7 Secrets/Breaking Free was Re: New Member - El

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In a message dated 01/27/2000 5:17:28 PM Pacific Standard Time,

rudnicki@... writes:

> So, why can't I succeed at what you've done? How did

> you get comfortable learning to listen to those signals?

> Let us in on it, will you? I'm sure we'd all like a shot at

> it.

> --El

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> read the book - the 7 secrets of thin people and practice

> the worksheets and you will become 'in tune' with your

> bodies true hunger signals, physical hunger not mental, not

> boredom, not cravings.

> Sue

>

Hi All . . .

We are all somewhere in this process of becoming normal eaters and

just aren't aware of it! (So I cut and pasted the stages down below as they

are interpreted by Geneen Roth.) I think for some people, their weight loss

surgery acts like a brain surgery and they almost instantly change their

relationship with food. For others like me, I had to acquire the

relationship through hard work! What motivated me to acquire it, was

observing other post op patients and participating in my surgeons weekly

support groups! As I watched I knew that all of us had the exact same

surgery, yet some people reach ideal weight and some don't. Some people seem

to sabotage themselves from day one. I wanted to make the change inside that

would allow me to be 100% successful, but I didn't have a person that could

role model a healthy relationship with food. The successful post ops that I

talked to, or rather played 20 questions with, really couldn't explain their

successes. And what specifically worked for one person seemed to be the

complete opposite of what worked for another! I didn't want to just not

have a cookie . . . I needed to not even want the cookie in the first place.

I really didn't know if anything like that was possible and was so thankful

when I found " The Seven Secrets of Slim People. " It seemed to put into

practice and organize the information that I had gotten from successful post

ops and naturally slim people that had never had a weight problem . . .

My " secret " is that I read and reread " The Seven Secrets of Slim People " and

I did the worksheets, formed an online support group and have committed

myself to learning how to take care of my body. It has been an amazing

transformation . . . from the inside out! I read and learned that even with

the different surgeries, you can and should trust your body . . .

Affectionately,

Vicki in CA

Stage one:

Acknowledging that there is a problem, that the problem is more complex

than simply being overweight, and that dieting does not, and will never,

resolve it.

Stage two:

Beginning/rebelling against the years of deprivation.

Physical Aspects:

Eating mainly (what were previously) " forbidden " foods; eating all

the time -- not just when hungry and until satisfied.

Learning what hunger, satisfaction, and fullness feel like.

Learning what makes eating pleasurable (i.e., sitting, not reading or

watching TV, eating slowly, etc.)

Possibly gaining weight. (For gastric bypass patients the possible

consequence is slower weight loss, not weight gain, a little advantage we

have!)

Emotional Aspects:

Relief and exhilaration at not dieting.

Panic and fear that this stage will go on forever, and that because

this looks like a binge, breaking free is no different from bingeing.

Sometimes there will be a feeling of hopelessness, a feeling that

there is no end to compulsive eating.

Tips:

Don't panic at the weight gain. It is a typical, natural reaction to years of

deprivation. You will not gain a hundred pounds.

Throw away your scales, or paste your ideal weight on them.

Try to distinguish between foods you think you want (because you weren't

allowed to have them) and foods you really do want in the present moment.

This stage will end. Do not go on another diet because you are afraid this

stage will never end.

Stage three:

" The middle " nitty-gritty: Learning to trust and befriend yourself.

Physical Aspects:

Eating without guilt.

No more bingeing.

Weight stabilizes.

Distinguishing foods you really like/want from those that were

previously forbidden (they were hummers/beckoners).

Ability to eat only a bite or two of chocolate.

Foods other than sweets begin to taste good -- you learn what

nourishes you.

You begin to have faith in body-wisdom as you see that you can eat

what you want and not gain weight.

You eat when you are hungry although, often, don't stop at just

enough.

Emotional Aspects:

The mind still wants more food than the body, which is a little

difficult to accept.

A lot of joy in realizing that after all these years, your body can

still get hungry.

A sense of power develops as you see that you can control food -- it

no longer controls you.

This is the hard-work stage: You can stop eating when you're not

hungry, and the emotions that drove you to eat in the first place surface.

If you are willing to work with yourself, you develop ways of dealing

with your feelings other than using food:

Keeping a journal.

Being in therapy.

Talking with friends about your feelings.

Expressing your feelings as they arise.

You learn that food isn't all that's good or pleasurable about life.

You learn many other ways of nourishing yourself:

Taking walks, baths, naps.

Reading.

Going to movies.

Getting massaged.

Doing something you've always wanted to do.

Writing.

Dancing.

You begin to value things about yourself other than your body -- and

begin to realize that other people value you as well.

Your values about living change as you see that you can feel happy

and satisfied without being thin; your inner life becomes important.

Tips:

Weight loss might occur, but it is not the predominant characteristic of

this stage.

What is predominant is the shift you make from viewing yourself as an

out-of-control human being to one who can make choices that will nourish

yourself.

This stage is the most difficult one because of all the feelings that

arise, and it takes " an ocean of patience " and renewed commitment to the

Breaking Free process. Remember that this is a stage, and it will end.

The fear that often occurs in this stage is that if you deal with your

compulsive eating and lose weight, you will no longer have an excuse (i.e.,

your fat) on which to blame all your " failures " -- and that's true! But on

the other hand, you'll have more available energy. You'll feel better about

yourself, and you won't need an excuse

Stage four:

The joys of breaking free.

Physical Aspects:

Weight loss occurs -- slowly!

You eat what you want, stop when you're satisfied.

What you want has drastically changed from Stage II. What you want

now are usually nourishing foods with occasional or small bites of sweets

instead of large amounts of sweets and occasional scrambled eggs.

You enjoy your body. You accept your body, even though it is not

perfect.

Food becomes delightful, rather than a source of pain.

When you're not hungry, you don't think about eating.

You can go anywhere, have any kind of food in front of you, without

going on a binge/eating compulsively.

Emotional Aspects:

You ask for what you want as well as eat what you want.

You feel better about yourself than you ever imagined you could feel.

You are self-confident, self-trusting.

This confidence and trust extend into many other areas of your life

your work, your relationships.

Since your life is no longer revolving around food, you have more

energy with which to live.

You have many more skills with which to deal with problems.

Tips:

Sometimes you, like anyone else, will overeat. But now you will not take

it as a sign that you are a failure.

Your weight will fluctuate by five to eight pounds from season to season.

Sometimes you will want to eat more than you do at other times. That's okay

-- sometimes your body needs more food.

From " Why Weight? A Guide to Ending Compulsive Eating " 1989 by Geneen Roth.

Published by the Penguin Group. Reprinted with permission of Geneen Roth.

Breaking Free is a registered trademark of Geneen Roth.