believe you were ever disabled

like you describe. I'm just shaking my head as you look so healthy and normal

now!

I could barely breathe and what breath I got was a major effort, very

concentrated. I walk and move and act pretty normally now. And I don't see me

so sickly when I look in a mirror either. But I wont' forget it. No sir.

Congrats on entering the Walk!!!!!!! I hope we have a spot of non-rain for the

event!

Thanks,

www.vitalady.com

Re: chip on my shoulder (not chocolate)

> You know two years ago I could not walk. standing on me feet at

> work all day did me in and after work I did nothing but lay down.

> And when someone needed to be sent home I was the first out the

> door. Here today 19 months almost later I can work 10 hours come

> home to housework and still have energy. On October 1st I will be

> walking in the America's Walk for Diabetes. (I need sponsors LOL

> e-mail me if you are interested) This is a 5.5 mile walk and they

> also have a 4.5 mile walk. I plan on doing the 5.5 mile and if I have

> time do the shorter one as well. This is a big thing for me. Also I

> am sending a e-mail to a local paper with a short write-up about how

> this surgery changed my life for the better. I feel what a way to

> do something good! Good in all aspects. Imrove my health by

> walking, help raise money for a good cause and also get the word out

> about the BENEFITS of this surgery. I say if you want to tell you

> story then do it! Do it yourself if hou have too! WE ALL have to

> concentrate on educating those around us about the surgery. My

> family

> doctor I gave him info and he has even done more and more research

> just to be able to know my needs. (He even had several patients talk

> to him mentioning surgery and he gave them my number) As long as we

> can SHOW people how much better our lives are mentally, physically,

> not just cosmetically. That is the last reason I had the surgery.

> However the cosmetic rewards are just a bonus! More people to LEARN

> about weight loss surgery. Maybe more open the insurances will become

> to listen and pay!

>

> D

>

>

>

> > In a message dated 9/11/00 1:32:02 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> > civory@v... writes:

> >

> > << Not too long ago, my company newsletter did a peice on a

> personal

> > accomplishment of one of our employees. I called the editorial

> assistant

> > (the editor knows my story - pre- and post-op) and suggested that

> my

> WLS be a

> > topic to consider for the next issue. Now, mind you, it has been

> three years

> > since the surgery. I never heard back from them but the feeling is

> that I

> > did not have to work hard to get where I am. >>

> >

> > Carol,

> >

> > It could be that the editorial assistant did NOT tell the editor

> about your

> > suggestion. Also, have you thought about writing it up yourself and

> then

> > submitting it to the editor? If you still feel it is worthwhile,

> pursue it.

> >

> > In Charlottesville, VA

>

>

>

>