Another Trip, More Anxiety

[Guest guest]

I am taking another trip, and I am realizing as I write this that I often post

when I am going to see family. I guess it increases the anxiety. This might be

something I need to look at, I suppose.

To be background: I am going to visit my sister who lives about four hours away

from me for a couple of days. I also get to see my nephew. He's about 13

months old. Having a good relationship with my nephews seems really important

to me.

A really good friend of mine lives about an hour away from sister, and this

trip I am not planning on seeing her. I will see her sooner rather than later,

but not this trip because I am seeing sister. Often when I go to see sister I

see friend, too. Also sometimes when I go to see friend I cruise by sister's.

Becuase of time/car restraints, seeing friend won't work out this time. I am

afraid friend will be mad at me. Mostly this is becuase she came to see me

earlier this summer, and I haven't reciprocated yet. I plan to, but I am seeing

sister first. I haven't seen sister/nephew this summer at all yet.

The Question:

Am I making an unhealthy choice?

I feel as if becuase I will see friend either later this summer or early fall,

it will be ok. Plus, I am aware of not neglecting my friendship. I am trying

to acheive a good balance with both sister and friend.

Thoughts?

[Guest guest]

Lucky,

I often feel anxious before trips as well--I've felt that way for as long as I

can remember.  It takes the form of mostly getting very wound up about

preparation, like all of a sudden cleaning the shower seems like absolutely the

most important thing in the world to do before I go.  I once stayed up nearly

all night cleaning the house and baking bread before a 4-day trip out of town. 

(Homemade bread just seemed like the perfect housewarming gift for my friend I

was seeing for her new place).  The up-side of this is that I used to always be

able to sleep on the plae.  I realize now it's a combination of anxiety about

never coming back and wanting closure in case that happens (when I left my

parent's house for the last time I was not aware I would never return).  It is

also that I always use the opportunity of being in a different environment to

reflect on mysel and my life and so I always return with a different

perspective, which means there is

also always some change in myself or in my life after that.  In being anxious,

I am anticipating a sense of loss from the change I know will occur--even though

it will be good change.  I wonder what you feel anxious about before trips.

Since you enjoy seeing your sister and friend and since you make regular plans

to see both of them from time to time, I don't think it matters much how you

spend this particular set of 4 days.  From a practical standpoint, only seeing

one set of people in that short space of time seems reasonable--you'll have more

time not spent running around.  On the other hand, I think if you really wanted

to see friend and squeezed it in, that could be justified also.  So, yes, I

think it's a healthy choice.  You're doing what you want and what makes sense

for you.  That's healthy.

I think your friend would be very silly to get upset at you for not seeing her

if you are also planning a trip to see her later on.  It might make you feel

better--if you haven't already--to let her know you are seeing your sister and

that you wish you could squeeze her in but it just doesn' t makes sense and you

look forward to seeing her later on.  Then at least you'll know if she's mad

instead of having to wonder.  And if she gets bizarrely paranoid because you're

seeing your sister, it will reassure her that you would want if circumstances

were slightly different.

Best of luck and bon voyage,

Ashana

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