Re: Monster baby

[Guest guest]

If my kids are any indication the tantrums get better. It just takes a while.

Georga

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Monster baby

Annmarie came home from school yesterday in monster mode. Tantrumed

for 3 hours. Joe and I were worn out. After about 2 1/2 hours,

during a relatively calm interlude, Flory (10) took her into the

playroom, which she generally enjoys, hoping to distract her. I

thought they were playing (she likes very active play with her

sister), but apparently Flory was really trying to keep her from

hurting herself. She hit Flory in the mouth with a musical

instrument and cut Flory's lip. Flory went to school today looking

like she had been in a fight. :-(

Joe was on the phone with his sister during part of this tantrum.

Sister says, " Why don't you put her in time out? " LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Sigh. Is there any hope? Do these tantrums get better? Ever? Or

do they just keep getting worse and worse? I can't give up hope. I

can't. But I feel so defeated. I don't know what to do. There is

nothing left to try. :-(

mom to Annmarie (4 1/2, blind, " autistic-like " ) and Flory (10, NT)

[Guest guest]

> Sigh. Is there any hope? Do these tantrums get better? Ever? Or

> do they just keep getting worse and worse? I can't give up hope. I

> can't. But I feel so defeated. I don't know what to do. There is

> nothing left to try. :-(

, as Annmarie learns to communicate her frustration verbally the

tantrums WILL get better. When kids are non verbal or emerging verbally,

they still don't have the means to tell you what is wrong. Imagine how

frustrating that is! Imagine, say, that your shirt is itchy. you can't

take it off, and you don't have the words to tell someone, so you begin to

cry in frustration. So someone comes along and begins asking what's wrong

and suggesting things, but none of them are right and you can't tell them

the right thing...it must be HORRIBLE.

But Annmarie is really starting to emerge, isn't she? Soon she'll be able

to say to you what the problem is. And then you'll be able to help. And

then the tantrums will slow down.

That's my experience, anyway. I wish I had a 'do this and it will be okay'

answer for you.

(((hugs)))

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Generally speaking it does get better. As our children learn more

compensatory skills and learn to communicate in some manner their

needs and wants more effectively their tantrumms and typically

violent and/or self injurious behavior decreases dramatically.

I'm sorry this is still such a difficult time with marie. I

remember needing to know during our version of these times that there

could be hope for the future. (((Hugs)))

[Guest guest]

Hi Jacquie,

Thanks for writing. Everyone keeps telling me it will get

better " when she starts talking " . Well, she is talking better than

she ever has. She can make all kinds of requests and she is saying

original sentences even. The tantrums are worse and more

unpredictable.

The tantrums don't seem to be tied to anything in particular. Most

kids throw a tantrum in a store because they see a toy or candy they

want and can't have. Or they want a cookie, but they get carrots

instead.

Annmarie will say, " I want a snack, Mommy. " She is in a good mood,

not a grumpy mood. We go in the kitchen to get a snack and she climbs

up in her chair. She'll say, " I want chips, Mommy. " So I get the

chips. But while I am putting them on a plate she turns upside down

in her chair and screams, " Oh no! Oh no! I'm falling! I'm

falling! " And before we know it she is rolling around on the floor,

thrashing around, striking out, etc. For hours at times!

It just makes no sense at all.

The one thing that can almost consistently make her go off is that

she always wants me with her. If she decides she wants me, and I

have something else I need to do (like go to the toilet), she will

have one of these tantrums. Of course I cannot let her kill herself

or break the furniture, so she does get reinforced with my

attention. What else can I do?

Or in a store, she has a tantrum because she wants to leave. Well,

what can I do? It gets to the point where I have to take her out

before she tears down the store. Not to mention that her screams and

behavior are distressing the other people in the store. So I take

her out and she is reinforced for this behavior.

I believe ignoring the behavior should work, but for her it has only

resulted in escalation. Her behavior is getting progressively more

violent and destructive.

Yesterday my husband was off work for Veteran's Day. He was going

around trying to keep her from destroying the house. Flory and I

just sat at the table " ignoring " her. I said, " I just wait until she

is finished and then clean up the mess. " This is mostly what my

housework consists of.

The good thing is that Joe got to see what my life is like. After 45

minutes he was ready for it to be over. He ended up doing several

loads of laundry, changing the sheets on our bed, and telling me not

to worry about dinner. He says, " We've got to get you some help! " I

hope he remembers this and it doesn't get shoved to the back burner.

Well, at least I think it may be a while before I hear, " What did you

do all day? "

Sorry to ramble. Needed to vent, I guess.

mom to Annmarie (4 1/2, blind, autistic-like) and Flory (10, NT)

>

> > Sigh. Is there any hope? Do these tantrums get better? Ever?

Or

> > do they just keep getting worse and worse? I can't give up

hope. I

> > can't. But I feel so defeated. I don't know what to do. There

is

> > nothing left to try. :-(

>

>

> , as Annmarie learns to communicate her frustration verbally

the

> tantrums WILL get better. When kids are non verbal or emerging

verbally,

> they still don't have the means to tell you what is wrong. Imagine

how

> frustrating that is! Imagine, say, that your shirt is itchy. you

can't

> take it off, and you don't have the words to tell someone, so you

begin to

> cry in frustration. So someone comes along and begins asking

what's wrong

> and suggesting things, but none of them are right and you can't

tell them

> the right thing...it must be HORRIBLE.

>

> But Annmarie is really starting to emerge, isn't she? Soon she'll

be able

> to say to you what the problem is. And then you'll be able to

help. And

> then the tantrums will slow down.

>

> That's my experience, anyway. I wish I had a 'do this and it will

be okay'

> answer for you.

>

> (((hugs)))

>

> Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear her tantrums are so bad. I wish I could offer you something

that would help.

Sue

[Guest guest]

,

PUH-LEZZE, I hope that tantrums get better...I live in hope!

Lad de da!

Hang in there...

Louisa

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I am NOT having a fun

day. Tantrums are continuing this afternoon. I feel like I have

tried everything to deal with these tantrums and nothing has worked.

I guess I have learned helplessness. When she starts I just feel

powerless to do anything more but intervene if she is in physical

danger. After she is finished I go behind her and clean up the

mess.

I feel like crying a lot of the time, and try not to take a drink

before 5 pm. Of course if I have to take Flory anywhere even that is

out of the question. I know it isn't good to cope with this in this

way, but I don't know what I will do if I don't have some " escape " .

I don't get drunk, but it takes the edge off. I need help with this

and don't know where to turn for it.

Annmarie's teacher informed me this afternoon that after the school

gets the paperwork signed it usually takes one to three months to

complete the evaluation. I figure with the holidays and some snow

days it could be Spring before we get any answers, much less any

potentially helpful services.

Now I know why Annmarie used to bang her head against the sidewalk

all the time. She had a hunch what our life was going to be like.

:-/

It helps to know you all have been here and come out reasonably

sane.

THanks for listening!

mom to Annmarie (4 1/2, blind, autistic-like) and Flory (10, NT)

> Generally speaking it does get better. As our children learn

more

> compensatory skills and learn to communicate in some manner their

> needs and wants more effectively their tantrumms and typically

> violent and/or self injurious behavior decreases dramatically.

>

> I'm sorry this is still such a difficult time with marie. I

> remember needing to know during our version of these times that

there

> could be hope for the future. (((Hugs)))

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes! Thank you!

You are right. Everything is topsy-turvy.

That is why it drives me crazy when people say things like, " You

should put her in time out " and " She doesn't talk because she doesn't

need to...you do everything for her. " Or, the really good one, from

my mother who said the way to get her to behave in a store was

to " expect " her to.

Oh, yeah! I forgot! Our kids can mindread!

Hey! I'll try that. Maybe it will work! Nothing else has, and what

do I have to lose?

mom to Annmarie (4 1/2, blind, autistic-like) and Flory (10, NT)

>

> >

> > It just makes no sense at all.

> >

>

>

> You're absolutely right. She's doing the OPPOSITE of what she's

supposed to

> do! ACK!

>

> I have a whole library of autism books around here. i'll thumb

through and

> see what I can find.

>

> No wonder you're so frustrated!

>

> Jacquie

[Guest guest]

The last time I did this Annmarie tore down part of her window and

broke it. She also climbs up and hurls herself off furniture. I am

afraid she will hurl herself out the window.

I also discovered that when she is tantruming she will open her door

and come out of her room. She does not open any door knobs at any

other time. In fact, it is a skill they are working on at school. I

think it says on her IEP, " Annmarie will open doors by herself in 4

out of 5 trials when she is not crazy. " (I'm kidding)

I could leave her in her room in the morning and she would never come

down. All she has to do is open the door and go down the stairs, but

it never seems to occur to her unless she is tantruming.

I will not put a lock on the outside of her door. Well, it is not

even an option.

I am thinking about some of the suggestions people had earlier about

how to tantrum-proof her room and some of them might be workable. I

liked the latice on the window idea, but now I am worried about her

climbing it and/or pulling it down.

I'm going to keep working on this, though. There has to be an

answer, right?

mom to Annmarie (4 1/2, blind, autistic-like) and Flory (10, NT)

> >

> > > Sigh. Is there any hope? Do these tantrums get better?

Ever?

> Or

> > > do they just keep getting worse and worse? I can't give up

> hope. I

> > > can't. But I feel so defeated. I don't know what to do.

There

> is

> > > nothing left to try. :-(

> >

> >

> > , as Annmarie learns to communicate her frustration

verbally

> the

> > tantrums WILL get better. When kids are non verbal or emerging

> verbally,

> > they still don't have the means to tell you what is wrong.

Imagine

> how

> > frustrating that is! Imagine, say, that your shirt is itchy.

you

> can't

> > take it off, and you don't have the words to tell someone, so

you

> begin to

> > cry in frustration. So someone comes along and begins asking

> what's wrong

> > and suggesting things, but none of them are right and you can't

> tell them

> > the right thing...it must be HORRIBLE.

> >

> > But Annmarie is really starting to emerge, isn't she? Soon

she'll

> be able

> > to say to you what the problem is. And then you'll be able to

> help. And

> > then the tantrums will slow down.

> >

> > That's my experience, anyway. I wish I had a 'do this and it

will

> be okay'

> > answer for you.

> >

> > (((hugs)))

> >

> > Jacquie

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lighting fires?! OMG!!!! I don't know what I would do!

Spanking an adopted child is illegal in land. It wouldn't work

with her anyway, I don't believe. How do you spank a kid who bangs

her own head on concrete? I am not willing to do whatever it takes

to cross that pain threshold!

Also, I guess I just have a problem with " It is not acceptable for

you to hit me in the head so I am going to hit you on the bottom. "

Kind of a mixed message in that.

Yeah, I wondered when my mom said she didn't behave because I

didn't " expect " her to... Well, all I can say is my mom must have

had really easy kids. And it made me wonder what exactly her

expectations were when I was a teenager! lol

Who is Dr. Fry?

mom to Annmarie (4 1/2, blind, autistic-like) and Flory (10, NT)

-- In parenting_autism@y..., Jorgha HaQ <jorghahaq@c...> wrote:

> LMAO!! Does time out work with autistic kids? Doesn't work with

mine.

>

> She doesn't talk because you do everything for her....hmmm....well,

I don't have a comment here, but are you just supposed to sit there

and ignore a childs needs? Geeze! My four year has a bad speech

delay and you can't understand half of what she says. Now when she

can't get her point across she will start signing. Works for me.

Need to teach her some more words.

>

> Oh...I didn't know expecting any child (NT or ASD) to behave just

worked like magic. I will have to remember that one.

>

> Ok, now for something constructive.

> Something Dr. Fry told me.

> With ASD kids when they do something wrong you have to make the

punishment as unpleasent as possible for them because they don't

respond to anything else. We had a problem with Savannah last year

where she was setting everything on fire. Nothing we did got through

to her, he told me to spank her. LOL! Then proceeded to give me a

lecture on how, for whatever reason, autistic kids didn't respond to

discipline unless it was unconfortable for them. It came down to we

had to take her into his office for him to deal with her on that

one. There are just some things that fall under saftey issues. He

told me with the minor infractions to take her Furbies (her

obsession). That just caused a total meltdown and she was willing to

be compliant to get the Furbies back.

>

> I have drug Savannah out of resturants in the middle of a family

meal because she was acting up. When she starts acting up in stores

I take her out and tell her she isn't going back with me since she

couldn't behave. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

>

>

> Georga

> Your purchase of Usborne Books will help the Marine Corps and Toys

for Tots. Please visit www.ubah.com/HOS12159

> Register to win $50 in free books. Visit www.ubah.com/F1549

> Start your own Usborne Home Business in November for only $34.95!

Ask me how!

> Re: Monster baby

>

>

> Yes! Thank you!

>

> You are right. Everything is topsy-turvy.

>

> That is why it drives me crazy when people say things like, " You

> should put her in time out " and " She doesn't talk because she

doesn't

> need to...you do everything for her. " Or, the really good one,

from

> my mother who said the way to get her to behave in a store was

> to " expect " her to.

>

> Oh, yeah! I forgot! Our kids can mindread!

>

> Hey! I'll try that. Maybe it will work! Nothing else has, and

what

> do I have to lose?

>

>

> mom to Annmarie (4 1/2, blind, autistic-like) and Flory (10, NT)

>

>

> >

> > >

> > > It just makes no sense at all.

> > >

> >

> >

> > You're absolutely right. She's doing the OPPOSITE of what

she's

> supposed to

> > do! ACK!

> >

> > I have a whole library of autism books around here. i'll thumb

> through and

> > see what I can find.

> >

> > No wonder you're so frustrated!

> >

> > Jacquie

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It helps to know you all have been here and come out reasonably

> sane.

>

> THanks for listening!

>

> mom to Annmarie (4 1/2, blind, autistic-like) and Flory (10, NT)

((((kathryn))))

so sorry its sooo hard for you right now...

i wish i had something to say to help you

right this minute...but most of us can say

it does get alittle easier as they get older..

do you have a respite person at all?? you really

need to take some time for yourself..even if its

just for an hour...

i do understand, and i know its so very frustrating..

i hope things settle down for you at least

for awhile so you can catch your breathe....

we are all here for you!!

nancy

[Guest guest]

Yes, you are right. I am working with my doc. It is helpful. I

think this group is helping actually. We just moved here the end of

August and I lost all my social support. All of our family lives in

other states. My church was my big social support in our previous

town. It is near enough to visit, but not to go every week. I was

there practically everytime the doors opened, so it is a major loss

for me.

Because of Annmarie it is very hard to get out and meet people. It

is kind of a small town atmosphere here, and I feel like an

outsider. My husband says I should join the moms club, but... well,

you know, I think. My child is cute, so people come up, but they

don't stay long when they realize how different she is. I guess they

are afraid their kid will catch it or something. :-/

When we moved I also lost my beloved " helper " , a very sweet lady from

El Salvador, who cleaned my house and helped me with Annmarie.

Annmarie loved her and she was so good with Annmarie. We miss her so

much. She has gone back to El Salvador and is having trouble getting

her visa renewed because she didn't stay here long enough when she

was here before. I don't understand it, but that is what her sister-

in-law said. I am hoping to find another lady like Loli, but she was

a treasure. One in a million.

I will find my niche in this town. I always do. It is just a

lonely, stressful time right now.

I'm glad I found this group. And if any land moms have kids who

can leave the house, please come on over and have some tea with me!

Or maybe we can just talk on the phone! I am sure I am not the only

lonely mom on this list!

mom to Annmarie (4 1/2, blind, autistic-like) and Flory (10, NT)

> ,

> I couldn't let your comment pass without saying something. Have

you talked

> to your Dr. about how you are feeling? Quite a few of the moms

here are on

> antidepressants. It really helped me be able to deal with the

school here

> and gives me the strength to deal with the kids on their bad days.

It's not

> a miracle cure, but it might be safer and more calming for you than

a drink,

> and you don't have to wait until 5 for it.

> Sue

[Guest guest]

I don't know the answer to that. It is very different parenting an

adopted child from a biological child. I also get a visit from a

social worker twice a year for 4 years and have to send reports to

the country I adopted my children from. We had to sign a contract

when we adopted our children that we would do this. It is okay, I

don't mind. I am proud of my children's accomplishments, and are

both doing so much better than they would have if they weren't here.

But I do feel somewhat like I am under scrutiny all the time.

>

> > Spanking an adopted child is illegal in land.

>

> But legal for one to spank a biological child?

>

> Why does the law differ?

>

> Jacquie

[Guest guest]

You know, I was thinking as I was fighting her into her clothes this

morning that if just one " expert " could see Annmarie's tantrum, maybe

we could get some help!

I was shaking by the time I got her on the school bus. And, I want

you to know, as soon as I took her out of her car seat she stopped

crying completely and WALKED to the bus.

Oh, how I was hoping she would be the same way on the bus as she was

10 minutes before in our living room. That I would have to wrestle

her onto the bus as I did to the car. That the nice schoolbus lady

would have to get amoeba girl into her tot seat. That Miss Sandy

would have to somehow get her into the school building without her

hurling herself head-first onto the sidewalk. That she would turn

herself upside down in her little school chair and scream " I'm

falling! I'm falling! " before slithering down and rolling across the

floor screaming bloody murder.

But no. She calming walks up to the bus and climbs on.

ARGH!!!

Where's that prozac?!

> Sounds really rough, . Very hard to be so alone.

>

> Salli

[Guest guest]

It

> is kind of a small town atmosphere here, and I feel like an

> outsider. My husband says I should join the moms club, but...

well,

> you know, I think. My child is cute, so people come up, but they

> don't stay long when they realize how different she is. I guess

they

> are afraid their kid will catch it or something. :-/

Sue~ This is exactly how I felt when we moved away to Florida, it

was so difficult to meet anyone. I met a woman who's son was in

Noah's class and also has autism, however when i went to her house so

the boys could have a playdate, her son took off his clothes and

pooped on the living room floor. She was MORTIFIED , I assured her it

wasn't a big deal, but she never returned one of my calls after that

day and never called me again. After a few lonley months I joined

our locals mothers club. There were tons of moms however none of them

has special needs kids and I was shunned, they didn't want their

impressionable children to learn my children's inappropriate

behaviors. I kinda thank god I hated the schools and the jobs were

horribly paid, so the loneliness just gave another reason to move

back to Illinois. I hope you find some social opportunities better

than I didn;t

Amy mom to

Noah 6 Lucas 8 ASD's

[Guest guest]

THanks, Amy! I met a lady at our new church who had a multiply-

impaired son. I don't know his diagnosis. He died a few years ago.

She was interested in Annmarie; one of the few people who came up to

talk to us there.

Also there is a mom whose little boy is in Annmarie's class who wants

to get together for a playdate. I think we will be doing that soon.

This little boy is SO cute! Everyday he gives Annmarie a hug and a

kiss before she gets off the bus. He is adorable!

Little by little it will come. I am not too good with transitions

myself. I like my routines. Hmmmm... ;-)

Are you someplace with good social support now?

> It

> > is kind of a small town atmosphere here, and I feel like an

> > outsider. My husband says I should join the moms club, but...

> well,

> > you know, I think. My child is cute, so people come up, but they

> > don't stay long when they realize how different she is. I guess

> they

> > are afraid their kid will catch it or something. :-/

>

>

> Sue~ This is exactly how I felt when we moved away to Florida, it

> was so difficult to meet anyone. I met a woman who's son was in

> Noah's class and also has autism, however when i went to her house

so

> the boys could have a playdate, her son took off his clothes and

> pooped on the living room floor. She was MORTIFIED , I assured her

it

> wasn't a big deal, but she never returned one of my calls after

that

> day and never called me again. After a few lonley months I joined

> our locals mothers club. There were tons of moms however none of

them

> has special needs kids and I was shunned, they didn't want their

> impressionable children to learn my children's inappropriate

> behaviors. I kinda thank god I hated the schools and the jobs were

> horribly paid, so the loneliness just gave another reason to move

> back to Illinois. I hope you find some social opportunities better

> than I didn;t

>

> Amy mom to

> Noah 6 Lucas 8 ASD's

[Guest guest]

> THanks, Amy! I met a lady at our new church who had a multiply-

> impaired son. I don't know his diagnosis. He died a few years

ago.

> She was interested in Annmarie; one of the few people who came up

to

> talk to us there.

>

> Also there is a mom whose little boy is in Annmarie's class who

wants

> to get together for a playdate. I think we will be doing that

soon.

> This little boy is SO cute! Everyday he gives Annmarie a hug and a

> kiss before she gets off the bus. He is adorable!

>

> Little by little it will come. I am not too good with transitions

> myself. I like my routines. Hmmmm... ;-)

>

> Are you someplace with good social support now?

>

>

Yes we moved back to where we were from originally. I am so glad you

have made a few connections... I hope it keeps up. I completely hear

you with having your own routines i feel the same.

Hope all goes well ....

Amy mom to

Noah 6 Lucas 8 ASD's

[Guest guest]

!!!

YES! The tantrums DO get better.... They don't totally go away, but they

WILL get better....

Penny

[Guest guest]

So the objective then is to just keep her alive until that time, I

guess. Is language the key then? I think when this starts she goes

to a different level of consciousness where she cannot access her

language. She does sometimes say things while tantruming, but they

don't make sense.

For example, one of her first sentences was " Everybody conga! " This

was on one of her Sesame Street videos. When she would tantrum she

would scream, " Everybody! Everybody! " Then she went through a

period where she would scream, " Why me? Why me? Woe is me! " I have

no idea where she got this. She was completely echolalic at that

time. It was very hard not to laugh when this was happening, as you

can imagine!

Yesterday I made the mistake of telling Flory she did a good job

playing her trumpet and Annmarie heard me. She wiggled in behind the

couch, kicked at the sofa and the wall, and screamed, " Good job!

Good job! " I just ignored her, but Flory went behind the couch with

her (she can fit; I can't). Flory said, " Mommy, I think I know what

is wrong. She didn't like it when you told me I did a good job. She

got kind of jealous. " I know this is correct.

Flory intercepted this tantrum by taking Annmarie to her room and

showing her the trumpet. Annmarie is dying to play that trumpet

(music is her very intense interest) and Flory was very kind to her

about this. So everything worked out this time and she was even calm

and quiet at Flory's basketball practice later that evening (which I

had been *dreading*).

Oh, I am sorry. I am going on again. I can't shut up today.

I don't know if I have a question, unless it is some ideas of how to

help her communicate in a more appropriate way.

> !!!

>

> YES! The tantrums DO get better.... They don't totally go away,

but they

> WILL get better....

>

> Penny

[Guest guest]

Unfortunately, apparently he didn't get it at all. He stayed home

today to " help " me, because I have bronchitis. He saw Flory off to

school, which was great.

I woke up at 9 to go to the bathroom and I could hear Annmarie

chattering and tapping in her room. I went back to bed thinking that

he would soon come up to get her.

I woke up at 11 and realized I better get up and make sure he had her

dressed appropriately for school. One time last year he had her

dressed in jeans and a pajama top. :-/

When I went in her room to get her an outfit she was sitting in her

closet! She said, " I'm hungry, Mommy! " :-(

I was SO mad! BUt, it gets better!

When he saw me he said, " Oh good! You're up! Now I can go to work! "

GRRRRRR!!!!!

I then got a phone call from ARC and asked him to get her breakfast

while I took the call. I got off the phone and she was sitting at

the table saying, " I'm hungry, Mommy! " I asked, " Did you feed her? "

HE said yes. BUt when I looked she had a bowl of dry cereal that had

been left from last night's bedtime snack and a partial cup of juice

also left from last night. I could NOT believe it!

He might as well just left for work as soon as he saw Flory off. I

was livid! I didn't get up because I believed he was taking care of

Annmarie. He also did no housework, which might have redeamed him

partially. No, but he did get some information from the internet

about his cellular telephone! ACK!

This is the reason I cannot have a nervous breakdown! Who would take

care of the children? Nobody! :-/

OH well, at least he has a good income. :-/

So, no. It didn't even make it as far as the back burner.

RATS!!!

Good news, though, is that I might be able to get a little respite

from ARC. And the school is *supposed* to be responsible for helping

me get behavior management. I will believe it when I see it. But

the respite sounds like it might work out.

They also have a SibShop for Flory. Keep your fingers crossed!

> This actually is a good thing, ...

>

> Sometimes people need to see with their own eyes what we go thru

before they

> can truly understand.

> I hope it doesn't get put on the back burner too!!!!

>

> Penny

>

>

> >>>>>>>>>>

> The good thing is that Joe got to see what my life is like. After

45

> minutes he was ready for it to be over. He ended up doing several

> loads of laundry, changing the sheets on our bed, and telling me not

> to worry about dinner. He says, " We've got to get you some help! "

I

> hope he remembers this and it doesn't get shoved to the back burner.

>

> Well, at least I think it may be a while before I hear, " What did

you

> do all day? "

> <<<<<<<<

[Guest guest]

> So the objective then is to just keep her alive until that time, I

> guess. Is language the key then?

Yes.

and have had the worst tantrums when they couldn't

express their needs/wants. The bad behavior always escalated when

they'd had a leap in receptive language but the expressive hadn't

caught up yet.

From what I'm hearing on this list, this is true for a lot of our

kids.

Tina

[Guest guest]

Yes, we did try teaching her to sign. And we also tried one of those

things where you hit a button and it plays a recorded message. We

tried PECS with raised line drawings.

She never did learn how to do it. She never made the connection or

didn't consider it worthy of her time and effort or whatever.

She is talking now. In the past two months, since school started

this year, it has been incredible. And the past 2 weeks since we

stopped the milk has even been better. I noticed today that almost

all echolalia has stopped. This is truly amazing! I kept track for a

couple of hours and everything she said (except " what's this " which

she is perseverating on right now) was an original sentence.

Still, the tantrums continue. Once tonight she wanted to play on the

carpet and I wanted to sit in the chair. She told me she wanted to

play on the carpet, but I did not respond because I wanted to sit in

the chair. Ever since she was a baby, that has been our chair. It is

our " place " , so I did not think a lot of it. She laid back on the

floor and began to wail.

Perhaps it was because she was not getting her way, but when she does

this it has more of a flavor of dispair than anger. I got down with

her and said, " Annmarie, wait! I will listen. Stop and try to use

your words. I will listen. " She stopped crying, sat up and said, " I

want to play on the carpet with Mommy with toys. " How could I refuse

that?!

I suspect once she gets going she can't access her words. That is

what it seems to me.

Oops! Rambling again! Sorry!

> ,

> I don't remember if I asked you this yet. Have you tried teaching

her to

> sign yet?

> Sue

[Guest guest]

Thank you. I think she is bright, and that probably makes it worse

for her.

> > So the objective then is to just keep her alive until that time,

I

> > guess. Is language the key then?

>

> Yes.

>

> and have had the worst tantrums when they couldn't

> express their needs/wants. The bad behavior always escalated when

> they'd had a leap in receptive language but the expressive hadn't

> caught up yet.

>

> From what I'm hearing on this list, this is true for a lot of our

> kids.

>

> Tina

[Guest guest]

> This makes me sick.

>

> Penny :-/

>

> .......There were tons of moms however none of them

> has special needs kids and I was shunned, they didn't want their

> impressionable children to learn my children's inappropriate

> behaviors.........

Penny ~ me too , It was very depressing. Thank God for the park

district programs or my kids wouldn't have had any peer contact

outside school. I just wish I could have found someone to get to

know. I am so glad to be moved back to my hometown.

Amy mom to

Noah 6 Lucas 8 ASD's

[Guest guest]

I've heard of social stories before, but don't know what they are.

He did better today. This was his regular day off. Not only did he

get Flory off to school, he got Annmarie up at a decent time and gave

her a *fresh* breakfast! :-)

Later in the afternoon he wanted me to go to the store and get some

lawn and leaf bags. He couldn't go because he was raking leaves.

With Annmarie hanging on my butt I said, " Sure! I'll go! Will you

watch Annmarie?! " " Okay, " he says. " I'll take her outside with me. "

He peels her off my pants and she starts screaming, " I want Mommy! I

want Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! " He says she doesn't know him anymore,

and it does appear he is right.

She does her jellyfish routine and he is trying to get her to stand up

and out the door, and she is flopping around screaming for me. He

tries picking her up and she slithers out of his arms. I smiled and

said, " Welcome to my life, dear! " He says, " We'll be okay. STAND UP

ANNMARIE!! " She crumbles to the floor. " See ya later! " I smile and

bolt for the door. tee hee

I had a nice relaxing time at the grocery store. I looked in all the

aisles and planned future menus, all the meals I would prepare someday

when I didn't have a kid hanging off my butt. I took my time, and

when I was finished, I went home.

Daddy and Annmarie were nowhere to be seen, but I could hear her

crying from way in the distance. I finally found them in the darkened

living room. Annmarie crying and Daddy rocking her. " How did it go? "

I inquired. " Awful! " He couldn't wait to hand her to me, and he

bolted for the front yard and his pile of leaves. He has been in a

terribly grumpy mood since then.

Well, I better go. He just came in to notify me that Annmarie has a

stinky diaper. And now she is crying for me, since she has been

reminded of my existence. sigh

Later!

> Kathyrn,

> Maybe you need to make up a social story for your hubby about how to

feed a

> child the proper breakfast? ;-)

> I hope the respite works out for you!

> Sue