Re: Need some advice

[Guest guest]

At 06:29 PM 6/28/00 -0700, you wrote:

Hi gang.....this

isn't about Fibromyalgia, so if you aren't interested in reading this

please delete it now.

Hope I don't upset you but I have to go with your

daughter on this one....it doesn't matter if he's an annoying sperm

donor....he is the father of the baby and if he becomes problematic

during the labor she can have him removed...but aside from the fact that,

and I'm not trying to sound harsh here, it is HER decision whether or not

he's there, remember you are the GRANDParents, not the parents of the

baby and she has to call the shots, she is setting up herself to try to

prevent problems for herself later on, which is a good decision....and if

he heads for Hawaii....great.....just make sure the papers for child

support are filed the minute your daughter has the strength...she can

call social services from the hospital, they have social workers there

who will help her do it....and that way he can't skip out on her. I

would see to it that she had this information then I would back

out....having been through this myself I know how hard it is to back off

when you see the possibility she is going to get hurt and so is the

child, but you offer the info and they have to call them as they see

them....if they are old enough to have the child and keep it then they

also have to be old enough to take the necessary actions on their behalf

and the child's.....including whether or not " dad " is in the

labor room ....Dee

I need some advice. I have a 19 year old daughter who graduated

from high school last year and is currently 8 months pregnant. She

got pregnant by a preacher's son and at the beginning everything looked

like it was going to be fine. For the first few months my daughter

and the father of the baby were working together and trying to make tough

decisions. One of those decisions that was made was to keep the

baby.....the second decision that was made (at least by the father of the

baby), was that they should get married. Well, my daughter tried to

go along with it, but when she went out to try on wedding dresses, she

actually became physically ill. This led her to the decision that

she wasn't ready to get married and she told the father of the baby this

decision.

Ever since he was told, he has made her life a

living h---. He hasn't involved himself with my daughter at

all....he hasn't been there to tell her she is still pretty, or to rub

her back or to feed her cravings and the only things he has bought for

the baby were small items that probably added up to a total of $30.00

spent and my daughter had to ride him to get him to buy these

things....then he informed her that he would be keeping these things at

his house, for when the baby came to visit.

He has gone on from this to call my daughter on

a five night spree where he did nothing but put her into tears cause she

is (according to him) making the wrong decisions and that she is going to

ruin this child by not marrying him and then he made a couple of comments

to my daughter that really got her mad. He said and I quote

1. " Why are we keeping this kid anyway " and 2. " We

should just give the baby up for adoption " . Both of these were

said after we attempted to discuss child support with him. He is

now threatening to prove my daughter is a bad mother and he will do his

utmost to take the baby away from her. Also....he is planning on

moving to Hawaii in the near future.

Here is my question. The other day my

daughter and I were talking about the birth of her baby and she informed

me that the father of the baby is going to be there when the baby is

delivered. When I told my husband this, he had a fit cause he

doesn't want him around our daughter at all due to the crap that he has

already pulled. My daughter says that she is not going to give him

a chance to say that she didn't include him and my husband and I feel

that he doesn't deserve to be included since we feel that he is nothing

at this point but a sperm donor.

I don't want to do the wrong thing.....does

anyone have any suggestions? I could really use some advice on

this.

Debbie G

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[Guest guest]

Debbie,

I do not want to offend you in any way, but I feel that your daughter

is right. If this boy has any truth to his wanting to take the baby away,

keeping him from the birth could actually be detrimental to your daughter's

case. My sister has had to deal with a Father trying to take away her

parental right's, and her lawyer warned her not to interfear with his

involvment with the child. He told her that if she denied him the right to

see him, or even talk on the phone with him, that the Judge would see her as

interfearing, and award him custody........So my advice, is to play it safe,

and allow the Father of the baby to be involved if he wants to.....I would

not suggest ways for him to be involved, because he needs to want to be a

part of the child's life, and if he can not figure out what it is he is

wanting, there is no need in helping him be more involved (if you know what I

mean :-) ) The situation sounds a little like everyone is walking on

eggshells Good luck and take care That baby is going to need a lot of

love from his whole family And if the Father is going to act like a mature

Father after the birth, then that means him too Again, I am sorry if I

am stepping on toes......... Shirlie

[Guest guest]

,

Thank you for that. My daughter seems to think that he will change after the baby is born, but I think she's in for a big letdown.

Debbie G.

Re: Need some advice At 06:29 PM 6/28/00 -0700, you wrote: Hi gang.....this isn't about Fibromyalgia, so if you aren't interested in reading this please delete it now.Hope I don't upset you but I have to go with your daughter on this one....it doesn't matter if he's an annoying sperm donor....he is the father of the baby and if he becomes problematic during the labor she can have him removed...but aside from the fact that, and I'm not trying to sound harsh here, it is HER decision whether or not he's there, remember you are the GRANDParents, not the parents of the baby and she has to call the shots, she is setting up herself to try to prevent problems for herself later on, which is a good decision....and if he heads for Hawaii....great.....just make sure the papers for child support are filed the minute your daughter has the strength...she can call social services from the hospital, they have social workers there who will help her do it....and that way he can't skip out on her. I would see to it that she had this information then I would back out....having been through this myself I know how hard it is to back off when you see the possibility she is going to get hurt and so is the child, but you offer the info and they have to call them as they see them....if they are old enough to have the child and keep it then they also have to be old enough to take the necessary actions on their behalf and the child's.....including whether or not "dad" is in the labor room ....Dee I need some advice. I have a 19 year old daughter who graduated from high school last year and is currently 8 months pregnant. She got pregnant by a preacher's son and at the beginning everything looked like it was going to be fine. For the first few months my daughter and the father of the baby were working together and trying to make tough decisions. One of those decisions that was made was to keep the baby.....the second decision that was made (at least by the father of the baby), was that they should get married. Well, my daughter tried to go along with it, but when she went out to try on wedding dresses, she actually became physically ill. This led her to the decision that she wasn't ready to get married and she told the father of the baby this decision. Ever since he was told, he has made her life a living h---. He hasn't involved himself with my daughter at all....he hasn't been there to tell her she is still pretty, or to rub her back or to feed her cravings and the only things he has bought for the baby were small items that probably added up to a total of $30.00 spent and my daughter had to ride him to get him to buy these things....then he informed her that he would be keeping these things at his house, for when the baby came to visit. He has gone on from this to call my daughter on a five night spree where he did nothing but put her into tears cause she is (according to him) making the wrong decisions and that she is going to ruin this child by not marrying him and then he made a couple of comments to my daughter that really got her mad. He said and I quote 1. "Why are we keeping this kid anyway" and 2. "We should just give the baby up for adoption". Both of these were said after we attempted to discuss child support with him. He is now threatening to prove my daughter is a bad mother and he will do his utmost to take the baby away from her. Also....he is planning on moving to Hawaii in the near future. Here is my question. The other day my daughter and I were talking about the birth of her baby and she informed me that the father of the baby is going to be there when the baby is delivered. When I told my husband this, he had a fit cause he doesn't want him around our daughter at all due to the crap that he has already pulled. My daughter says that she is not going to give him a chance to say that she didn't include him and my husband and I feel that he doesn't deserve to be included since we feel that he is nothing at this point but a sperm donor. I don't want to do the wrong thing.....does anyone have any suggestions? I could really use some advice on this. Debbie G

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[Guest guest]

Dee,

That is exactly how I feel. My daughter thinks that nobody will even want to date her once she has a child, but I told her that there are plenty of men out there who would love to date her, child or not. I just hope that she finds Mr. Right soon. She will need the help in raising this child. Not to say that I won't be there to help her, but I am not going to do it all the time.

Debbie G.

Re: Need some adviceAt 06:29 PM 6/28/00 -0700, you wrote:

Hi gang.....this isn't about Fibromyalgia, so if you aren't interested in reading this please delete it now. Hope I don't upset you but I have to go with your daughter on this one....it doesn't matter if he's an annoying sperm donor....he is the father of the baby and if he becomes problematic during the labor she can have him removed...but aside from the fact that, and I'm not trying to sound harsh here, it is HER decision whether or not he's there, remember you are the GRANDParents, not the parents of the baby and she has to call the shots, she is setting up herself to try to prevent problems for herself later on, which is a good decision....and if he heads for Hawaii....great.....just make sure the papers for child support are filed the minute your daughter has the strength...she can call social services from the hospital, they have social workers there who will help her do it....and that way he can't skip out on her. I would see to it that she had this information then I would back out....having been through this myself I know how hard it is to back off when you see the possibility she is going to get hurt and so is the child, but you offer the info and they have to call them as they see them....if they are old enough to have the child and keep it then they also have to be old enough to take the necessary actions on their behalf and the child's.....including whether or not "dad" is in the labor room ....Dee

I need some advice. I have a 19 year old daughter who graduated from high school last year and is currently 8 months pregnant. She got pregnant by a preacher's son and at the beginning everything looked like it was going to be fine. For the first few months my daughter and the father of the baby were working together and trying to make tough decisions. One of those decisions that was made was to keep the baby.....the second decision that was made (at least by the father of the baby), was that they should get married. Well, my daughter tried to go along with it, but when she went out to try on wedding dresses, she actually became physically ill. This led her to the decision that she wasn't ready to get married and she told the father of the baby this decision. Ever since he was told, he has made her life a living h---. He hasn't involved himself with my daughter at all....he hasn't been there to tell her she is still pretty, or to rub her back or to feed her cravings and the only things he has bought for the baby were small items that probably added up to a total of $30.00 spent and my daughter had to ride him to get him to buy these things....then he informed her that he would be keeping these things at his house, for when the baby came to visit. He has gone on from this to call my daughter on a five night spree where he did nothing but put her into tears cause she is (according to him) making the wrong decisions and that she is going to ruin this child by not marrying him and then he made a couple of comments to my daughter that really got her mad. He said and I quote 1. "Why are we keeping this kid anyway" and 2. "We should just give the baby up for adoption". Both of these were said after we attempted to discuss child support with him. He is now threatening to prove my daughter is a bad mother and he will do his utmost to take the baby away from her. Also....he is planning on moving to Hawaii in the near future. Here is my question. The other day my daughter and I were talking about the birth of her baby and she informed me that the father of the baby is going to be there when the baby is delivered. When I told my husband this, he had a fit cause he doesn't want him around our daughter at all due to the crap that he has already pulled. My daughter says that she is not going to give him a chance to say that she didn't include him and my husband and I feel that he doesn't deserve to be included since we feel that he is nothing at this point but a sperm donor. I don't want to do the wrong thing.....does anyone have any suggestions? I could really use some advice on this.Debbie G

~*~CHAT TIME:~*~MON & THURS Day Eastern 4 PM, Central 3 PM, Mt 2 PM Pacific 1 PM Night Eastern 9 Pm, Central 8 Pm, Mt 7 PM Pacific 6 PM WHERE: /chat/ VIPIf there is a problem on this list notify.Co-Moderator The_List_Owner@...Add or view links about fibro/CFS.http://www.onelist.com/links/ TO unsubscribe.Go to: http://www.onelist.com/ to this list and unsub from it. ~*~CHAT TIME:~*~MON & THURS Day Eastern 4 PM, Central 3 PM, Mt 2 PM Pacific 1 PM Night Eastern 9 Pm, Central 8 Pm, Mt 7 PM Pacific 6 PM WHERE: /chat/ VIPIf there is a problem on this list notify.Co-Moderator The_List_Owner@...Add or view links about fibro/CFS.http://www.onelist.com/links/ TO unsubscribe.Go to: http://www.onelist.com/ to this list and unsub from it.

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[Guest guest]

Shirlie,

You are not stepping on toes at all. I asked for opinions....remember?

And I am glad that you are one to give it to me straight....you make a lot

of sense....and usually I have that gift but my vision is clouded as it is

my daughter. Too close to the heart if you know what I mean. Thanks for

being direct.

Debbie G.

Re: Need some advice

> Debbie,

> I do not want to offend you in any way, but I feel that your

daughter

> is right. If this boy has any truth to his wanting to take the baby away,

> keeping him from the birth could actually be detrimental to your

daughter's

> case. My sister has had to deal with a Father trying to take away her

> parental right's, and her lawyer warned her not to interfear with his

> involvment with the child. He told her that if she denied him the right

to

> see him, or even talk on the phone with him, that the Judge would see her

as

> interfearing, and award him custody........So my advice, is to play it

safe,

> and allow the Father of the baby to be involved if he wants to.....I would

> not suggest ways for him to be involved, because he needs to want to be a

> part of the child's life, and if he can not figure out what it is he is

> wanting, there is no need in helping him be more involved (if you know

what I

> mean :-) ) The situation sounds a little like everyone is walking on

> eggshells Good luck and take care That baby is going to need a lot

of

> love from his whole family And if the Father is going to act like a

mature

> Father after the birth, then that means him too Again, I am sorry

if I

> am stepping on toes......... Shirlie

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

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>

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> If there is a problem on this list notify.

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> The_List_Owner@...

>

>

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>

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>

[Guest guest]

At 03:41 PM 6/29/00 -0700, you wrote:

Dee,

I agree that it is her decision to have him in

the room during delivery, but nothing anywhere says I have to be nice to

him. When I tried to talk to him about what my daughter needs he

said....I bought her a stereo for her car. I told him you don't

understand. She needs someone to tell her she is still beautiful

even though she is huge with pregnancy, and she needs someone to hold her

and rub her back when it is sore, etc. After hearing this, he

started laughing at me. I told him I didn't find anything funny and

his reply was It looks to me like she is just making excuses to get

everyone to bow down to her so she can get her way. I haven't

forgotten that he said that and I probably never will so if she wants him

in the room, that is fine with me, but he better keep his distance from

me or I will show him exactly what I find humorous in this entire

situation.

Debbie G.

I'm only concerned about your daughter's well being with you and the dad

going at it....I agree, if you happen into him somewhere outside where

she is you should feel free to tell him what you think....just discretion

in front of her is the major thing here....I actually missed the delivery

of my grandson because she had a slimeball boyfriend who took

advantage of my home (for her sake and that of her older son I allowed

it...but the slimeball got the delivery room, not me....and it made me

mad...but I kept my mouth shut then and I have only loosed my

feelings to her husband, who agreed with me about slimeball....she will

never know how much I hated him.....but if he dares to show his face

here....you use your imagination....but not in front of my

daughter....sound like you feel??? Dee

Re: Need some advice

At 06:29 PM 6/28/00 -0700, you wrote:

Hi gang.....this isn't about Fibromyalgia, so if you aren't interested in reading this please delete it now.

Hope I don't upset you but I have to go with your daughter on this one....it doesn't matter if he's an annoying sperm donor....he is the father of the baby and if he becomes problematic during the labor she can have him removed...but aside from the fact that, and I'm not trying to sound harsh here, it is HER decision whether or not he's there, remember you are the GRANDParents, not the parents of the baby and she has to call the shots, she is setting up herself to try to prevent problems for herself later on, which is a good decision....and if he heads for Hawaii....great.....just make sure the papers for child support are filed the minute your daughter has the strength...she can call social services from the hospital, they have social workers there who will help her do it....and that way he can't skip out on her. I would see to it that she had this information then I would back out....having been through this myself I know how hard it is to back off when you see the possibility she is going to get hurt and so is the child, but you offer the info and they have to call them as they see them....if they are old enough to have the child and keep it then they also have to be old enough to take the necessary actions on their behalf and the child's.....including whether or not " dad " is in the labor room ....Dee

I need some advice. I have a 19 year old daughter who graduated from high school last year and is currently 8 months pregnant. She got pregnant by a preacher's son and at the beginning everything looked like it was going to be fine. For the first few months my daughter and the father of the baby were working together and trying to make tough decisions. One of those decisions that was made was to keep the baby.....the second decision that was made (at least by the father of the baby), was that they should get married. Well, my daughter tried to go along with it, but when she went out to try on wedding dresses, she actually became physically ill. This led her to the decision that she wasn't ready to get married and she told the father of the baby this decision.

Ever since he was told, he has made her life a living h---. He hasn't involved himself with my daughter at all....he hasn't been there to tell her she is still pretty, or to rub her back or to feed her cravings and the only things he has bought for the baby were small items that probably added up to a total of $30.00 spent and my daughter had to ride him to get him to buy these things....then he informed her that he would be keeping these things at his house, for when the baby came to visit.

He has gone on from this to call my daughter on a five night spree where he did nothing but put her into tears cause she is (according to him) making the wrong decisions and that she is going to ruin this child by not marrying him and then he made a couple of comments to my daughter that really got her mad. He said and I quote 1. " Why are we keeping this kid anyway " and 2. " We should just give the baby up for adoption " . Both of these were said after we attempted to discuss child support with him. He is now threatening to prove my daughter is a bad mother and he will do his utmost to take the baby away from her. Also....he is planning on moving to Hawaii in the near future.

Here is my question. The other day my daughter and I were talking about the birth of her baby and she informed me that the father of the baby is going to be there when the baby is delivered. When I told my husband this, he had a fit cause he doesn't want him around our daughter at all due to the crap that he has already pulled. My daughter says that she is not going to give him a chance to say that she didn't include him and my husband and I feel that he doesn't deserve to be included since we feel that he is nothing at this point but a sperm donor.

I don't want to do the wrong thing.....does anyone have any suggestions? I could really use some advice on this.

Debbie G

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[Guest guest]

i like the definitions of the 1-10. The docs always me to rate the pain,

but now we can agree on what it means.

** , Stinky's caretaker**

**Now is the time of your life to have

the time of your life**

( ADD Pride week is coming)