Re: Nada asks me to hold her

[Guest guest]

FORGET IT !!! she is not your child, you are not her parent !! did she ever

do this for YOU ??

Jackie

Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot

and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't

want to " hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out

hurting her feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the

fact I am not as physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello?

I grew up! And I also realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her

b/c I know she wants me to do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT

her mother! It really really bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have

not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse because she will never let go

until I push away.

[Guest guest]

OMG!

Shame secret #4,509... MY NADA DOES THIS TOO!!!

I refuse... she gets mad, pouts, slams off and SLAM goes whatever door... then

eventually, I'll see her standing in the hall with a blanket to her chest

(sometimes a pillow) crying...

" Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeee.... "

I still refuse.

It's a hard, hard thing to put out here in public.

EEESSSHHH!!! Again, the collective wisdom of crowds and the overwhelming

feeling of I am not alone.

Lynnette

>

> FORGET IT !!! she is not your child, you are not her parent !! did she ever

> do this for YOU ??

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

> She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot

> and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

> cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't

> want to " hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out

> hurting her feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the

> fact I am not as physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello?

> I grew up! And I also realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her

> b/c I know she wants me to do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT

> her mother! It really really bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have

> not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse because she will never let go

> until I push away.

>

[Guest guest]

The description of your nada holding a pillow to her chest and pleading- that

really hit home and man it made me cringe! They make themselves so pathetic- for

me it creates feelings of disgust for nada as well as guilt. It's sickening.

> >

> > FORGET IT !!! she is not your child, you are not her parent !! did she ever

> > do this for YOU ??

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

> > She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot

> > and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

> > cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't

> > want to " hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out

> > hurting her feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the

> > fact I am not as physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello?

> > I grew up! And I also realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her

> > b/c I know she wants me to do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT

> > her mother! It really really bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have

> > not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse because she will never let go

> > until I push away.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It just clearly demonstrates the level of childish emotions and manipulations

she's willing to exhibit to get her needs met.

I will go to a child who is doing the same thing... I will NOT got a 63 year old

woman who will turn like a wet cat in an electric fence factory when she doesn't

get her needs met.

Sorry, DONE!

Lynnette

> > >

> > > FORGET IT !!! she is not your child, you are not her parent !! did she

ever

> > > do this for YOU ??

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " .

> > > She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot

> > > and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

> > > cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't

> > > want to " hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out

> > > hurting her feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over

the

> > > fact I am not as physically affectionate as I was when I was little.

Hello?

> > > I grew up! And I also realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for

her

> > > b/c I know she wants me to do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT

> > > her mother! It really really bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have

> > > not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse because she will never let

go

> > > until I push away.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I know how you feel. I'm not sure I can even have a polite conversation by

phone with my nada just now, I don't think I could mask the anger I feel and she

would hear it in my voice. I wish to God that I could reach a place of

" compassionate detachment " ; hell, I'd settle for just " neutral. " But I'm so

angry at her and still (irrationally) afraid of her at the same time; how stupid

is that? I don't think I can handle a personal visit, at least not in the

foreseeable future. Like you, I find the idea of touching/hugging my nada right

now, or her acting babyish and clingy toward me is repulsive.

Maybe tell her you are highly contagious with... some kind of rash?

-Annie

>

> Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot and

put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me cringe. I am

normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to " hold " nada

like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her feelings, or

should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as physically

affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also realized

how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to do this

because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really bothers me

to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse

because she will never let go until I push away.

>

[Guest guest]

You know I totally WOULD tell her I had a horrible rash if it wasn't for my

daughter- then nada would get all paranoid about me giving it to the baby. She

drives me crazy- I could say something totally benign like I have a mild sore

throat and then she's acting like I need to rush the baby to the ER b/c I might

give strep throat to the baby and bok, bok, bok the sky is falling!

> >

> > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot and

put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me cringe. I am

normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to " hold " nada

like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her feelings, or

should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as physically

affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also realized

how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to do this

because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really bothers me

to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse

because she will never let go until I push away.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

How about, " NO I am not going to do that. " PERIOD.

> > >

> > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to

" hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her

feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as

physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also

realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to

do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really

bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's

even worse because she will never let go until I push away.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

OK... you got " the rash " *from* the baby, who had it first but is now totally

over it and immune to it. But *you* still have it and you are contagious to

those who haven't had it yet, like nada dearest. Its really, really itchy. You

can lay that on thick by pretending to scratch yourself frequently (but not

hard.)

Here's a cool real medical condition you can call it: " Neurodermatitis. " It just

means that if you scratch an area of normal skin you create an itchy sensation,

and that makes you scratch it more and harder, which makes it itch more, etc.

Its self-inflicted, it is not contagious, but sounds like it would be.

Have fun with it!

-Annie

> > >

> > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to

" hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her

feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as

physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also

realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to

do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really

bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's

even worse because she will never let go until I push away.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Aw, that's no fun. ;>

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to

" hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her

feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as

physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also

realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to

do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really

bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's

even worse because she will never let go until I push away.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh boy, they are all the same!

Looks like you got some great advice on the board on how to avoid being

literally held captive.

When I was in contact, nada would always complain that I didn't let her " love "

me. I *hated* to be hugged by her. Hated it. I'd stand there with my arms at

my sides while she was hanging on me. And she despised that I " wouldn't accept

her love... "

She used to verbally beat my grandma, then climb in bed with her at night crying

and holding onto her. My poor grandma took a lot of crap before she died,

including lots of hanging on.

It's funny, because when I look back to my wedding pictures, I have a stiff,

fake smile, leaning AWAY from nada in every one. Most pictures w/ her in them

are like that. I am on guard. Now I do admit that I am not a touchy-feely

person, which may be because I never had anyone show me physical loving

affection. Dh's family is opposite. Every family event I brace when I walk in

the house because they all greet with hugs and kisses. I do it, because I like

them, but I admit it makes me terribly uncomfortable.

Oh, another nadaism for sure.

>

> Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot and

put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me cringe. I am

normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to " hold " nada

like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her feelings, or

should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as physically

affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also realized

how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to do this

because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really bothers me

to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse

because she will never let go until I push away.

>

[Guest guest]

I am really upset for you- I remember my own nada being so unkind with her words

to me, then when she was done with the verbal abuse, she wanted to hold me and

smothering me in kisses. As I got older I became physically sick when this

happened. She also would just want to hold my daughter and smother her in hugs

and kisses- and my daughter her gets

also feels physically ill. She also just told me last night she has great

difficulty expressing physically expression with others and receiving physical

affection because of my mother's over the top display affection- especially

after nada destroyed others with her verbal abuse.

I think- somehow you need to have a boundary here- whatever it takes- whatever

you have to say. I also feel if you do this once- she will ask you to do it

again- omg! I think this request is quite unusual- but it just shows the lengths

they will go to- Good Luck!

Malinda

>

> Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot and

put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me cringe. I am

normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to " hold " nada

like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her feelings, or

should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as physically

affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also realized

how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to do this

because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really bothers me

to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse

because she will never let go until I push away.

>

[Guest guest]

I have experienced this also, and it makes me wonder if not wanting to be

touched/kissed/hugged is common for those who have experienced extreme punitive

behaviors plus extreme lovey/touchy/feely behaviors from their

personality-disordered mother and/or father.

I and my Sister experienced frequent verbal/emotional abuse from our nada that

would often escalate into physical attacks: face-slapping, pushing, spanking,

being jerked around, and sometimes being beaten with a belt. Then nada would

either be all perky and cheerful after battering us (as though she'd just had a

stimulating and interesting game of tennis) or she would be sobbing hysterically

and contrite and wanting reassurance that we still loved her, and promising to

never do that again. (Both reactions are absolutely bizarre and creepy, in my

opinion.)

The *last* thing I wanted was to be handled by my nada after she'd screamed at

me and slapped/spanked/beaten me.

I did not trust her, and on top of that I was still terrified, shaking and in

shock from having just been treated so harshly, and outraged. I was so angry at

her for scaring me and hurting me, sometimes for no reason that I even

understood. Part of the trauma was never knowing just how far she would go. I

was genuinely afraid of her, she seemed like she could kill me or *wanted* to

kill me when she was in a rage.

Afterward, I did not want her hands on me, I did not want to hug her or kiss

her, but I was forced to because if I didn't, she might just erupt *again.*

Talk about coercion!

But perhaps the bizarre combination of verbal abuse: a nada inflicting

vitriolic, hateful, emotional attacks, then afterward nada wanting to cuddle in

a loving and semi-intimate way, is just as jarring and dysfunctional and

damaging to a child.

And effing creepy.

I've mentioned it here before, but one of my very earliest childhood memories is

me hiding from " the woman " who is laying across my bed and sobbing piteously for

me to please come to her, and I'm holding my ears shut and saying to myself,

" No! She's just trying to trick me! "

My guess is that when my mother would rage at me I split her into " the woman "

instead of " my mommy " because the idea that my own mother would hurt and

frighten me so badly was too much for me to take at 3 to 4 years old.

It still is too much for me to take, in a way.

-Annie

> >

> > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot and

put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me cringe. I am

normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to " hold " nada

like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her feelings, or

should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as physically

affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also realized

how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to do this

because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really bothers me

to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse

because she will never let go until I push away.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That is so hard Mozz! I am cringing in sympathy for you. My mother's attempts

at physical affection also have always made me cringe. I've felt very guilty

about it as she's never been physically abusive and only rarely emotionally

abusive but when she is it's been brutal. Still I've always felt the cringe

reaction and I've always felt like her hugs or touch lingers in a clingy way.

Very difficult. I think cringing is the natural reaction to closeness with

someone who hurts us - the body doesn't lie.

Mozz, I don't know if this would work but when she starts up say a familiar

friendly tone " Mom, you know I'm just not a touchy-feely person, but I know some

people really need touch to feel good. You are going through so much with your

illness, why don't you see a massage therapist - I hear people just feel great

after that and it can help with depression too. " Or you could even offer to

gift her a few sessions somewhere for Christmas. This acknowledges her need as

legitimate, acknowledges that you can't meet it, offers a way for her to get it

met. Whaddya think? Would it work or would it bring on armageddon?

>

> Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot and

put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me cringe. I am

normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to " hold " nada

like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her feelings, or

should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as physically

affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also realized

how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to do this

because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really bothers me

to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse

because she will never let go until I push away.

>

[Guest guest]

My mom also told me I was not an affectionate child when I was a baby (gee, I

wonder why) - this was just one more thing that was " wrong " with me (because of

course there couldn't be anything wrong with her expectations...). She

belittled me, criticized things I couldn't do anything about, lambasted me, then

there was the slapping, the hitting, the telling of intimate details that were

not appropriate for a young teenager to hear...and then when she got old she

complained that I never held her, that I would not give her the human contact

she craved. Like all of you, the hugging creeps me out - but only with her. I

hug my husband, my kid, my dogs, my friends, even people I don't know that well

if they seem to need a hug. But as you say, Nada won't let go. She holds on so

that I have to break contact. It's less like an expression of affection and

more like she's taken possession. And then within 30 seconds she's telling me

something else that's wrong with the way I look, drive, spend money, raise my

child, keep house.

Anyway - as to what to tell her - tell her you can't hug her because you have

fleas. It's true.

Peaceful Thanksgiving to everyone - let's be thankful for our families of

choice, and if we're going " home, " lets give thanks that even the most

FOO-intensive holidays only last for 24 hours.

> > >

> > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to

" hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her

feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as

physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also

realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to

do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really

bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's

even worse because she will never let go until I push away.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My mother did this exact thing when she was dying. She wanted me to sit on

a stool in front of her recliner and 'hold her hand.' It was seriously

creepy and I refused to do it.

In a message dated 11/25/2009 10:17:47 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

disasfaeries@... writes:

Mozzarella,

your title creeped me out so bad I went to make sure the door was locked.

I've been forced into hugging mine in front of people before and suffered

from immediate waves of nausea...I couldn't touch her for longer than two

seconds without physical reactions. I feel for you, please let us know how

you ended up getting out of it!

>

> Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes

me cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't

want to " hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out

hurting her feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the

fact I am not as physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello?

I grew up! And I also realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her

b/c I know she wants me to do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT

her mother! It really really bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have

not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse because she will never let go

until I push away.

>

[Guest guest]

My nada said that I wasn't affectionate as a baby either--that I stiffened when

she held me,pushed her away and tried to get away from her.And,yeah gee,I wonder

why too...I remember from very young feeling physically repulsed by her,as if

even our basic physical chemistry was " off " .Besides being on guard with her

physically,I didn't even like her scent.I remember that,like she didn't even

seem to be " flesh of my flesh " but some stranger unrelated to me.Her body

chemistry turned me off.I've always felt that way,into adulthood.

Does anyone else have this with their nada?

> > > >

> > > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to

" hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her

feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as

physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also

realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to

do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really

bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's

even worse because she will never let go until I push away.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mozzarella,

your title creeped me out so bad I went to make sure the door was locked. I've

been forced into hugging mine in front of people before and suffered from

immediate waves of nausea...I couldn't touch her for longer than two seconds

without physical reactions. I feel for you, please let us know how you ended up

getting out of it!

>

> Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot and

put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me cringe. I am

normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to " hold " nada

like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her feelings, or

should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as physically

affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also realized

how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to do this

because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really bothers me

to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse

because she will never let go until I push away.

>

[Guest guest]

The feel of my nada's skin repulses me.

> > > > >

> > > > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to

" hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her

feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as

physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also

realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to

do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really

bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's

even worse because she will never let go until I push away.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

((((((((Mozz))))))))

I'm so sorry that your nada added to your stress and anxiety instead of helping

you with it. I'm sure that your baby will turn out to be just fine (children

and babies are always catching bugs) but its wise to just take it easy and not

stress your baby with unnecessary travel over Thanksgiving. A restful and

relaxing weekend doing things around home or nearby (without nada) sounds like

just the ticket. I think you've got a smart pediatrician.

Yes, how totally inappropriate your nada's reactions were; both of them! Its

the extremism and the focus on how it all affects NADA that's the common factor,

as you pointed out: extreme under-reaction: " What about all the time *I* spent

preparing food! I'll be alone, you are abandoning me! Me! Me! Me! " *and* extreme

over-reaction: " Doom! Gloom! Oh God! How can I bear this, its too hard on ME!

Me! Me! Me! "

I'm beginning to think that most of the nadas of the members of this Group are

co-morbid narcissistic pd, like my nada. Its so tiresome and draining to put up

with. Sheesh.

Do have a lovely and peaceful Thanksgiving weekend, dear. You deserve it.

-Annie

> >

> > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot and

put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me cringe. I am

normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to " hold " nada

like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her feelings, or

should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as physically

affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also realized

how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to do this

because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really bothers me

to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse

because she will never let go until I push away.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, mozz! I think little Sister and I did come out pretty well,

considering. I'm happy that one of us at least was able to have a child, and

Sister did a terrific job raising him. She is my hero.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to

" hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her

feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as

physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also

realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to

do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really

bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's

even worse because she will never let go until I push away.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Annie! I totally agree with you about the narcissism- my T thinks my nada

has BPD with narcissistic traits and I've read it's extremely common for people

with a certain PD to have characteristics of another.

> > >

> > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to

" hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her

feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as

physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also

realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to

do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really

bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's

even worse because she will never let go until I push away.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

on my way to ER, baby getting worse. Pls send prayers and positive thoughts

our way. Thanks everyone. Mozz

> >

> > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold her " .

She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a lot and

put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me cringe. I am

normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to " hold " nada

like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her feelings, or

should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as physically

affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also realized

how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to do this

because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really bothers me

to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's even worse

because she will never let go until I push away.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way, for sure.

Keep us posted when you can.

-Annie

> > >

> > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to

" hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her

feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as

physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also

realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to

do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really

bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's

even worse because she will never let go until I push away.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, I don't think this has anything to do with chemistry. It has to do

with her being a *danger* to you. It's like I say: animals know when they are

in danger. Children haven't learned to shut off their instincts yet, and yours

told you to *get away* from her. Which is perfectly normal, for the

circumstances!

> > > > >

> > > > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to

" hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her

feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as

physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also

realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to

do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really

bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's

even worse because she will never let go until I push away.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

This is the thing that is so demented and abnormal about relating to parents

that have been so cruel. One is expected to just *forget* all of the evil,

hurtful things and have a *fake* relationship with someone who repulses you. If

your child was ABUSED this way by friends at school, you would say *don't stick

around for this treatment* but with parents, well, it's as if they *own* you

UNTIL THEY DIE, according to our society. Like licking the boot of your abuser.

It is SICK.

Deanna

> > >

> > > Going to nada's for TG weekend. She has been asking me a lot to " hold

her " . She wants me to lie down with her and read to her as well has hug her a

lot and put my arms around her when I sit next to her. The thought makes me

cringe. I am normally a very physically affectionate person, but I don't want to

" hold " nada like she is my child. How do I get around this w/out hurting her

feelings, or should I just bite the bullet? She mourns over the fact I am not as

physically affectionate as I was when I was little. Hello? I grew up! And I also

realized how whacked out she is. I feel sorry for her b/c I know she wants me to

do this because she feels unloved. But I am NOT her mother! It really really

bothers me to touch her. It takes all I have not to cringe when we hug and it's

even worse because she will never let go until I push away.

> > >

> >

>