Re: Bob A. . . .Re: approaching strangers...one man's story

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/8/00 5:22:30 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

drasley@... writes:

<< Good grief. Give this poor

woman a break. We aren't superior to anyone out there because we have lost

weight through WLS. We are not the be all and end all of health because we

had surgery and believe in it.

Rasley >>

We are bashing her for the type of reaction she displayed not fro being

morbidly obese. A simple thank you and not interested would have sufficed and

not turn it into a PC battle. followed his heart. I do agree that we

have to approach action like this with great caution and, yes, I would have

probably ignored 's attempts to save my life since I also had a very

high level of denial but I would not have reacted with anger and tried to

shoot the messenger! When we intrude uninvited we take a great risk.

took that risk. It didn't work. Lessons learned by all. Lets move on.

BobA

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/8/2000 8:22:29 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

drasley@... writes:

<<

Why the hell are we bashing this woman on here? So she felt hurt! We have

all felt hurt at one point or another when someone said something about us

when we were heavy. Now apparently since we " have seen the light " we are

acting as though we are holier than thou. >>

I don't think it is a question of " holier than thou " . I think that everyone

has a right to privacy. I also agree that this woman might have been dismayed

by being approached by . I can only respond by how I might have

responded. Whether I felt " hurt " that someone chose to speak to me about my

obvious condition, I would have at least taken the time to listen to what was

being said. As a seeker of knowledge I believe that knowledge is power.

Remember, this woman took the time to sit down and write a letter to

telling him how hurt she was. When tried to respond she made it clear

that she didn't want him to speak to her again. That is fine. It is the

perogative of that person and I am sure that will honor it. But just

think for a moment. If that woman took the time to at least hear what

had to say she might learn something. It might give her something to think

about. She might read or go online or talk to people. She might possibly --

over time -- start thinking about her situation. In the end did the

honorable thing. He went out on a limb and overcame his own inner objections

to speak to this woman. That she took it the way she took it is

" understandable " but also unfortunately for her, not very wise.

By the way, I don't have the courage had. I see morbidly obese

people, like I was, and my heart aches for them because I know just what they

are feeling and I know how difficult it is for them, just as it was for me.

Yet, I refrain from speaking out. Because I am a wimpy wuss and was

not. Who knows, as painful as this episode may be, this woman might,

perhaps, one day, start thinking about this surgery.

Alice

LAP RNY Sept 1, 1998 Dr. Champion, Atlanta

[Guest guest]

Why the hell are we bashing this woman on here? So she felt hurt! We have

all felt hurt at one point or another when someone said something about us

when we were heavy. Now apparently since we " have seen the light " we are

acting as though we are holier than thou. That is ridiculous. This woman was

hurt. Intentionally or not. So rather than have compassion this list is

tearing her apart to build one of our own up. That is the maturity level of

junior high school kids. We need to feel superior so we make others feel

inferior. Come on people. yes approached someone who didn't react with

open arms to the suggestion that she lose weight by WLS -- a modern medical

miracle. But if it was someone approaching us when we were heavy with

Metabolife or thermogenix or one of the modern medical miracles of medicines

or pills or diets how would you have reacted? Good grief. Give this poor

woman a break. We aren't superior to anyone out there because we have lost

weight through WLS. We are not the be all and end all of health because we

had surgery and believe in it.

Rasley

mailto:drasley@...

BTC, Columbus, 10/7/98

Start: 348 pounds and infertile

Gained: Health and I AM PREGNANT!

> Bob A. . . .Re: approaching strangers...one

> man's story

>

>

> In a message dated 05/07/2000 11:16:01 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

> raltman813@... writes:

>

> > ,

> >

> > I feel so bad about your encounter with someone with such a level of

> denial

> > that WLS probably would not be successful since her head is so

> far up her

> > butt!

>

>

> LMAO . . . Sorry . . . rough week and that was just precious!

> Vicki in CA

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> You have a voice mail message waiting for you at iHello.com:

> http://click./1/3555/8/_/576511/_/957769198/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

rudeness no matter what reason is not acceptable. If she didn't want the

info that was politely given a no thank you would be fine. If a church goer

offered you a pamphlet you would not be applauded for such a rude turn down

and though they are trying to save your soul life, we are trying to offer

info that saves lives too.

JT

[Guest guest]

Actually I do think some people on here are being holier than thou. They

have made comments about how this woman had no right to be upset and how

dare she do this or do that and she couldn't even have surgery because they

would first have to remove her head from her butt or something. That is

being downright rude and uncalled for. Yes she got angry. Fine. We believe

she missed out on information that could have helped her. Maybe. But not

EVERYONE CAN HAVE THIS SURGERY for a variety of different reasons. I know

she might have learned something if she would have taken the time,

howeverthe same could be said by people that have been on metabolife (and

had it work) or any of the other weight loss regimens. Approaching a

stranger about WLS is no better than trying to sell them on another diet

program.

You may have taken the time to listen to someone who approached you but you

did not have to. No one HAS to listen to a stranger tell them how to live

their life which in essence is what we are doing when we try to sell someone

on WLS who has not asked about it. She may have been rude but it is also

just as rude to assume that she wanted to hear it because she was

overweight. I sincerely believe was wrong in approaching her. I am

sorry he got hurt by it but at the same time so did she. Two people were

hurt which is a shame. Based on the comments I have seen though, this list

feels compassion for and wants to berate the woman for her reaction.

Sorry but I think that is wrong and I stand by my earlier comments that some

people on here have taken a superior attitude in order to relegate her to

inferior position. Hence an " i'm better than you " junior high mentality

because we have converted to being believers of WLS.

Rasley

mailto:drasley@...

BTC, Columbus, 10/7/98

Start: 348 pounds and infertile

Gained: Health and I AM PREGNANT!

> Re: Bob A. . . .Re: approaching strangers...one

> man's story

>

>

> In a message dated 5/8/2000 8:22:29 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

> drasley@... writes:

>

> <<

> Why the hell are we bashing this woman on here? So she felt hurt! We have

> all felt hurt at one point or another when someone said

> something about us

> when we were heavy. Now apparently since we " have seen the light " we are

> acting as though we are holier than thou. >>

>

> I don't think it is a question of " holier than thou " . I think

> that everyone

> has a right to privacy. I also agree that this woman might have

> been dismayed

> by being approached by . I can only respond by how I might have

> responded. Whether I felt " hurt " that someone chose to speak to

> me about my

> obvious condition, I would have at least taken the time to listen

> to what was

> being said. As a seeker of knowledge I believe that knowledge is power.

> Remember, this woman took the time to sit down and write a letter

> to

> telling him how hurt she was. When tried to respond she

> made it clear

> that she didn't want him to speak to her again. That is fine. It is the

> perogative of that person and I am sure that will honor it.

> But just

> think for a moment. If that woman took the time to at least hear

> what

> had to say she might learn something. It might give her something

> to think

> about. She might read or go online or talk to people. She might

> possibly --

> over time -- start thinking about her situation. In the end

> did the

> honorable thing. He went out on a limb and overcame his own inner

> objections

> to speak to this woman. That she took it the way she took it is

> " understandable " but also unfortunately for her, not very wise.

> By the way, I don't have the courage had. I see morbidly obese

> people, like I was, and my heart aches for them because I know

> just what they

> are feeling and I know how difficult it is for them, just as it

> was for me.

> Yet, I refrain from speaking out. Because I am a wimpy wuss and was

> not. Who knows, as painful as this episode may be, this woman might,

> perhaps, one day, start thinking about this surgery.

>

> Alice

> LAP RNY Sept 1, 1998 Dr. Champion, Atlanta

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Would you like to save big on your phone bill -- and keep on saving

> more each month? Join beMANY! Our huge buying group gives you

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> rates which fall monthly, plus an extra $60 in FREE calls!

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>

[Guest guest]

I agree. Rudeness is not acceptable unless you are driving down the road and

someone cuts you off...just kidding.

Speaking as the one who first said that the woman approached had her head

up her butt, I still feel that way, but I also have to admit that before WLS I

ALSO HAD MY HEAD UP MY BUTT! I too was in denial. I too would have been very

defensive about the approach, but I would not have shot the messenger by

reducing it to a supposed politically incorrect insult. I would have thanked the

person and said that I would consider it and then move on. I have been

approached by the " I've lost weight, ask me how " people and I just politely tell

them I'm not interested. I do the same with proseltizing religious groups. I can

respect their beliefs but tell them I don't share them. If they persist and

become intrusive I might respond a bit stronger, but not on the first approach.

It took my PCP telling me I had 5 years to live unless I did something drastic

before I lost some of my denial. And then it still took attending WLS support

groups and talking to Dr. Marcus and several WLS patien!

ts before I decided to do it.

I'm rambling...as usual. We are a very diverse group of people and we all have

different feelings on topics like this. I find this group very stimulating and

educational and love that we can agree to disagree and still share our deepest

fears, feelings and emotions. What a group!

BobA

[Guest guest]

I agree with your position, and I hope I did not come off as being unfeeling

for this womans position. I was just shocked at how angry she was and how

she berated for his note. I used to get angry when anyone mentioned

their latest diet they were on but I never told them off. I used to get into

some heated debates with people about diets and whether they " work " or not.

I just felt bad for to have such a well intentioned gesture end up

making him feel like such a prick. I have definitely learned from this whole

thing. Sorry you had to go through it to save me from making the same

mistake. Glad we can all share our differing opinions with a big flame war..

Jan C> 3-11-98 RNY

Re: Bob A. . . .Re: approaching strangers...one

>> man's story

>>

>>

>> In a message dated 5/8/2000 8:22:29 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

>> drasley@... writes:

>>

>> <<

>> Why the hell are we bashing this woman on here? So she felt hurt! We

have

>> all felt hurt at one point or another when someone said

>> something about us

>> when we were heavy. Now apparently since we " have seen the light " we are

>> acting as though we are holier than thou. >>

>>

>> I don't think it is a question of " holier than thou " . I think

>> that everyone

>> has a right to privacy. I also agree that this woman might have

>> been dismayed

>> by being approached by . I can only respond by how I might have

>> responded. Whether I felt " hurt " that someone chose to speak to

>> me about my

>> obvious condition, I would have at least taken the time to listen

>> to what was

>> being said. As a seeker of knowledge I believe that knowledge is power.

>> Remember, this woman took the time to sit down and write a letter

>> to

>> telling him how hurt she was. When tried to respond she

>> made it clear

>> that she didn't want him to speak to her again. That is fine. It is the

>> perogative of that person and I am sure that will honor it.

>> But just

>> think for a moment. If that woman took the time to at least hear

>> what

>> had to say she might learn something. It might give her something

>> to think

>> about. She might read or go online or talk to people. She might

>> possibly --

>> over time -- start thinking about her situation. In the end

>> did the

>> honorable thing. He went out on a limb and overcame his own inner

>> objections

>> to speak to this woman. That she took it the way she took it is

>> " understandable " but also unfortunately for her, not very wise.

>> By the way, I don't have the courage had. I see morbidly obese

>> people, like I was, and my heart aches for them because I know

>> just what they

>> are feeling and I know how difficult it is for them, just as it

>> was for me.

>> Yet, I refrain from speaking out. Because I am a wimpy wuss and was

>> not. Who knows, as painful as this episode may be, this woman might,

>> perhaps, one day, start thinking about this surgery.

>>

>> Alice

>> LAP RNY Sept 1, 1998 Dr. Champion, Atlanta

>>

>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>> Would you like to save big on your phone bill -- and keep on saving

>> more each month? Join beMANY! Our huge buying group gives you

>> Long Distance

>> rates which fall monthly, plus an extra $60 in FREE calls!

>> http://click./1/2567/8/_/576511/_/957792253/

>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>

>>

>>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Bob..

I have to disagree..and agree totally with ... the poor woman IS being

bashed...her reaction was completely normal..and one I probably would have

displayed if someone had approached me <unfortunately> so would most of the

others on the list...being morbidly obese is a private hell we have all live

through..and..even though we feel like we've found a solution..it's still

something very personal..and something we all have to seek on our own...

when I was told I HAD to have this surgery..I was violently angry and

ashamed...all I could think was what a failure I was..how my life was worth

nothing..how the surgeons wanted to experiment on me and could care less if

I died..I had NO IDEA the gift I was receiving. While I came to this

surgery in a much different way than anyone else <the fact it was forced on

me> I still thank God every day for the gift. I complete understand the

woman's anger and need to lash back at the intrusion on her " safe " zone.

<sigh> We all want to share the 'good news " . I see people almost everyday

who's lives would be competely changed and enriched by the surgery..I've

talked to a few ...but never without first talking socially..getting to know

a little..and then I mention that I've lost 194 pounds..even then..I've been

looked at strange when I've explained HOW I lost the weight..the common

perception is that this surgery mutilates you...that your life after is

diminished, that you don't get to enjoy eating EVER again.

she doesn't have her head up her butt...she's just too scared to see....

de

Proximal RNY August 15, 1997

Beginning wt 308

Ending wt 114

height 5 ft 1 inch Age 45

194 pounds of ugly FAT gone forever

Re: Bob A. . . .Re: approaching strangers...one

man's story

> In a message dated 5/8/00 5:22:30 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

> drasley@... writes:

>

> << Good grief. Give this poor

> woman a break. We aren't superior to anyone out there because we have

lost

> weight through WLS. We are not the be all and end all of health because

we

> had surgery and believe in it.

>

> Rasley >>

>

> We are bashing her for the type of reaction she displayed not fro being

> morbidly obese. A simple thank you and not interested would have sufficed

and

> not turn it into a PC battle. followed his heart. I do agree that we

> have to approach action like this with great caution and, yes, I would

have

> probably ignored 's attempts to save my life since I also had a very

> high level of denial but I would not have reacted with anger and tried to

> shoot the messenger! When we intrude uninvited we take a great risk.

> took that risk. It didn't work. Lessons learned by all. Lets move on.

>

> BobA

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

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> Come and buy today and get free shipping!

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>

>