Re: A Brief Autobiographical Sketch

[Guest guest]

A Brief Autobiographical Sketch

Not sure how brief you wanted this, so I just kind of started writing.

I was raised in a middle class household by adopted parents who, although

they loved me, were quite neurotic. My mother played martyr a lot and was

prone to misinterpreting my behavior as a personal attack against her; also,

often when I would make a mistake she would chew me out and resentfully state

that I am " just that way, " as if my character flaws were inherent and

irrepairable. My father would sometimes fly into rages for nonsensical

reasons; he was a perfectionistic workaholic, and his behavior at home was

often bizarre. I have often wondered if he suffers from some minor form of

autism. They loved me but their responses to me were very inconsistent;

sometimes loving, sometimes shaming. There was very little structure, and

things tended to happen when they happened. Until I was about 14 I was picked

on almost incessantly at school. I changed to a small private school when I

was 10 hoping that I could start over with a new group of people, but I was

picked on even worse there. Two times I had crushes on girls and was made the

subject of humiliation for it, once at the public school and once at the

private school. Then I discovered marijuana and started drinking and smoking

with some new friends. I soon abandoned my amateur radio hobby in favor of

getting stoned and taking LSD. I got a reputation for being a crazy punk

rocker. I returned to public school when I was 15. My grades deteriorated,

and I barely graduated. When I started college I moved into a dormitory; I

drank a lot and alienated my new acquaintences. My grades were fair to poor.

I have never developed that infrastructure of personal habits that holds a

person's day to day life together with meals, clean clothes, etc; I have

always had a strange, almost automatic resistance to doing household chores

(when I was young I would often ask for chores to do and my mother would

refuse, but would sometimes express a good deal of resentment for being the

" laundry woman " ) although in my twenties I have been able to hold down jobs

and pay rent and bills; my personal life is a disorganized shambles. I wound

up in a 12 step based treatment center and then a rather strict in-patient

halfway house for six months. I went back to school for another couple of

semesters during which my grades were even worse, though I was sober and

attending AA meetings. I quit college, moved back in with my parents, and

moved back out several times in several apartments. I played music in a few

bands, none of which were fulfilling for me. After five years dry time I

started drinking again. Three times I developed homosexual crushes on guys

that each lasted for months, going unrequitted. I had a relationship with a

girl that lasted two or three years; she would often go into rages and yell

at me for no apparent reason. She had a reputation for her mental problems.

This was a long, painful relationship for me. At one point I jumped on the

ADD bandwagon with a Ritalin prescription, after about eight months of which

I had an intense paranoid reaction; for a month and a half I fully believed

that I had been framed for serial murder of infant children, that everyone in

the country thought I was guilty, that I was under heavy surveillance, and

that the courts had decided to waive my rights and let anyone do whatever

they wanted to me. I wound up in the hospital on Atavan, Zoloft, Prolyxin,

Risperadol and one other kind of drug for about a week; then I sank into a

deep depression during which I drank almost constantly and could not hold

down a job. I then read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand and was freshly inspired

by it to go back to school. My interests gradually changed from being this

sort of wannabe artist to a wannabe businessman. I moved back in with my

parents, got a job at a restaurant, and got the best grades I have made since

I was about ten years old for about a year. About four months into this

period I returned to AA, and the group I attended had a lot of cultlike

properties. After a difficult last semester I decided to take a break. I got

a new job, my present job, an apartment next to the local university, quit

going to AA, and have been in this apartment ever since. I am 28 years old,

and have lived here for over a year. I have yet to return to school, though I

plan on going this summer.

[Guest guest]

Hello Noel.

You are doing just fine. Your biography proves that you have strong forces

within

you. The problem will be how to ride them.

You said:

" I was raised in a middle class household by adopted parents,... "

I understand this as you were adopted by your parents, and not that your parents

were adopted. It's not clear to me, and therefore I will to give you some very

heavy questions based on my interpretation of what you said.

1. Why did your parents adopt you?

2. Do you know your biological parents?

I'm aware of the difficulty of the first question, but try to think of it.

I think your lack of structure lies buried in this complex.

Please correct me if my interpretation of your sentence is wrong.

Bjørn

eudaimon84133110@... wrote:

> A Brief Autobiographical Sketch

>

> Not sure how brief you wanted this, so I just kind of started writing.

>

> I was raised in a middle class household by adopted parents who, although

> they loved me, were quite neurotic. My mother played martyr a lot and was

> prone to misinterpreting my behavior as a personal attack against her; also,

> often when I would make a mistake she would chew me out and resentfully state

> that I am " just that way, " as if my character flaws were inherent and

> irrepairable. My father would sometimes fly into rages for nonsensical

> reasons; he was a perfectionistic workaholic, and his behavior at home was

> often bizarre. I have often wondered if he suffers from some minor form of

> autism. They loved me but their responses to me were very inconsistent;

> sometimes loving, sometimes shaming. There was very little structure, and

> things tended to happen when they happened. Until I was about 14 I was picked

> on almost incessantly at school. I changed to a small private school when I

> was 10 hoping that I could start over with a new group of people, but I was

> picked on even worse there. Two times I had crushes on girls and was made the

> subject of humiliation for it, once at the public school and once at the

> private school. Then I discovered marijuana and started drinking and smoking

> with some new friends. I soon abandoned my amateur radio hobby in favor of

> getting stoned and taking LSD. I got a reputation for being a crazy punk

> rocker. I returned to public school when I was 15. My grades deteriorated,

> and I barely graduated. When I started college I moved into a dormitory; I

> drank a lot and alienated my new acquaintences. My grades were fair to poor.

> I have never developed that infrastructure of personal habits that holds a

> person's day to day life together with meals, clean clothes, etc; I have

> always had a strange, almost automatic resistance to doing household chores

> (when I was young I would often ask for chores to do and my mother would

> refuse, but would sometimes express a good deal of resentment for being the

> " laundry woman " ) although in my twenties I have been able to hold down jobs

> and pay rent and bills; my personal life is a disorganized shambles. I wound

> up in a 12 step based treatment center and then a rather strict in-patient

> halfway house for six months. I went back to school for another couple of

> semesters during which my grades were even worse, though I was sober and

> attending AA meetings. I quit college, moved back in with my parents, and

> moved back out several times in several apartments. I played music in a few

> bands, none of which were fulfilling for me. After five years dry time I

> started drinking again. Three times I developed homosexual crushes on guys

> that each lasted for months, going unrequitted. I had a relationship with a

> girl that lasted two or three years; she would often go into rages and yell

> at me for no apparent reason. She had a reputation for her mental problems.

> This was a long, painful relationship for me. At one point I jumped on the

> ADD bandwagon with a Ritalin prescription, after about eight months of which

> I had an intense paranoid reaction; for a month and a half I fully believed

> that I had been framed for serial murder of infant children, that everyone in

> the country thought I was guilty, that I was under heavy surveillance, and

> that the courts had decided to waive my rights and let anyone do whatever

> they wanted to me. I wound up in the hospital on Atavan, Zoloft, Prolyxin,

> Risperadol and one other kind of drug for about a week; then I sank into a

> deep depression during which I drank almost constantly and could not hold

> down a job. I then read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand and was freshly inspired

> by it to go back to school. My interests gradually changed from being this

> sort of wannabe artist to a wannabe businessman. I moved back in with my

> parents, got a job at a restaurant, and got the best grades I have made since

> I was about ten years old for about a year. About four months into this

> period I returned to AA, and the group I attended had a lot of cultlike

> properties. After a difficult last semester I decided to take a break. I got

> a new job, my present job, an apartment next to the local university, quit

> going to AA, and have been in this apartment ever since. I am 28 years old,

> and have lived here for over a year. I have yet to return to school, though I

> plan on going this summer.

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Life's too short to send boring email. Let SuperSig come to the rescue.

> http://click./1/3805/1/_/4324/_/957398910/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hi, Bjorn.

" You are doing just fine. Your biography proves that you have strong forces

within

you. The problem will be how to ride them. "

Could you elaborate?

You said:

" 1. Why did your parents adopt you? "

Because they wanted children and could not have them. I was five days old

when I was adopted, and it's never been a big issue for me.

" 2. Do you know your biological parents? "

No.

" I'm aware of the difficulty of the first question, but try to think of it. "

It wasn't difficult, although I am aware that for some adopted people it

would be.

[Guest guest]

Hi, Bjorn.

" The reason why I asked about the adoption was that your sentence didn't make

sense to me. A child of adopted parents.The problem was, that the rest of

your story seemed more like the story of an adopted child. But then, of

course, this is no problem for you. "

What I had asked you to elaborate on was the " riding " of the forces within,

and I would still like you to. But this is also interesting. How did my story

seem like that of an adopted child? (more below:)

" 1. Why do you reject therapy as an option? "

I don't reject therapy as such, but I do reject most of the " therapy " I've

experienced, which amounts to so much digging around in painful memories for

empty pinatas to strike at and cumbersome " issues " to " work through, " which

add up to expensive bull sessions I could get from a bartender. I don't mean

to put down your profession, some of my favorite ideas have been generated by

it and I am sure much of it is fruitful, hence my attraction to you who seem

to be the more realistic type of therapist. I am simply jaded by my

experience.

" 2. Where you the only child? "

Yes.

Noel

By the way, how do I make the character " ø " ?

[Guest guest]

Hello, ..Noel.

Could you elaborate?

Yes, I could.

The reason why I asked about the adoption was that your sentence didn't

make sense to me. " A child of adopted parents."

The problem was, that the rest of your story seemed more like the story

of an adopted child.

But then, of course, this is no problem for you.

I have some questions:

1. Why do you reject therapy as an option?

2. Where you the only child?

Bjørn

[Guest guest]

Hi Noel!

By the way, how do I make the character "ø"?

I really don't know. The character is on my keyboard like "æ"

and "å".

Some of the list members can tell you what to do.

My only suggestion is this.

Apply your spelling control on 'Bjørn', and then press for 'learn'.

The next time you write Bjorn, your spelling device will suggest

Bjørn.

Then elect 'replace'.

Bjørn

[Guest guest]

Alt 0248

---

Kayleigh

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|,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-'

'---''(_/--' `-'\_)

>> By the way, how do I make the character " x " ?

>>

--== Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ ==--

Before you buy.

[Guest guest]

Hi Noel.

I've given our exchange a lot of consideration. Therefore I don't think it's

necessary to ask the same question two times in a row.

Actually this whole 'sponsorship' is against my own rules, but I sort of invited

to it, and you caught it!

From this I can conclude that you are both intelligent and sensitive.

Well, and then your mails about your immediate self destruction. It sure made

you

visible. My intervention was an attempt to make you to become visible in a less

hostile environment - this list.

I'm not trying to help you because I'm a psychologist, I do it because you

touched a string, and I happen to be a psychologist. Others have other advice,

and we're all limited by our experiences and intelligence. Not to mention

cultural differences!

Your ability to get the list's attention, and the focus you have got, proves to

me that you want to be alive. You want life, but your not sure what's about.

I don't think you doubt your love for your parents, and I don't mistrust their

love for you. Therefore I think you have a sense of worth.

But the construction is bound to create identity problems. Try to understand

your

parents, and then you might be able to understand and forgive. But forgiving is

God's business, what else should he do?

The above are the main results of our communication, so you'll have to take it

for what it's worth.

The stuff you told about your therapy shows that you are vulnerable and proud.

I'm not saying that the therapy was good, because it didn't work at all.

Therefore I would like you to describe the kind of therapy you've been in, and

why it didn't help. Sex and age of your therapists, your way of presenting your

problem etc.

From your description it doesn't seem like the right treatment. Sounds like a

kind of Gestalt Therapy?

Bjørn

eudaimon84133110@... wrote:

> Hi, Bjorn.

>

> " The reason why I asked about the adoption was that your sentence didn't make

> sense to me. A child of adopted parents.The problem was, that the rest of

> your story seemed more like the story of an adopted child. But then, of

> course, this is no problem for you. "

>

> What I had asked you to elaborate on was the " riding " of the forces within,

> and I would still like you to. But this is also interesting. How did my story

> seem like that of an adopted child? (more below:)

>

> " 1. Why do you reject therapy as an option? "

>

> I don't reject therapy as such, but I do reject most of the " therapy " I've

> experienced, which amounts to so much digging around in painful memories for

> empty pinatas to strike at and cumbersome " issues " to " work through, " which

> add up to expensive bull sessions I could get from a bartender. I don't mean

> to put down your profession, some of my favorite ideas have been generated by

> it and I am sure much of it is fruitful, hence my attraction to you who seem

> to be the more realistic type of therapist. I am simply jaded by my

> experience.

>

> " 2. Where you the only child? "

>

> Yes.

>

> Noel

>

> By the way, how do I make the character " ø " ?

>

>

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