: Friend's m/c (pg & m/c ment)

[Guest guest]

Hi -

Can't help you on the pelvic stretching Q's (since my 1 pg ended in

m/c... but I do have some thoughts about your neighbor's m/c,

especially since I have been/still am quite sensitive about how people

have treated me and talked to me since mine.

I do think that you need to acknowledge her loss and tell her how

sorry you are, whether you do this through a letter, phone call, or in

person. Letting her know that you are there for her if she needs to

talk is very kind, and for me, if someone cried with me, that would

have been ok, because I was so often crying by myself (thankfully not

as much anymore) and felt so alone. In fact, it brings tears to my

eyes to write this, so the emotion is still so much there even after 4

months.

The one thing I also wanted to mention is that it might be very hard

for her to want to talk with you (depending on many factors) because

of your pregancy and the closeness of the due dates. It was and still

is in some cases very hard for me to hear details about other friends'

pregnancies when I don't have a pg to talk about as well. My advice

would be to let her also know that you also understand if she doesn't

want to talk to you or hear details about your pg for a little while.

She might feel happy for you, yet jealous of you, and angry about her

situation, that her baby was lost while yours is thriving. This is

not meant to sound mean, but just really honest. The day I got home

from my D & C there was an e-mail from some friends, announcing their

pg, and the due dates (hers and mine) were just a few weeks apart. I

sent a note to congratulate them, but since then I have not really

been in touch, because seeing them would remind me of where I would

have been, and its just too painful for me. My dh has a hard time

understanding this, but has been supportive in not pushing me to see

pg friends if I don't think I can handle it.

Bottom line, I think that you are a very kind and understanding

person, and you should at least offer that support to your neighbor.

31, SU, 1 mc, lap/hyst in 5 days (nervous but want some answers!)

> Also, I got really sad news today, my next door neighbor, and very

> good friend lost her baby yesterday. Her due date was just 2 weeks

> before mine and we had areadly spent time talking about how wonderful

> it would be to share our pg's and raise our babies together. She

> didn't tell me, I heard it through the small-town grapevine, and I

> don't know what to do. I am so upset for her, but with my pg and the

> closeness of our due dates, I am afraid that seeing/talking to me will

> only upset her. And, I am not sure I can talk to her w/o crying, which

> certainly won't help her. I am thinking of sending a card and letting

> her know that I am here when she is ready. ?

>

> Thankful that I have all of you to share with,

> D

> UD