Still here new address (update) (long long, some NCC)

[Guest guest]

Good evening (late) fine people, I just got on and Kathleen had written me

and forwarded me a few notes. Its me Dahli Dawn. So sorry haven't been online

to help, just been sick sick and trying to avoid ER trips, Between inhalers

and Oxygen tank and no voice and fevers, infections behind the ears, severe

sore throat and terrible Nuerogenic pain I had to leave for a bit the group.

Decided it was time for a addy change so here I am and back on.

We cannot figure out why IM sick if its the infection or viral, so Monday am

I have to return to my GP (Internal Medicine Doctor) IM just not getting

better since having to cancel Drain 2 Thursdays ago, I also found a brand new

lump in my breast so we have to have a look at that also.

I also found out that my Nephew will probably be going into the Platoons soon

and this depresses me quite a bit, he just seems too young (23) but I guess

its just me getting older and worrying more. My hope level is not its best

right now and I feel quite isolated here and by many of my Chiari friends who

too are ill so they dont write as much either these days. Ive totally had to

stop volunteering for a while until I personally am well enough, which leads

to further isolation, seems so many are in such bad ways right now in my

chiari friends worlds and in the world.

I guess IM just not someone who can just turn those things off, It makes me

feel helpless to help others who need it and this includes my own family,

hubby travels now again and in my shape trying to take care of kids AND drive

and pickup at school, do homework, fix meals, stand outside wave to a

neighbor with only half of my vision, well FALL is not starting out on a good

foot so somewhere I have got to find that Hope in me again, its just getting

harder this time.

I think IM also tired of going to Doctors and hopistals every week and

hearing " HOW ON EARTH ARE YOU STILL WALKING!!! " I mean yeah I feel like a

Mini Miracle of sorts, but I dont know why I still can, the constant reminder

that I really shouldn't be able to I suppose makes one feel like lucky on one

hand and scared to the bigeebees on another hand knowing you are defying the

odds as you stand and they gawk at you asking " how can yo drive, how can you

take a shower without 3rd degree burns (no temp sensations left on any

spots), how can you stand the pain " , blah blah, well I cant stand the pain, I

can barely stand to stand on my legs, I put my chest to the driving wheel to

see, I make a mental note not to grab the pan out of the oven without pads (I

do this often and skin peels off)....

BUT if you don't know people to help and you don't have the income for the

help, you dont belong to your church anymore cause they moved away, you have

no family, and you don't even have the darn voice to sit!! on the phone and

call places to help and no one to make those calls for you, and the only

calls you do make is either 911 or the hopital for appts, well thats real

life for some, not just me nooooo pity potty here just reality.

I also just don't want to talk anymore to people on the phone asking me

questions about my health and telling what they think I should do or not do

without offering better suggestions to someone who has researched more hours

than you could EVER count in a million years. So I will get up as I do, hug

my kids, fall over about 10 times per day, Grab my head and neck in severe

pain, grab my legs in severe pain, sit at my piano and play a tune to soothe

me, sit with my doggy, miss my hubby but at least know we are getting out of

Debt slowly slowly, pray to God as I do day and night and maybe tomorrow will

be a better day.

That's life right now, but IM still counting on better days, I still have

some fight left in this bad-assed body of mine and I wont go down easy I

promise you that, just ask my longtime friends Ive had since childhood, they

know the REAL me and although we dont get to see each other much they remind

me of who I really am and the real stuff IM made of just wish they were here

or I could fly to see them, they come once and a while here to be with me and

then I miss it so much, we still hope to get back home to live next year if

possible so I can sit on the water again and find my soul and my peace and be

inspired again and feel connected to life and love again in a more tangible

way (touch, seeing, ectttt).

I love you all, so very much but sometimes you need a real hand, a real hug,

a real smile and people who know you so well you dont have to feel like they

are there someimtes, they are healthy and so you dont always have to talk

about being sick, I miss those old connectins where we bring out the best in

each other, I do have that wiht my hubby fortuanlty he really is there for

me 100% and I for him, were not so overly sensitive to each other our

Freindshop is SOOO DEEP! (thank God) and those are the relationships I need

right now with freinds back home that have known me for up to 35 years!!!!

(Im 41)/ I do belive that when your always! faced with Mortality issues you

feel that desire to be where and with the elements that bring LIFE to you

again.,( If your not understanding any of this speech its ok), I just need to

talk.

Well thats all IM sure I wont be posting again for a while but not a single

day goes by without me thinking about people on here that IM concerned about

I jus dont have a lot to give right now in emails but you do have my love and

compassion always.

Love and Peace

Dahli dawn