You are a WLS patient when.....

[Guest guest]

" I have a date " doesn't mean you are going out.

You have baby food in the house and no baby.

" I'm a loser " is a good thing.

All of your silverware says " Gerber "

A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking anymore.

" Welcome to the other side " does not mean you have died

New clothes fall off the next week.

You are excited about " hand me downs "

The scale at Wal-Mart doesn't say " one at a time please "

Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.

Just water for me please.

Hitting the " Century Mark " is a good thing!

You love the taste of Chewable Centrum Rug Rats Vitamins or biting

the head off of Wilma

People start calling you tiny

When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club!!

When it's not Vikings vs. Bears but lap vs. open!

When " No, I couldn't eat another bite " really has a deeper meaning!

Other women are calling you " bitch " behind your back.

When they look at you resentfully in the plus size store because

you really don't belong there anymore!

When it's okay to say, " I haven't a thing to wear! "

When you have to prove you are you on your license!

When you start hogging the camera space and loving the pictures!

Saying you're open doesn't mean your gay!

You are noticing the color of people's eyes for the first time.

You want to hug everyone who is morbidly obese and give them your

surgeon's card.

You are never without a bottle of water.

When people look surprised when they see how little you eat.

When you know all too well the definition of " dumping " .

When you can see your feet for the first time in years!!

When you order a doggy bag the same time you order your meal.

You're counting protein grams instead of calories

You can say " Oh, I won't have any of that, I'm full " and really mean

it

Being too small for your britches.

Having my husband say, " Honey, I can put my arm (not arms) all the

way around you!! "

When you go to your child's school and the other kids say WOW your

mom is hot!

When you go to the mall and you park in the first open space

instead of circling for 20 minutes for a spot by the door.

When you and your new best weight loss surgery friends are planning

a date to get belly button rings...(or a tattoo!)

You go out on a date and are really truly a " Cheap date " and not in

the way that some think.....

When one drink makes you a flipping floozy...

When you run you don't hear a flapping noise.....oh wait you still

do.....but at least you are running!

When not throwing up counts as a really good day!

When your tummy looks like a stitched up teddy bear or Raggedy Ann!

When your husband takes your breath away in a moment of

passion...but not because he is squishing your tummy!

You feel like you have over-eaten after eating half a cup of

something.

Vitamins and calcium feel like a meal.

When your pants suddenly fall to the ground!

You go from size 56 DDDD to 32AAA and in one year and you didn't

have a breast reduction.

When the chef comes out from the kitchen and asks you " what's the

matter, don't you like the meal? "

You've just lost 100 pounds, and someone who hasn't seen you in a

while says, " Gee, did you change your hairstyle? "

When you bend over and see daylight through your thighs.

You can cross your legs!

When you say, " I just got these clothes last week and they're

already too big! "

Trying to cash a check and while looking at your ID the teller

says, " That's not you! "

Instead of the " Wonder Bra " you need a " Wonder Where They Went " Bra

You walk into a store and see all the weight loss products and know

you will never need to buy them again because now you have " The

Tool. "

When you walk by a mirror and say to yourself " Who is that girl? "

When people take a double look at you.

When you go out for the evening and feel like Cinderella.

When your obsession turns from food to your scale.

When you say to your PCP " I want it right here, right now, on the

examination table " and you don't mean sex!

When they no longer have to call 911 and use the Jaws of Life to

extricate you from the turnstiles at 6 Flags.

When your boobs are no longer just big, but they're are now also

looonngg.

When the Sharpei you pass on the street reminds you of someone you

know....Yourself!!

When you start buying shoes that tie again.

When your hand will fit in the Pringles can again, but you don't

want any.

When the thought of an " all you can eat " buffet makes you want to

throw up!

When the steering wheel in your car no longer cuts off the

circulation in your tummy area.

When you drop food, it actually lands in your lap.

No more cracked toilet seats!

You can avoid the handicap stalls in public restrooms because you

can now " fit " in a regular stall.

The thought of flying coach no longer sends you into a panic

When your able to tuck a blouse into your pants

When you are excited to be able to go to the thrift shops and get

your dressy clothes

When the flight attendant doesn't automatically hand the seat belt

extender

When you can drive your car with the steering wheel down, and you

can bring the seat somewhat closer to the gas pedal, instead of

using your tippy toes

When people actually " see " you and talk to you, and not through you

like you are invisible.

When you order a child's meal, and take half of it home in a doggie

bag

You can buy panty hose at the regular super market when in a hurry.

You actually want to wear a dress to go with the panty hose

When checking for leaks doesn't mean looking at your panties!!

When your spandex shorts are used for " jogging, " and not merely

used as an anti-chaffing between-the-thighs-shielding-device.

When your exercise equipment isn't just for drying your fine

washables anymore.

When you start dropping things on purpose, just because you know

you can pick it up so easily now.

People who know you are concerned that you are working out too

much.

You mother says " Dear, you aren't eating enough. "

When someone gives you a hand and it's applause, not to help up out

of your chair.

You don't even notice the shock of horror on everyone's face when

you turn to your spouse in a public place and exclaim that you are

about to " dump. "

When your surgeon looks you in the eye and says, " I know you will

be a success

When your child or grandchild wants to sit on your lap-and they

really can!

When your boyfriend/spouse starts gaining weight because of eating

your leftovers.

When you can run up a flight of stairs and don't have to stand

there for 10 minutes to catch your breath.

When you have the biggest smile on your face of anyone in the room.

When you realize that you are now the smallest girl in the office

instead of the biggest one.

You can't wait to wake up and start your day.

You can sit cross-legged on the floor and you show everyone who

will look.

You can wear corduroy pants without starting small fires behind

you!

Your 1980's cloths you meant to grow back into just hang in your

closet and look really stupid now, and you wouldn't touch them with

a ten foot pole!

Hiding the credit cards because 's Secret is having a sale

When your 12 year old sons clothes actually fit you, and you get

excited when he grows out of them.

Looking at all that money saved from food, but the spending it all

on shoes

Being able to do Taebo without being winded... but pilates still

does you in

Running into old flames, and saying " Do I know you? "

You look forward to flirting with the new cute phlebotomist at your

doctor's office.

Your clothes start to fall off in a public place and your scream

for joy, not embarrassment

You go out to eat and ask if anyone wants to split a kids meal with

you

You have clothes left at the alterations place for months, because

every time you go in to try them on, they are still too big and have

to be taken in again

" Cheating " means eating three crackers

You stop looking for minimizer bras, and start buying water bras!

When people you know but haven't seen since before surgery don't

know you!

When you wave and your upper arms wave back

When you walk backwards no one feels the need to make a beeping

sound

You've ever eaten (and enjoyed) pureed tuna with pureed pickles

When you go to one of your husband's friends weddings & everyone

(including bride & groom) are trying to figure out where his wife is

& who is that skinny woman with him!

Having your neighbor say to you - " Oh, that really is you. " And

realizing that she thought your husband had gotten a divorce and

married someone thin!

Having to get a new driver's license because you finally weigh less

than what you've lied about for years!

You turn on the morning show just to see Al Roker!

Before your surgery, it's all you can talk about...After your

surgery, it's all everyone else can talk about!!

You are actually bold enough to not only admit your weight, but

post it on the internet!

You can eat 1/4 of a chicken breast and feel like you just finished

Thanksgiving dinner.

You actually look forward to stepping on your bathroom scale!

You are not embarrassed by anything that you have in your buggy at

the supermarket!

Your co-workers are getting diet tips from you instead of vice

versa!

You can actually fasten the seat-belt in your car with ease

When it doesn't take your breath away to roll over in bed.

You suddenly show your belly, scars, stretch marks, panni and all

to complete strangers in Wal-Mart (or any public place for that

matter)

When you're no longer embarrassed to tell people you weigh 200

pounds and that you weighed over 300.

When you notice that your chin is lifted higher than anyone else's

in the room because you finally have pride and confidence.

Being able to hang clothes in the closet without them falling off

the hanger

Looking for protein in everything.

Having your children take your food because you are full not the

other way around

Buffet is not a way of life

Not afraid of the elevator because of weight limits

On the see saw the other person doesn't fly off into space

When after a night on the town with some support group friends you

go out to breakfast, order 1 meal, and split it 4 ways! And once you

have finished eating, there's still a half of each quarter portion

left on each plate!

When your pet needs a gastric bypass because you feed it all your

leftovers!

When you call Lane and cancel your credit card.

When you race to your scale for a quick fix instead of your fridge?

When Crystal Lite is too sweet for your taste buds

When you spend more time reading product labels for protein and

carb content than you do reading any books.

When Tony Little, , Blanks or any other

fitness guru says " you can do it! " and you actually believe them

When you spend a day in your room trying on clothes you shoved to

the back of the closet/dresser

When you buy a really cute top on sale because you know next

summer you will be able to wear it

When you tell people you have a surgery date, and they are

overjoyed!

You buy 3 Lean Cuisines a week...and that's your total groceries.

You have to start putting your name in your underwear again because

you get them mixed up with your kids.

At parent teacher conference you giggle watching your spouse

struggle to get out of the little desk you just got out of no

problem.

People stop asking you to bring something to the pot lucks because

they know you will only bring a salad.