Re: Offering unsolicited advice

[Guest guest]

Robin,

I believe the message you are talking about was mine... I have not yet had

surgery, so never did approach the man... I still hope the best for him and

hope his health holds out... He was wonderful with the kids in his care and

is a tremendous asset to our community... I do not know if I will approach

people after surgery. It is such a sensitive topic due to the discrimiation

and the humiliation placed upon the obese... I do hope he will find his way

here... and to some good insurance!!! (I know his employer and he does not

have the option of ins through them but makes too much to be on public

ins)... Good luck in your decision... One thing that is abundantly clear...

We all make our own choices, good or bad, but we can not make the same

choices for others...

Take care!!!

Rabecca

> I can't remember if it was this list or another one I belong to where I

> read a person wanted to talk with a stranger, a man, about WLS, just

> saying " there is hope. " If it is not this list, I apologize, but I

> think the topic is relevant here, too, because I don't think we're the

> only ones who have these urges to share our experiences to others we see

> are still suffering.

>

[Guest guest]

Robin:

You have brought up one of the most serious problems we have. When

to give advice and when to keep our damn mouths shut. Once I went to

a counselor and did what was for me life changing work. I wanted to

buttonhole everyone I knew who had problems similar to mine and get

them " fixed " too. BIG MISTAKE. I made some enemies and got ignored

by lots of friends. The counselor told me to teach by example, AND

ONLY BY EXAMPLE. In the first place, no matter how important my new

insight was for me and my life, there are lots of people with similar

problems who don't need my solution, as much as I might think they

do. And there are lots who do need it who don't want it, regardless

of what I want. And I had a history of failure in that particular

area so any insight I have is VERY suspect anyway.

So I backed off and went about changing my own life. And in time

lots of people saw the results and asked me how I did it. I got

plenty of opportunity to spread the word but not until I could

exhibit some success in my own life.

I expect WLS surgery will be much the same. If and when I get it and

show good results I'll have ample opportunity to tell people how I

did it and give them the chance to do what I did. But till then I'll

just have to bite my lip and take care of myself. You must do what

you must do but for me I'm keeping my mouth shut until asked. And

then I'll talk about how it applies to me. If someone wants it to

apply to them that will have to be their choice.

Regards.

Joe Frost, old gentleman, not old fart.

> I can't remember if it was this list or another one I belong to

where I

> read a person wanted to talk with a stranger, a man, about WLS, just

> saying " there is hope. " If it is not this list, I apologize, but I

> think the topic is relevant here, too, because I don't think we're

the

> only ones who have these urges to share our experiences to others

we see

> are still suffering.

>

> I too have someone in mind who I would like to offer this to. But I

> really can't. Basically the woman here who shared with us about

another

> woman accosting her in Target, telling her about her own weight

loss by

> just eating low fat foods, is responsible for taking me off that

track

> of potentially alienating someone who is important to me.

>

> This person is a relatively new friend, and I see her every day

almost.

> She is probably around 400 pounds and has been looking ill lately.

I

> sincerely worry about her health. I have mentioned that I wanted to

> have surgery for my own obesity previously, and she said oh no,

that's

> too drastic... kind of trying to dissuade me from this. I said I

> considered my weight and resultant health problems cause for drastic

> action, but we didn't talk much more about it after that.

>

> Because I am so concerned for her health, I want badly to suggest

it,

> but I just can't. I know how it feels when someone else tries to

> *suggest* weight loss, and it comes out sounding more like a

reprimand.

> Besides, I could probably show her once I've had the surgery and

lost

> the weight by example that there is indeed hope. I just pray she is

> with us long enough for that, quite honestly.

>

> What would you do in this case? Have any of you come across this in

> your own lives and wanted to suggest someone else have the surgery

in an

> unsolicited manner?

>

> Robin

[Guest guest]

Mh wrote:

>

> We all make our own choices, good or bad, but we can not make the same

> choices for others...

Words to live by. Thanks, Rabecca.

Robin

[Guest guest]

, you made some good points and the example you gave (re: your

neighbor) was very clear to me. Thanks for helping me with this. It's

also a topic I'm fairly sure comes up from time to time in these

circles. I'm glad to have a place to discuss it. :-)

Robin

[Guest guest]

--- fahrout@... wrote:

> This person is a relatively new friend, and I see her every day

> almost.

> She is probably around 400 pounds and has been looking ill lately. I

> sincerely worry about her health. I have mentioned that I wanted to

> have surgery for my own obesity previously, and she said oh no,

> that's

> too drastic... kind of trying to dissuade me from this. I said I

> considered my weight and resultant health problems cause for drastic

> action, but we didn't talk much more about it after that.

Robin....It sounds like you have suggested it by this conversation.

Speaking for myself, I looked into the surgeries last winter and

dismissed it all as much too drastic. Then I stumbled across Heidi's

site a few months ago and suddenly WLS made perfect sense and I have

been taking the necessary steps to get it for myself. I personally hate

it when anyone, for any reason, suggests a weight loss remedy to me.

And I resist the idea strongly, no matter what it is. By talking gently

about your decision and experience I think you have opened the topic

very gracefully and in a non-threatening way. Now let her come to you

if she wants to know more.

As a related aside, a couple months ago I got an anonymous letter with

an ad for some diet supplement. A tiny note, in a handwriting I did not

recognize, said: " , try this. It works. " I was stunned and hurt to

receive it. And everyone in my world became suspect. I'm sure the

person who sent the ad was trying to help, and I have since figured out

who it was. I wish she had never sent it, it hurt.

Good luck with your friend. She is lucky to have someone like you cares

about her health AND about her feelings.

=====

H

San Francisco Bay Area

mailto: hillsmith2000@...

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

H--I get these about once a month. It's the supplement company that

mails them out. Always in a #10 white envelope, no return addy and the

handwritten note on it...... The last one I got, about a month ago, did have

a web address on it.. I just haven't bothered to write them & tell them to

stop sending their junk! Or maybe I should send them a link to my website!

Turn the tables on them! :>) In the mean time, their crumpled up letters

make good play toys for my new kittens! Take care..... heidi

<<<As a related aside, a couple months ago I got an anonymous letter with

an ad for some diet supplement. A tiny note, in a handwriting I did not

recognize, said: " , try this. It works. " >>>

Home Page: http://www.myWLS.com

Direct email: mailto:heidij@...

Join myWLS.com Update: /group/myWLSupdate

[Guest guest]

have to chime with Heidi. The first time I received this ad with a

handwritten note... " Carla, try this. It works. " I was devastated to think

someone sent that to me. Silly me, I even bought the stuff. However, now

that I have received this same ad several times, I realized that it is just

a marketing tool....and a cruel one at that!!! I haven't seen one with a

web address in the ad, but I throw them away now without reading them. So,

...it is very likely that the person you suspect is not at fault.

>Robin....It sounds like you have suggested it by this conversation.

>Speaking for myself, I looked into the surgeries last winter and

>dismissed it all as much too drastic. Then I stumbled across Heidi's

>site a few months ago and suddenly WLS made perfect sense and I have

>been taking the necessary steps to get it for myself. I personally hate

>it when anyone, for any reason, suggests a weight loss remedy to me.

>And I resist the idea strongly, no matter what it is. By talking gently

>about your decision and experience I think you have opened the topic

>very gracefully and in a non-threatening way. Now let her come to you

>if she wants to know more.

>

>As a related aside, a couple months ago I got an anonymous letter with

>an ad for some diet supplement. A tiny note, in a handwriting I did not

>recognize, said: " , try this. It works. " I was stunned and hurt to

>receive it. And everyone in my world became suspect. I'm sure the

>person who sent the ad was trying to help, and I have since figured out

>who it was. I wish she had never sent it, it hurt.

>

>Good luck with your friend. She is lucky to have someone like you cares

>about her health AND about her feelings.

>

>

>

>=====

> H

>San Francisco Bay Area

>mailto: hillsmith2000@...

>

>__________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

, thank you for your kind words and good advice. I'm definitely

not going to say anything, but try to live my life and focus on

improving myself before I go trying to fix anyone else. Old habits die

hard. Sometimes it's easier to focus on others and try to help them

than to take that same advice and help yourself. I've learned so much

from you people.

Robin