Guest guest Posted December 22, 2005 Report Share Posted December 22, 2005 I was abused from the time I was an infant as well(I remember my first birthday & getting slapped across the face) until I was about 14. My mother was BiPolar, & she was a demon. She could go from being nice to being a horrible monster in seconds. She tied me to the dinner chair until I ate everything on my plate, slapped me across the face constantly (before I started school I thought all little girls got bloody noses from being hit by their mothers. My nose became so sensitive that it would sometimes start bleeding on its own). Sometimes she'd make me & my brothers strip down & she'd get one of my father's leather belts & start beating us (always started with me, as I was the oldest) & hit me with the buckle end. I had welts & bruises constantly. She'd take off her shoe & start hitting, (I don't know how many times we had to lie to the doctor when we went in for stitches) & I lost count of how many wooden spoons & yardsticks she broke on me. Sometimes she'd come into my bedroom while I was playing quietly with my dolls & start beating me. When I asked what it was for, she'd yell " you know! " . She also screamed abuse at us (my self-esteem has always been awful, & to this day, I feel like an ugly, useless person). One morning I screamed back at her that she was a horrible mother and I would never ever treat my children like that (I was about 8 at the time) and she yelled back that I'd be just like her (and then beat the daylights out of me again). I've always remembered that morning clearly, and my children were never treated like that. I also told them all their lives that they were smart, talented, and I loved them. I always told my daughter she was pretty (she really is, too!), and today she is a very loving, outgoing person, and a wonderful mother. She has always liked to sing & dance, & when she was 18 she was called to do a music video with Dolly Parton, but she was in Panama City with some friends & missed the date by 1 day. Missing that call changed her life. She got pregnant, then married a year later. It's been 11 years, & she & her hubby have a house and a " new " baby (he's about 9 months old now). When my oldest son came to me and told me he was Gay, I told him I'd kind of figured that out when he was 14 (he was 25 when he told me...in fact, it was the day that 3 tornadoes ripped through downtown Nashville & tore us up)(tornadoes have always seemed to play an integral part in my life, lol!), and that I'd always been proud of him and his accomplishments. He put himself through college, majoring in Math & Computers. When he was 14 he was tested by Duke University, & they said his IQ was in the top 2% in the US. At 16 he got a job with the US Dept. of Interior, in the water division. He was with them for 10 years, then got a job with a private company. The DI tried to get him back, offering him $20,000 more a year, & his employer matched that plus gave him a $5000 bonus for staying with the company! I'm very proud of him, and I made sure that day (he was so nervous, he thought I'd at least cry or be disappointed in him) but I made sure that he knew I love him unconditionally, and that nothing he did would disappoint me (except for the day he said he was thinking of moving to Boston and I said I don't want him moving away!) My middle son had a tough time of it. Nowadays he would have been DXD as ADD, but he was totally out of control. I won't go into all his hi jinks, (but, picture a 3-year-old peddling his tricycle down the middle of the street, looking back to see if a car was coming & pulling over to the side when one came, then back to the middle of the street. He was going to see his daddy at work, lol! & I had the baby, , in a JeriPack on my back, racing after him!). He was addicted to crack by the time he was 18 (his own father gave it to him). He wanted to stop, but needed help. He tried every rehab place in the area, but didn't have insurance & no one would take him. He ended up doing it by himself. He's been clean for 8 years, & we talked about it when I was going cold turkey from MS-Contin. He said he still has bad days where he has physical withdrawal symptoms, but he just grits his teeth and puts up with it. I'm proud of him for quitting. His inspiration was my grandson ('s son). adores his Uncle Jerry, and he (Jerry) didn't want to let down. And he never has. The main reason I wrote this was to show that the cycle of abuse CAN be broken, if you want to do it. Also, I wonder if the abuse caused or triggered my fibro. I don't remember how many broken bones or stitches I had by the age of 14, but that abuse had to leave some kind of physical scars. cyn At 07:32 AM 12/20/2005, Yanosz Descouedresz wrote: Well, I'm not a woman, *smile*, but I was definitely abused. My abuse started when I was an infant and continued till my eighteenth birthday when I left state custody. Y clmerritt@... FSG co-moderator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2005 Report Share Posted December 22, 2005 Cyn: Your life sounds so much like mine. My mother was very cruel, both mentally and physically. She has never shown any love and always acted to this day like she wishes I had never been born. I told myself when I had children they would never have to go through what I did and to this day they haven't. I really think my mother is bi-polar, but she never went to a doctor and my dad always gave her what she wanted. He never stuck up for me. He was never home long enough to really see what was going on. He did a full day's job, then did other things so he wouldn't have to be home with her. My brother is bi-polar and has lots of emotional problems, so I think he inherited it from my mother. My youngest has ADHD. At 17, I married the first man who gave me a way out of that house. He was also very abusive to me. I could tell you tales that would horrify you, but I won't do that. I'm 46 now and I was abused until I was 32 and finally stood up for myself. I still deal with low self-esteem every day. I really don't feel like I'm good enough or can do things right. My new husband, who I married 2 years ago is a life-saver. He tells me every day how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. He's been there when I cry and just need someone to hold me. I wish I could save all the abused children in this country, but that's impossible. Hugs, abuse, was Re: Re: From / To All I was abused from the time I was an infant as well(I remember my first birthday & getting slapped across the face) until I was about 14. My mother was BiPolar, & she was a demon. She could go from being nice to being a horrible monster in seconds. She tied me to the dinner chair until I ate everything on my plate, slapped me across the face constantly (before I started school I thought all little girls got bloody noses from being hit by their mothers. My nose became so sensitive that it would sometimes start bleeding on its own). Sometimes she'd make me & my brothers strip down & she'd get one of my father's leather belts & start beating us (always started with me, as I was the oldest) & hit me with the buckle end. I had welts & bruises constantly. She'd take off her shoe & start hitting, (I don't know how many times we had to lie to the doctor when we went in for stitches) & I lost count of how many wooden spoons & yardsticks she broke on me. Sometimes she'd come into my bedroom while I was playing quietly with my dolls & start beating me. When I asked what it was for, she'd yell "you know!". She also screamed abuse at us (my self-esteem has always been awful, & to this day, I feel like an ugly, useless person).One morning I screamed back at her that she was a horrible mother and I would never ever treat my children like that (I was about 8 at the time) and she yelled back that I'd be just like her (and then beat the daylights out of me again). I've always remembered that morning clearly, and my children were never treated like that. I also told them all their lives that they were smart, talented, and I loved them. I always told my daughter she was pretty (she really is, too!), and today she is a very loving, outgoing person, and a wonderful mother. She has always liked to sing & dance, & when she was 18 she was called to do a music video with Dolly Parton, but she was in Panama City with some friends & missed the date by 1 day. Missing that call changed her life. She got pregnant, then married a year later. It's been 11 years, & she & her hubby have a house and a "new" baby (he's about 9 months old now).When my oldest son came to me and told me he was Gay, I told him I'd kind of figured that out when he was 14 (he was 25 when he told me...in fact, it was the day that 3 tornadoes ripped through downtown Nashville & tore us up)(tornadoes have always seemed to play an integral part in my life, lol!), and that I'd always been proud of him and his accomplishments. He put himself through college, majoring in Math & Computers. When he was 14 he was tested by Duke University, & they said his IQ was in the top 2% in the US. At 16 he got a job with the US Dept. of Interior, in the water division. He was with them for 10 years, then got a job with a private company. The DI tried to get him back, offering him $20,000 more a year, & his employer matched that plus gave him a $5000 bonus for staying with the company! I'm very proud of him, and I made sure that day (he was so nervous, he thought I'd at least cry or be disappointed in him) but I made sure that he knew I love him unconditionally, and that nothing he did would disappoint me (except for the day he said he was thinking of moving to Boston and I said I don't want him moving away!)My middle son had a tough time of it. Nowadays he would have been DXD as ADD, but he was totally out of control. I won't go into all his hi jinks, (but, picture a 3-year-old peddling his tricycle down the middle of the street, looking back to see if a car was coming & pulling over to the side when one came, then back to the middle of the street. He was going to see his daddy at work, lol! & I had the baby, , in a JeriPack on my back, racing after him!). He was addicted to crack by the time he was 18 (his own father gave it to him). He wanted to stop, but needed help. He tried every rehab place in the area, but didn't have insurance & no one would take him. He ended up doing it by himself. He's been clean for 8 years, & we talked about it when I was going cold turkey from MS-Contin. He said he still has bad days where he has physical withdrawal symptoms, but he just grits his teeth and puts up with it. I'm proud of him for quitting. His inspiration was my grandson ('s son). adores his Uncle Jerry, and he (Jerry) didn't want to let down. And he never has.The main reason I wrote this was to show that the cycle of abuse CAN be broken, if you want to do it. Also, I wonder if the abuse caused or triggered my fibro. I don't remember how many broken bones or stitches I had by the age of 14, but that abuse had to leave some kind of physical scars. cynAt 07:32 AM 12/20/2005, Yanosz Descouedresz wrote: Well, I'm not a woman, *smile*, but I was definitely abused. My abuse started when I was an infant and continued till my eighteenth birthday when I left state custody. Y clmerritt@...FSG co-moderator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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