Got Good Drugs!

[Guest guest]

I went to the doctor today, he prescribed me Paxil. Bottle says to take

at bedtime, so I just took my first one about 30 minutes ago. I hope

this works. I've really been at my wits' end. I don't have it nearly

as rough as some of you. Jordan really isn't all that bad. But I've

been battling the depression since we moved up here and the autism dx

was the final straw I think.

Rick gave me the morning off today, no kids, he did it all. I was

supposed to decompress, relax, sleep in, and my plan was, return

refreshed and ready to deal again. Rick even planned their afternoon

naps so they went down when I got home so I could have more " down time "

while he went out with a buddy in the afternoon.

It was going pretty good until the horrible horrible thunderstorm came

with tornadic winds. It was raining buckets sideways. I got (who

was already up) and put her in the bathroom, grabbed the phone, made a

sippy cup of juice quickly for Jordan, grabbed pillows, threw all that

into the bathroom with , and then grabbed a still sleeping Jordan

and carried him into the bathroom too.

So, what do you think happened ... an autie, rudely awakened from his

bed, now sitting in the bathroom (but not taking a usual bath) while his

mom tries to watch the portable TV to see if tornados are headed our

way. Yup, he melted down. For the entire time. Sobbing, throwing

himself around, screaming. I kept my leg by him so he wouldn't bang his

head on the tiles when he'd throw himself down. Just when I think he's

calmed down, it started all over again. 20 minutes of this. I was

ready to say " let the f*cking tornado come get me, I'm leaving this

bathroom " , lol. I'm cursing Rick for not being home. I'm cursing

Jordan for doing this. I wanted to smack him, he had me so wound up.

Finally, I go out to check and it had stopped raining. I open the door

to the bathroom and comes out with a smile (she thought it was a

big fun thing, she even tried to give Jordan the juice cup to make him

feel better but of course it only succeeded in him being upset cuz she

was near him). Jordan remains in the bathroom crying. Fine, I leave

him there and I called Rick and said " you'd better come home soon or

you're going to have one less kid " . I go back to the bathroom and

decide to try our " end of bath " routine. I turn off the lights and say

" All done " .

Yes, I'm sure you can guess what happened. Kid stops crying like I

flicked a switch, stands up, walks to the door, announces to me " All

done " and runs past me to play. I wasn't sure if I was just relieved he

stopped that awful crying ... or if I wanted to kill him. LOL

Rick came home, saw me, and said, " Why don't you go out for a few hours

.... go get something to eat. I'm putting the kids to bed at 8:30pm so

they won't be up when you get back. " What a wonderful man!

Let's hope the Paxil works. I need something to help me cope with shit

like this.

Debbie