Re: Whad'you guys do personally to heal from AA?

[Guest guest]

i guess it would depend upon what injuries person suffered. i

suffered some injuries which were to based upon specific

incidents, but they follow the general pattern of abuse

newcomer's indure.

i rather not get to involved writing about them now, but too make

along story short, i learned to remember that i can trust my

choices and that my thinking was just fine sober, and better

without their abuse. my motivations were twisted and i already

had good understanding of self before i got sober. i also pursed

th things which were of interest to me and which i had let pass

due to my drinking. this allowed me to develop my personality

along the path of my choice, not Bill 's.

when i left AA, there weren't any forums like this one or

newsgroups for folks like us who left program. by finding people

like you all i learned that what i experienced was not a unique

example of what happens in AA, contrary to what they tell you in

rooms. this helped me see the larger picture of problem with AA

and that it wasn't my refusal to accept what they told me.

[Guest guest]

the typo was supposed to be " my motvations werent twisted " , or

it could maybe be a sign that my AA deprograming isnt

complete;)

> without their abuse. my motivations were twisted and i already

> had good understanding of self before i got sober.

[Guest guest]

Make outrageous " true-jokes " about it in my web-site, and learn to regard my

ex-wife as " just another person " , which she is and, of course, can never be.

Beyond that, I just don't know and as far as the implications of stepNazi

moral terror on my life and the lives of my children go, then I don't expect

to heal, though am open to miracles, restoration of ex's sanity, etc.

.

>

>Reply-To: 12-step-freeegroups

>To: 12-step-freeegroups

>Subject: Whad'you guys do personally to heal from AA?

>Date: Thu, 6 Jul 2000 16:20:43 -0700 (PDT)

>

>

>

> What do you guys do personally to heal from AA?

>

> Kim

>

>__________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

When I think about my experience with AA, I think of it as a bad thing that

was done to me. I'm working on feeling comfortable expressing that point of

view publicly, and on talking back to people who feel they know what

happened to me, better than I do. I'm learning to defend my point of view,

which I think is really the most important part of this process for me. And

I absorb that directly from others in this group and in arf12s.

Judith

> What do you guys do personally to heal from AA?

>

> Kim

_______________________________________________________

Say Bye to Slow Internet!

http://www.home.com/xinbox/signup.html

[Guest guest]

Great response, Judith. I am trying to heal from the negativity

as well.

I work in a public place, and occaisionally run into old

AA acquaintances. Initially after leaving, I was AFRAID of

them. Then I was ANGRY at them. Now I seem to feel pity

for them. They are not free.

As all growth, it is a process that must be lived.

This group has helped so very much.

Sue

>

>_______________________________________________________

>Say Bye to Slow Internet!

>http://www.home.com/xinbox/signup.html

>

________________________________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com

[Guest guest]

>

>

> What do you guys do personally to heal from AA?

I read a lot, but the biggest help to me was in keeping journals.

During periods of intense anxiety, depression, loneliness or self-

doubt, I would sit down and write about it, literally write it " out. "

I still do it, as needed. All of the crazy shit in my head, all of

the fear and anger and hate and hurt just got poured out onto the

page, as often as necessary, with nothing too crazy, nothing too

forbidden, to write. I couldn't afford a therapist, and didn't trust

other people very well, so I had to go through my writings and look

at common threads and pick them apart, analyze them, see what I was

so damn afraid of. And although I'd always fancied myself a rebel, I

was deeply afraid of having to make it on my own resources, without

someone else's assistance. Learning to take responsibility for my

own thoughts and actions--not blaming other people, or a disease--was

the hardest thing about healing from AA for me. The only way I could

learn to do it was simply by doing it, but small successes went a

long way. I remember the first time I told my AA boyfriend, " I don't

want to go to meetings anymore " and defended my position against his

protests (and dire warnings of what would surely happen to me). I

think it was the first time in my life that I had stood up for myself

in a principled, rather than reactionary, way, and I was astonished

at myself. It made dealing with everyone else from AA easier, after

that, and sometimes now when I have to stand up for myself I think

back to that day.

I think I got rid of Television for good at about the time I quit AA;

I couldn't watch it without becoming enraged, and later I realized

that I was angry at it because presumed to tell me what was important

and how I should feel about it. It told me that I was completely

inadequate as a woman, and then told me what I needed to do and buy

to remedy those inadequacies. It taunted me for being poor and

occasionally unemployed, unable to buy a house, have a perfect lawn,

make $350 a month in car payments, go to Paris, have nice white

teeth, wear the latest fashions, or feed my (mixed-breed) feline

housemates Fancy Feast out of a crystal dish. It kept telling me that

if I did what I was told, wanted what I was supposed to want, and

worked hard enough, all of what it promised could be mine. I could

live a life just like people on TV did--abundance and leisure in

equal measure. I, too could have a Jet Ski, or vacation in Cancun,

or wear a diamond or get a 30-year fixed-rate mortgage. If I failed

to attain that life, it was due to laziness, stupidity, or both. And

if I didn't want all of that, or disagreed with the deficient picture

TV gave me of my own life, then I was some sort of freak, misfit,

outcast, lunatic; I was deluded, bitter, resentful, and a failure,

and could be judged and ridiculed accordingly. I would end up living

in squalor, unloved, with bad breath and sweat rings in the armpits

of all of my shirts. So I ditched the Tube, and only later realized

that freeing myself from AA mindfuck was just the beginning...

Cheers,

.

[Guest guest]

-----Original Message-----

> What do you guys do personally to heal from AA?

>

> Kim

(1) I don't drink. I discovered, years ago, that drinking alcohol somehow

'wakes up' the programming/brainwashing that I got from treatment/AA, so I

do best to avoid it.

(2) I don't go to meetings. Really the biggest part of the healing just

comes from staying away and forgetting the whole thing.

(3) I became aware of how healthy attitudes toward life differ from AA

thinking. 'The small book' of RR was helpful, because it zeros in on some of

the differences between AAism and sanity.

(4) At this point I spend very little time rehashing the decisions and

changes that led me to where I am today. It is all a done deal.

--wally

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

I joined this group.

(Wm.) Dave

kim rh wrote:

> What do you guys do personally to heal from AA?

>

> Kim

>

> __________________________________________________

>