panic over mistakes & trying to make things right

[Guest guest]

My response to making a little mistake is extreme. Any little mistake I make

puts me into a panic. My anxiety level goes to bust and I'm terified that

someone will find out. This is particularly a problem at work because I work

with several people who are part of the cluster b club, one of whom loves to

point out every little mistake I make. I know it is irrational to get so upset

about making a mistake, but I can't stop the physical response. I'm not able to

shrug it off and move on. My body responds with the pounding heart and sweating

long before the mind realizes what it's done. It can take me hours or often days

to recover. I get really quiet and start to avoid people. I keep a low profile

until I feel it's safe and I won't be found it. Sometimes it takes a few days

before I get that safe feeling. This could happen over something stupid like

forgetting to put a handout in a package or dealing with someone who is angry.

I'm always afraid I said the wrong thing or made the person angrier. Then I get

in a panic that they will tell my boss and I'll be yelled at.

The other day hubby and I were in a situation where two people were having a

heated discussion, almost fight. I automatically went over to the two of them to

see if I could sort it out and make things better. These were two strangers we

had just met! I felt my body respond as it did as a kid and I went into " make

it better, calm everyone down " mode. Before I knew it, I was there asking them

what was wrong and trying to downplay the issue. It was only after hubby and I

left that I realized that my response was not normal. His was. He stood quietly

by, not understanding why I had to get involved.

I am so afraid that I will never be able to respond like a normal person to

situations like this. It is so engrained in me to be perfect, not make a

mistake, not upset people and to make everything okay, that I don't know any

other way to respond. It's an automatic response to stressful situations. My

body does what it has always done. I hate it.

Abby