Guest guest Posted January 11, 2003 Report Share Posted January 11, 2003 Hello Everyone, I am new to this group and just wanted to introduce my self. I have been dealing with my dauthers BP for almost 6 years now. She has lived with her mother, me (we are divorced), and countless hospitals and RTC's. She is currently in an RTC but has shown some great improvement and she is ready to be released. She is not allowed to go back to her mothers due to other issues in the home so she asked me if she could come make to live with me. She has been in our home before and was removed by child protective service because she accussed my wife of child abuse. This was never proved but she needed more help than we could provide her. I am excited but scared about her coming back home because I know of the hell I have been through in the past and I don't want to go through that again. I am trying to get as much information on BP an and find any support groups so that I can learn to deal with her behavior problems when they arrise. I just started looking through the messages so I can see what other people have been experiening just in case it may help me. Appreciate any feedback anyone would be willing to provide. She will be coming home in 2 weeks so I want to make this a priority. We will also be looking for any support groups in our area because the face to face might also be helpful. Thanks, Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2003 Report Share Posted January 12, 2003 Hi Tony, Thanks for the welcome. Sounds like we have been through a lot of similiar situations. My daughter has tried to come between me and my wife and almost split us up. She is not allowed to go back to her mothers because of other issues in the home and I am leary about her coming back here but she has no place else to go. She will be 18 in 2 months. She is familiar with the area and has friends and is talking about moving in with then after she turns 18. We will see what happens. There was a time when I told her that she could not come back to live with me because of all the problems and hurt feelings. We have been able to work through all that and I hope that this stay will be better than her last one. Yes, it was a very difficult thing to tell her that she could not live with me. I had to make that difficult decision because I had 3 other children in the home to worry about and she has been violent in the past. We have not seen those behaviors in a long time so maybe things are getting better. I just don't want to get to the point where I think everything is GREAT and then go through another set back. She used to go through these cycles every two weeks. I am trying to educate my self and my family on better ways to deal with her behavior instead of engaging it. Bill > Hi Bill, glad to see another custodial father on the board. My daughter, S, > has spent the past three years in RTC's, tried living with me and my wife, > not her Mom, and we have had to send her back to RTC's each time after mayhem > and destruction nearly destroyed our marriage. Her Mom and I are also > divorced and I took custody to " fix " things, that's what us guys do. S will > be 18 in August and I am trying to get her into the military since living > here is not an option, nor is living with her mother and S needs boundaries, > ritual and structure. > > My wife and I have had to do the hard thing and tell her that because of past > actions the consequence is no home to come to. Breaks my heart but I can't > fix her and also can't allow more destruction, to us and herself. It may > sound cold, but one life is already in danger and adding two more won't > change anything for S. I admit to not understanding what goes on in her head. > But, I do know that whatever it is only she can change her perceptions and I > have to brace myself to accept the guilt of " failure " as I also accept the > responsibility for protecting myself and my wife. > Tony > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2003 Report Share Posted January 13, 2003 Bill, I found two helpful things. One is the monthly NAMI support group. The web site is: www2.gdi.net/~namigo The other is the SWOE workbook, it's a hands on workbook that helps you work through solutions while learning. Katy Re: New to Group Hi Tony, Thanks for the welcome. Sounds like we have been through a lot of similiar situations. My daughter has tried to come between me and my wife and almost split us up. She is not allowed to go back to her mothers because of other issues in the home and I am leary about her coming back here but she has no place else to go. She will be 18 in 2 months. She is familiar with the area and has friends and is talking about moving in with then after she turns 18. We will see what happens. There was a time when I told her that she could not come back to live with me because of all the problems and hurt feelings. We have been able to work through all that and I hope that this stay will be better than her last one. Yes, it was a very difficult thing to tell her that she could not live with me. I had to make that difficult decision because I had 3 other children in the home to worry about and she has been violent in the past. We have not seen those behaviors in a long time so maybe things are getting better. I just don't want to get to the point where I think everything is GREAT and then go through another set back. She used to go through these cycles every two weeks. I am trying to educate my self and my family on better ways to deal with her behavior instead of engaging it. Bill > Hi Bill, glad to see another custodial father on the board. My daughter, S, > has spent the past three years in RTC's, tried living with me and my wife, > not her Mom, and we have had to send her back to RTC's each time after mayhem > and destruction nearly destroyed our marriage. Her Mom and I are also > divorced and I took custody to " fix " things, that's what us guys do. S will > be 18 in August and I am trying to get her into the military since living > here is not an option, nor is living with her mother and S needs boundaries, > ritual and structure. > > My wife and I have had to do the hard thing and tell her that because of past > actions the consequence is no home to come to. Breaks my heart but I can't > fix her and also can't allow more destruction, to us and herself. It may > sound cold, but one life is already in danger and adding two more won't > change anything for S. I admit to not understanding what goes on in her head. > But, I do know that whatever it is only she can change her perceptions and I > have to brace myself to accept the guilt of " failure " as I also accept the > responsibility for protecting myself and my wife. > Tony > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2003 Report Share Posted January 14, 2003 Hello Katy, Thanks for the info. I have been in contact with my local NAMI representative and will be attending the next support group. What is SWOE and where can I find more information about it? Bill > > Hi Bill, glad to see another custodial father on the board. My > daughter, S, > > has spent the past three years in RTC's, tried living with me and > my wife, > > not her Mom, and we have had to send her back to RTC's each time > after mayhem > > and destruction nearly destroyed our marriage. Her Mom and I are > also > > divorced and I took custody to " fix " things, that's what us guys > do. S will > > be 18 in August and I am trying to get her into the military since > living > > here is not an option, nor is living with her mother and S needs > boundaries, > > ritual and structure. > > > > My wife and I have had to do the hard thing and tell her that > because of past > > actions the consequence is no home to come to. Breaks my heart but > I can't > > fix her and also can't allow more destruction, to us and herself. > It may > > sound cold, but one life is already in danger and adding two more > won't > > change anything for S. I admit to not understanding what goes on in > her head. > > But, I do know that whatever it is only she can change her > perceptions and I > > have to brace myself to accept the guilt of " failure " as I also > accept the > > responsibility for protecting myself and my wife. > > Tony > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2003 Report Share Posted January 14, 2003 Hello Lyn, Appreciate your email. I don't mind sharing my story as long as it helps someone else. I figured I have this wealth of know from this experience, why not share it. I am glad there is someplace for parents to go to get support and info from other parents. I really wish I would have known about this a long time ago. I look foward to being part of this group and helping in any way I can. Bill > Hi,everyone and thanks Bill for telling your story, I am new to group and > have daughter with BPD she is now 20 and has also put the whole family > through hell and although I have only known of BPD for only 2 years and have > been trying to cope alone. She now lives around the corner with her > boyfriend (who has ADD & epilepy) and his mom and dad who are blind. At > first this worked well but now she has abused them and they are not happy > with the way its turning out. They want to protect their son but they also > know I cannot have her back in our house or it will tear us apart. We are > very fragile at present. > > unfortunately I still have to deal with all the abuse and anger that she > still throws my way and blames me for all her miserable life. But she also > is now piling it on the boyfriend who is wanting out and he is looking to me > for support. > > My husband doesn't want to help or acknowledge the whole mess and my son > also has turned his back on it. I would love to get involved with a support > group or even start one in Melbourne but do not know how many of us are > seeking this. > > I am always afraid that she will have no where to go and will come back > so I feel for you right now. > > I am pleased to be reading so much more about BPD and the suggested books > although they upset me I need to know about boundaries and not > to be the sponge as they say. > > Keep us posted you will have many supporters to help you along the way. > > > >From: " bg670iii <bg670iii@a...> " <bg670iii@a...> > >Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs > >To: WTOParentsOfBPs > >Subject: New to Group > >Date: Sat, 11 Jan 2003 22:13:18 -0000 > > > >Hello Everyone, > > > > I am new to this group and just wanted to introduce my self. I > >have been dealing with my dauthers BP for almost 6 years now. She > >has lived with her mother, me (we are divorced), and countless > >hospitals and RTC's. She is currently in an RTC but has shown some > >great improvement and she is ready to be released. She is not > >allowed to go back to her mothers due to other issues in the home so > >she asked me if she could come make to live with me. She has been in > >our home before and was removed by child protective service because > >she accussed my wife of child abuse. This was never proved but she > >needed more help than we could provide her. I am excited but scared > >about her coming back home because I know of the hell I have been > >through in the past and I don't want to go through that again. I am > >trying to get as much information on BP an and find any support > >groups so that I can learn to deal with her behavior problems when > >they arrise. I just started looking through the messages so I can > >see what other people have been experiening just in case it may help > >me. Appreciate any feedback anyone would be willing to provide. She > >will be coming home in 2 weeks so I want to make this a priority. We > >will also be looking for any support groups in our area because the > >face to face might also be helpful. > > > >Thanks, > >Bill > > > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > STOP MORE SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE* > http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2004 Report Share Posted February 20, 2004 HELLO AND WELCOME, what state are you in? I know here in NJ, and with my daughter DD-16, each facility she went to, tho each only lasted 6 days, she was given schooling at each place so as not to lose any time or credit. I currently am finally, looking at a long term facility, altho it is involuntary, and she's quite reluctant, until i told her that I would get juvy involved and have it court ordered for her to go, then she changed her tune. anyway, they have structured schooling each day and continue to get credit. they send papers to the school, the school signs them and returns them. i would think any state would have to offer continued education no matter where she goes. I hope this helps. they should be able to answer these questions for you. Good luck. Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2004 Report Share Posted February 21, 2004 > HELLO AND WELCOME, what state are you in We are in central Florida. anyway, they have > structured schooling each day and continue to get credit. they send papers to > the school, the school signs them and returns them. i would think any state > would have to offer continued education no matter where she goes. From my understanding, this is how it would work if she went to a juvenile facility. But I am told that the adult facilites (she is 18) do not " have the facilites " for school. So the best I can hope for at this point is maybe a hospital bound type of situation, where the teacher goes to her. She was in a program for hospital bound when she had some surgery a couple of years ago and was out for 2 months. The teacher came to the house while she recuperated and she attended one class by phone. The problem as I see it is that we live and she actually goes to school in one county and the facility she will most like be sent to is in a second county, so I hope they can work something out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2004 Report Share Posted February 21, 2004 > She's suggested contacting your local school district administration not the > school she may have been attending. She also had indicated that our local SD > is required by law to provide SpEd ed. instruction for children 19 and > younger in long-term care situations. I have several calls in at the school level. guess I will start on the district level on Monday. Seems like there has to be a way to do it, not force her to drop out. Don't know if that's a lot of help > for you, but also maybe you could contact your state dept. of ed, ombudsman > if you're not being heard by them (DOE). I'd also (like to) think that the > facility where she may be placed would have some resources for you to follow > up on. I will follow up with the facility as soon as she gets there and try to work with them on a way to do this. Until then, I am requesting assignments from her teachers and taking them back and forth. Thank you and your daughter very much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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