Re: Penny, welcome back-Depression and pain

[Guest guest]

pennygruetz wrote:

> I do not have any particular questions or concerns, just wanted to

> give a Wisconsin " Howdy, " and touch base. I am married, 58 years old,

> two grown children, one teen at home and one grandbaby on the way(late

> December) I live in Southern Wisconsin.

>

Penny,

Welcome back! There is nothing good on TV and I wanted to answer you so my name

will be posted multiple times today! Sorry, it keeps me from concentrating on my

pain.

I am off anti-depressants right now but I know it is a life long

struggle for me and is hereditary in my family.

I remember in Nursing school that they said that repeated bouts cause

more incidents for it to occur something called " kindling " . The hypothesis

states that you can become sensitive to triggers causing future bouts of

depression to occur.

It certainly explained times in my life that everyone thought I had

nothing to be depressed about but I was. I am a true believer that chemical

imbalances occur in depression and need adjustments. (such as anti-depressants)

I also fight the " learned helplessness " falling in that pit where I

believe I have no control over what happens to me. Chronic pain will wear you

down and you still sound as you have your hands full but

some good upcoming events such as a grand baby.

I am glad you posted. I am fighting a " pity party " and have just spent the day

answering posts and doing research, cleaning up clerical stuff.

I lived in the Midwest for six years and visited Wisconsin once, " The

Dells " , and thought it a beautiful state. I loved watching them make cheese and

of course, eating it. We ate at the most wonderful

Vegetarian restaurant that had their herb garden right up front and you watched

them pick your ingredients. I believe it was called " The Cheese Factory " .

I have a twenty year old, struggling through college, after whizzing

through AP High School. His ADDHD and poor study habits caught up with him so I

am having to practice tough love! I expected 3.5 GPA's out of him as he made

such high grades in high school.

He chose the hardest degree to make a good living and says he would

rather struggle at a good university than go to an easy junior college. I worry

the stress he places on himself for financial gain.

He saw me lose my job and always expected to be healthy, I didn't

realize the impact it made on him until teachers, friends, and others told me

privately how they worried about his mental health accepting my disability.

I have always been the positive, cheerful, fun loving, things will be

OK, and when I was in so much pain I stayed in bed depressed about my condition

and the prognosis, it took a huge toll on him in his Senior year of High School.

I was so sedated to be able to sit and make his graduation, I am embarrassed but

It was the only way I could tolerate sitting. I did not realize that me giving

up and making remarks like I am better off dead than alive, made an impact on

him. Although, made in passing, it had had a huge effect on him.

Sometimes, I wish I was just numb and felt no pain but I don't know if that is

the answer either.

I talk to him openly though now and let him know, I will fight to be

around forever, even if I don't feel that way. I do not want to cause

depression in others, because I am dealing with a chronic pain syndrome.

I truly believe that is why people quit visiting pain patients as they do not

want to be reminded that it could happen to them. My Father is like that and

even though I enjoy visiting his farm, he would rather me not come as he has to

see me disabled and not how I was before my injuries. He thinks I am weak

willed.

He has said that to me and I forgive him but I think him a very

self-centered individual and not going to change because he has a bad attitude.

He will just have to deal with it! It makes me feel good to go home, so tough

to him!

My Father refused to be in the hospital room when my Mother was dying

and his daughters were left to deal with the process and we all are struggling

with this still after four years.

You see all the movies of Father's over children's bedside and mine

never did this as, " He could not handle visiting hospitals " was the answer to

the questions when asked why he did not visit. My wonderful Nurse Mother-did it

for all the family members, removing a responsibility my Father should've dealt

with. As you can tell, it has effected me immensely.

I worry about depression in my son as I have seen clinical depression

signs when he feels down. He sleeps all the time and avoids tackling issues

that need to be taken care of. I speak frankly of depression being hereditary.

I try to be ever encouraging, concentrating on the positive. It is a

balancing act in which I need to practice what is preached and remember how I am

effected.

It is a struggle, dealing with your own depression while trying to

emotionally support a child with the symptoms.

My husband has the type of personality or brain chemicals that he just says,

" Hope springs eternal " and carries on.

What a combination! It is a lifesaver having him as a partner.

Personal Relationships are a emotional stress in themselves however

rewarding.

I am glad you are back. I will also feel better when they get my

sacral joint back in alignment. Sorry this was long !

Bennie