Re: Need a shoulder....

[Guest guest]

Hi Christie

Sorry to hear your having such a hard time.

What your going through is just like the grieving process.

In fact you are grieving a loss....the loss of the healthy Christie you once

were and the dreams that healthy Christie had.

It is only normal but don't let yourself get too down for too long OK? You

may need a little help from your DR. if it settles into depression.

Life if not over but just different now.

When I was diagnosed I told my young daughter that Mom hasn't been feeling

well and I'm going to be fine because I'm so lucky that I have so much love from

you and daddy and that I would also have them to help me on the days I didn't

feel so well . You will be surprised at how strong they are and they will

probably love to be your helpers. I tried not to say to much and answered any

question as it popped up.

Don't be hard on yourself for breaking down it is only normal. You've had a

lot thrown at you lately and a lot of unknowns. Find strength in those

children...that's what got me through the first decade.

" hugs "

Christie wrote:

Hi all,

I know I just joined y'all but I need some support. Like I told y'all

in my intro, I was just diagnosed w/ FMS on Friday(June 16). I think I

was just numb, going through the motions of taking care of my family

and living. I have done alot of research, read some books and talked

about it to people that love me. I thought I was ok, but a few minutes

ago, driving home from picking up lunch for the kids, I broke down and

cried the whole way home. I don't understand why I just can't be normal

and take care of my family and just live a normal life like other

folks. I feel so helpless. I guess this is a normal reaction to getting

diagnosed but it is so troulbing. Has anyone else had this happen to

them? I can't seem to stop crying about this. I'm trying very hard not

to let my kids see me. I don't want them to be upset that I am upset.

Anyone have any advice on how to help my small children understand what

I'm going through and not scare them(they are 3,5 and 7). Anyway,

thanks for letting me cry and vent. And most of all, thanks for

listening.

Christie C.

1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the list as

to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with your dr. Some

treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds as well as to certain

health conditions or just dangerous in general.

2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is) pls don't be

afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying to make that situation

better.

3. To unsubscribe the e-mail is:

Fibromyalgia_Support_Group-unsubscribe

4. Also, it is not uncommon for more than one member to be feeling bad at the

same time when it comes to flares and b/c of that potentially take something

another member says the wrong way. And that includes the things that one member

may find funny (even if it's laughing at fibro itself) even though we who deal

with illness whether one such as fibro or multiple illnesses try to keep a sense

of humor.

5. Pls let's be gentle with each other, and if you are having a bad day pls let

us know so that we can do our best to offer our support.

Have a nice day everyone.

[Guest guest]

Dear Christie,

I remember all the feelings you are having. They are perfectly normal feelings,

and it is important to allow yourself to feel them. Everyone goes through

feeling, " why can't I just be normal? " It is part of the acceptance of a whole

new picture! As a nurse, I can tell you that you are not reacting strange to

this new news. Feeling helpless is not only normal,it is an important part of

acceptance. I remember walking out of the Dr's office (at the hosp.) and

walking down the hall until I turned the corner. Then I collapsed on a bench

just sobbing. You are going to go through alot of feelings in the next few

weeks. Anger, despair, resolve and then despair again, wondering what you did

to deserve this. You will come to terms with fibro over time, and everyone does

it in thier own way. It changes just about every facet of your life, and that

is alot for anyone to digest! Just go with your feelings, and cry when you need

to. Help those in your family and around you to understand as much as they can.

It will help you in the long run. Especially your husband, don't leave him out.

He is going to be dealing with this almost as much as you, and it is going to

change his life as well. As for your kids, explain to them in ways they can

understand. Your instincts will guide you in explaining what has been wrong

with Mommy lately. They deserve to know. Alot of times, when things are kept

from kids, they tend to fill in the blanks with thier active imaginations.

Sometimes if it is not talked about, they will imagine it is something they did.

So, whatever you tell them, don't leave them out. They know you are not well,

they just need you to tell them why. Don't sell thier understanding short, kids

understand alot when it is given to them appropriate to thier age. Please don't

think you will carry this alone. You will only keep away the people who care

the most. I speak from experience about that...my trying to spare them ended up

with me pushing everyone away. Allow all this in a little at a time...it will

come. Trust the people you love enough to let them in, even if you are scared

and confused. You will need the strength of the people you love around you to

deal with this. This will be with you for a long time to come, there is no

hurry about dealing with it. Just be open and honest about how you feel on any

given day. Share with your family and friends, they really want to understand!

You also have to allow your loved ones to go through thier own feelings to get

to acceptance. My family went from treating me like nothing was wrong, to

treating me like I was a total invalid. They also need to be given the space to

come to thier own terms with your diagnosis. My Mom at one point, decided that

everyone in the family (including her) had it because she read it ran in

families! (ha!) She laughs at that now. My kids (who are now grown) came to

terms with it, but not before going through a phase of being angry with me for

not being able to do all the things I used to do ( and what they saw the other

Moms doing).

When you feel overwhelmed with it being a lifetime thing, just focus on what you

can do today. If you get 2 things done today, and then 3 things done tomorrow,

then you have had a better day! Sometimes it comes down to the simple things

and focusing on today, or this week. Allow yourself lots of space to feel

cheated, sad, mad or anything else you need to feel. Don't worry, you will get

through this and it will become assimilated into your life. It will change your

life yes....but that doesn't mean that you are never going to have quality

moments again. You still have all the great and sad times ahead of you, just

like everyone else! Keep the faith!

Kellie

If logic tells us that life is a meaningless accident, don't give up on life,

give up on logic. If logic tells you that in the long run nothing you do makes

a difference, then don't live in the long run. Life is a series of moments--to

live each one is to succeed.

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry to hear that you broke down while driving! Yes, it

happens to me also and my boys are 5 and 7. You feel helpless

because you look at them everyday and they are vivarant and full of

life. Here's the good news, they understand more than we think.

When I was diagnosed, I was so scared and shaken up, I had aweful

thoughts and felt they were worse off with me but that wasn't it at

all. I have learned to spend time with them around the illness. So,

maybe I can't participate in field day, but I can help them through

their reading homework. We have since taught the boys and by the way

their are 4 boys total only two are with us 24/7, but anyhow, we have

taught them every card game there is and believe it or not, they love

it!!! I play hide and seek, I just have learned to hide really good

so I don't have to run around lol!!! Then there comes the problem of

my big butt so the hiding can be difficult too lol!! But, that is

just it, until we found out about the fibro, most of us thought we

were coo-coo, crazy, hypochondriacs, and yet that was never the

case. It may have taken years to figure it out, but we were alright

afterall. My advice will come as crazy but find a good friend to

talk to, call me if ya want, and cry and cry and cry. Holding in all

that stuff only makes it worse. Yeh, I whine a lot, but my man

listens and though he admits it is hard to understand, at least I can

vent. We are hear, and it will be ok!!

Deb

_Support_Group , " Christie "

wrote:

>

> Hi all,

> I know I just joined y'all but I need some support. Like I told

y'all

> in my intro, I was just diagnosed w/ FMS on Friday(June 16). I

think I

> was just numb, going through the motions of taking care of my

family

> and living. I have done alot of research, read some books and

talked

> about it to people that love me. I thought I was ok, but a few

minutes

> ago, driving home from picking up lunch for the kids, I broke down

and

> cried the whole way home. I don't understand why I just can't be

normal

> and take care of my family and just live a normal life like other

> folks. I feel so helpless. I guess this is a normal reaction to

getting

> diagnosed but it is so troulbing. Has anyone else had this happen

to

> them? I can't seem to stop crying about this. I'm trying very hard

not

> to let my kids see me. I don't want them to be upset that I am

upset.

> Anyone have any advice on how to help my small children understand

what

> I'm going through and not scare them(they are 3,5 and 7). Anyway,

> thanks for letting me cry and vent. And most of all, thanks for

> listening.

>

> Christie C.

>