social skills and the AS parent

[Guest guest]

this morning I REALLY wanted to let stay home from soccer. Very badly.

It's a good thing it's marc's show. After they were gone I thought about it --

I don't want to to force him to go because social situations are so painful to

ME.

After all, look at me now -- I have the house to myself and I am HAPPY. I will

not see another human being for 48 hours and this pleases me. If I didn't see

another human being for the next 48 DAYS, it would please me.

Being around close friends and family is enough. People -- just regular people

I meet out in public -- bug me. Not for any reason except that interacting with

them is so much damn work! (that's why all my friends are either people who

just kept being in my face until I relented, or people I was thrown into

situations with and had no choice but to talk to them. for days or months on

end.)

If I were a single parent to this child, he'd have NO social exposure. Partly

because I wouldn't put him into any situation against his wishes, but mostly

because it just wouldn't occur to me to keep it up. I know it from books, but

in my gut I wouldn't enforce it -- because *I* don't want to be in those

situations, either! (did I ever mention that Marc and his mother went to such

lengths to get me involved in the community that they signed me up to a ladies

baseball team our first year here? I got as far as the corner of the ball park,

then turned around and went home. ugh!)

If *I* didn't like playing soccer, I'd just quit!

Thank goodness this kid has another parent who, even though he leans heavily

toward the spectrum (but not as much as me), was involved in team sports as a

child and is hell-bent on his kid doing the same.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

You know, I'm the same way. I'm happy being alone. I don't make many

friends. I only ever tend to have one or two (or maybe 3) friends that

I talk to on any kind of regular basis. I moved to my current home a

year ago and don't really have any friends here yet. I have people I

socialize with, but it's because of my husband & his family, and I'm

sort of forced to socialize with them as part of their gatherings.

I get overwhelmed in large gatherings. Lucky me, my in-laws prefer

LARGE parties. My twins' baptism (planned & executed by my

mother-in-law) was larger than my wedding (about double the size - over

100 people came to that baptism). I just had a 25 person birthday party

for my twins and that was after restricting the guest list. I was

overwhelmed by the party, can't say I had a very good time, and was

relieved when it was over.

I always thought I had trouble making friends because I was " shy " . I've

learned to distrust people over the years, starting from when I was very

young and was teased unmercifully by gangs of children, to college when

I discovered a group of " friends " talking about me behind my back, to

very recently when someone I thought was a good friend totally let me

down during a horrible pregnancy.

Maybe I really am socially inept. Maybe that's one of the little AS

bits that are floating around in my genes that popped up out of control

in my son. <sigh>

Debbie

social skills and the AS parent

this morning I REALLY wanted to let stay home from soccer. Very

badly. It's a good thing it's marc's show. After they were gone I

thought about it -- I don't want to to force him to go because social

situations are so painful to ME.

After all, look at me now -- I have the house to myself and I am HAPPY.

I will not see another human being for 48 hours and this pleases me. If

I didn't see another human being for the next 48 DAYS, it would please

me.

Being around close friends and family is enough. People -- just regular

people I meet out in public -- bug me. Not for any reason except that

interacting with them is so much damn work! (that's why all my friends

are either people who just kept being in my face until I relented, or

people I was thrown into situations with and had no choice but to talk

to them. for days or months on end.)

If I were a single parent to this child, he'd have NO social exposure.

Partly because I wouldn't put him into any situation against his wishes,

but mostly because it just wouldn't occur to me to keep it up. I know

it from books, but in my gut I wouldn't enforce it -- because *I* don't

want to be in those situations, either! (did I ever mention that Marc

and his mother went to such lengths to get me involved in the community

that they signed me up to a ladies baseball team our first year here? I

got as far as the corner of the ball park, then turned around and went

home. ugh!)

If *I* didn't like playing soccer, I'd just quit!

Thank goodness this kid has another parent who, even though he leans

heavily toward the spectrum (but not as much as me), was involved in

team sports as a child and is hell-bent on his kid doing the same.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>>>>>>

this morning I REALLY wanted to let stay home from soccer. Very badly.

It's a good thing it's marc's show. After they were gone I thought about

it -- I don't want to to force him to go because social situations are so

painful to ME.

<<<<

Yup.

>>>>>>>

After all, look at me now -- I have the house to myself and I am HAPPY. I

will not see another human being for 48 hours and this pleases me. If I

didn't see another human being for the next 48 DAYS, it would please me.

<<<<<<<

Me too. To me, that would be the definition of heaven.

>>>>>>>>>>

Being around close friends and family is enough. People -- just regular

people I meet out in public -- bug me. Not for any reason except that

interacting with them is so much damn work! (that's why all my friends are

either people who just kept being in my face until I relented, or people I

was thrown into situations with and had no choice but to talk to them. for

days or months on end.)

<<<<<<<<

Yup.

>>>>>>

Thank goodness this kid has another parent who, even though he leans heavily

toward the spectrum (but not as much as me), was involved in team sports as

a child and is hell-bent on his kid doing the same.

<<<<<<

Yup.

Our kids are pretty lucky, huh Jacquie....

Penny

[Guest guest]

> Our kids are pretty lucky, huh Jacquie....

Ya think?

Sometimes I think would be much better seved by having a totally NT

mother. :-(

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Nah.....

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Sometimes I think would be much better seved by having a totally NT

mother. :-(

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> You know, I'm the same way. I'm happy being alone. I don't make many

> friends. I only ever tend to have one or two (or maybe 3) friends that

> I talk to on any kind of regular basis. I moved to my current home a

> year ago and don't really have any friends here yet.

Yup, Debbie, same here. I've lived here 3 years now and I know one girl

with a daughter a little younger than who plays with him about once a

month, and the people I work with at the library where I volunteer. That's

it, that's all.

> I get overwhelmed in large gatherings.

Hate em.

>

> I always thought I had trouble making friends because I was " shy " .

I've always had trouble with it because:

a) I can't be bothered to call anyone or put any effort into it, being too

busy just doing my own thing;

b)other people scare me spitless.

Always between those two extremes: apathy and terror.

>

> Maybe I really am socially inept. Maybe that's one of the little AS

> bits that are floating around in my genes that popped up out of control

> in my son. <sigh>

That's how I see it in my house. Both my husband and I would qualify for a

diagnosis I've invented called Borderline Asperger's Syndrome. :-P But if

you look back into my childhood, you can see a lot of markers -- I was

hyperlexic, I was a climber, I knew no fear, I had an EXTREMELY limited

diet, textures of certain foods did (and still do) make me vomit. My mother

always says, " but you were so outgoing and friendly " -- and her favorite

example of such was when, in kindergarten, I grabbed another kid by the

hair, put my face in her face, and said, " I'm Jacquie and you're going to be

my friend " . LOL. Some social skills!

:-)

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

-- and her favorite

> example of such was when, in kindergarten, I grabbed another kid by

the

> hair, put my face in her face, and said, " I'm Jacquie and you're

going to be

> my friend " . LOL. Some social skills!

>

Did it work? )

Tina W

[Guest guest]

> You know, I'm the same way. I'm happy being alone. I don't make many

> friends. I only ever tend to have one or two (or maybe 3) friends that

> I talk to on any kind of regular basis. I moved to my current home a

> year ago and don't really have any friends here yet.

>>Yup, Debbie, same here. I've lived here 3 years now and I know one girl

with a daughter a little younger than who plays with him about once a

month, and the people I work with at the library where I volunteer. That's

it, that's all.<<

Me too.

The only people I know here a) Matt knew before we moved here; I've met

over the internet & they have autistic kids.

I have always had one or two friends and that's it. That's plenty. That's

all I can deal with.

It's different online. You're not looking at me, for one thing.

> I get overwhelmed in large gatherings.

Can't do 'em. Just the thought makes me dizzy.

> I always thought I had trouble making friends because I was " shy " .

Yup yup.

>>you look back into my childhood, you can see a lot of markers -- I was

hyperlexic, I was a climber, I knew no fear, I had an EXTREMELY limited

diet, textures of certain foods did (and still do) make me vomit. My mother

always says, " but you were so outgoing and friendly " -- and her favorite

example of such was when, in kindergarten, I grabbed another kid by the

hair, put my face in her face, and said, " I'm Jacquie and you're going to be

my friend " . LOL. Some social skills!<<

Gee golly gosh, that sounds familiar!!!

I spoke well and early. I read and spelled by age 2. I toe-walked. I

refused to wear shoes, dresses, or jeans. (I still hate jeans. They are

too stiff and thick. I like skirts now but I *have* to wear shorts under

them. I can not stand feeling my thighs touch each other.) I ate anything

and everything - my family was always amazed at how MUCH I could eat. They

used to joke about my hollow leg. I just never felt full. I was NOT

outgoing or friendly and I never really cared till middle school. My mom

used to ground me from reading. In first grade my teacher told me I could

not read any more books about horses. I had read every book in the school

library that had anything to do with horses, except for _Pale Horse, Pale

Rider_ which I repeatedly tried to read but found terribly boring. (I think

this book is about the plauge. FIRST GRADE, remember...) So I switched to

dogs. I started with _Lassie, Come Home_ which if I recall was about 400

pages long. I read the whole thing and loved it. When I'd read everything

there was to read about dogs, _Watership Down_ was next. (FIRST GRADE.)

I still am easily overwhelmed by too much sensory input. Too much light,

movement, and/or noise addles my brain. I have a very hard time in the

grocery store deciding what brand to buy, especially things like medicines

where there are a million different choices - tylenol, tylenol cold, tylenol

cold and allergy, tylenol pm...I have to read each individual package

carefully and it takes me forever to make a decision. On the other side of

the spectrum, I am allergic to perfume but half the time I can't smell what

I'm having an allergic reaction to.

Isn't this fun? I could keep going but I won't.

-Sara.