Re: Advice needed with BP Teen

[Guest guest]

My 33 year-old stepdaughter sounds exactly like your daughter. When

she was somewhat managable, I convinced her to use her

fantastic " people skills " (manipulation)in getting a career. She

went from selling fast food for pennies to an income most would

envy. She is supporting herself very well but still hasn't " grown

up " in relationships. Whether with us or anyone she forms them with

non-professionally, they are still all disasters. I'm raising 2 of

her daughers - she doesn't like them. She is raising her son,

poorly. She, too, must have a man in her life at all times and takes

sexual risks. I think it goes with the territory. Serial men is

real hard on kids, especially boys.

I guess I'm trying to say that especially for high-functioning BPs,

there isn't much motivation to get better. The career is there and

there's always another man around the corner. They'll come to you

when they need help raising a child or until they have a good income

whether that's from a man or not, so it never really ends.

The best you can do is take care of yourself. Feel your anger/grief

and keep expressing it or it will jump up and bite you when you least

expect it. Keep laying and maintaining rigid boundaries even when it

hurts. They are essential for both you and her. Stay in constant

touch with people who know you (your heart) and tell you the truth.

It helps to find people to laugh with too.

Take care Heidia

Pat:)

> Hi everyone. I have a 19 yr old daughter with BPD and Bi-polar.

We

> have tried everything including group home at age 17 for one year.

> She seemed to be ok after coming home for a little while. The

> structure did tremendous things for her. After a while, she

started

> to decompensate. At 18 she did graduate school but that magic

number

> - wow - she figured she could do anything she wanted! She is a

master

> manipulator and just figured she could do or say anything she

wanted

> because she was now an adult. It has become so hard that my husband

> and son couldnt take it anymore so I had to make the hardest

decision

> in my life, to let her go. I forced her out of the house and now

she

> is living in a homeless shelter for mentally unstable people. We

got

> her into a county program a transitional program, for 18 to 25

year

> olds. There are not many services out there once you become an

adult,

> where we live, the county takes care of their children but once 18

> most is gone. We have no more insurance on her and financially, we

> have used pretty much everything we have on her treatment since the

> age of 6. Social security is a joke, they have turned her down

twice

> and now we are awaiting a court date, our attorney says she will

> eventually get it, she, in his opinion and many doctors, is gravely

> disabled. Also, she has this need for a guy in her life. I am so

> worried that she will get herself pregnant, or a sexually

transmitted

> disease, or even killed on the streets. Can anyone give me some

> suggestions on what to do next? Sometimes, I just feel like giving

up

> and falling apart. Yesterday, I felt good, today, I am not

sure. I

> guess I just need to know there are people out there who know what