Re: Things are NOT looking good....feeling very hopeless and angry

[Guest guest]

Oh Gwen, I could not believe what I was reading.....My eyes filled with tears as I read further along your email. I feel so much for you friend. I just hope that everything will turn out ok tomorrow. Life is so damm cruel. What is this thing that gets us our hopes up and then takes the happiness away from us. Remember your mantra....You deserve to be pregnant. Yes you do my friend and I am going to be thinking of you and praying so for you that it turns out to be just fine. I'm holding my breath for you.

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Poly

[Guest guest]

Gwen- I'm So sorry you're facing a gloomy feeling night- It's just NOT fair- You will be in my prayers tonite that they will find only positive things with your Betas and next US- and you can move on to being terminally neurotric with me. {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much"

-Mother

, Mike, Brenna (VSD, PS- open heart surgery 1/29/98--- typical 4YO- YIPES!), Baby Angel born still 11/7/00, and Riley and Snoozer the dogs

Anxiously awaiting the arrival of Jaden Kalyan Ross-born in Cambodia July 19, 2001

"Giving birth does not make one a mother.........

Placing a child for adoption does not make her less of one." ~unknown

Join us again next year in remembering the millions of people affected by CHD on 2/14/2002: "A Day for Hearts: Congenital Heart Defects Awareness Day!"

[Guest guest]

Gwen,

There aren't words, I don't know what to say, except please know that

we all love you and are praying real hard.

I was just listening to one of my favorite songs by Jon Bon Jovi and

I swear I live by this quote:

" ... it's a bitch and lifes a rollercoaster ride

the ups and downs will make you scream sometimes

it's hard believing that the thrill is gone

but we got to go around again, so lets hold on... "

Sending you lots of big bear hugs.

Karin

[Guest guest]

Hi Gwen,

I am so very sorry to hear about the results of your ultrasound. I

hope thing change by Friday and that maybe it was " too early. "

I know only too well what you are going through and can only hope for

the best for you.

Take care. You are in my prayers.

Suzanne

[Guest guest]

Gwen,

I know the words of this group are great in knowing you have so much

support, but I also know they don't change how you feel.

I am still keeping my fingers crossed, that your date was

miscalculated, and that your betas keep going up, but I can really

understand how you felt with your dh trying to stay positive. It is

almost frustrating. (Although you know they are only trying to help)

Please know, my thoughts and prayers are with you, that things turn

around for you...

Marietta

[Guest guest]

Gwen,

This is just horrible news. I am so so very sorry, I don't even know

what to say. I am devastated for you.

Not to focus on the negative, but I do want to give you one piece of

advice that is very important. If you do indeed have an ectopic

pregnancy, you can not wait to take the Methotrexate. you must do it

as soon as possible, or it may not work. I had two doses of

Methotrexate, a week apart, when I had my cornual ectopic, which is

also extremely rare. Although the pregnancy did stop growing, it did

not eliminate itself independantly. I had to have a D & C anyway, and

here I am. To this day I do not know if the scarring was in me

already, which caused the ectopic, or if the D & C to remove the

ectopic caused the scarring.

Life just is not fair sometimes. I don't get why bad things happen to

good people. Hang in there, and hug your little girl, whom you are

so blessed to have.

Lori

[Guest guest]

Gwen,

I know that it may be a long shot but I am praying

that your dates are off. I have read through your

posts and I was in tears by the end. It is so true

our lives are such roller coasters. I am so thankful

that we have such a wounderful group of caring ladies

here. Gwen, whatever happens know that I am praying

for you.

Carol Swanson

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Dear Gwen, when i read your messge I got so sad and angry for you. It

just isn't fair. I said some really bad swear words on your behalf.

I'm really pulling for you.

Hopefully it is just too early and your numbers will rise. I know that

feeling of despair and futility; I'm coming up on 3 years of this in

March. It is sooooo draining to be continually poked, prodded,

drugged.... Please know I (as well as every other person in this

group) are sending you every thought and prayer that your baby is safe

and growing. I'm desperately trying not to say " be positive " cause it

does getting wearing but sometimes that's all we have left. If we

didn't think positively we wouldn't continue again and again. Big

hugs.

AmyL

[Guest guest]

Gwen,

I just wanted to also say how sorry and disappointed I was when I

read your post. I'm still hoping for you that 6 weeks was just a

little early for the ultrasound and that more positive news will come

this week.

Take care,

....Deb

[Guest guest]

Oh, Gwen. My heart goes out to you!!! There were many times during my

5.5 years of this that someone would say " time will help " . I would

ont believe it, but then after a few months I was back in the game.

I was always in the same position as you though. I hvae a daughter

who is now 7.5 yrs old. She cries still for a sibling almost every

night ( we have told her of our adoption plans and that helps some).

But, I always thought about her and if I was just taking too much

time away from her due to all the surgeries etc.. and my emotional

health was becoming an issue and she could see that mommy was sad a

lot. I needed to change my route to something that would lead to a

baby. This is why we chose international adoption. I still wonder if

i should consider freezing some embryo's ( if my husband's ins starts

to cover ivf) for another surrogate try in the future.. still yearn

for that bio newborn). Maybe we will. We will see,,,

I know it may not be comforting now, but hey ,, you are getting

pregnant. That is a good step. I would either not get pregnant due to

so much scar tissue or have a chem pregnancy each time ( betas not

even reaching 500). Or, finally get preg and miscarry at 19 weeks..

plus my sis was my GS and finally worked and the heart beat stopped

at 12.5 weeks.. that is when i stopped. i could not take anymore. It

sounds though you are in the right direction ( getting pregnant).. so

you need to listen to your heart, your doctors and the man above. If

it is affecting your life with your husband and daughter etc.. Or, if

you would always think i should have done more, continued one more

time,, well then you should not stop trying.

Please keep us posted !!!! I wish you luck that those betas keep

rising and they see the fetal pole on the next u/s. i will keep

reading for your updates!!!!!!

Take care of yourself,

+++ thoughts,

Janet