Guest guest Posted May 13, 2000 Report Share Posted May 13, 2000 Judith, This is a wonderful post that I can deeply identify with. I am also working on repairing the damage done by peering into that AA mirror. In that mirror was a beaten, sad person who felt that they had nothing to do with controlling any of the events in their life. That person had been told that they had no choices because they were powerless over people, places and things. And ultimately powerless over them- selves. And there is where the fear appeared for me. To be afraid and never trust ones own self is perhaps a fate worse than death. The mental torment is horrendous. Eventually taking a leap off of a tall bridge would have been a better choice than looking into the mirror that AA had created for me. In today's mirror, I have been pleasantly surprised occassion- ally, when I catch myself with a smile. The smile is looking back at me for me. From me, to me. In the eyes above the smile I am beginning to see faint amounts of trust. And dare I say? Even maybe a teeny, tiny amount of " self-like " . At least enough to make the effort to take care of the person in the mirror for the first time in my life. PS. I am also white, American female, 40 and agree that humility is not the fix for me. Sue > ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2000 Report Share Posted May 14, 2000 Dear Sue, You touched a nerve with your remarks about the choice between being an all-out AA " loyal plastic robot for a world that doesn't care " ( Zappa) and jumping off a tall builidng as the basic AA options. I could never quite understand why my stepNazi wife insisted she had to leave me as she would have to commit suicide if she did not. You've helped me too, a little, Yours, . > >Reply-To: 12-step-freeegroups >To: 12-step-freeegroups >Subject: Re: Judith >Date: Sun, 14 May 2000 03:23:10 GMT > > > Judith, > > This is a wonderful post that I can deeply identify with. > > I am also working on repairing the damage done by peering > into that AA mirror. In that mirror was a beaten, sad person > who felt that they had nothing to do with controlling any > of the events in their life. That person had been told that > they had no choices because they were powerless over people, > places and things. And ultimately powerless over them- > selves. And there is where the fear appeared for me. To > be afraid and never trust ones own self is perhaps a fate > worse than death. The mental torment is horrendous. > Eventually taking a leap off of a tall bridge would have > been a better choice than looking into the mirror that AA > had created for me. > In today's mirror, I have been pleasantly surprised occassion- > ally, when I catch myself with a smile. The smile is > looking back at me for me. From me, to me. In the eyes > above the smile I am beginning to see faint amounts of > trust. And dare I say? Even maybe a teeny, tiny amount of > " self-like " . At least enough to make the effort to > take care of the person in the mirror for the first time > in my life. > > PS. I am also white, American female, 40 and agree that > humility is not the fix for me. > Sue > > > >________________________________________________________________________ >Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com > ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2000 Report Share Posted May 14, 2000 It has really helped me to find a group of people who can understand what I went through. I stayed up most of the night reading Ken's book, and I hope I don't sound like too much of a brown-nose when I say it is EXCELLENT. I like the balance between personal experience and research-based evidence. I'm glad you have a smarter mirror now, Sue Judith On Sun, 14 May 2000 03:23:10 GMT, 12-step-freeegroups wrote: > Judith, > > This is a wonderful post that I can deeply identify with. > > I am also working on repairing the damage done by peering > into that AA mirror. In that mirror was a beaten, sad person > who felt that they had nothing to do with controlling any > of the events in their life. That person had been told that > they had no choices because they were powerless over people, > places and things. And ultimately powerless over them- > selves. And there is where the fear appeared for me. To > be afraid and never trust ones own self is perhaps a fate > worse than death. The mental torment is horrendous. > Eventually taking a leap off of a tall bridge would have > been a better choice than looking into the mirror that AA > had created for me. > In today's mirror, I have been pleasantly surprised occassion- > ally, when I catch myself with a smile. The smile is > looking back at me for me. From me, to me. In the eyes > above the smile I am beginning to see faint amounts of > trust. And dare I say? Even maybe a teeny, tiny amount of > " self-like " . At least enough to make the effort to > take care of the person in the mirror for the first time > in my life. > > PS. I am also white, American female, 40 and agree that > humility is not the fix for me. > Sue _______________________________________________________ Get 100% FREE Internet Access powered by Excite Visit http://freelane.excite.com/freeisp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2000 Report Share Posted May 14, 2000 How many people do you suppose there are who feel the way we feel and don't dare to say so? I felt this way for years before I found others on the internet. I didn't dare say a word. How many fellow-sufferers do you suppose I had, and who haven't yet found the groups on the internet? --- Kayleigh Zz zZ |\ z _,,,---,,_ /,`.-'`' _ ;-;;,_ |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' '---''(_/--' `-'\_) >It has really helped me to find a group of people who can understand what I >went through. I stayed up most of the night reading Ken's book, and I hope I >don't sound like too much of a brown-nose when I say it is EXCELLENT. I >like the balance between personal experience and research-based evidence. > >I'm glad you have a smarter mirror now, Sue > >Judith > --== Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ ==-- Before you buy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 15, 2000 Report Share Posted May 15, 2000 Hey Judith I suffered " Ragge redeye " when I read his book too! similar effect is also occurring as I read " Resisting 12-step coercion " which he co-authors with Stanton Peel and Archie Brodsky. P. > > > Judith, > > > > This is a wonderful post that I can deeply identify with. > > > > I am also working on repairing the damage done by peering > > into that AA mirror. In that mirror was a beaten, sad person > > who felt that they had nothing to do with controlling any > > of the events in their life. That person had been told that > > they had no choices because they were powerless over people, > > places and things. And ultimately powerless over them- > > selves. And there is where the fear appeared for me. To > > be afraid and never trust ones own self is perhaps a fate > > worse than death. The mental torment is horrendous. > > Eventually taking a leap off of a tall bridge would have > > been a better choice than looking into the mirror that AA > > had created for me. > > In today's mirror, I have been pleasantly surprised occassion- > > ally, when I catch myself with a smile. The smile is > > looking back at me for me. From me, to me. In the eyes > > above the smile I am beginning to see faint amounts of > > trust. And dare I say? Even maybe a teeny, tiny amount of > > " self-like " . At least enough to make the effort to > > take care of the person in the mirror for the first time > > in my life. > > > > PS. I am also white, American female, 40 and agree that > > humility is not the fix for me. > > Sue > > > > > > _______________________________________________________ > Get 100% FREE Internet Access powered by Excite > Visit http://freelane.excite.com/freeisp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2000 Report Share Posted July 12, 2000 Thank you Carol. I will look for that book, it sounds like a good one. I really like your last line, it really is speaking to me somehow. Judith > Hugs and sighs. > > Treat yourself to treats no matter how small. Like flowers, music, " How to Survive the Loss of a Loved One " by Harold Bloom and Melba Colgrove. It has very little print on each page and is a cathartic reading. The American Psychological association recommends it. I and my friends have found it helpful for any loss. Take care. Treat yourself with the care modeled on those who cared well for you when you were a child. _______________________________________________________ Say Bye to Slow Internet! http://www.home.com/xinbox/signup.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2001 Report Share Posted February 20, 2001 ----- Original Message ----- > Some things to consider: > > Were the stats on accurate dx based on muscle biopsy given to you? If the > carb loading is definitive (assuming you understood him correctly) then why > aren't ALL of the docs doing it to rule in or out mito? Normal lactate in > blood or spinal fluid does not rule it out. *Yes, we have the info on muscle biopsy. Based on what we know (my DH is a physician, and I'm a veterinarian and medical writer), DH had strongly doubted the diagnosis even before we went. Looks like it was not a good sample. Frozen is always more dicey. I'll be talking to the doc again when we get all the test results back to clarify things. I didn't mean that carbo loading alone ruled out mito, but in addition to all the other testing that's been done (MRIx3, MRI-spec, EEG, MEG, muscle biopsyx2, nerve biopsy, nerve conduction studyx2, urine organic acids, vitamin and amino acid levels in blood and spinal fluid, genetic testing for NARP, LHON, and DYT-1.....and many more blood tests that I don't remember offhand) it lends strength to the " undiagnosis " , so to speak. So far, we have seen neurologists at Baylor (Houston), Swedish (Denver), Primary Children's (*all* of the neurologists in the dept in Salt Lake) and now UCSD. It's really hard at this point to think of any diagnosis as truly definitive, or any " expert " as the ultimate authority. :-/ I think it's more likely we will end up falling in the category of undiagnosable peripheral neuropathy. Judith > > There have been a number of controversies regarding the UCSD group; though I > don't know how accurate it all is. I just know of more than one matter that > didn't appear to be on target and I now of docs who will not refer there for > the same reason stating they are too new at mito dx to know how to do so > accurately. My impression is that there are some well intentioned > individuals there, but, the rumors are fairly numerous and therefor somewhat > difficult to ignore. > > Lastly, have you considered obtaining an unbiased second opinion, just for > your own piece of mind? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2001 Report Share Posted February 22, 2001 In a message dated 02/20/2001 3:34:34 PM Eastern Standard Time, smcrjr@... writes: << There have been a number of controversies regarding the UCSD group; though I don't know how accurate it all is. I just know of more than one matter that didn't appear to be on target and I now of docs who will not refer there for the same reason stating they are too new at mito dx to know how to do so accurately. My impression is that there are some well intentioned individuals there, but, the rumors are fairly numerous and therefor somewhat difficult to ignore. >> Hi: If there is any way you could tell me about these controversies I would appreciate it as I am planning a trip there. Thank you. Michele Sullivan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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