RE: The Sister

[Guest guest]

Hello -

Good to learn that you've seeked therapy for yourself. Sometimes it can be

so easy to lose " center " without having an unbiased opinion to hear and

think about.

I feel you may be a little too hard on yourself ....

skostadinov wrote:

<On the one hand, I wouldn't even consider it if she wasn't doing so poorly

under my supervision.>

Given the bit of history you've offered, she's going to continue to think

and really believe she can do what ever, when ever, unless she can be in the

mind-frame that therapy and maintaining meds will help her, but it's all up

to her to come to that understanding.

On the flip-side though, her behavior is not only the nature of the

disorder, but the nature of a teen (to a certain level). Kids just don't

think 5-minutes into the future... literally. They're infallible. Nothing

can *ever happen* to them. We as " experienced " adults know better.

In other words, you're not a poor supervisor of her, not at all. You're

just doing the best you can with these circumstances. I've been where you

are and can so " hear " where you're coming from. It's hard!

Just remember to take of yourself.

k

Re: I don't know what to do next

My mother has been slow to accept the scope of my sister's problems,

but I believe that she is coming around. I sent her a book that I

read titled " I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline

Personality, " and it seemed to hit home. The problem with my mother

though is that she never deals with her own problems and is prone to

depression. As I said before, she is very nuturing, but not the best

role model to teach my sister how to deal with her personal

problems. I am sending my sister to spend two weeks over Christmas

with my mom since my sister has asked to go back to live with her.

Perhaps the two weeks will change her mind. Personally, I am torn on

the matter. On the one hand, I wouldn't even consider it if she

wasn't doing so poorly under my supervision. On the other hand,

nothing in my mother's past gives me confidence that my mother can

handle my sister. Today, I got the county government involved in my

sister's case by going to the local juvenile court. They have a

conseling program that we are going to tell my sister is a

probationary step. They won't file actual unruly charges unless she

is gone again for more than 72 hours. I am hoping that this will

cause her to take her therapy more seriously and stop being truant.

I also saw a therapist to address my own depression, which is

completely a function of feeling hopeless over my sister's lack of

progress. It didn't make me feel any better, but I'm going to keep

going for a while. I guess this is all a sign that I haven't lost

faith yet. Thanks for all of your advice.

> > Hello -

> >

> > I feel that you and your wife are so awesome, and you obviously

> love and

> > care about your sister and her well-being by taking her into your

> home as

> > you have.

> >

> > This might sound harsh, but I don't find issue at all with you

> looking for a

> > way out! You're in a really tough situation - this is your

> sister, you

> > want her to have a life, an education, be productive and safe.

> But, it

> > appears that she's not respecting your home or rules, no

> acknowledgement of

> > what you're trying to do for her. You were a little older than

she

> is now

> > when she was born, so do you think she sees you as an authority

> figure or

> > are you maybe viewed as " just " her big brother and she doesn't

have

> to heed

> > your words. Do you know what I mean? Does your mom interact at

> all or is

> > she pretty much out of the picture?

> >

> > As far as what to do next....so much really does depend on her.

You

> have

> > already done so much and as hard as it might be, you may have to

> just accept

> > it for that. Do you have legal custodial/guardianship of her?

> >

> > I truly hope the best for you and your family.

> >

> > Take care of yourself, k

>

>

>

>

>