<OT> Review of one of our guidelines <G>

[Guest guest]

One of our guidelines is " Also don't post any kind of " please forward this to

everyone you know " messages to the list, no matter what it's about or how valid

it may seem. "

In this spirit, I felt compelled to share the following message, with apologies

to those who have seen it before.

WARNING: Don't read this if you have good taste!!

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Subject: A Little Something for ALL YOU Chain Letter People...

Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly

diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of

being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not

sending out 50 billion forwards sent to me by people who actually

believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas

with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes

smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic

pictures of her for use on their child pornography web site will get 6

freaking cents every time you send me the letter.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and

everyone you send " his " email to $1000? Do you actually think that

a company is going to give you valuable stock? How stupid are you?,

Oooohlooky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get

laid by every 's Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch of

bull.

So basically, this message is a big SCREW YOU to all the people out

there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail

forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my

apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain

which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country

by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year

2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest

continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

Screw them. If you're going to forward something, at least send

something mildly amusing. I've seen all the " send this to 50 of your

closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will

somehow receive a nickel from some 'omniscient being' " forwards about

90 times. think about what you're actually contributing to by sending

out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down)

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> Make a wish!!!

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> Really, go on and make one!!!

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> Wish something else!!!

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> Not that, you pervert!!

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> Is your finger getting tired yet?

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> STOP!!!!

> > >>

Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel

guilty,here's what I'll do.

First of all, if you don't send this to people in the next 5 seconds,

you will be raped by a mad goat

and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true!

Because, you know, THIS letter

isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!!

Here's how it goes:

*Send this to one person: One person will be pissed off at you for

sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for

sending them a stupid chain letter.

*5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a

stupid chain letter.

*10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them

a stupid chain letter.

*20 to 674951 people: 20 to 674951 people will be pissed off at you

for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

-------------------------------------------------------

Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a

starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no

legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved,

because for everytime you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to

the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from

Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all

bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to five people in the next 47

seconds. Oh, and a reminder--if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6

people, you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!

-------------------------------------------------------

Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is

absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not

as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it

works.

Pass this on to 1,506 people in the next 7 minutes or something

horrible will happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from

school on Saturday. She had recently

received this letter and ignored it. She

then tripped in a crack in the

sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed

down a drainpipe in a flood of

poopie, and went flying out over a

waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty,

she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Queer Horror Story #2

Dexter Bip, a 13-year-old boy, got a chain

letter in his mail and ignored

it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and

so was his boyfriend (hey, some

people swing that way- " not that there's

anything wrong with that! " ). They

both died and went to hell. They continued

to suffer in hell where they were

both cursed to eat adorable kittens every

day for eternity. This Could

Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this

letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.

-------------------------------------------------------

Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of

your friends.

Friends

-A friend is someone, who is always at your side,

-A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,

-A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly

ugly

-A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled

yourself

-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about

your loser life,

-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think

you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,

-A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets

the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's

the cleaning lady,

-A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants

his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, wild mutts will eat you