2 of 2 - WELCOME TO OZ: GUIDELINES

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2 of 2 - WELCOME TO OZ LIST GUIDELINES (2nd half)

http://www.BPDCentral.com

Sections 7-12 of the WTO list Guidelines:

7 - Posting and Getting Responses

8 - Eggshell Resources, Abbreviations

9 - Offended? Send Problems to Us

10 - Confidentiality

11 - Humor and Off Topic Posts

12 - BPs on the WTO Lists

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Section 7. POSTING & GETTING RESPONSES

The unique URLs of the WTO groups are listed are in Section 2. Once

you have joined a WTO list, please send your messages to

NAMEOFGROUPYahoogroups

To reach the LIST OWNER:

Write to WelcomeToOz-owner

DO NOT SEND Your Public *MESSAGES* To This Address, and

DO NOT SEND *COMMANDS* (ie, " Digest " ) To This Address.

About changing your SUBSCRIPTION:

If you want to change anything about your subscription (eg, subscribe,

unsubscribe, digest), please go to

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NameOfList

(eg, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WelcomeToOz)

Note: " eGroups.com " as a domain will also work, but Yahoogroups recently

merged with eGroups and the domain changed.

About getting the most RESPONSES:

Please be very specific with Subject lines. If you want to talk about

treatment for BPD, the subject line QUESTION ABOUT DEPAKOTE will elicit

more of the responses you are looking for than MEDICATION or worse yet,

RE: DIGEST NO. 123. If a thread has changed, please rename it to reflect

the content. If the subject is about something off topic, please write

the letters OT (for Off Topic) in the Subject line.

About POSTING:

This is a wonderful group. But some people are, how shall we say,

technically challenged and do not understand how to use their email

programs. The 20% who don't understand make things challenging for the

rest of us.

Please, if you do not understand how to use your email program, do not

attach pages of long former posts for 1000 people to reread. In one

thread, this pages-long post can get reprinted 10 times. Imagine

yourself standing up in front of 1000 people and doing that. OK. Now

call SOMEONE who knows whatever email program you have and ask them how

to keep only the essential paragraph that you are replying to.

By the same token, many emails refer to things said when they DON'T

include a snippet and people are completely lost. Usually it goes

something like this: " Yes, I agree, , but what about using PUVAS

in that situation. " What situation? If you want feedback, include

something so we can refer back to what the original post was about. This

also requires knowledge of your email program; knowledge that will

benefit you in ALL that you do.

Please do not press Reply and create the subject line

" Re: [WelcomeToOz] Digest Number 2780 " . Please actually think about what

you're writing and write a subject like a headline, question, or

comment. Or at least " About XYZ. " This helps people wade through several

hundred messages.

Finally, we're not all English majors and some use English as a second

language. But the easier your post is to read, the more people will read

it and respond. If English is your second language, say so and we will

cut you some slack. Also, if you are in a country besides the US and

asking about legal matters, please say so.

Section 8. EGGSHELL RESOURCES & ABBREVIATIONS

BOOKS, BOOKLETS, WORKBOOK, CDs: This list, like most Non-BP lists, uses

concepts and language taken from the book STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS by

Mason, MS and Randi Kreger. You will get the most out of this list

if you have read the book.

If you want to break up with or divorce your BP, similarly you will be

ahead of the game if you read the booklet LOVE AND LOATHING: PROTECTING

YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AND LEGAL RIGHTS WHEN YOUR PARTNER HAS BPD. The new 3

CD set YOU'RE MY WORLD: a NON-BP's GUIDE TO CUSTODY is now available, as

also are the booklet HOPE FOR PARENTS (for the parents of children who

may have BPD), and pre-publication copies of the STOP WALKING ON

EGGSHELLS WORKBOOK (SWOEW). For more info go to BPD Central at:

http://www.BPDCentral.com. Also, the footer of EVERY post explains how

to obtain these books. However, this is not a commercial list; you are

NOT required to read anything.

BPD CENTRAL LIBRARY: Contents/Topics available at:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

Problems Co-parenting

Techniques to use when setting limits

Characteristics common to Non's

Responding to snipping and sarcasm while observing your limits

Do People with BPD Get Better?

What Is BPD vs Post Traumatic Stress?

Reader finds it paradoxical Randi could be labeled as " anti-BPD. "

Finding a QUALIFIED Clinician

Causes and Treatment of BPD

Suicide Threats That Feel Manipulative

Coping with Grief and Loss Related to BPD

How can I help the Borderline in my life?

BPD CENTRAL MEDIA KIT: The media kit, to be used by journalists and

others who wish to spread the word about BPD, is located at:

http://bpdcentral.com/resources/mediakit/main.shtml

ABBREVIATIONS: The WTO lists have abbreviations and their own

vernacular. Words commonly used include:

BP: person in your life who has BPD or whom YOU THINK has BPD traits.

BPSO: BP Significant Other. XBPSO=Ex BPSO (this has many variations).

DEAR: Communication technique used to set limits and ask for things.

See www.BPDCentral.com library

Distortion campaign: a deliberate attempt by someone to smear your

name because they have split you as all bad. They feel justified and

may tell lies or truly believe their distortions. May or may not

involve the law.

DSM-IV: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, edition 4, published by the

American Psychiatric Association. Used for diagnostic and insurance

purposes.

Fada: Used by some of the NonBP adult children of BPDs on the Oasis

lists to refer to their BP father who was not-a-father in the true

sense of the word.

FOG: Fear, Obligation and Guilt, which make you susceptible to

emotional blackmail.

FOO: Family Of Origin (includes one's original mother, father, and

other children)

Hoovered: after the vacuum cleaner, to be sucked back into the

relationship for another ride on the rollercoaster.

Intermittent reinforcement: when good outcomes happen on an

unpredictable schedule, thereby reinforcing (ie, rewarding) behavior.

Examples: when the BP sometimes acts 'normal', when you sometimes

don't observe limits (this is rewarding to the BP).

KO: Kid of a BPD.

Light Bulb Effect: the realization that you're not crazy and BPD may

explain the other person's behavior.

Lasagna therapy: A type of therapy whereby lasagna is dumped over the

head of a BP who constantly criticizes the way one eats--so much one

won't eat with the family anymore. Salad dumping in the lap is an

adjunct part of this therapy. Currently under double-blind test trials

at several prestigious universities. <wink>

L & L: The booklet titled " Love and Loathing " .

Mirroring: Not absorbing the BP's projections and reflecting them back

to the BP.

Nada: Used by some of the NonBP adult children of BPDs on the Oasis

lists to refer to their BP mother who was not-a-mother in the true

sense of the word.

Non-BP: Person who is affected by someone else's BPD -- eg, you and

your family.

Oz: the " Twilight Zone " feeling of not knowing what is real because of

the BP's distortions.

PAS: Parental Alienation Syndrome: When a parent deliberately and

repeatedly makes the other parent the " bad guy " and the child believes

the accusations (such as " Daddy doesn't love you. " ) A form of child

abuse.

Projection: When a person denies certain feelings by attributing them

to someone else.

PUVAS and DEAR: Communication techniques you can download at the

www.BPDCentral.com library. DEAR is about setting personal limits and

PUVAS is about ONE of the communication techniques you can use to

communicate with BPs. Other techniques in SWOE are defusing and

walking away.

Splitting: black and white thinking practiced by both Nons and BPs.

Sponging: Absorbing the BP's projections and bad feelings. (See

" mirroring " )

SWOE: The book " Stop Walking on Eggshells. "

SWOEW: The workbook to SWOE.

Trigger: not a horse, but something that takes a person back to an

earlier trauma. They respond to the current situation and also relive

the past one. For example, a BP's criticism about your clothes

triggers you because your father did the same thing.

UTBM: Book titled " Understanding The Borderline Mother " .

Section 9. OFFENDED? Send Problems to Us

You will find that some posts or people may strike an emotion in you,

from rage to joy. Usually this teaches you about how you feel about

something in your own life. These are gifts. You may wish to examine why

this post makes you feel unsettled. You may learn something new about

yourself.

At any rate, if you have a problem with someone's post for whatever

reason, please DO NOT RESPOND TO IT. Please bring it to the attention of

the list facilitators. Some days the lists generate a couple hundred

pieces of mail. We may miss something and very much appreciate your

help.

If you respond on list to the problem posts, the facilitators then

have several OTHER problems:

1. List squabbling and members either taking sides, feelings triggered

by arguments in this safe place, or people wishing that everyone would

shut up.

2. People misinterpret the guidelines and make statements that are not

true. One person, for example, kept telling people that the guidelines

permitted NO religious talk whatsoever, when in fact the guideline is

that you can talk all you want about how your beliefs affect your

relationship with the BP. Another example: What is " off topic " or not is

really a judgment call.

3. The guidelines can be confusing, and it only gets more so when one

of 1,700 people on these lists jump into the role of facilitator to try

to convey what can and cannot be said. Even the actual facilitators

often check with each other.

4. List posts get heavier as people respond to either the original

post or to the response to the original post (agreeing or disagreeing

with one or the other) and people get irritated by all the mail and sign

off.

In other words, posting that you don't like someone's post is like

suing someone for slander or libel, which guarantees that MORE people

will hear the original accusations.

Also, there is therapeutic value in not being reactive. This list is

not the Cuban Missile Crisis. The people who post are not people you

live with; they are states or countries away and come to you in computer

bits and bytes. No one's post is going to affect your life, unless

they're threatening to fly to your state and burn down your house.

Whether the person just disagrees with you or says something truly

offensive, they're words on a screen.

When you get up to 1,700 people together, you're bound to not like or

disagree with some of them. So why on earth get yourself all upset when

you're already dealing with a BP in your life, and when its someone

else's job (the facilitators) to take care of it anyway?

Most importantly, not responding to bait with anger will help you cope

with the BP in your life. The list itself is practice with dealing with

people who have a different reality than yours. If you can't deal with a

complete stranger having a different reality, you're going to have a

REALLY hard time keeping your sense of self strong around your BP. So

this has a double purpose.

So please, rather than respond to posts you think do not meet the

guidelines, SEND THEM TO PAUL or EDITH INSTEAD OF RESPONDING. 's

email address is bear454us@... and Edith's is

PsyProf@...

So what do we do with these posts? The facilitators try to apply the

guidelines fairly to everyone. That is to prevent us from being

inconsistent. Consistency is a big trigger for many Nons for the obvious

reasons.

Sometimes someone just doesn't know or understand what is appropriate.

Sometimes they do and just want to get a rise out of people (this is

called " trolling " and is the equivalent of saying " Pay attention to ME

ME ME). "

We have the option of putting people on moderation (reviewing their

posts to ensure they meet guidelines) or even banning those who

deliberately try to create chaos or hurt people's feelings.

Section 10. CONFIDENTIALITY

Confidentiality is your RIGHT, for both you and the BP in your life. So

please:

a) Please keep your passwords private. Do not let anyone else have

access to your Yahoogroups account. If anyone else in your life feels it

is their right to read the mail of others, please tell them it is

against the guidelines of this group and refer them to

WelcomeToOz-owner

Keep all posts confidential and do not show them to others or

repost them on other lists without permission (except for quoting the

other person in your reply, of course.) Paraphrasing is OK. Short quotes

are generally OK, especially when kept within the WTO lists.

c) Unless you receive permission from each list member, you may not

use, collect or download list names for your own purposes. This is also

against Yahoogroups guidelines, which prohibits " harvesting or otherwise

collecting information about others, including email addresses, without

their consent. " An example would be sending a mass mailing of your own

to list members without their permission. This violation of privacy will

result in immediate removal from the list to protect the privacy of

others.

d) For increased confidentiality, go to mail.Yahoo.com or any other

site that offers Web-based email. Create a new email address for

yourself, and subscribe using another name. When it asks you for your

REAL name, you must use a nickname. If you use your real name, it will

appear onlist. We have spoken with Hotlist, and their main concern for

obtaining real names is to prevent spamming and such. Creating an alias

for this list is fine.

e) Since the person with BPD in your life has NOT chosen to reveal

information about him/herself, please do not reveal details that would

invade the privacy of the BP (e.g., " The BP in my life is an actress who

is in a TV show where she plays a postal worker who moonlights as a

dance instructor. " )

f) The facilitators may also write about BPD. However, their own

beliefs about confidentiality and U.S. laws prevent them from using

anyone's post. Legally, you retain copyright of everything you write.

(This is also one of the reasons why you need to ask permission to

repost the work of others.)

g) Posts on all lists EXCEPT WTOStaying and WTODivorcing are archived.

They can be accessed through their main page at Yahoogroups.com by

clicking on " Messages. "

The members of Divorcing and Staying decided not to archive for

privacy. If they ever vote to change that, it's easy to change. However,

it's important that the members of these groups not get a false sense of

security. Please remember that each list contains more than 100 members,

and you do not know who is on them.

Again, for complete confidentiality on ANY list, we recommend

obtaining a different account (perhaps web based; do NOT use your real

name) and changing the details of your posts such as what you do, where

you live, your gender, etc. In my years of experience, topics do not

radically change and chances are good you can participate without

revealing personal information you don't need to.

Section 11. HUMOR & OFF-TOPIC POSTS

It is your RIGHT to read posts reflecting the purpose of this list.

However, it is also your RIGHT to have fun and get to know other

members. Therefore it is your RESPONSIBILITY to:

* Keep in mind that anything you write is going to up to 1000+ other

people who all have busy lives. Please keep posts on topic.

* Please especially avoid off topic discussions that have the potential

to generate strong or hurt feelings. We all have our personal views on

sex, politics, abortion, feminism, Macs vs PC's, the existence of God

and which way to hang the toilet paper. But discussions of these topics

belong somewhere else.

* Humor and fun is necessary and is a vital part of this list. However,

please restrain yourself from going overboard on the regular lists. If

you have off-topic information you feel is important, simply put it at

the end of a post about BPD. People need to laugh and some posting of

this nature can be healthy, and on smaller groups this is less of a

problem. But people unsub every day because of " too much mail, " so

please be careful, use your best judgment, and if the subject is about

something off topic, please write OFF TOPIC or " OT " in the subject line.

* This also goes for news about yourself: for example, people have

other concerns and want to share them with other members. See the post

above and use your best judgment.

* To keep down list clutter, please avoid one line posts that do not

add substantially to the discussion. Or, send them off list to the

member.

* Chain letters are prohibited from all groups, no matter what they are

about. AOL prohibits them and many of our members are on AOL.

* If you want additional company or the chance to get to know fellow

members better, you can choose to participate in real time chat and talk

about whatever you like. Please send a message to

cuddlepuppy@...

or

MagMom@...

for more info.

Or, join WTOChat or NonBP-chat by going to

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WTOChat or

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NonBP-chat

The following was written by list facilitator Shirley about humor

and off topic posts.

HUMOR GUIDELINES AND OFF TOPIC POSTS

By Shirley

I'd like to see if I can help give clarification to those boundaries

between the kinds of humor we want to see on the lists, vs. those kinds

of humor we'd rather not see get posted.

PRINCIPLES, NOT DEFINITIONS

I'm not going to try to describe a clear line between " good " humor and

" bad " humor, because I just don't think that will work for anybody.

What I'm going to try to do instead is describe how humor functions in

discussions. After that, I'm going to try to compare those functions

with the goals of our list. That way, it will be largely up to

everybody's good judgment to contribute toward the major goals of our

list, without anyone feeling obligated to have to walk on eggshells

themselves by shutting down their own personal funny bones. OK so far?

FUNCTIONS OF HUMOR

Several people have talked about the important part that humor has

played in their healing on these lists. I agree with those statements

fully. It has long been my experience that humor has three specific

functions that give it a crucially important place in growth and

healing.

1. First, humor acts as an anesthetic. That is, it helps make the pain

bearable. The reason that is important is because human growth is

painful, and sometimes it can be excruciatingly painful. I don't think I

have to convince anyone here of that fact, do I? I don't know the

breakdown of the list, in terms of who lives where geographically, but

here in the USA we largely live in a culture in which it is falsely

believed that to be " normal " and " healthy " means living pain-free.

I will politely say that I consider that belief to be a complete

crock. Healthy living means often living fully despite the inevitable

pains of life, and also finding occasional joys that transcend the pain.

That is purely my own belief, but it works for me, and I've seen it work

for other people too. It might even be the greatest lesson life has

taught me so far: no matter how bad the pain of living can be, there are

things which are infinitely more IMPORTANT than the pain.

Some of the greatest satisfaction in my life has been discovering my

painful circumstances to help someone else avoid similar painful

circumstances, or give them comfort as they endure the same thing. For

anyone who wants a label for that belief, you can call it existential

psychology, because the reality for me is that MEANINGFUL pain is

endurable pain. Which brings me to the second function of humor.

2. Humor serves to add breadth and depth to our limited human

perspectives. I have a good friend who sustained extensive brain damage

in a series of accidents. I can't think of a whole lot of things more

tragic than that, yet one of the greatest things I share with this

friend is humor. He has a wonderful ability to take situations and look

at the hidden side, and sometimes this involves exercising a delightful

sense of humor regardless of the associated pathos. It helps. It heals,

and it is funny. I don't think I can ever forget what my friend said one

day when discussing the horrible aftermath of his accidents.

In a quietly studious tone, and with a deadly serious expression, he

said, " I was all right until I fell out of a well and got run over by an

airplane. " As a result, he and I both howled with laughter over his

terrible tragedy. And we both went away emotionally stronger as a

result. Humor somehow helped us see a bigger picture.

3. Humor serves as a social lubricant. Some of our topics are awkward,

embarrassing, ugly and clumsy. They are just plain hard to deal with.

Humor simply makes it easier. It is an uphill battle at best, to fight

our way out of some of the dilemmas life has brought us. We need every

advantage we can get, and humor is one energizing way of helping us to

see ourselves as being all in the same boat. The fact that that she is a

Border Line Cruise Patrol Boat becomes something that pulls us together

instead of isolating and alienating us.

4. Having specified the ways in which humor encourages growth and

healing, I'm going to also mention the flip side of the coin, that is,

one way in which humor can interfere. Humor can serve as an effective

means to hide from, and avoid dealing with, important issues. This is

the kind of humor we'd rather not see posted here.

Examples include totally irrelevant or potentially tasteless humor

(e.g., the Rabbi, Priest and Minister were stuck in a lifeboat... " ) or

snide tasteless humor (i.e., anything about Clinton).

Back to the first side of the coin: the banter that I've seen

spontaneously emerge during the course of painful and/or difficult

discussion about living and dealing with BPD has been very productive

humor, every single time.

Who can forget " Lasagna Therapy, " when a list member described how a

well-placed dumping of noodles, cheese, and tomato sauce in the lap of a

raging BP stopped criticism about the non's way of eating in an instant?

But it was also very instructive for all of us, since it addressed some

of the most key topics surrounding setting boundaries between BP's and

Nons.

But can we define " Lasagna " humor as on-topic, and some other humor

subject as " off-topic? " I don't think so. Unfortunately, it is somewhat

of a subjective judgment call. If it comes down to it, though, I'm

willing to be the one to make that judgment and take the heat for it,

because I've seen what this list can facilitate, and I want to see it

keep happening.

I love what this list is doing. I love what people are using it for,

and I love where I see some people going as a result. I'm a flat-out

healing junkie, and I get high as a kite from being with people who are

addressing and overcoming problems in their lives. Each and every time I

see someone take charge and empower themselves, it empowers me just a

little bit more, too. I don't think any of us can ever be too empowered

in this life here on planet Earth, so I'm in for the long haul on being

a healing junkie.

Now: I want to offer a cautious word about where we are on these

lists, and where I see us headed. Based on the quantities of topics on

various subjects, I see these lists serving, first and foremost, as an

education center for practical information on coping with BPD. I don't

want to see that change, because I think that is where the most help

lies for the greatest number of people.

Secondly, I see these lists functioning as a place where people can

form bonds based on their joyful discovery that they are not alone. I

see these friendship bonds as being very important. Thirdly, I see

evidence that some list members may be moving towards a closer

examination of their own deeper issues related to their status as Nons.

If we do begin to go deeper into these issues, then we're gonna need

humor, because some of these issues are excruciatingly painful, and

possibly even disorienting at times.

Bless you all, I see enough of you reaching out to grab that golden

ring of positive health that I want to encourage that, even if we go

past the original blueprints for these lists that Randi so caringly

created. If we want to reach for bigger and better things, as in joyful

and healthy living, then I'm all for it -- never mind how hard and

painful that journey might be.

The important thing is that we honor that process, without diminishing

the other good things which are already happening here for everyone

else.

I'll bring this to a conclusion by saying that I love being a part of

these lists. I am very glad for the fact that Randi and all of you have

offered me this opportunity, because in the short time I have been

acting as a facilitator here, I have experienced a great deal of

learning and sharing with you. It has been fun, it has been energizing,

and I am using comma splices, so evidently I need to descend from my

cloud of exhilaration over successes and new possibilities and get back

to the here and now.

In the here and now, I sense a high level of respect between list

members, and that is undoubtedly one of the keys to the good things

taking place here. I'm sure it helps that we've all been personally

exposed to projection and splitting, and thus we're not quite as

vulnerable to falling into it as some other groups and lists. We know

what raging is, because we have seen it; therefore, we're not naive to

the fact that flaming posts are about the person doing the flaming, and

not about the flame's recipient. (It also helps that flaming posts are

forbidden in the guidelines -- LOL.)

We're a step ahead in that regard, because in other lists I have been

on, people have not been quite so savvy about the fact that flaming is,

pure and simple, an obvious cyber version of splitting and projection.

Here, we know better. Anyone who hasn't been able to figure that out for

themselves has apparently gone elsewhere, and that means we're in safe

company, doing our own thing.

And with that 60's cliche, I'll stop. I'll be glad to answer any

questions about what I've said, and otherwise I'll assume we're all on

the same page and just say " Carry on. "

Salutes to all,

/ the Bear

Section 12. BPS on the WTO LISTS

The BPDCentral lists are Non-BP lists; as such, our number one goal is

to provide a place for the Non-BPs to feel comfortable to discuss common

concerns. Those diagnosed with BPD, however, are welcome to join for the

following reasons:

* Non-BPs and BPs can learn a great deal from each other. BPs have

contributed a great deal to this list and have helped hundreds of people

come to terms and understand BPD behavior.

* People with BPD may also be considered Non-BPs if they are coping

with someone with BPD in THEIR lives.

* In early 1996, the members of the list were polled about the topic

and overwhelmingly voted to invite people with BPD on the list as long

as they followed the same general guidelines (no flaming, etc.).

* Non-BPs often pick up BP behavior and thinking. BPD is a continuum.

It is sometimes impossible to tell where the line begins and ends.

* This is an automated list and we cannot control or guarantee the

mental health of anyone on the list; to say that the list was " BP Free "

is a promise we cannot keep. Under the best of circumstances, some

people do not know they have BPD.

* People who think they don't have BPD may join and then find out they

do. Or others may suspect that they do.

It is helpful for people with BPD to explain what it's like to live

with the disorder. However, even if BPs join the list, discussion WILL

revolve around Non-BP issues (coping with a BP's cutting) rather than BP

issues (how to stop cutting).

If you are a Non, please keep in mind that the facilitators are there

to assure that you will not experience the same patterns you do with the

BP in your life. If a post does seem to do that, we are on top of it (or

you may forward it to us if you wish). Please just delete it and go

about your business. You may also join the Non-Only list which is

prohibited to people with known BPD.

If You Have BPD: (Note: current known people with BPD as of Jan. 2001

are grandfathered onto the list.)

First, if you joined to lurk because someone in your life thinks you

have BPD, please tell this person. They already suspect you are here. It

is against the guidelines to lurk to find out information about someone

you know in real life.

Next, if you have BPD but don't know people here, remember that

people joining this list will have feelings of isolation, depression,

guilt, self-blame, anger, helplessness, and grief. These are common,

normal feelings that people on the list will talk about. They will joke.

They will generalize. They will not be at the point where they can take

responsibility for their own part in the relationship.

If you have BPD, it can be difficult to read this list. At times, you

will probably get angry, want to remind people not to generalize and

remind Non-BPs they have to take responsibility.

If this list were made up of people at the stage when they are ready

to hear it, these comments would be appropriate. But they are not all at

that stage. Some people are at the stage where just the THOUGHT of

having someone with BPD on the list makes them tremble. (These people

may want to join WTOnon-only).

So your contributions must be limited to explaining BP and being

helpful and supportive. You can listen and learn. But you cannot force

yourself or your beliefs--even if they are 100 percent right--on anyone

here. Why? Because this is a Non-BP list and they need to feel safe.

They need to learn at their own pace, not yours.

Remember, these people love the BP in their life. Think of it as a

list of parents talking about teens. They may rail and complain and joke

and so on. But they're here because they love and feel connected to

someone in their life with BPD. A teen might explain the latest slang

and be very helpful in explaining how teens think and why they do what

they do. But the parents will clam up if they feel watched, judged, and

argued with.

So first, you have to make sure you can do this. It's a tall order and

in some ways it isn't fair. Just as important, you must make sure that

being on the list is HELPFUL for you, not HURTFUL. Some people with BPD

have joined the list and become worse. THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYONE.

To ensure the safety of the Nons and the well-being of those with BPD,

if you have BPD please let one of the facilitators know. For a period of

time, we will put you on moderation so the Nons on the list feel safe

and you don't need to worry about impulsively posting. If after that

month you still want to be here and you accept these guidelines, we will

discuss taking you off moderation. (Moderation means us reviewing posts

before they are sent.) If you don't feel good about being here, please

leave before it makes you feel misunderstood. If in our judgement we

feel it's inappropriate for you to be here we reserve the right to

remove you or ask you to leave.

If you are looking for lists just for BPs, there are several. Please

see the online support section on www.BPDCentral.com.

Randi Kreger

List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

www.BPDCentral.com

Addendum:

Please note our guidelines have developed over the years by the group as

a whole to meet situations that come up again and again. Before you

post, you must agree to try to read and try to meet them. If you have

any questions, comments, or feelings you wish to voice about the

guidelines, please write to

Shirley or

Edith Cracchiolo

Thank you!

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