Yelling at kids.

[Guest guest]

I waited to have kids till I was pushing 30, mostly because I was very aware of

the fleas I carry and my inefficient communication when I'm emotional. It's

rare, but I revert to yelling occasionally. Usually I catch myself and it ends

up like:

" I JUST TOLD YOU NOT to put your feet on that. Take them down please " but it

makes me feel yucky to start out yelling so I'm working on that.

This morning I was walking some neighbor kids down to the bus stop and the

youngest kept running off or in someone's yard...just not paying attention and

not listening. These are kids I have watched for a couple of years and have

spent a lot of time with, not just " someone else's kids " . The garbage truck was

coming in our direction so I yelled (because he was far away) " X, come back

here! " . He was still walking.

" X! STOP! " He kept on a few feet and then stopped. Right beside the garbage

can.

" X, you need to come back here. " Nothing. Garbage truck almost here.

" X! COME HERE! " Nothing. Garbage truck now stopped and waiting to bring out the

big mechanical claw for this kid to move.

" X!!!! COME HERE NOW!!! " He slowly came back.

We waited for the truck and when it was starting to drive off there were all

these thoughts in my head and I couldn't take it. I held his arm (I hate that I

did that) and told him he needs to start listening better, I was telling him to

stop and he kept going and that wasn't ok. That he was " grounded " at the bus

stop and while his siblings played he would have to stand with the baby and me.

While I was in his grill, I wasn't yelling but my voice was urgent and more than

stern. As we walked and then waited, I thought that my tone was more for my

benefit...because I felt that situation required more action and that he should

be listening better, and I was very angry that he hadn't stopped walking on the

first time I told him, long before the garbage truck approached.

Before he got on the bus I told him that when adults get scared they yell, and

he needs to listen better so that he doesn't get eaten by the garbage truck. He

laughed, so I know he went to school with something other than " I'm a bad kid "

in his head.

Yelling I think does have it's place - if they are going to touch the stove or

stick something in a light socket - as an attention getter. I don't want to do

it more than that, it makes me feel bad and while it may be provoked, I'm

yelling because I'm angry and not because they deserve it.

My mother yelled so much that when she was yelling at me to get out of the water

one summer at the beach I paid her no attention until my uncle dragged me out

and told me that I was swimming a few yards from shark fins. Completely

ineffective yelling by that point.

Has anyone reprogrammed themselves when dealing with others (especially

children, who are not the best at following directions) to not yell and how do

you correct their behavior? Do you reward/punish...I'm a little lost on this.