Guest guest Posted December 8, 2009 Report Share Posted December 8, 2009 I wanted non creepy hugs, affection without being taken prisoner. I wanted love, to be loved for being a child, not for what I gave back. I wanted a real mom, to guide me, nurture me, make me feel safe and secure. I wanted to go off to pursue my life, and be able to share it with Mom who would be proud of me. I wanted to be able to love and give and do anything for my Mom. I wanted to be a comfort to her in her old age. I wanted her to be a grandma to my kids. I got...nada. Hugs were creepy, and so I learned to shy away from hugs, to hate them. Love was something given to get some unstated return, so I learned to hold back, and never be intimate. Instead of nurture, I spent my life on eggshells. It makes you walk funny. I had to take FOG with me when I went off to be an adult, and could never share my accomplishments with her, as she would make it all about her. I never felt free to give things to her, because to give an inch is to have a mile demanded, to give a dollar is to be made guilty about not giving a hundred. She ignored my kids, while talking about " adopted " grandkids in front of them, strangers she put more care into than my kids. I was the only one left in her life in her old age, and every call, every encounter, was all about FOG. It s just not fair, is it? Or is it just me? Am I feeling sorry for myself, or is this how our lives were? Doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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