Guest guest Posted March 3, 2003 Report Share Posted March 3, 2003 .. I am sad to say, that I have now started with m/c #6. My HCG levels on Thursday (17 dpo) were only 32 and by Saturday had only risen to 40. I started bleeding on Sunday morning and am at home with my head under the covers. I am finding it hard to see past today. ((((Hollie)))) I'm completely speechless. I can't imagine what you're going through. This is more than anyone can handle. I wish I could give you a big hug. So sorry! Heike SU resected Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2003 Report Share Posted March 3, 2003 Friends, I have started this email three times now. There are so many things to say. I have been lurking since my last m/c in September. I guess my own feeling of inadequacy or jealousy kept me from offering help, guidance and support to others. I guess I was not in a place to offer guidance to others when I was searching for my own. It sounds so shallow – but I hope you can understand. The debate of SU/BU and vascular/fibrous has left me even more confused. As some of you know, my follow up HSG did not reveal a perfect upside down triangle following my lap/hys. But after a 2nd and 3rd opinion " they " felt like my septum had been removed as much as it could be and that I was probably a combo (would you like fries with that?) BU/SU. And finally, I did conceive following my first (and only) round of Clomid this month. I am sad to say, that I have now started with m/c #6. My HCG levels on Thursday (17 dpo) were only 32 and by Saturday had only risen to 40. I started bleeding on Sunday morning and am at home with my head under the covers. I am finding it hard to see past today. The last few months of trying had left me exhausted. I have never had trouble ttc in the past. Will I try again? I do not know. I am so tired of hoping. I see my RE in the morning. I am thinking that surely my resected septum could not have caused such an early m/c?? But I do not know anything for sure anymore. Once I encountered other IF issues, I went to other boards. What I found was NOT at all like this board. Most of the women on those boards are transient – or passing thru on their IF journey. What I like about this board is that even when some leave and have babies, many come back regularly to offer guidance and support. This board truly CARES about each other – wherever they are in the journey. This is the ONLY thing I know definitively today. As always, thank you in advance for thinking of me. Hollie K 35, 5 m/c, SU resected 06/02, m/c #6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2003 Report Share Posted March 3, 2003 ((((Hollie))))) Oh, I am so sorry. I don't know how you have endured all you have been through and I am so sorry that you are losing another precious baby. I know there are no words to make it better, but please know that we are all here for you. Just a thought - could the early loss be due to implantation problems, rather than your remaining septum? I am sure others will have more educated answers for you. I know that having a reason for the loss won't lessen the pain, but it might give you some perspective on the future. I have to agree with you on the topic of other boards...I too went out and posted to several other boards during my pregnancy, and I was able to get some very good information, but I found myself less trusting in their answers.....I have come to know and trust the ladies of this board, not just for information, but support, smiles, and hugs as well. You are right. We are special...not just our " special " wombs, but the ladies of this board are truly special, amazing people too. Lots of hugs to you, D UD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2003 Report Share Posted March 3, 2003 > And finally, I did conceive following my first (and only) round of > Clomid this month. I am sad to say, that I have now started with m/c > #6. > > Hollie K > 35, 5 m/c, SU resected 06/02, m/c #6 (((((((((((((((((Hollie)))))))))))))))))))))) I'm sooooooo sorry - I'm shaking my head this very moment amazed that one person is having to go through all this. Please know that we all are thinking about you and sending you all our heartfelt sympathy. I pray that brings you enough comfort to know that it will get you through each day - one by one. Warmly, Kristi 31, 1 m/c ttc #1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2003 Report Share Posted March 4, 2003 Oh Hollie! I'm so heartbroken for you :-( I had been wondering how you were doing. My heart lept when I was reading your first clomid cycle was successful ... I'm so upset that it ended up this way. It's just not fair! I know what you mean about some boards feeling transient. I guess that's the nature of grief but it feels so different. Even when I was only up to lurking, I still hung out here ... watching the warm interaction could sometimes be so soothing. It can feel shallow in the moment, to just lurk and not contribute, but no one can support other people when they are in pain themselves. I know its not an easy subject to discuss, but you might want to look into grief counselling. The grief surrounding pregnancy loss can be very complicated - friends and relatives may not know what to say or how to support you. Some act like nothing has happened, like its not a " real " loss (grrrrr!). Its further complicated by all the anger, fear and sadness that often accompany the TTC journey. Compound all that with multiple losses and its simply more than one person can bear on their own. In the meantime, lean, lurk, vent ... whatever gets you through! I'm so so sad for your loss, friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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