RE: new to the group

[Guest guest]

Hi Jill,

Your story sounds so familiar. Been there. I want to acknowledge you for

setting and keeping that boundary with your daughter. WAY TO GO! It took me

WAY too long to figure out that the only way to keep myself safe was to love

myself enough to set boundaries with my daughter and keep them. Good for you!

Re: New to the group

This is my second post to this list. No one responded to my first one.

I have been reading the posts and my daughter behavior is

identical..... from my reading I believe that she has APD not

BPD.... she has the characteristics of sociopathy.

Your post reminds me of the time that she was about 14-15.

I picked her up from work....she was late and after she got into

the car I told her I had to go pick up her brother at Church on

the way home... she insisted I take her home first...and I told

her if I do then I will be very late picking him up...and turned

the car in the direction toward the church.

Well, she ended up having a hissy fit in the back sit...kicking

the sit and throwing things at me. Which was her usually

behavior in the car....if I didn't do what she wanted. Usually

she would start throwing things out the window...but I had

locked up my purse in the trunk. I didn't expect what she

was going to do next.... She jumped into the front seat and

grabbed the keys out of the ignition and opened the door

and jumped out after the car came to a stop. I was left

on a dark road that was a main highway...with no lights...

and no keys...and cars going speeds of 60-75 miles per hr.

I thought I was going to die...

Well, soon a cop came by and I tried to tell him what happen.

He wasn't listening to me...demanding me to move my car.

I told him I couldn't do it. He threatened to arrest me.... and

demanded to see my lic. I told him it was in the trunk and

I didn't have the keys that my daughter ran off with them.

And to please go after her.... he just kept yelling at me. I tried

to remain calm...and talk slowly but he wasn't listening....

Another police Lt. came over and I again explained slowly and

clearly what had happened. He heard me and order the other

policeman to go get my daughter. But only after I told him that

was the ONLY set of keys I had...she had already stolen my other

three sets.

Well, they did get her and gave me back my keys....well she got

what she wanted she was immediately taken home by the cops.

I was able to go to pickup my son but of course I was late by now.

That was the last time that I would drive her in the car ever

again. I use to have fights with my dh because I wouldn't pick

her up....but that was the consequence of her actions. Even so

he would leave work (even getting himself into trouble there) and

go pick her up. Of course, making me the bad guy and telling them

I refused to pick her up. Leaving out the fact that she was a violent

and dangerous person. I was the one that was marked as crazy

not my daughter...but me. I was the one that my dh said needed

medication not my daughter who was clearly involved in drugs

and he would do nothing about it. One time he witnessed her kicking

me in the stomach...I turned and looked at him and said...she just

kicked me...his response was... " No, you walked into her foot. "

He lived in denial and handled his stress by drinking. He still

makes excuses for her today.

Jill

Lorraine, I also have an 18 year old daughter. I've been reading the

posts on this group for about a year and the stories are so similar.

It is very helpful to discover others who are going through the same

things with their child (young or old). Also, people who have not

been through this have no idea what it's like. My friends have

always been supportive, but they cannot imagine the chaos in our

house. They make suggestions and try to be helpful, but usually they

are thinking about a rational person, and a person who suffers from

borderline personality disorder can be extremely irrational. I'm glad

you joined. It sounds like you are doing the right things- going to

a mental health support group, educating yourself, etc. It also

helps if you have your own therapist. Especially if you find one who

understands the disorder, understands how it affects family members,

and is able to listen and support you. I am still hopeful that my

daughter will accept that she needs help, and that she will get the

help she needs. I know that what she is going through is torturous

for her, and she did not choose to be this way. Who would want to be

tormented by this disorder? It is very difficult for them to seek

help on their own and this is what they have to do. I do not engage

when she is raging, although this has lessened quite a bit. I

remember very well riding in the car with her screaming at me and

being afraid we would not make it home alive. Also, when she was out

of control, irrational at home it was very frightening. I want her

to stay alive. She has so much going for her and yet she cannot see

herself as a worthwhile person. It is very sad for everyone

involved.

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

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[Guest guest]

Diane S. wrote:

> Hello everyone! I finally found out why I wasn't getting emails from

> WTOP - my email was bouncing. Here I thought this was an inactive

> list but I had 1191 hard bounces.

Hi Diane,

If you're reading the posts at the listserv, be sure to set your

account to NoMail so it won't happen again.

Cheers!

- Edith

List Manager / WelcomeToOz Family of NonBP Email Support Groups

[Guest guest]

Hi Edith,

Thanks for the idea but I really prefer to read and write email from

my Eudora ) Hopefully Yahoo will start delivering mail more

promptly once this virus epidemic subsides.

Hugs,

Diane S.

>

> Hi Diane,

>

> If you're reading the posts at the listserv, be sure to set your

> account to NoMail so it won't happen again.

>

> Cheers!

>

> - Edith

> List Manager / WelcomeToOz Family of NonBP Email Support Groups

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for your info. We do have the book but I hate to admit I

haven't read it thoroughly (( Shame on me. I'll get to it right now. I

love your three " C " s. Cause, control and cure. This will be my new mantra.

Thanks again.

Hugs,

Diane S.

Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, USA

At 04:26 AM 2/28/2004, you wrote:

>Dearest Diane...

>

>I KNOW how you feel... I was at the point where you are now, about 6

>months ago with my 18- year old daughter. Then I bought the book " Stop

>Walking On Eggshells " . The knowledge gained from this excellent book has

>saved my LIFE... I now understand what I am dealing with when my daughter

>(now 19) rages, accuses me and blames me for everything as she lunges from

>one disaster to the next ! I have come to understand that I did NOT cause

>this condition, I CANNOT control it, nor can I cure it - The Three C's .

>For your own sake, get this book & it WILL help you get your OWN LIFE back

>on track.

>It is still a tough battle with my daughter, every day, but at least I now

>know HOW to deal with it all !!! Thank goodness for The Book - my Bible .

>

>Best luck to you Diane - you are NOT to blame. Take good care of YOURSELF.

>Greetings to you all from Australia.