Bethann's Spoons opinion

[Guest guest]

You are right. Everyone does a limited amount of spoons of different sizes and

capacities. But, the author of this particular theory I believe was trying to

tell others how much harder it is to ration those spoons when you are in

constant pain and/or exaustion. Ok someone else might have the same amount of

spoons or less, but it takes them alot less energy to use them than it does with

someone who has a chronic miserable illness. I mean, getting out of bed for

instance is probably a freebie. Probably costs nothing. But for alot of us

that right there, on some or most days, costs about 2 or 3 spoons.

I fully realize that the world is not an easy place to live in even for people

who are well. I use to consider myself well before I got the symptoms of FM.

And life was not a breeze then either. But back then, I could maybe fill my

days and nights with extra stuff, sleep less, and tolerate the next day alot

easier than now.

I have 2 children. 4 and 9 years old. My diagnosis was approx 3 years ago.

The symptoms were there for years but finally got bad enough where I had to pay

attention.

I actually was so selfish that I ignored all of it for a long time because I

was thinking it was normal to be tired all the time. I even thought I had

carpal tunnel for years because the numbness and tingling started in my fingers

in my late 20's. But I just brushed it off. I would tell doctors " I'm tired

all the time " . I remember being told " exercise more " .

Anyway, that said, I work a full time job as a registered nurse, have 2 small

kids, and make 90% of the living for my family. My husband helps me with the

kids alot or I dont know what I would do at times. His spoons are a little

bigger I guess. Lucky for me!

He also works but doesn't make as much money as I can.... so I push on to

support my family because I have to.

Am I bitter? NO. Do I want sympathy? NO. Do I want to be believed and

understood? Yes.

Any he does go out without me and tell him to. I tell him to have a good time

and realize he needs to do things I can't always do. He likes to sing karaoke.

I use to get mad if he went when I couldn't or did not feel like it. But I

decided, as you did, that he needs to have an outlet and get out of the house

sometimes. I trust him. I know all his friends. And I let him go with my

blessings now days.

Ok, today I will admit I don't feel too bad. I might have a couple of extra

" spoons " today and I admit it. But actually I don't know how I will feel this

afternoon, tonight, or tomorrow. But I will push on and do the things that must

be done. Because I have to. And because I love my family.

Selfish?

Debra

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