Re: I want nada out of my heart and soul

[Guest guest]

Nothing wrong with taking a " time out " from nada to refresh and regenerate your

spirit. Even if you don't physically go anywhere, its pretending that you are

in tropical paradise (or whatever your favorite place is) thousands of miles

away with no cel phones and no internet and no snail-mail. Nada can't reach

you.

Its temporary no-contact, for however long feels comfortable to you.

Just tell her you're going out of town for a couple of weeks and you'll call her

when you get back; couldn't hurt to try (?)

-Annie

>

> I hate that I am giving nada my time and energy again. I definitely am back

into that rut of trying to figure out why she is so abusive? We never really

figure out why beyond they have such issues themselves that they don't know how

to love or love with healthiness.

>

> I am so tired of swirling my feelings and thoughts to make some sense of the

crazy world I life in with nada- I want to focus on me again. I want her out of

my heart and soul- she takes up way too much space. I want my life back- and yes

my nada is obesessive with people in her life and I would be her obesession- and

it is suffocating- and she wants me to give back to her and make her the center

of my world. I am though not the center of her world, rather a person she

manipulates to get her NEEDS met!!

>

> I am going to get my life back, and nada isn't going to be happy and I will

be selfish in her eyes- but it will me regain some self-love an peace.

>

> Malinda

>

[Guest guest]

I feel your pain, I really do. It's common here for people to say, " I just want

to be free. " And I will say it again- I really just want to be free. I want

nada's ball and chain to stop dragging me down- I want to be out of the

quicksand. It's possible to be free, just really hard to get there, but I keep

trying. Someday, right?

>

> I hate that I am giving nada my time and energy again. I definitely am back

into that rut of trying to figure out why she is so abusive? We never really

figure out why beyond they have such issues themselves that they don't know how

to love or love with healthiness.

>

> I am so tired of swirling my feelings and thoughts to make some sense of the

crazy world I life in with nada- I want to focus on me again. I want her out of

my heart and soul- she takes up way too much space. I want my life back- and yes

my nada is obesessive with people in her life and I would be her obesession- and

it is suffocating- and she wants me to give back to her and make her the center

of my world. I am though not the center of her world, rather a person she

manipulates to get her NEEDS met!!

>

> I am going to get my life back, and nada isn't going to be happy and I will

be selfish in her eyes- but it will me regain some self-love an peace.

>

> Malinda

>

[Guest guest]

You go girl! Flush the poison. Nothing selfish in wanting to take care of

yourself and be your own person. Nada (or the voice in your head that sounds

suspiciously like nada) may try to convince you otherwise but just remind

yourself that that voice is a liar.

Best

Jen

>

> I hate that I am giving nada my time and energy again. I definitely am back

into that rut of trying to figure out why she is so abusive? We never really

figure out why beyond they have such issues themselves that they don't know how

to love or love with healthiness.

>

> I am so tired of swirling my feelings and thoughts to make some sense of the

crazy world I life in with nada- I want to focus on me again. I want her out of

my heart and soul- she takes up way too much space. I want my life back- and yes

my nada is obesessive with people in her life and I would be her obesession- and

it is suffocating- and she wants me to give back to her and make her the center

of my world. I am though not the center of her world, rather a person she

manipulates to get her NEEDS met!!

>

> I am going to get my life back, and nada isn't going to be happy and I will

be selfish in her eyes- but it will me regain some self-love an peace.

>

> Malinda

>

[Guest guest]

I'm in that place again too Malinda. It seems to be cyclical. Right now the nada

stress level is on bust. I think it is because a few weeks ago I foolishly

agreed to a visit. She had been working on me for this since last March. I

agreed to a visit in May, but got too sressed out and said no. She dropped it

until about early July then started in again. One evening on the phone out of

the blue two weeks ago she says that she wants to visit for a month! I said no.

She got abusive and acted like a spoiled child. I hung up. She called back and

again said she wanted to stay for a month. I said no. She then asked how long

she could stay if she was going to visit. I said 7-10 days. She fumed again and

demanded to stay for 3 weeks. Again, I said no. I told her I had to talk to

hubby and I'd get back to her because I had to get off the phone before my head

exploded. She insulted me again, shocked that I had to ask hubby. She snarled

some vile insult at me and said in that bitchy-queen voice of hers " you have to

ask permission for ME to visit MY own daughter?!?! " I didn't and don't have to

ask permission to do anything, but I had to get off the phone. I told her it

might be nice if I mentioned it to him and I hung up. She called back again and

asked what he said. I told her 10 days was it. She got mad and hung up again. By

this time I was tired of her. Then she called back and said that since I was

inviting her for 2 weeks and it was my house, she would go for 2 weeks. I didn't

invite her! She invited herself! I said 10 days. She ignored me and booked her

ticket for 16 days anyway.

Needless to say, big mistake on my part. I thought I could handle it. I thought

I had made enough progress that seeing her would be okay. She won't be here for

another 6 weeks and I'm back in nadaland in my head again. I don't want to see

her. I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to have anything to do with her.

My anxiety level is up. She is back in the forefront of my thoughts again, not

all the time or everyday, but periodically she creeps in there.

Hubby put a tv in the spare bedroom and said if she acts up, he will tell her to

go in there and watch tv or go to a hotel. Thank heavens he has my back. Part of

me is wishing this was over. The other part of me has resigned to the fact that

this will be her last visit. She has no clue, but I've told hubby I doubt if I

will see her again or not for a very long time after this. Maybe it's a final

goodbye, I'm not sure. Maybe it really is to see how far I have come. Maybe I'm

just a sucker for punishment. Either way, I found myself the other day thinking

that maybe this will be okay and she'll behave. I had to stop myself and remind

myself that she will never change and I have to be prepared for anything. That

has been the hardest part of this journey - understanding that nada will never

change and that I have to put as much distance between us as I can. The other

hard part has been trying to do all the work I have to do to heal. Two steps

forward and three steps back. I think I am slowly working towards NC. There does

not seem any other way to take my life back. I am done with her.

Hugs to you,

Abby

>

> I hate that I am giving nada my time and energy again. I definitely am back

into that rut of trying to figure out why she is so abusive? We never really

figure out why beyond they have such issues themselves that they don't know how

to love or love with healthiness.

>

> I am so tired of swirling my feelings and thoughts to make some sense of the

crazy world I life in with nada- I want to focus on me again. I want her out of

my heart and soul- she takes up way too much space. I want my life back- and yes

my nada is obesessive with people in her life and I would be her obesession- and

it is suffocating- and she wants me to give back to her and make her the center

of my world. I am though not the center of her world, rather a person she

manipulates to get her NEEDS met!!

>

> I am going to get my life back, and nada isn't going to be happy and I will

be selfish in her eyes- but it will me regain some self-love an peace.

>

> Malinda

>

[Guest guest]

I love those ideas, very creative! I was going to suggest that on the 11th day

you and your family simply leave and go somewhere nice for a week yourselves,

and when you come back nada will have gone back home. Just another fantasy

((((sigh))))

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > I hate that I am giving nada my time and energy again. I definitely am

back into that rut of trying to figure out why she is so abusive? We never

really figure out why beyond they have such issues themselves that they don't

know how to love or love with healthiness.

> > > >

> > > > I am so tired of swirling my feelings and thoughts to make some sense

of the crazy world I life in with nada- I want to focus on me again. I want her

out of my heart and soul- she takes up way too much space. I want my life back-

and yes my nada is obesessive with people in her life and I would be her

obesession- and it is suffocating- and she wants me to give back to her and make

her the center of my world. I am though not the center of her world, rather a

person she manipulates to get her NEEDS met!!

> > > >

> > > > I am going to get my life back, and nada isn't going to be happy and I

will be selfish in her eyes- but it will me regain some self-love an peace.

> > > >

> > > > Malinda

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Funny you say that because that is exactly where one of the dogs sleeps all the

time. She takes up most of the bed...oh I can see the dramatics now..blah. Good

news..Four more therapy sessions before she comes and one each week she is here!

I should make it through without totally losing my mind. :0)

Did I ever tell you that when the dogs approach her to sniff her she stands like

a soldier, fists clenched at her side, staring straight ahead, face looking like

she has been sucking lemons..then she starts to make a noise like an engine that

needs a tune-up.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I hate that I am giving nada my time and energy again. I definitely

am back into that rut of trying to figure out why she is so abusive? We never

really figure out why beyond they have such issues themselves that they don't

know how to love or love with healthiness.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I am so tired of swirling my feelings and thoughts to make some

sense of the crazy world I life in with nada- I want to focus on me again. I

want her out of my heart and soul- she takes up way too much space. I want my

life back- and yes my nada is obesessive with people in her life and I would be

her obesession- and it is suffocating- and she wants me to give back to her and

make her the center of my world. I am though not the center of her world, rather

a person she manipulates to get her NEEDS met!!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I am going to get my life back, and nada isn't going to be happy

and I will be selfish in her eyes- but it will me regain some self-love an

peace.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Malinda

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Abby - You may need to take the dogs to the therapist with you. Being kicked

off the bed and having to deal with a catatonic, funny sounding Nada could set

them back in their house training! Good luck! -

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I hate that I am giving nada my time and energy again. I

definitely am back into that rut of trying to figure out why she is so abusive?

We never really figure out why beyond they have such issues themselves that they

don't know how to love or love with healthiness.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I am so tired of swirling my feelings and thoughts to make some

sense of the crazy world I life in with nada- I want to focus on me again. I

want her out of my heart and soul- she takes up way too much space. I want my

life back- and yes my nada is obesessive with people in her life and I would be

her obesession- and it is suffocating- and she wants me to give back to her and

make her the center of my world. I am though not the center of her world, rather

a person she manipulates to get her NEEDS met!!

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I am going to get my life back, and nada isn't going to be happy

and I will be selfish in her eyes- but it will me regain some self-love an

peace.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Malinda

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

The responses to this thread were so very helpful. I am not ready to go NC with

Nada, but I am ready to go NC in my heart and soul. For me this is were nada

holds her clutches on me. I am encouraging my daughter to do the same.

Nada continues to hurt my daughter with the words she uses. It pains me more

than you know to see this play out in another generation. I support my daughter

in any way I can. We talk and acknowledge how distorted and painful nada's

words/actions are. I try in any way I can to ease the nada's blows to my

daughter. I finally see how destructive my mother is to her. I encourage my

daughter to talk to a therapist about her relationship with nada, not to waste

more energy on nada- but to help her heal and grow in the truth of the

situation.

I certainly for years enabled nada to use her to control and mainipulation to

hurt others- and I didn't even realize not only was nada extremely unhealthy-

but not normal. It was all I knew.

So taking nada and her destruction out of my heart allows more room for love and

peace to grow. I am deattaching from her sickness. It is also giving me the

opportunity to finally love the hurt little girl inside of me, and be the mother

to her she has always deserved-but never got.

I also thank God that my daughter and I are in each other's heart in a healthy

way.

Thanks again for your feedback and support,

Malinda

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " shirleyspawn " wrote:

>

> Abby - You may need to take the dogs to the therapist with you. Being kicked

off the bed and having to deal with a catatonic, funny sounding Nada could set

them back in their house training! Good luck! -

>

>

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I hate that I am giving nada my time and energy again. I

definitely am back into that rut of trying to figure out why she is so abusive?

We never really figure out why beyond they have such issues themselves that they

don't know how to love or love with healthiness.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I am so tired of swirling my feelings and thoughts to make

some sense of the crazy world I life in with nada- I want to focus on me again.

I want her out of my heart and soul- she takes up way too much space. I want my

life back- and yes my nada is obesessive with people in her life and I would be

her obesession- and it is suffocating- and she wants me to give back to her and

make her the center of my world. I am though not the center of her world, rather

a person she manipulates to get her NEEDS met!!

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I am going to get my life back, and nada isn't going to be

happy and I will be selfish in her eyes- but it will me regain some self-love an

peace.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Malinda

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>