Bummed out/long

[Guest guest]

Hi, everyone,

I haven't been writing to anyone lately, things have been really rough

lately. I don't know why but it seems that every time I try to do

something for myself, other things get in the way. At this time I am

having so much financial problems, I can't even laugh about it. It seems

that my daughters father reached out beyond the grave and is continuing

to ruin my life. Well, I shouldn't blame it all on the SOB, but it's

nice to blame someone else for a change. To make matters worse, we are

losing another girl at my office, which is hardest on me. Oh, I'm not

saying that I am the best employee we have but we're such a small office;

normally an office of five employees. When we lost one of our girls to

another office in June, I was the one who ended up taking over her

responsibilities, which were major. Now we are losing another girl next

week, and although we have a new employee transferring to cover her job,

I will be the second in charge. That means that I will have a majority

of the responsibilities of the girl who's leaving. When our manager is

gone, I will be in charge and having to make sure that everything gets

done, in addition to doing my own job, and helping out at the counter

with the employees. I am reaching the point of being overwhelmed; I

lost my appetite, don't sleep well and spend less time with

because I'm exhausted by the time I get home. I can't ask my manager to

cut me some slack, because she is working even harder than I am! She has

actually begun to get to work at around 6:30 every morning so that she

can get her work done before we open the office, and she stays late every

evening, she's just as burned out as I am. To make life harder, I've

begun a side job of selling cosmetics, because I need the extra cash, so

I am even more tired. Poor knows how things are, but being

twelve, she still wants to get things that I can't afford, and I end up

snapping at her. She does try to help me with the house work, and I try

to tell her everyday how much she means to me, but I think she knows that

things are hard for us right now, and tip toes around me most of the

time. Lately I feel like she's the mother, telling me it's time for me

to go to bed, and reminding me to eat something for lunch. Today she

actually tried to give me her lunch money so that I would eat something,

I almost started to cry in front of her!

But, let me get down to what I am writing for; I am going to change

insurance companies because mine won't cover anything worse than a

blister on my butt. I have received the list of insurance companies that

the state of CA uses, but I don't know which of these approves wls

fastest and with the least hassle, can anyone help with this info? The

HMO's are; Aetna U.S. Healthcare, Blue Shields Access+ HMO, Kaiser

Permanente, PacifiCare of California, Pers Choice, Pers Care. The last

two are PPO's. I live in Fresno County (Coaling, to be exact),

California and I am planning to see Dr K in Delano when I've switched

insurance companies. Barbara has already mentioned the best insurance

they've found is United Health, but that isn't on my list. I plan to

send Barbara this list of insurance companies, to see what she says, but

I wanted other feed backs to. At this time my insurance company is Blue

Shields of California, and they won't cover even my visit for

consultation with Dr K. They say I have to see another doctor first to

get him to help me lose weight, and if that doesn't work, then he has to

refer me.

On a side note, Nina, thank you so much for my bracelet, I never take it

off, and have gotten many compliments on it. I never realized how many

people look at my ankle! I also had a dream last night that I had wls,

and that I had a small incision on my stomach, which hurt like hell; this

morning when I woke up, my stomach really hurt, as though I had had

surgery. I told myself this is an omen, I will be having wls surgery!

Then again, most things have become omens to me; opening the fridge door

and not seeing anything to eat; looking at my bank statement with my

pitiful balance; the sun shining too bright, or not shining at all,

waking up every morning, etc. Oh, and one good thing did happen today; I

had gone after work to treat myself to a frozen espresso drink that this

small cafe makes in town (oh, they are wonderful!), and the owner came

out from around behind the counter (he's several years older than I),

took my hand and welcomed me back into the cafe. He said it's been such

a long time since he's seen me, and that I looked nice. Then he made me

my drink, with double shot of espresso (no charge for the extra shot, he

said, and winked), handed it to me and said, " here you go, babe, don't be

a stranger around these parts " . I know he was being nice to me 'cause I

was a customer, but it felt good to be called babe again (sigh=)). Well,

thanks everyone for letting me sound off, and feel sorry for myself for a

while, I don't get to do that too often, and when I do, I feel better. I

know my life isn't as bad as it seems at times, but I guess that since

I'm the one living it, it's the most important thing to me. Things'll

get better, I just need to keep faith, and these days, that's about all

I've got!!=)))

ine

Mendoza_p@...

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[Guest guest]

ine,

I wish I could make things all better for you.

I'm not really good at that, but wish I was. I know

sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end

of the tunnel. But, I promise you there is a light.

I went through the same thing, I had one daughter,husband

gone and things were rough.

Now daughter is grown up, and gonna have a baby

of her own. I can look back and as rough as it was,

it made us so close. My mom always said it would work

out. And she was right. And so am I. It will work out, ine.

Hang in there, if you need a friend to talk to, cry to, or

even to scream at, I'll be here. And there is not only me I've

got a few of my friends here. Let me know how your

doing--I care.

Take Care,

Laurel

Bummed out/long

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