What should I do?

[Guest guest]

Can anyone offer any insight? My mom (person with BPD) wants to throw me a 30th

birthday party. Growing up she always threw great birthday parties for me. The

last great one where all my friends were invited to my backyard for a good time,

was when I turned 20. I figure 30 is a special event. My mom is keen on doing

this but my wife is not. She does not want to interact with her, because of the

mean things she does, especially saying bad things about my in-laws. My wife

also thinks that I am leaving myself open to expectations from my mom for

throwing the party. In other words, I will be the villain in the future for not

doing something else she wants when she went ahead and threw this great party

for me.

I don't know what to do. I have briefly skimmed the book, " Stop walking on

Eggshells " . The part that sticks out to me is that I have a right to be happy

and not feel obligated to something and ultimately be unhappy for the BPD's

sake. That's what I am confused about. I have to admit that growing up in my

family was vert difficult because of my mom's BPD. I feel like these parties

were the few moments where things seemed good to me. Parties are really

important to my mom, so she did them well. I got to benefit by feeling normal

and happy. I am really tempted to have this 30th bday party thrown by mom to

get tat feeling again, However, my wife's warning is ringing in my ears. Also,

my wife would not attend the party if I go through with it. (Part of the

justification being that she and I will actually spend my actual birthday

together.) Am i just trying to get my own childish selfish needs satisfied by

having my mom act " normally " and have me be the center of attention? Or am i

opening myself up to a world of trouble?

[Guest guest]

if you want the party, have it...but remember, you do NOT own your mother

anything because of it :-)

Jackie

Can anyone offer any insight? My mom (person with BPD) wants to throw me a

30th birthday party. Growing up she always threw great birthday parties for

me. The last great one where all my friends were invited to my backyard for

a good time, was when I turned 20. I figure 30 is a special event. My mom

is keen on doing this but my wife is not. She does not want to interact

with her, because of the mean things she does, especially saying bad things

about my in-laws. My wife also thinks that I am leaving myself open to

expectations from my mom for throwing the party. In other words, I will be

the villain in the future for not doing something else she wants when she

went ahead and threw this great party for me.

I don't know what to do. I have briefly skimmed the book, " Stop walking on

Eggshells " . The part that sticks out to me is that I have a right to be

happy and not feel obligated to something and ultimately be unhappy for the

BPD's sake. That's what I am confused about. I have to admit that growing

up in my family was vert difficult because of my mom's BPD. I feel like

these parties were the few moments where things seemed good to me. Parties

are really important to my mom, so she did them well. I got to benefit by

feeling normal and happy. I am really tempted to have this 30th bday party

thrown by mom to get tat feeling again, However, my wife's warning is

ringing in my ears. Also, my wife would not attend the party if I go

through with it. (Part of the justification being that she and I will

actually spend my actual birthday together.) Am i just trying to get my own

childish selfish needs satisfied by having my mom act " normally " and have

me be the center of attention? Or am i opening myself up to a world of

trouble?