RE: why?

[Guest guest]

>> -99% chance another child born to this union would be autistic -- and

there's no guarantee that child would be hf like ERic.<<

Okay, I see now. You DO want another baby.

It must hurt like hell to know what you do and want another child so badly.

I wonder what I would have done if Boone had been my first???

I can honestly say that I probably wouldn't have risked it again.

Have you considered foster parenting or adoption? (Don't kick me if this was

a bad question.)

Sissi

[Guest guest]

>>WHY do I feel like I need another child so badly?

>>WHY isn't this child enough?

>>WHY do I feel this big hole right now?

>>WHY do I think a child would fix it?

>>WHY can't I be happy with just one?

Because reproduction is a biological imperative? Because for as long as

humans have been evolving they have been having large families, making large

families biologically expected by our bodies and minds?

I don't know, hon, I'm just throwing it out there.

>>WHY do I feel like I'm being disloyal to for feeling this way?

Because he is the light of your life, the one person in this world you would

unhesitatingly give your life for, and you think he and he alone should

fulfill you and make you feel complete?

Because you think adding a child to your family would take something away

from him?

>>WHY do I feel this way at all????????

Because this is an unhealed wound someone has just ripped open yet again?

>>

Time for the 'no more children' list again, I guess:

-life-threatening preeclampsia

-colossal weight gain that put strain on heart

-polyhydramnios that compromised ERic's respiratory system

-postpartum depression and brief psychosis

-99% chance another child born to this union would be autistic -- and

there's no guarantee that child would be hf like ERic.

>>

Have you actually talked to a professional -- like an OB or midwive or

geneticist -- about all these things?

I had severe preeclampsia too, although fluid was not leaking from my feet

they were three full shoe sizes larger than normal, and when Mikey was

induced my bp was 170/110. I was NOT on bed rest in hospital but I WAS on

bed rest for most of that pregnancy. Getting pregnant again was a very

scary thing and I didn't want to do it for a long time. I did a lot of

reading and research and talking. I knew I wanted a home birth -- I had

wanted one with Mikey -- and found my midwives before I ever got pregnant.

I went to them time and again for information and support. They encouraged

me to eat 100-120 grams of protein a day (a chicken breast is about 20

grams) and gave me certain supplements to take. At one point in my

pregnancy with Gabe my blood pressure went up to 150/90 & I started to

swell. They added some more supplements and my bp and swelling came back

down. I didn't have any trouble through the rest of the pregnancy. I

stopped taking the supplements after Gabe was born and within 24 hours my BP

was back up and I nearly had to go to the hospital, but re-starting the

supplements and adding yet another one controlled it within 12 hours.

Your case was more severe and your subsequent risk may be greater. I don't

know the details and I'm not a health care professional. All I can do is

share my own experiences.

The weight gain, with your issues with anorexia, may not be possible to

safely control. I am about 250 now and gained 60lbs with both pregnancies.

I CAN NOT be over 300lbs and be a good mother to the children I have. It's

not physically possible. I want to lose 100lbs before getting pregnant

again. For me, the Atkins diet works because I eat all I want. I don't get

obsessive, or if I do, I get obsessive about eating more or eating a certain

food -- not harmful. It doesn't seem like it works that way for you. This

is a real concern with no easy answer.

I am under the impression that polyhydramnios, in most cases, is a one-time

thing; in your case that may or may not be true, and you would have to talk

to someone who knows a lot about it to find out what the risks are.

PPD, psychosis, and bipolar -- you are on meds that can't be taken during

pregnancy, yes? You can not safely discontinue those meds, right? Even

with these meds you still have problems now and then, especially with SAD,

correct?

Autism -- well, that's a personal choice. Sissi said it pretty well so I

won't say it again. But even if that was the ONLY reason I would still

respect your decision.

>>AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Say it twice.

{{{{{Jacquie}}}}}

-Sara

[Guest guest]

Thanks for all your responses already. :-)

Talking to Marc (they're home), I realize the worst of it for me is that the

new baby is a girl. If it been a boy, I don't think it would hurt as much.

But girls are the story carriers of families, they're the ones who want to

know the stories and the histories. They are the ones that carry traditions

and legends down through generations. Girls still value the oral tradition.

My son will never ask about our history, will never care how Marc and I met

or where we lived or what we did. He will never look at family photo albums

and want to know about his ancestors.

Also, I always wanted a girl and now Sheri has something that almost anyone

can have but that I never will have. That hurts. That something that comes

so easily to so many is unreachable for me.

<sigh>

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

jacquie.

i will tell you my reasons for wanting and having trevor. these may be some of

the things you're feeling, but maybe not. anyhow, this probably isn't gonna make

you feel any better, but here's my story...

when i was pregnant with kailey, i broke up with her father when i was about 5

months along. i was never with another man again until i met ian. kailey was

5yrs 7mos. up until this point, i don't remember ever thinking much about

wanting another child. i expected to be alone forever, so it really wasn't

something to think about. i also wanted to be married before i ever had anymore

kids and i NEVER thought that was an option. ok, so then here i am, married,

having sex, thinking my marriage was gonna last forever. suddenly it hit me and

it hit hard, i wanted another baby. i became COMPLETELY obsessed with the idea.

i stopped my meds for 2 months before even trying. i took pregnancy tests at

least once a week. i cried every time it was negative. i thought about nothing

much else besides getting pregnant. i knew the risks. kailey was autistic, ian

had aspergers, i am, well, i'm me. i had no doubt that any new child i was going

to have would definitely have some sort of problems, but i didn't care.

i can't tell you exactly everything i was feeling during those 2 months that i

was trying to get pregnant because i was halfway out of my mind, but i do

remember a few things...

i wanted kailey to have a sibling- i felt like she was missing out being an only

child

she was getting older- i didn't want there to be too much more of an age

difference than there already would be

i felt like it would help our marriage to have something together- not sure what

i was thinking there

i didn't think it would be any harder having two than it was having one- REALLY

not sure what i was thinking there!

i felt like i was missing something- i didn't feel like we were a " family "

and, i'm not sure, but maybe part of me felt like if i didn't have a kid then,

i'd never have a chance again- maybe i knew deep down that the marriage wouldn't

last?

so, i got pregnant in april, got seperated in july, trevor was born the

following january. i had a fairly good pregnancy with both kids, so that was

never an issue. trevor's birth, however, was quite rough- emergency cesarean,

ripped cervix, hemorrhage, and a 2 pint transfusion.

i'm not sorry i had trevor, i never was and i never will be. i might complain

about him a lot, but he has definitely brought a lot to both mine and kailey's

lives. they fight like crazy, but they love each other to death. i really don't

know what we'd do without him. that being said, there are definitely times when

i miss it just being me and kailey. it's MUCH harder having two than it is one.

it's hard having two that are that far apart in age when the older one wants to

do things that the younger one isn't able to do yet. it's hard learning how to

deal with a new kid after having been used to dealing with your other one for so

long. it's hard paying attention to just one when the other one is demanding

your attention at the same time. will i ever have more? i SERIOUSLY doubt it.

would i trade thse two in for a " better " life? never.

i really don't know what to say to you to make you feel better. i don't think

there's anything i can. i think your reasons for not having another one are

excellent. i think your reasons for wanting another one are also probably quite

good. i guess the main thing it comes down to is, you have to do what is

physically possible for you and then learn to live with that choice. i KNOW

that's easier said than done. i know that you are feeling guilty that it's your

own health that's holding you back. i know how hard it is wondering if having

another child will actually be a better or worse thing for you and your family.

what i don't know is how to help you decide what to do. all i can really do is

love you and support any decision you make, because i know you never make any

decisions lightly.

love always, gina

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

[Guest guest]

Somehow I dont' believe this is true...I think will be very curious....

Penny

>>>>>>>>>

My son will never ask about our history, will never care how Marc and I met

or where we lived or what we did. He will never look at family photo albums

and want to know about his ancestors.

<<<<<<<

[Guest guest]

YOu know we struggle with this here as well. Not just with the Autism (we are

still unofficially dx) but because Bobby (and proabbly Andy) has a rare disease.

I was pregnant with before I was told that efvery child I would have

carried a 50% chance of having this disease. This disease is not life-

threatening, but comes with tons of other complications. This makes it very hard

for us to consider having another child of our own. My husband isn't quite ready

to talk adoption but is open to the idea in the future - so we would probably go

with that option. we both want so many more kids it's a huge factor in both of

our emotional issues I beleive.

Kat

Re: why?

>> -99% chance another child born to this union would be autistic -- and

there's no guarantee that child would be hf like ERic.<<

Okay, I see now. You DO want another baby.

It must hurt like hell to know what you do and want another child so badly.

I wonder what I would have done if Boone had been my first???

I can honestly say that I probably wouldn't have risked it again.

Have you considered foster parenting or adoption? (Don't kick me if this was

a bad question.)

Sissi

[Guest guest]

> but Marc is afraid that would react very badly to the introduction of a

toddler to the household. <

have you ever actually talked to eric about it?

how is he around little children in general?

do you know any babies that you could babysit? maybe one that could even stay a

night or two?

i think it's worth checking out, he might REALLY surprise you

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

[Guest guest]

> is always telling us that he wants a baby, but... <

yeah, that's a tough one. kailey's actually like that a lot too, even with

trevor. the difference there is that she loves him because he's hers.

that's what i was saying tho about it being so hard having two. especially when

they both have special needs. you really need to be able to keep them both happy

as much as you can and that's NOT an easy thing to do.

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

[Guest guest]

> Have you considered foster parenting or adoption? (Don't kick me if this

was

> a bad question.)

We've talked about fostering, and I don't think I could. When I get

emotionally attached, I get REALLY attached. I think fostering a child for

a year or two years or more and then having to give the child up would crush

me.

As for adoption, that's an ongoing discussion. We favour the idea of

adopting a child through children's aid, one with disabilities similar to

's (we both feel we could handle that if we KNEW about it beforehand,

rather than watching a baby for the dreaded signs) -- but Marc is afraid

that would react very badly to the introduction of a toddler to the

household.

<sigh>

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> have you ever actually talked to eric about it?

> how is he around little children in general?

> do you know any babies that you could babysit? maybe one that could even

stay a night or two?

is always telling us that he wants a baby, but...

-when a baby cries in public, he claps his hands over his ears and complains

loudly that the baby is hurting him

-he hates my friend's toddler. HATES HIM. Hates him just for doing toddler

things. Hates him so much that he remembers how much he hates him, and

tells me so whenever I talk about him.

-he hates my neighbor's 1 year old, saying, " she cries all the time. "

refuses to go over to play at their house because of the baby.

<sigh>

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>

> > Have you considered foster parenting or adoption? (Don't kick me if this

> was

> > a bad question.)

>

>

> We've talked about fostering, and I don't think I could. When I get

> emotionally attached, I get REALLY attached. I think fostering a child

for

> a year or two years or more and then having to give the child up would

crush

> me.

Maybe. Maybe not. You're very strong and very loving. Kids in foster care

need that more than any other child. They've never had it. The reality of

most of them is (and there are exceptions) that the parents haven't even

given enough thought to them to even give them up to a good home.

At least the moms who give up kids at birth are thinking of the kid's

future.

>

> As for adoption, that's an ongoing discussion. We favour the idea of

> adopting a child through children's aid, one with disabilities similar to

> 's (we both feel we could handle that if we KNEW about it beforehand,

> rather than watching a baby for the dreaded signs) -- but Marc is afraid

> that would react very badly to the introduction of a toddler to the

> household.

Could be. Dillon didn't do well at all. Amber was a joy to have around with

a new baby -- both times. Dillon was heartbroken.

Sissi

[Guest guest]

>>but Marc is afraid

that would react very badly to the introduction of a toddler to the

household.

Are there any that you could " borrow " to see how he responds?

I'll ship ya Mikey...;D You've still got that cat-pee frying pan, right?

BTW, I KWYM about being able to deal with it if you knew about it

beforehand. It's the waiting and watching and not knowing that is hard.

You already know about the work involved after you get the dx; that at least

is familiar territory. We've considered not getting pregnant again &

adopting more kids...no firm decisions there yet. I've got to lose this

weight & get healthy(er) before we even consider it -- either way.

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

>>Are there any that you could " borrow " to see how he responds?

Replying to my own post -- I see you've already answered this question.

What about a little bit older child? Maybe 4? By the time s/he came to

live with you would be a bit older...

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

> is always telling us that he wants a baby, but... <

Jacqui would LOVE to have a baby in the house. As a matter of fact, I think

she could single handedly care for a baby herself!

It's me that has the objection.

:-)

Penny

[Guest guest]

>>people in your area sure do feel free to stick their noses in. In the six

years I've had I haven't gotten as many comments as you list in one

post.

>>I wonder if it's a canadian thing?

Interesting thought...If it's true, maybe we'll move. Matt has always

wanted to go live in the UP (the Upper Peninsula of Michigan -- he grew up

in the lower peninsula), Canada isn't that far removed...

>>(((hugs)))

Thank you. They are much appreciated.

-Sara the Michigoose.

[Guest guest]

> We went to the zoo. There is a carousel now where the petting zoo used to

> be. It completely blew his mind. At first I didn't even know if he was

> thrilled or upset.

>>Probably both. Overstimulated.

That makes sense. I have not really tried to figure it all out yet, but I

think you're right. Next time I guess we'll just go a different way.

>I felt like the worst mother of the most spoiled brat in the world.

>>Sara,

You know better than that.

Thanks.

I try to remember it. Sometimes it's hard to believe.

>>Sounds like he was definitely overstimulated. Poor baby. That happened to

Boone on a ride once. Most rides he loves, but this one was a tilt-a-whirl.

That was one of my favorites, once upon a time. That and the big circle

that spun and held you against the wall. I haven't gone to anything like

that in years...

>>The cab spins and the ride spins too. It was awful. he screamed and puked

all over me. The ride attendant heard me ask them to stop several times. But

they didn't. It was the longest ride I can ever recall being on. When it

Oh goodness, that sounds *horrible*. ((

At least Mikey didn't puke!

>>finaly did stop I didn't feel the least bit guilty about leaving them to

cleam the puke. I had to worry about cleaning up Boone, after all.

Absolutely.

> He just needs discipline.

>

> Simply EXPLAIN to your child...

>

> Now there's a kid who needs a good old-fashioned trip to the woodshed.

>

> I told him to stop and he didn't! What is he, deaf?

>

> Dogs should be leashed, not children.

>

>>This when those autism cards come in handy. If they still don't get it,

they're complete idiots and don't deserve an explanation.

I don't have any, but I think I'm going to get some, or write something up

myself. I know a lot of people here have them.

I am just such a wimp. I never know what to say or do in situations

like that and usually I just walk away. A card could be pretty

non-confrontational, though...

> The school has already assigned him a sped teacher. We haven't even had

the

> MFE completed yet and they've assigned him a teacher and a classroom.

They

> won't even talk about integration and anything about typical peers is

> preceded with multiple ifs.

>>He's still young, isn't he? Is he in kindergarten yet? That's usually when

inclusion begins. Sorry, I don't recall his exact age.

He'll be 3 in September. The school district does have integrated

pre-school classrooms. They want to put him in the severely handicapped

room. I have heard bad things from other parents with kids in the same

program, that basically he will be ignored while they change and tube-feed

and do ROM and position the kids in wheelchairs. As long as he's sitting in

a corner spinning something it's easier just to let him.

I do NOT mean to be disrespectful to the children who have those kinds of

needs, and I understand why their physical care takes precedance.

The only reason for him to go to pre-school, as far as I'm concerned, is for

social interaction. He has already met or surpassed the academics they'll

teach, and he already knows how to sit at a desk and work. I don't see him

getting any social interaction in the classroom I'm being told about.

We are supposed to get the waiver in October and I'm considering keeping him

home and doing as many hours as he can handle here, and finding him a play

group.

There are two other programs we are looking at as well.

> Breastfeeding and sharing a bed with a 3 year old is sexual abuse.

>>That's ridiculous, as you know. Anybody who says such a thing should be

regarded with extreme suspicion and never be left alone with children.

Unfortunately it was another parent who told me this.

Thank you for the support, though. It does mean a lot.

>>I'm going back and forth on the meds issue now. Boone doesn't sleep at

night. He can go days without sleeping. I can't. I'm just worried about

starting meds because I feel like once we start, he'll be on them from now

on. I read so much about how hard it is to find the right combination. I

dread even talking about it to the doc. I prefer to keep my head in the

sand, but my son is up and unsupervised many, many nights. If something

happens to him while I'm alseep, I could never forgive myself.<<

Oh I am sorry.

In Mikey's case, because of the pica and SIB I am too afraid to leave him

unattended. (This is one of the reasons he sleeps with us...) He's a lot

younger, too, and maybe Boone has a better sense of danger...We finally did

meds when he was sleeping 3 hours a night and Matt was working nights and I

had a newborn...I pretty much was not sleeping at all & I was getting pretty

loopy. It did have to get to that point before we did meds so I can totally

understand where you're coming from.

You have probably tried everything already, but have you read _Sleep Better!

A Guide To Improving Sleep For Children WIth Special Needs_? It helped us a

whole lot. We use those methods in conjunction with the clonidine to make

things faster & easier. With the book we get him back into a good sleep

pattern, and he can stay there without meds for quite awhile. So usually

the clonidine is an occasional thing. The adderall is keeping him from

sleeping, though, I think, and I really don't know what to do now.

Though, if he can literally go days without sleep, the book may not help

you.

>>We don't go to KY anymore. Too hard. I'll be damned if I'm going to drive

12

hours with three kids in the car to spend Christmas in a hotel room. My MIL

doesn't want us staying at her house. If they see my kids, they come here.

End of story.

*nodding* I'm there already. Matt isn't. Unfortunately when we do go, I'm

the one taking care of the kids while Matt visits with his family...

> There is no way for me to get through to him that there are some things he

> can't do. There is no way at all to discipline him & have him understand

>>I know not everyone has had the same results with PECS that I have had.

But

I swear by it. If I make a PECS board directing Boone not to do something --

in most cases, he won't do it. PECS doesn't work on redirecting from clocks

and fans, nor can it convice him to sleep at night.

I keep trying it, and it keep

> The child spent 5 hours

> inserting and removing pencils from a train car. (And I thought it was

> wonderful that I could sit for more than 5 minutes at a time.)

I think we're all guilty of this from time to time. Don't sweat it.

> I hope that satisfies your frustration.

In more ways than you know. You have reconfirmed that I'm not alone.

>

> And, thanks. I feel a little better.

Thank you, and sorry if my reply sounded bitchy. I had a rough weekend. My

washing machine broke down and I had to go to the laundromat with Boone ...

Spin, spin, spin. Or as I like to say -- autistic fun for everyone --

whether they like it or not!

Boone drove everybody crazy, but no tantrums, which is amazing, really. I

guess it wasn't all that horrible compared to your ride.

Sissi

[Guest guest]

Gack! I wasn't done with that & Gabe sent it.

> There is no way for me to get through to him that there are some things he

> can't do. There is no way at all to discipline him & have him understand

>>I know not everyone has had the same results with PECS that I have had.

But

I swear by it. If I make a PECS board directing Boone not to do something --

in most cases, he won't do it. PECS doesn't work on redirecting from clocks

and fans, nor can it convice him to sleep at night.

I keep trying it, and it keeps not working. Last time he ate the

cards...yes, they were laminated...I thought it kind of defeated the purpose

to keep the PECS cards out of his reach, so we gave up.

His ST has us using some sign & it does help a little. He understands " no "

" stop " and " wait " but he is often unable to do what we're asking. Usually

sensory related and sometimes just not understanding what's going on. Why

am I giving his new toy to that stranger at the check-out counter? Why

can't he open it and play with it in the cart?

> I hope that satisfies your frustration.

>>In more ways than you know. You have reconfirmed that I'm not alone.

Oh I'm glad.

> And, thanks. I feel a little better.

>>Thank you, and sorry if my reply sounded bitchy. I had a rough weekend. My

washing machine broke down and I had to go to the laundromat with Boone ...

Spin, spin, spin. Or as I like to say -- autistic fun for everyone --

whether they like it or not!

Oh that sounds like fun...I cannot even imagine taking Mikey to a laundromat

just now. We went to WalMart earlier & I felt awfully brave. Hats off to

you!

>>Boone drove everybody crazy, but no tantrums, which is amazing, really.

It really is! He is making a lot of progress lately.

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

Spill it Sara...

What happened?

Penny

[Guest guest]

> Why do people have to be so judgemental?

>

> Why do they automatically have to assume the worst about another person

just

> because s/he's different?

>

> Why do I get so upset and wound up about it instead of shrugging them off

as

> ignorant and forgetting they're alive?

>

> Why do I think they are ever, ever going to come to agree with me if I

just

> keep talking at them long enough?

>

Because you're a thinking, feeling human being with different experiences

from the idiots you try to talk to? Just guessing?

Sissi

[Guest guest]

>>Spill it Sara...

>>What happened?

A lot of little things.

I'm just really, really sick of dealing with stupid ignorant people.

Apparently if you say " I think " or " I believe " first, you can follow that

phrase with whatever garbage you want, and that's OK because that's just

your opinion. We're all entitled to our opinions, aren't we? It doesn't

matter if we have ANY knowledge of the situation AT ALL, we still get to

form and voice our opinions about it.

I'll go crawl back into my hole now and pull the lid over my head. Because

I THINK if the sun touches my skin I'll turn into a little smouldering

puddle, and don't anybody dare tell me that isn't true, because that's MY

OPINION.

-Sara the Grouch.

[Guest guest]

>>>>>>>>>

Apparently if you say " I think " or " I believe " first, you can follow that

phrase with whatever garbage you want, and that's OK because that's just

your opinion. We're all entitled to our opinions, aren't we? It doesn't

matter if we have ANY knowledge of the situation AT ALL, we still get to

form and voice our opinions about it.

>>>>>>>>>>

Hoo boy, do I know what you're talking about. Doug's relatives love to tell me

all these horrible stories about children who wander away and die in some awful

manner. They do this because they know it's my worst fear and they say they're

" helping " . I know the dangers, I don't need them rubbed in my face every 5

minutes, you know? These are the same people who think I'm over protective. Ug.

I've learned that they are entitled to their opinions, but I don't have to

listen to them. If they start spilling an awful story, I just get up and walk

away, without saying a thing. I did it once out of desparation and found it

surprisingly effective.

Hang in there hon

Tuna

*********Get more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download :

http://explorer.msn.com

[Guest guest]

> Apparently if you say " I think " or " I believe " first, you can follow that

> phrase with whatever garbage you want, and that's OK because that's just

> your opinion.

Well, that's true. People are entitled to their opinions, after all. We all

have them. It's hard not to have them. Opinions are usually based on a

belief system, or something we've heard, read or been told.

> It doesn't

> matter if we have ANY knowledge of the situation AT ALL, we still get to

> form and voice our opinions about it.

That's true as well. But you often lead us into that. Many times we're left

guessing what's happened to upset you and we form opinions strictly upon

what you've stated in your posts, which usually isn't much. I know that I am

always wrong about whatever the complaint is, so I'm giving up on guessing.

It's not your fault that I have no patience. It's my kids' fault. They use

it all up. I try to offer support and I don't even know what the problem is.

Very frustrating at times.

Is it possible you do this in day-to-day exchanges with people -- leave them

to form their own opinions -- and they get it wrong?

Or, am I assuming (wrongly) again because I haven't been given enough

information to form a valid opinion?

For God's sakes, woman. Spit it out!!!

Sissi

Kids' Page

http://www.isoa.net/~nitetrax/dillon.htm

Boone's Art

http://www.isoa.net/~nitetrax/bart.htm

[Guest guest]

>>Many times we're left

guessing what's happened to upset you and we form opinions strictly upon

what you've stated in your posts, which usually isn't much. I know that I am

always wrong about whatever the complaint is, so I'm giving up on guessing.

Because I don't have the time or energy to type it up, but still feel the

need to vent to people who will understand.

I never expect anyone to guess or even respond. I'm just blowing off steam.

I am always surprised when people write back and ask me what's wrong. Why

should any of you care? But you do.

>>I try to offer support and I don't even know what the problem is. Very

frustrating at times.

I didn't know. I'll try not to do it anymore.

>>For God's sakes, woman. Spit it out!!!

I'm depressed, for one thing, and that makes everything 10 times worse than

it really is.

I'm sick to death of people staring and making me feel like a freak when my

45lb, 3'5 " 2-year-old has a complete meltdown over something nobody but

people here would understand. I remember you wrote, a long time ago, about

going someplace and who knew they had so many ceiling fans there? and you

had to leave. Those kinds of things.

We went to the zoo. There is a carousel now where the petting zoo used to

be. It completely blew his mind. At first I didn't even know if he was

thrilled or upset. He ran in circles around and around it trying to find a

way in. I took him to the line and he tried to push past all the people.

He fought me so hard I dropped him and he ran up to the entrance and tried

to push past the ticket taker. He was bleeding and he didn't even notice

and wouldn't let me do anything about it. I felt like the worst mother of

the most spoiled brat in the world.

Finally, finally the line moved and we got on. Crisis over, right? Wrong.

He FLIPPED and there was no way to get him off the thing. I actually was

going to just step off but it was going too fast. We ended up huddled on

the floor with me wrapped around him and restraining him from self-injuring.

He was SCREAMING. Over and over again. It was horrible. The stares, the

comments...and then, he didn't want to leave. He wanted to run around and

around the fence some more. The rest of the trip was him trying to escape

and run back there, while we tried to get the hell out of there.

We went to the indoor Mc's playplace. I took off his shoes. He took

off his socks. The Mc's employee informed me that he had to wear his

socks or he couldn't play, I told her he's autistic and he won't leave them

on. She said, but there's a sign right there. Can you read the sign? It

says children must wear socks in the playplace. I told her he's autistic

and he won't leave them on becuase of his tactile defensiveness. She said,

well, if *I* tell him to leave them on, he'll leave them on. I said no, he

won't, HE IS AUTISTIC. He doesn't have the language skills to understand

what you're telling him. She snorted and walked off. I put his socks back

on him and he left them on the rest of the time. Matt said I shouls have

spoken to her manager. I was just glad we didn't get kicked out. Can you

imagine THAT tantrum?

He just needs discipline.

Simply EXPLAIN to your child...

Now there's a kid who needs a good old-fashioned trip to the woodshed.

I told him to stop and he didn't! What is he, deaf?

Dogs should be leashed, not children.

The school has already assigned him a sped teacher. We haven't even had the

MFE completed yet and they've assigned him a teacher and a classroom. They

won't even talk about integration and anything about typical peers is

preceded with multiple ifs.

My case worker called to ask what kind of cleaners I use. I should have

said, " What does this have to do with getting us the waiver? " But no, idiot

that I am, I told him. He informed me that he has asthma and so he KNOWS I

can use x, y, & z cleaners because they don't cause asthma attacks. I have

to leave the windows open & turn the air filter on after he comes out here.

He doesn't know what the problem is, he's not wearing cologne.

Breastfeeding and sharing a bed with a 3 year old is sexual abuse.

The adderall makes him whine all day and is starting to make him aggressive.

Without it he is a danger to himself. With it you can't look at him or

touch him. He's not sleeping without 2 clonidine tablets, and that high a

dose makes him groggy and cranky the next day.

Matt is depressed and not sleeping. He is an insulin-dependant diabetic who

is not taking his medication. I can't get myself showered and dressed in a

day, how am I supposed to make sure he takes his meds?

Matt's mother is guilt-tripping us to come visit for Mikey's birthday. We

can't keep him safe here in our apartment, how are we supposed to take him

there? It is " too hard " for them to come here.

There is no way for me to get through to him that there are some things he

can't do. There is no way at all to discipline him & have him understand

what I'm trying to teach him. His psych has told me we need to use the same

methods we would use with a 6 month old -- childproof, distract & redirect.

I am sure you know how easy it is to distract him. The child spent 5 hours

inserting and removing pencils from a train car. (And I thought it was

wonderful that I could sit for more than 5 minutes at a time.)

I did say it was a lot of little things. There are more but I am done.

I hope that satisfies your frustration.

And, thanks. I feel a little better.

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

> I'm sick to death of people staring and making me feel like a freak when

my

> 45lb, 3'5 " 2-year-old has a complete meltdown over something nobody but

> people here would understand. I remember you wrote, a long time ago,

about

> going someplace and who knew they had so many ceiling fans there? and you

> had to leave. Those kinds of things.

Yep. I understand.

> We went to the zoo. There is a carousel now where the petting zoo used to

> be. It completely blew his mind. At first I didn't even know if he was

> thrilled or upset.

Probably both. Overstimulated.

He ran in circles around and around it trying to find a

> way in. I took him to the line and he tried to push past all the people.

> He fought me so hard I dropped him and he ran up to the entrance and tried

> to push past the ticket taker. He was bleeding and he didn't even notice

> and wouldn't let me do anything about it. I felt like the worst mother of

> the most spoiled brat in the world.

Sara,

You know better than that.

> Finally, finally the line moved and we got on. Crisis over, right?

Wrong.

> He FLIPPED and there was no way to get him off the thing. I actually was

> going to just step off but it was going too fast. We ended up huddled on

> the floor with me wrapped around him and restraining him from

self-injuring.

> He was SCREAMING. Over and over again. It was horrible. The stares, the

> comments...and then, he didn't want to leave. He wanted to run around and

> around the fence some more. The rest of the trip was him trying to escape

> and run back there, while we tried to get the hell out of there.

Sounds like he was definitely overstimulated. Poor baby. That happened to

Boone on a ride once. Most rides he loves, but this one was a tilt-a-whirl.

The cab spins and the ride spins too. It was awful. he screamed and puked

all over me. The ride attendant heard me ask them to stop several times. But

they didn't. It was the longest ride I can ever recall being on. When it

finaly did stop I didn't feel the least bit guilty about leaving them to

cleam the puke. I had to worry about cleaning up Boone, after all.

>

> We went to the indoor Mc's playplace ..... Matt said I shouls have

> spoken to her manager. I was just glad we didn't get kicked out. Can you

> imagine THAT tantrum?

oh, boy ...

>

> He just needs discipline.

>

> Simply EXPLAIN to your child...

>

> Now there's a kid who needs a good old-fashioned trip to the woodshed.

>

> I told him to stop and he didn't! What is he, deaf?

>

> Dogs should be leashed, not children.

>

This when those autism cards come in handy. If they still don't get it,

they're complete idiots and don't deserve an explanation.

> The school has already assigned him a sped teacher. We haven't even had

the

> MFE completed yet and they've assigned him a teacher and a classroom.

They

> won't even talk about integration and anything about typical peers is

> preceded with multiple ifs.

He's still young, isn't he? Is he in kindergarten yet? That's usually when

inclusion begins. Sorry, I don't recall his exact age.

> Breastfeeding and sharing a bed with a 3 year old is sexual abuse.

That's ridiculous, as you know. Anybody who says such a thing should be

regarded with extreme suspicion and never be left alone with children.

> The adderall makes him whine all day and is starting to make him

aggressive.

> Without it he is a danger to himself. With it you can't look at him or

> touch him. He's not sleeping without 2 clonidine tablets, and that high a

> dose makes him groggy and cranky the next day.

I'm going back and forth on the meds issue now. Boone doesn't sleep at

night. He can go days without sleeping. I can't. I'm just worried about

starting meds because I feel like once we start, he'll be on them from now

on. I read so much about how hard it is to find the right combination. I

dread even talking about it to the doc. I prefer to keep my head in the

sand, but my son is up and unsupervised many, many nights. If something

happens to him while I'm alseep, I could never forgive myself.

> Matt's mother is guilt-tripping us to come visit for Mikey's birthday. We

> can't keep him safe here in our apartment, how are we supposed to take him

> there? It is " too hard " for them to come here.

We don't go to KY anymore. Too hard. I'll be damned if I'm going to drive 12

hours with three kids in the car to spend Christmas in a hotel room. My MIL

doesn't want us staying at her house. If they see my kids, they come here.

End of story.

> There is no way for me to get through to him that there are some things he

> can't do. There is no way at all to discipline him & have him understand

> what I'm trying to teach him. His psych has told me we need to use the

same

> methods we would use with a 6 month old -- childproof, distract &

redirect.

> I am sure you know how easy it is to distract him.

I know not everyone has had the same results with PECS that I have had. But

I swear by it. If I make a PECS board directing Boone not to do something --

in most cases, he won't do it. PECS doesn't work on redirecting from clocks

and fans, nor can it convice him to sleep at night.

> The child spent 5 hours

> inserting and removing pencils from a train car. (And I thought it was

> wonderful that I could sit for more than 5 minutes at a time.)

I think we're all guilty of this from time to time. Don't sweat it.

> I hope that satisfies your frustration.

In more ways than you know. You have reconfirmed that I'm not alone.

>

> And, thanks. I feel a little better.

Thank you, and sorry if my reply sounded bitchy. I had a rough weekend. My

washing machine broke down and I had to go to the laundromat with Boone ...

Spin, spin, spin. Or as I like to say -- autistic fun for everyone --

whether they like it or not!

Boone drove everybody crazy, but no tantrums, which is amazing, really. I

guess it wasn't all that horrible compared to your ride.

Sissi

[Guest guest]

Sara,

I feel for you. I really do. I can remember when my life was that

crazy. It really was. But I think that may have to do with Alec and

Greggory both being autistic. LOL You sometimes seem to have the same

stuff with just Mikey!I remember the tantrums and we still have them

from time to time. I remember the stares and glares and selfrighteous

attitude that others seem to have at times. Try to ignore them. It

can be hard but there really are other nice, kind souls watching too

and quietly being sympathetic and wanting to help you but they dont

know what to do. Your case worker is a total ass and I hope you can

get another. Please try and get another. Just for my sake. I cant

stand the thought of him treating you the way he does. Ok, for you

sake and sanity too. Oh, and as for the jerk who was trying to get

you to make Mikey wear his socks, I used to get WIC when Greggory and

Alec were little and they must weigh the children each time. but

they required that the children not wear shoes or socks. That just

wasnt going to happen. I tried to explain about his autism and his

tactile problems but she didnt care and told me to just make him do

it and then they wanted him to be weighed on a regular scale that you

have to stand on. UGH! stupid people. I would have just left but we

needed the food. I couldnt afford to feed the boys without the damn

WIC. Jeff will never truly understand what I went through. And I know

what you mean about the stupid advice people give. Alec still has his

binky and he will be 5 yrs this DEC. He looks odd(not just because of

the binky either) and so i know we get looks. But this one woman

drove me crazy. She asked him his name and he of course didnt answer

and I told her his name was Alec and that he doesnt talk. Then she

went on talking to Alec about how he should want to be a big boy and

stop using his pacifier and such. Then she tells me how to get rid of

it by talking to Alec about it. STUPID WOMAN! I feel for you Sara.

Jacquie H