How should I answer people's repetitive, stupid questions?

[Guest guest]

HI,

I am just getting around to reading my email. I think people like

that just dont deserve an answer. I know how you feel but you know

we all just get tired of defending ourselves constantly. It is bad

enough to have to deal with the pain and fatigue then to have to

turn around and defend yourself.

If you feel you have to answer them then don't feel like you

are " ticking them off. " They should be embarrassed at asking you

about it. YOur life belongs to you and you dont have to give an

explanation to anyone about it. I know how you feel and I am sure

others here do too.

Sorry I don't have an answer but please know that others are in the

same boat and maybe that will help.

is

>

> The questions are these:

> 1. What's keeping you from going to school part time, maybe one

class?

> 2. What's keeping you from working at home?

> 3. Why do you have very little social life?

> 4. Why not try forcing yourself to do more?

>

> And, I am sure there are others that I just can't think of at the

top

> of my head.

>

> I am fighting VERY HARD to get my health and my life back, but

being

> asked these questions again, and again, and again, and again, and

> again, only make the process all that much more difficult.

>

> Any ideas? I'm at a loss. I feel like a broken tape recorder, and I

> have very little physical and emotional energy to put up with all

> this! It's so exhausting!

>

> I know...I look fine. I should be out there in college and working

at

> a job. Yeah. Right. (big sigh)

>

> Thanks in advance!

> Noel

>

[Guest guest]

I think that you need to print up a FAQ sheet and hand the person one

when they ask you a question that is already answered on that sheet.

Hey, that's what websites do!

Jayne

>

> I keep getting asked, repeatedly, stuff like these questions, even

> though I keep trying to explain that I have a severe metabolism

> disorder that is not well understood by the general medical

community,

> and the migraines, chronic back problems, etc. I sometimes get asked

> these questions RIGHT AFTER I just get done explaining everything:

the

> 100-mile-one-way trips to the specialist, the sudden falling spells

> that are in the process of getting controlled, etc.! How do I

properly

> answer these questions, that appear to be INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS AND

> SELF-EXPLANATORY to me, without ticking people off? I get asked

these

> from supposed friends, counselors, social workers, you name it, and

it

> seems to go on and on without end!

>

> The questions are these:

> 1. What's keeping you from going to school part time, maybe one

class?

> 2. What's keeping you from working at home?

> 3. Why do you have very little social life?

> 4. Why not try forcing yourself to do more?

>

> And, I am sure there are others that I just can't think of at the

top

> of my head.

>

> I am fighting VERY HARD to get my health and my life back, but being

> asked these questions again, and again, and again, and again, and

> again, only make the process all that much more difficult.

>

> Any ideas? I'm at a loss. I feel like a broken tape recorder, and I

> have very little physical and emotional energy to put up with all

> this! It's so exhausting!

>

> I know...I look fine. I should be out there in college and working

at

> a job. Yeah. Right. (big sigh)

>

> Thanks in advance!

> Noel

>

[Guest guest]

I would ask them if they would like to change bodies with me for a

week and then they wouldnt have to ask such judegmental questions. You

dont ask them if they use condoms everytime they have sex so what

gives them the right to ask you personal things about your life?

deb

[Guest guest]

There is a wonderful website that has business card size cards that can

be printed up that direct them to the website and to the " Spoon Theory "

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/the_spoon_theory/

Maybe that will help.

I would ask them if they would like to change bodies with me for a

week and then they wouldnt have to ask such judegmental questions. You

dont ask them if they use condoms everytime they have sex so what

gives them the right to ask you personal things about your life?

deb

1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the

list as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check

with your dr. Some treatments are dangerous when given along with

other meds as well as to certain health conditions or just dangerous in

general.

2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is) pls

don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying

to make that situation better.

3. To unsubscribe the e-mail is: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group-unsubscribe

4. Also, it is not uncommon for more than one member to be feeling bad

at the same time when it comes to flares and b/c of that potentially

take something another member says the wrong way. And that

includes the things that one member may find funny (even if it's

laughing at fibro itself) even though we who deal with illness whether

one such as fibro or multiple illnesses try to keep a sense of humor.

5. Pls let's be gentle with each other, and if you are having a bad day

pls let us know so that we can do our best to offer our support.

Have a nice day everyone.

[Guest guest]

There is a wonderful website that has business card size cards that can

be printed up that direct them to the website and to the " Spoon Theory "

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/the_spoon_theory/

Maybe that will help.

I would ask them if they would like to change bodies with me for a

week and then they wouldnt have to ask such judegmental questions. You

dont ask them if they use condoms everytime they have sex so what

gives them the right to ask you personal things about your life?

deb

1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the

list as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check

with your dr. Some treatments are dangerous when given along with

other meds as well as to certain health conditions or just dangerous in

general.

2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is) pls

don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying

to make that situation better.

3. To unsubscribe the e-mail is: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group-unsubscribe

4. Also, it is not uncommon for more than one member to be feeling bad

at the same time when it comes to flares and b/c of that potentially

take something another member says the wrong way. And that

includes the things that one member may find funny (even if it's

laughing at fibro itself) even though we who deal with illness whether

one such as fibro or multiple illnesses try to keep a sense of humor.

5. Pls let's be gentle with each other, and if you are having a bad day

pls let us know so that we can do our best to offer our support.

Have a nice day everyone.

[Guest guest]

>

> I think that you need to print up a FAQ sheet and hand the person

one

> when they ask you a question that is already answered on that

sheet.

> Hey, that's what websites do!

>

> Jayne

i like this and think it's a really cute idea.

and for those that still ask the same questions, suggest they take a

reading comprehension course.

Mira

okay, serious answer now. I answer them. then if the samw questions

continue I tell them one of two things, A. When you able to listen

to my answers, I'll get back to you. Then I walk away, turn away, or

hang up the phone depending on what's appropriate, or B. If it's

some professional that I'm freaking bloody PAYING to pay attn to

what I say, I, like Mark, ask them to read the notes they've made.

At times, I've had to call the day before an appt. to remind a

few " professionals " to read my file before the appt., if it still

persists, I ask for a referral for someone else that more fits my

personality.

Mira

[Guest guest]

I don't get the questions anymore but I get the pitty looks from the people I work with. Oh do I hate that.

[Guest guest]

>

> I realize that I am a bit late in responding to this string.

Me too. I saw it a few days ago, meant to reply, and forgot about

it. But then I sometimes while putting on my socks, I forget what

I'm doing and how to do it.

> The Questions I get are:

>

> 1. Are you feeling better yet?

yes, for the moment. after all, I was able to shower and dress

today without having to take a nap in the middle of it.

> 2. Howcome you get to take so many days off?

Because I have a chronic illness. Somedays I'm unable to work.

> 3. (And this one is my favorite) What's wrong with you? (Talk

about a loaded question.)

How much time do you have? I can give you a short answer or a long

answer. Plus, it depends on your relationship w/ this person. They

may really care. And they may be seeking information for themselves.

> 4. (Seems innocuous, but freaks me out) How are you doing?

Better than some days, worse than others. How are you doing today?

The questions are these:

> > 1. What's keeping you from going to school part time, maybe one

> class?

my illness strikes erratically. I woudln't want to take a class,

even one, then be unable to attend regularly and possibly fail.

2. What's keeping you from working at home?

repeat the erratic nature of fm/cf.

3. Why do you have very little social life?

i'm sick of obnoxious people like you! okay, maybe not tht one...

I've found many people don't understand my limitations. I'd love to

socialize more. do you have something in mind we can do that fits in

with the limitations my illness forces on me? Even helping me go

grocery shopping would help me and we can go for lunch before.

[i have used both these answers. first one when deserved. the 2d

one worked better, and yes, i do have a friend that helps me go

shopping at least once a month now.]

4. Why not try forcing yourself to do more?

That could be dangerous and harmful to my body and health. Like all

people with a life altering illness, I'm learning my limitations and

the necessary adjustments.

hth.

Mira

[Guest guest]

>

> I realize that I am a bit late in responding to this string.

Me too. I saw it a few days ago, meant to reply, and forgot about

it. But then I sometimes while putting on my socks, I forget what

I'm doing and how to do it.

> The Questions I get are:

>

> 1. Are you feeling better yet?

yes, for the moment. after all, I was able to shower and dress

today without having to take a nap in the middle of it.

> 2. Howcome you get to take so many days off?

Because I have a chronic illness. Somedays I'm unable to work.

> 3. (And this one is my favorite) What's wrong with you? (Talk

about a loaded question.)

How much time do you have? I can give you a short answer or a long

answer. Plus, it depends on your relationship w/ this person. They

may really care. And they may be seeking information for themselves.

> 4. (Seems innocuous, but freaks me out) How are you doing?

Better than some days, worse than others. How are you doing today?

The questions are these:

> > 1. What's keeping you from going to school part time, maybe one

> class?

my illness strikes erratically. I woudln't want to take a class,

even one, then be unable to attend regularly and possibly fail.

2. What's keeping you from working at home?

repeat the erratic nature of fm/cf.

3. Why do you have very little social life?

i'm sick of obnoxious people like you! okay, maybe not tht one...

I've found many people don't understand my limitations. I'd love to

socialize more. do you have something in mind we can do that fits in

with the limitations my illness forces on me? Even helping me go

grocery shopping would help me and we can go for lunch before.

[i have used both these answers. first one when deserved. the 2d

one worked better, and yes, i do have a friend that helps me go

shopping at least once a month now.]

4. Why not try forcing yourself to do more?

That could be dangerous and harmful to my body and health. Like all

people with a life altering illness, I'm learning my limitations and

the necessary adjustments.

hth.

Mira