Uh Oh! Found One. Right in My WHeelhouse! NOOOO!! MAJOR VENT

[Guest guest]

This morning, I was in a car group with someone that I see often who was, I

think, rude to me and my daughter. My daughter and I were talking and the woman

asked us to be quiet because our conversation was bothering her and why didn't

we talk at home. I looked at the woman like, I can't believe you're saying this,

and I said, " (you know) my daughter doesn't live with me... " as if to say, hey,

how heartbreaking for a mom is that? Don't you get it, my kid wants to talk to

me!

Later, when that woman and I were alone, I told the woman that she hurt my

daughter's feelings - and my daughter, who is BPD, but doing much better after

getting on Prozac (really low dose working great!) - was having a great day and

this woman hurt her feelings. So I flat out asked for an apology for my daughter

- and not one that would shame my daughter but one that made the woman own up to

her issue with her " not being a morning person " and just being " naturally

blunt. "

Here is what she said next that blew me away: " It's better for me to get my

feelings out so that way it doesn't ruin my day. I don't stay angry after I talk

about it so it's the loving thing to do with I need to say something to get it

off my chest and then I feel much better. " I said how do you think my kid feels?

I think you ruined her day, she started to cry on my shoulder! Then, when I

tried to explain in a broader sense how her " need to be blunt " (as she says it,

like it's okay to be hurtful) didn't take anyone else's feelings into

consideration, she said, " I am not talking about it any more. "

It was scary. It was right out of the book about narcissists! This almost exact

description of a narcissist - barfing up your feelings onto someone else and

then you feel much better and let them clean up the mess. And I think she was

rude to us because we were having a nice mommy-daughter conversation that was

" giving her a headache " and asked us to stop. (We were in her car, her husband

was driving and my husband was in the front seat and the three of us, the woman,

my daughter and I were in the back.)

The woman said she was " never going to talk about it again " like she was in

charge of the conversation, like she had a right to control the thing, and she's

young enough to be my daughter, talk about a lack of respect. I don't know what

I said or how I said it (I was super calm, I knew exactly what was going on,

didn't cave or react how she expected at all, LOL) but finally the woman agreed

to talk about it later. When my daughter came back to the car, the woman

apologized but my daughter didn't buy it. To my kid's credit, she acted cool and

chatted with her just to make nice but she totally didn't buy it. (Ha ha, later

when we were alone she called my husband on something he was doing to try and

make me look bad too, LOL it was great. Yay prescription drugs!)

Later in the day, when this woman had agreed to talk to me about what I termed

" the bigger picture, " she said with a smirk that she spoke to her husband about

it and he said to drop it. I said nothing at all, there were a lot of other

people around as we were at a big picnic. I started to open my mouth but

realized I had no where to go with it and I probably made a wincing face. A

little later I chatted with her like about her dogs, like nothing had happened,

as if to say, " I don't care, be a jerk, you know I'd have hung you out to dry,

you rude, weak wimp. I KNOW she did not explain to her husband what I was going

to talk to her about - because when I cut through the issue of her rudeness to

call her on her supposed " love " of everyone by asking how did her behavior help

anyone, because maybe her bluntness ruined their day, had she thought about

that, was that a loving thing to do, wasn't she thinking of their feelings? I

wasn't going to go back over the incident, I was going to ask her about her need

to dump her shame, feelings, whatever, on other people. But she probably made me

sound like someone who was going to rake her over the coals again about the

incident - like she would as a narcissist or a borderline. Talk about psychotic!

Even my MPD/NPD husband, who saw what happened, thought the woman was rude and

way off base. (By now we were in our car on the way home.) I didn't ask him, he

just came out with it on his own. (I know better than to go to him for support

about anything.) Then when I explained to my daughter about the anger and shame

dumping, my kid totally realized her dad does that too and he knew it.

BUT I AM FEELING IKKKY about having to go through that - she got away with being

a narcissistic jerk, frankly. At least I was able to show my daughter how that

looks and how wrong it is to dump on other people. And the woman did apologize,

which made me look large and in charge to my kid.

BUT I AM STILL FEELING BAD! I have to see this woman more often than I care to,

nothing I can do about it. ARRRHHHHGG!!! Don't you HATE THAT! At least I know

it's useless, she on the other hand, is clueless.

Don't you hate these situations? Man, I so need to vent and be validated. I know

it can't be " fixed, " but I need to know that she was WRONG, that she is indeed

at the least FLEA INFESTED and that I stood up to her as best I could. AND

PLEASE for the next time, ANY ADVICE? [Caps for emphasis, NOT shouting, I

PROMISE.) Hug hug.

Flowers in Oz