Wrapped with so much guilt.....

August 13, 2009

Hey Guys,

Ok so it has been 3 months now since I have had to go NC from nada and the rest

of my abusive family, I am settled into my home which is over 30 minutes away

from nada now, but the thing Is I am wrapped with so much guilt over my son.

He has been asking questions over his grandma today and why he cant see her, I

had to sit him down and explain to him as clearly as I could to a 5 year old

that the reason is " Grandma is being nasty to his mommy, and it makes mommy very

very upset, and mommy doesnt want to feel upset, as if mommy is upset then my

beautiful boy will be " .

I feel so so sad for him, I know it is for the best in the long run, as she is a

very very dangerous woman, but I cant help but feel that I have ripped so many

people out of his life.

I seperated from his father when my son was just 1, he was very controlling and

abusive, I've had to seek legal advice regarding my ex seeing my son as he just

wanted to see him as and when it suited him, and it was very confusing for my

son.

But now because I have re-located my ex is conspiring with my BPD mom to get

access to my son, now my ex hates my mom and knows what she has put me through

in the past, but he is doing this to hurt and get at me.

I cant help but feel so guilty when all I am trying to do is be a great mom to

my world my son, and protect him and give him the childhood that I never had,

but at the moment I feel like I and my husband are all he has because of me, and

I have ripped so many people out of his life, but a part of me knows deep down

it will be for the best.

I am so so sad tonight I hate this feeling.

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