Guest guest Posted July 21, 2000 Report Share Posted July 21, 2000 Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now-dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said, " Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?? " The Fairy Godmother replied, " Well, Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns? " Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration, and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish: " I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. " Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Bob, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear. Cinderella said, " Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother. " The Fairy Godmother replied, " It is the least I can do. What does your heart want for your second wish? " Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: " I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again. " At once, her wish having been desired became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and a long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her. Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke, " You have one more wish, what shall you have? " Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and said, " I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a beautiful, and handsome young man. " Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a man, so beautiful the likes of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet. The Fairy Godmother again spoke: " Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life. " And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes, Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered, * * * * " I bet you regret having me neutered now, don't you Cinderella? " > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2000 Report Share Posted August 27, 2000 >> >>The Three Bears... >> >>It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just >>waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the >>table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! " Who's been eating my >>porridge? " he squeaks. >> >>Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks >>into his big bowl. It is also empty! " Who's been eating my porridge? " >>he roars. >> >>Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and >>yells, " For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? >>It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke >>everybody else in the house up. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the >>dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear >>who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It >>was Mummy Bear who set the table. It was Mummy Bear who put the cat >>out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water & food dish. And >>now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your >>presence.... listen good because I'm only going to say this one more >>time.......I haven't made the @#*% porridge yet!! >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2000 Report Share Posted August 27, 2000 gee, thanks.... now I'll hear THAT tune for the rest of the week..... I'll be sure to hum it as I walk by. RE: Fw: joke My son told me this one. (It is more elaborate, but I scaled it down to bare bones for purposes of brevity.) Some guy was in love with Lorraine until Lee rolled into town. He finally got up the courage to tell Lorraine that he wanted to break up. As she walked away, he began to sing, " I can see Lee now Lorraine is gone " (to the tune of " I can see clearly now the rain is gone " ). Can't get that line out of my head now. Debbie Debbie White dwhite@... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2000 Report Share Posted August 27, 2000 My son told me this one. (It is more elaborate, but I scaled it down to bare bones for purposes of brevity.) Some guy was in love with Lorraine until Lee rolled into town. He finally got up the courage to tell Lorraine that he wanted to break up. As she walked away, he began to sing, " I can see Lee now Lorraine is gone " (to the tune of " I can see clearly now the rain is gone " ). Can't get that line out of my head now. Debbie Debbie White dwhite@... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2000 Report Share Posted August 27, 2000 Here's another one from my kids (I've been enjoying all the jokes you've all sent). Two brothers decide they are old enough to start cursing. THe older one tells the younger one that when they go down to breakfast, they must start cursing. They agree to this. In the kitchen, their mother asks the older one what he wants for breakfast. " Cheerios, God damn it, " he says. His mother swats him on the bottom, tells him never to use his mouth in that way again, and sends him up to his room without breakfast. Then she turns to the younger one to see what he wants. " You can bet your ass not Cheerios. " Debbie White dwhite@... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2000 Report Share Posted August 27, 2000 Nan, I've been singing it for a good two weeks running now. (Love the odds and ends one.) Debbie White dwhite@... > RE: Fw: joke > > > > My son told me this one. (It is more elaborate, but I scaled it > down to bare > bones for purposes of brevity.) > > Some guy was in love with Lorraine until Lee rolled into town. He > finally got up the courage to tell Lorraine that he wanted to break up. As > she walked away, he began to sing, " I can see Lee now Lorraine is > gone " (to the tune of " I can see clearly now the rain is gone " ). > > Can't get that line out of my head now. Debbie > > > > Debbie White > > dwhite@... > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2000 Report Share Posted September 18, 2000 Pam, That was great! Thanks for the laugh. Smiles and hugs, Diane Joke > > One day two old ladies were standing outside the nursing home > > casually having a smoke. After being outside for a while it started > > to rain on them. Suddenly, one of the ladies took out a condom, cut > > off the tip, and slipped it over her cigarette. > > > > The other lady asked, " What's that for? " > > > > The first replied, " It's to keep my cigarette dry when I'm outside > > smoking and it starts to rain. " > > > > The second lady said, " That's a pretty crafty idea. " > > > > The following day the old lady went to the drugstore to get some > > condoms. She walked in and told the clerk, " I'd like some condoms > > please. " > > > > The clerk looked at the old lady, rather baffled at why she would > > need condoms. However, he asked, " What brand would you like, Madam? " > > > > The old lady smiled and replied, " I don't care what brand you give > > me, as long as it fits a Camel. " > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2000 Report Share Posted September 18, 2000 Pam, That was great! Thanks for the laugh. Smiles and hugs, Diane Joke > > One day two old ladies were standing outside the nursing home > > casually having a smoke. After being outside for a while it started > > to rain on them. Suddenly, one of the ladies took out a condom, cut > > off the tip, and slipped it over her cigarette. > > > > The other lady asked, " What's that for? " > > > > The first replied, " It's to keep my cigarette dry when I'm outside > > smoking and it starts to rain. " > > > > The second lady said, " That's a pretty crafty idea. " > > > > The following day the old lady went to the drugstore to get some > > condoms. She walked in and told the clerk, " I'd like some condoms > > please. " > > > > The clerk looked at the old lady, rather baffled at why she would > > need condoms. However, he asked, " What brand would you like, Madam? " > > > > The old lady smiled and replied, " I don't care what brand you give > > me, as long as it fits a Camel. " > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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