Guest guest Posted December 12, 2001 Report Share Posted December 12, 2001 Hi Mike, Many of us here have felt scared, felt like giving up, felt resentful, angry and just plain tired. How old is your daughter and do you have any other children? . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2001 Report Share Posted December 13, 2001 Ditto to everything said. Peace and love, phine --- eljayef@... wrote: > Hi Mike, > Many of us here have felt scared, felt like giving > up, felt resentful, angry > and just plain tired. How old is your daughter and > do you have any other > children? > . > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2001 Report Share Posted December 14, 2001 Mike, I've been where you are - do I give up on my 16 year old BPD daughter (she's been hospitalized for 8 months and I've been given a very negative prognosis for her)? The fact is I couldn't live with myself if I did. So, the alternative, focus on myself and learn the coping skills to deal the situation. I don't know where you're at in terms of coping, but I was really desperate, with 4 immediate family members suffering from serious mental illnesses, 3 of them hospitalized, so I: - Got medication and therapy for myself. This has been the single biggest factor in me coping. - Distanced myself from the emotional rollercoaster my daughter tries to engage me in. This has helped my relationship with her - I no longer feel responsible and she has started to accept this boundary. - I refuse to be manipulated. That's been the toughest, but it has paid dividends. She is responsible for her actions, and I stress that at every opportunity. I will not advocate for her except on the rarest of occassions. She has to learn that I will not dig her out of any hole she sees fit to jump into! - Joined a local support group (run by local mental health professionals) - joined with much fear, but I've gained enormous support and friendship from this. Don't know whether any of this was appropriate, but I hope so. Regards, Steve (newbie to the group) > my daughter scares me not in the sense of physical fright but more of > an emotional or mental fear i know i am going to have trouble > controlling an instilled anger towards my daughter with her contant > lying and unpredictable tantrams i have been to the point of giving > up and just letting her go i know that is not the right thing to do i > have built up walls against her before i knew what was wrong now i > have to start over again too i do not wish my dtr get hurt or hurt > herself > > i know you have heard all the stories told by everyone do any off you > have advice or coping technics i can try thank you mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2001 Report Share Posted December 14, 2001 sEEMS APPROPRIATE TO ME. Oops, sorry for the caps. > so I: > - Got medication and therapy for myself. This has been the single > biggest factor in me coping. > - Distanced myself from the emotional rollercoaster my daughter tries > to engage me in. This has helped my relationship with her - I no > longer feel responsible and she has started to accept this boundary. > - I refuse to be manipulated. That's been the toughest, but it has > paid dividends. She is responsible for her actions, and I stress that > at every opportunity. I will not advocate for her except on the > rarest of occassions. She has to learn that I will not dig her out of > any hole she sees fit to jump into! > - Joined a local support group (run by local mental health > professionals) - joined with much fear, but I've gained enormous > support and friendship from this. > Don't know whether any of this was appropriate, but I hope so. > Regards, > Steve (newbie to the group) > Randi Kreger RandiBPD@... www.BPDCentral.com " Welcome to Oz " Listowner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2001 Report Share Posted December 14, 2001 Mike, I understand the internal fear the BPD puts you in. At one time, I would literally shake when he entered a room, and he wouldn't even have to threaten me for my voice to quake. In my case it was the physical result of the BPD externalizing his own emotions and my co-dependent spongelike reception of his " vibes " . Now, sone of my mantras are " don't let him live rent free in my mind, " " don't let the sick person define my internal being " . " push 'im back push 'im back....waaaaaay back. " (From high school cheerleading days) Liz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2001 Report Share Posted December 15, 2001 > Hi Mike, > Many of us here have felt scared, felt like giving up, felt resentful, angry > and just plain tired. How old is your daughter and do you have any other > children? > . linda.i have a 16 year old dtr also i have 18 yr old son both of these are stepchildren. i have a 16 yr old son from a previous marrage who does not live with me. if you have read any of luckysmiles messages this is my wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 > - > Sorry about that. Thank you for the positive input. > Your name *is* , right? (Sign your posts, hint hint, and I promise not to call you Shyeena anymore, LOLOL) > > A lot of us have been through this. Contact your PCP and have a sit-down talk with him. Doctors can be creative in diagnoses if they want to be. If he/she is not supportive of the surgery, get a PCP who is. Have him/her submit the paperwork anyway, with the incontinence, joint swelling, and depression. It seems to me that all of those (especially if you're taking medication for any of them) would qualify as a secondary diagnosis. Submit the paperwork! If they say no, then you can deal with an appeal. > > Laurie W. > > > > Scared > > > Help. I just got a email where a lady told me that Kaiser only > approves people with a BMI of >50 or a BMI >40 with two cor- > morbidities. My BMI is 41 and I have high blood pressure. I also > have leg and joint swelling, depression, and incontinence but it > seems Kaiser doesn't take these problems into consideration. I'm > beside myself. Doesn't Kaiser know that obesity is a disease? I'm > considered morbidly obese. My health is suffering now, why is it > necessary to wait until I have diabetes or heart disease? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 > The lady that emailed me also changed insurance companies. I haven't given up, I'm a fighter. I go for my psych eval. tomorrow. I'm going to get my WLS and Kaiser is going to do it! It's very frustrating to have to have the co-morbidities. However, lots of > people have been denied and then appealed and because the national standard > is for a BMI of 40, many have won their cases and been approved. (I switched > insurance companies and had mine done in 2 months, but I realize that's not > an option for everyone). Kaiser has a good program and it's worth it to > stick with it and appeal a denial...someone out there has done it...can you > elaborate? > > Hugs, > > K in California > Lap RNY 11/5/02 > 265/221/? (-44#) > > > -----Original Message----- > Help. I just got a email where a lady told me that Kaiser only > approves people with a BMI of >50 or a BMI >40 with two cor- > morbidities. My BMI is 41 and I have high blood pressure. I also > have leg and joint swelling, depression, and incontinence but it > seems Kaiser doesn't take these problems into consideration. I'm > beside myself. Doesn't Kaiser know that obesity is a disease? I'm > considered morbidly obese. My health is suffering now, why is it > necessary to wait until I have diabetes or heart disease? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 Here is Kaiser's criteria: Kaiser Obesity Surgery Referral Process Obtained from the online Kaiser Clinical Library September 2000 General Obesity Surgery Criteria The two primary indicators for identifying candidates for obesity surgery are the Body Mass Index (BMI) metric and weight related comorbid conditions. Weight related comorbid conditions include sleep apnea, cardiomyopathy of obesity, Pickwickian Syndrome, symptomatic degenerative joint disease, symptomatic ventral hernia, difficult to control diabetes, difficult to control hypertension, some cases of lower back pain, severe lower extremity edema with ulceration, amenorrhea, and ambulatory difficulties (cane, walker, wheelchair, etc.) Combinations of BMI and comorbid conditions that qualify for surgery are: A BMI greater than 35 with a life-threatening comorbidity or end stage renal disease and difficulty analyzing. A BMI greater than 40 with two obesity-related comorbid conditions. A BMI greater than 50. -Sleep Apnea, Cardiomyopathy and Pickwickian Syndrome can be life threatening. -Sleep Apnea should be documented with a sleep study. -Degenerative Joint Disease and lower back pain should be documented with x-rays and, if appropriate, an orthopedic consultation. Additional Obesity Surgery Criteria 1. A PMG provider should document at least one year of the patient's weight loss efforts. It is strongly recommended that members who have not completed a formal weight loss program participate in their facility's Medical Weight Managementprogram prior to submission of a referral.2. A dietary assessment, performed by a Registered Dietitian, is required to assess present eating patterns and ability to comprehend and cope with the post-operative dietary restrictions.3. A Mental Health evaluation must be conducted to rule out severe mental disease and to determine the patient's likelihood of complying with post-operative dietary restrictions. Hugs, Pat B. -----Original Message----- Sent: Tuesday, February 04, 2003 4:30 PMTo: gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients Subject: ScaredHelp. I just got a email where a lady told me that Kaiser only approves people with a BMI of >50 or a BMI >40 with two cor-morbidities. My BMI is 41 and I have high blood pressure. I also have leg and joint swelling, depression, and incontinence but it seems Kaiser doesn't take these problems into consideration. I'm beside myself. Doesn't Kaiser know that obesity is a disease? I'm considered morbidly obese. My health is suffering now, why is it necessary to wait until I have diabetes or heart disease? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 5, 2003 Report Share Posted February 5, 2003 Thank you for the compleat information. I have my psych eval tomorrow and will go from ther. From my own stand point, after reading your message, I qualify for the surgery. Thank you, > Here is Kaiser's criteria: > > Kaiser Obesity Surgery Referral Process > > Obtained from the online Kaiser Clinical Library > > September 2000 > > General Obesity Surgery Criteria<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = " urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office " /> > > The two primary indicators for identifying candidates for obesity surgery are the Body Mass Index (BMI) metric and weight related comorbid conditions. Weight related comorbid conditions include sleep apnea, cardiomyopathy of obesity, Pickwickian Syndrome, symptomatic degenerative joint disease, symptomatic ventral hernia, difficult to control diabetes, difficult to control hypertension, some cases of lower back pain, severe lower extremity edema with ulceration, amenorrhea, and ambulatory difficulties (cane, walker, wheelchair, etc.) > > Combinations of BMI and comorbid conditions that qualify for surgery are: > > * A BMI greater than 35 with a life-threatening comorbidity or end stage renal disease and difficulty analyzing. > * A BMI greater than 40 with two obesity-related comorbid conditions. > * A BMI greater than 50. > > -Sleep Apnea, Cardiomyopathy and Pickwickian Syndrome can be life threatening. > > -Sleep Apnea should be documented with a sleep study. > > -Degenerative Joint Disease and lower back pain should be documented with x-rays and, if appropriate, an orthopedic consultation. > > Additional Obesity Surgery Criteria > > 1. A PMG provider should document at least one year of the patient's weight loss efforts. It is strongly recommended that members who have not completed a formal weight loss program participate in their facility's Medical Weight Management > program prior to submission of a referral. > > 2. A dietary assessment, performed by a Registered Dietitian, is required to assess present eating patterns and ability to comprehend and cope with the post-operative dietary restrictions. > > 3. A Mental Health evaluation must be conducted to rule out severe mental disease and to determine the patient's likelihood of complying with post-operative dietary restrictions. > > Hugs, > > Pat B. > > > Scared > > > Help. I just got a email where a lady told me that Kaiser only > approves people with a BMI of >50 or a BMI >40 with two cor- > morbidities. My BMI is 41 and I have high blood pressure. I also > have leg and joint swelling, depression, and incontinence but it > seems Kaiser doesn't take these problems into consideration. I'm > beside myself. Doesn't Kaiser know that obesity is a disease? I'm > considered morbidly obese. My health is suffering now, why is it > necessary to wait until I have diabetes or heart disease? > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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