Thanks and other stuff - warning - kinda long

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone - I've been just reading the posts for a while - guess I've

been too awestruck to respond. The similarities are almost overwhelming! I

think I've missed a few original posts, but hope to catch up with everyone

soon.

Everyone here has given such positive feedback to each other, and in just

the few weeks I've been onboard, want to tell you all THANK YOU! I've

learned so much from all of you.

Here -Just when things settle down - it blows up again. We've tried to

detach from it, but darn it, when it lands on your lap....what can you do!

I think I've posted prior, I have 3 girls, 25, 22 and 19. The 25 and 19

y/old are the children I might write about. One (25) is I suspect is

consistent of bp traights, the 19 y/old is diagnosed with bi-polar/other

issues and has asked if I know of bpd. The 22 y/old is rock-solid, focused,

has a huge loving heart, but doesn't take crap from anyone about anything.

The 19 y/old daughter, still lives at home, has experienced what I can only

hope is *THE* eye-opener for her. She got in trouble with the law and

called her eldest sister for help. How I learned about it was from my

eldest's freak-of-nature boyfriend. His " concern " was for her (the 19

y/o). He has kids and wanted me to know what was happening. BS!!!! He

just wanted to cover his own butt, but that's another story!

I confronted my eldest about it, she, of course said the typical.... " Ask C,

I don't know what happened. " Another (of many) load(s) of crap.

So, I confront C. She tells me she had only gotten a parking ticket no big

deal. Of course, I already know the " supposed " truth and just let it go, or

so she was thinking. This all occurred in her bedroom, and just as I was

closing the door, asked her how it felt to have handcuffs placed around her

wrists. Were they cold? Were they too tight and when she asked to have

them loosened, was she ignored? How did it feel to have her picture taken

without being able to look in a mirror and straighten up first? " How did

all that feel???? " (I'm sure her jaw hitting the floor must have registered

on the Richter scale! ) Then, just closed the door and went upstairs. This

was so stupid of me but I was upset that she lied to me again!

She came flying up to the kitchen where I was - in a total rage that I

" knew " about it, just screaming and cursing. Thinking back, I did something

even more really stupid, but turned out to maybe have been the right

thing...I don't know. The really, *really* stupid part...she's almost 4

inches taller and about 50 lbs heavier that I am. But, something in me

snapped! I backed her into a corner where two counters met, had one hand on

each of them looked her straight in the eyes and very quietly told her " I

love you, but don't ever disrespect me in my home, I don't have to take care

of you, keep a roof over your head, or even let you in the front door if I

don't want to. You're a legal adult. If you dare raise a hand to me, you

don't even want to think of what those consequences will be. Now back the

***k off! " I then moved away from her, went to the closest bathroom and

threw-up.

just telling you all now makes me feel ill again. It was so ugly! Since

that incident, she's some-what settled down, and knows what she has to do

regarding the legal issues, to her tho, it's a kind of " joke " only it's

not....if that makes any sense. With me, she's been respectful, but with

her sisters it's kind of like blah, blah, blah, and oh yeah " mom said the

F-word! " The eldest feeds into it, the other sister wants me to boot her

out. This has just been one of many chaotic issues. I'm so tired.

Right now, I'm just trying to keep the peace, It's only a matter of time

before the next episode and I know this, why do I let it continue?? Their

father is zero help - he has his own issues. I'm now at the point of - I

don't know what - just trying to get enough sleep to function at work - kind

of feel like I'm on auto-pilot right now!

sorry this was so long....any and all thoughts are welcomed...

k