What did she think was going to happen?

[Guest guest]

Just another day in the life of a KO... but geez... it never ends...

Nada bought a netbook about 3 months ago (we all did, actually) and I offered to

install a free anti-virus on all of them (recommeded by a CIO of a major

security company) and did, immediately. This particular program requires a

key-encrypted registration within 60 days of installation.... they send you

several emails til you do it. We all did it immediately, all except Nada. She

claimed she 1) never got an email, 2) couldn't figure it out (it's a click to

activate thing), 3) Was just too stupid to understand these things so, 4) would

YOU do it for me? Ok, fine... whatever, I didn't want her computer to die....

so - mind you she moved 3 1/2 hours away over a year ago but comes back every

4-6 weeks and causes trouble (most times)... each time I asked her to bring me

the computer so I could install office on it, she " forgot " , " will get to it

later " , " too tired " or whatever. Eventually I stopped asking and figured that,

after 3 requests, it wasn't that important to her.

So yesterday she calls just as I'm headed into a telephone conference. I hear

the phone but don't bother to see who it is. Then son's phone rings. He gets

it. It's Nada... " something about her computer... " " Tell her I'm headed into a

meeting and will be free after 7pm " He did and got off the phone with a " why

did she call ME for HER computer issues? " comment. I told him he did the right

thing by not getting sucked in. He went back to his Xbox360.

I got on my meeting, not thinking a lot about it and, within 15 minutes, she's

calling my cell during my meeting. I turn it off. After my meeting, I listen

to message - all about the Trojan she now has because I never updated her

anti-virus and what can she do now. I called dad and asked him if he'd heard

from her. " Yep... but she didn't leave a message. " I told him what's up.

Needless to say he's very annoyed because things like this always result in her

coming over him and HIM paying money to fix her crap because 1) she claims not

to have $ and 2) He's trying to insulate me from her while I'm finishing my

Ed.D. (that came out in therapy last month - god bless em.) We developed a

cohesive answer for her that might get the computer fixed for cheap but would

require HER taking action. We both plan on presenting that front. He wants to

lay into her (again) about how irresponsible to not follow up with the

installation, or bringing it to me to do it, or taking care of the details,

etc... he knows it's useless and all she'd do is cry and go waif but we're both

just tired of this crap....

Anyway... I didn't hear from her the rest of the night. This means 1) He talked

to her and blew up, 2) He talked to her and told her this was what " we " came up

with, 3) She found somebody else to meet her needs (unlikely) 4) She's laying in

wait to strike today (most likely.)

This isn't life changing... this isn't a personal attack issues (ok, maybe it is

but it's minor leagues from her normal) ... this is just ONEMORETHING that

somehow has to involve the entire family to fix/consult/whineto because she

didn't take care of her end...a minor thing that has gone horribly wrong...

I'm just posting here to vent (nevermind that I have antoher meeting in an hour

and need to do some work for it...) and say, AREN'T YOU ALL JUST SICK TO DEATH

OF THE CONSTANTNESS OF THESE BPD's?

Lynnette

[Guest guest]

Yep.

But here is a bit of hope. Sister (directly) and I (indirectly) discovered that

when Sister stopped being at nada's beck and call, stopped being her unpaid

servant and chauffeur (and only got criticism and insults for her trouble) our

nada was perfectly capable of getting her needs met through other people.

Our nada is resourceful and fairly healthy, and can be very charming and

appealing when it suits her, so, she has charmed neighbors, church friends, and

others of our relatives into fetching and carrying for her.

So, maybe your nada might react the same way and use other people if you set

firm boundaries and shut off the supply of waif-support.

-Annie

>

> Just another day in the life of a KO... but geez... it never ends...

>

> Nada bought a netbook about 3 months ago (we all did, actually) and I offered

to install a free anti-virus on all of them (recommeded by a CIO of a major

security company) and did, immediately. This particular program requires a

key-encrypted registration within 60 days of installation.... they send you

several emails til you do it. We all did it immediately, all except Nada. She

claimed she 1) never got an email, 2) couldn't figure it out (it's a click to

activate thing), 3) Was just too stupid to understand these things so, 4) would

YOU do it for me? Ok, fine... whatever, I didn't want her computer to die....

so - mind you she moved 3 1/2 hours away over a year ago but comes back every

4-6 weeks and causes trouble (most times)... each time I asked her to bring me

the computer so I could install office on it, she " forgot " , " will get to it

later " , " too tired " or whatever. Eventually I stopped asking and figured that,

after 3 requests, it wasn't that important to her.

>

> So yesterday she calls just as I'm headed into a telephone conference. I hear

the phone but don't bother to see who it is. Then son's phone rings. He gets

it. It's Nada... " something about her computer... " " Tell her I'm headed into a

meeting and will be free after 7pm " He did and got off the phone with a " why

did she call ME for HER computer issues? " comment. I told him he did the right

thing by not getting sucked in. He went back to his Xbox360.

>

> I got on my meeting, not thinking a lot about it and, within 15 minutes, she's

calling my cell during my meeting. I turn it off. After my meeting, I listen

to message - all about the Trojan she now has because I never updated her

anti-virus and what can she do now. I called dad and asked him if he'd heard

from her. " Yep... but she didn't leave a message. " I told him what's up.

Needless to say he's very annoyed because things like this always result in her

coming over him and HIM paying money to fix her crap because 1) she claims not

to have $ and 2) He's trying to insulate me from her while I'm finishing my

Ed.D. (that came out in therapy last month - god bless em.) We developed a

cohesive answer for her that might get the computer fixed for cheap but would

require HER taking action. We both plan on presenting that front. He wants to

lay into her (again) about how irresponsible to not follow up with the

installation, or bringing it to me to do it, or taking care of the details,

etc... he knows it's useless and all she'd do is cry and go waif but we're both

just tired of this crap....

>

> Anyway... I didn't hear from her the rest of the night. This means 1) He

talked to her and blew up, 2) He talked to her and told her this was what " we "

came up with, 3) She found somebody else to meet her needs (unlikely) 4) She's

laying in wait to strike today (most likely.)

>

> This isn't life changing... this isn't a personal attack issues (ok, maybe it

is but it's minor leagues from her normal) ... this is just ONEMORETHING that

somehow has to involve the entire family to fix/consult/whineto because she

didn't take care of her end...a minor thing that has gone horribly wrong...

>

> I'm just posting here to vent (nevermind that I have antoher meeting in an

hour and need to do some work for it...) and say, AREN'T YOU ALL JUST SICK TO

DEATH OF THE CONSTANTNESS OF THESE BPD's?

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Yep! I've been doing this for the past year... my therapist has been the one to

push this, " She WILL get her needs met, if not by you, by someone else... "

This one just sorta caught me off gaurd...

AND... that she was trying to get them met by my child only added fuel to my

fire...

Note to self - Remember why you have been in therapy!

Lynnette

> >

> > Just another day in the life of a KO... but geez... it never ends...

> >

> > Nada bought a netbook about 3 months ago (we all did, actually) and I

offered to install a free anti-virus on all of them (recommeded by a CIO of a

major security company) and did, immediately. This particular program requires

a key-encrypted registration within 60 days of installation.... they send you

several emails til you do it. We all did it immediately, all except Nada. She

claimed she 1) never got an email, 2) couldn't figure it out (it's a click to

activate thing), 3) Was just too stupid to understand these things so, 4) would

YOU do it for me? Ok, fine... whatever, I didn't want her computer to die....

so - mind you she moved 3 1/2 hours away over a year ago but comes back every

4-6 weeks and causes trouble (most times)... each time I asked her to bring me

the computer so I could install office on it, she " forgot " , " will get to it

later " , " too tired " or whatever. Eventually I stopped asking and figured that,

after 3 requests, it wasn't that important to her.

> >

> > So yesterday she calls just as I'm headed into a telephone conference. I

hear the phone but don't bother to see who it is. Then son's phone rings. He

gets it. It's Nada... " something about her computer... " " Tell her I'm headed

into a meeting and will be free after 7pm " He did and got off the phone with a

" why did she call ME for HER computer issues? " comment. I told him he did the

right thing by not getting sucked in. He went back to his Xbox360.

> >

> > I got on my meeting, not thinking a lot about it and, within 15 minutes,

she's calling my cell during my meeting. I turn it off. After my meeting, I

listen to message - all about the Trojan she now has because I never updated her

anti-virus and what can she do now. I called dad and asked him if he'd heard

from her. " Yep... but she didn't leave a message. " I told him what's up.

Needless to say he's very annoyed because things like this always result in her

coming over him and HIM paying money to fix her crap because 1) she claims not

to have $ and 2) He's trying to insulate me from her while I'm finishing my

Ed.D. (that came out in therapy last month - god bless em.) We developed a

cohesive answer for her that might get the computer fixed for cheap but would

require HER taking action. We both plan on presenting that front. He wants to

lay into her (again) about how irresponsible to not follow up with the

installation, or bringing it to me to do it, or taking care of the details,

etc... he knows it's useless and all she'd do is cry and go waif but we're both

just tired of this crap....

> >

> > Anyway... I didn't hear from her the rest of the night. This means 1) He

talked to her and blew up, 2) He talked to her and told her this was what " we "

came up with, 3) She found somebody else to meet her needs (unlikely) 4) She's

laying in wait to strike today (most likely.)

> >

> > This isn't life changing... this isn't a personal attack issues (ok, maybe

it is but it's minor leagues from her normal) ... this is just ONEMORETHING that

somehow has to involve the entire family to fix/consult/whineto because she

didn't take care of her end...a minor thing that has gone horribly wrong...

> >

> > I'm just posting here to vent (nevermind that I have antoher meeting in an

hour and need to do some work for it...) and say, AREN'T YOU ALL JUST SICK TO

DEATH OF THE CONSTANTNESS OF THESE BPD's?

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette,

I feel your pain. Before I went NC with my nada she also had me at her beck and

call for all of her computer issues, because she " just wasn't very smart about

computers " (poor thing). She had me believing that she was too helpless to do

anything like plugging in a new monitor or uploading photos so she could post

something on ebay.

Later, I found out that she must have had selective computer illiteracy, because

even though she couldn't reboot her own computer, she apparently managed to

figure out how to run full background checks on all my boyfriends/dates, hack my

e-mail password and track down an old boyfriend of hers she felt had done her

wrong and post nasty messages on his website. Amazing the computer skills she

was able to learn with the right motivation!

Needless to say, my days as nada's computer tech are over.

>

> Just another day in the life of a KO... but geez... it never ends...

>

> Nada bought a netbook about 3 months ago (we all did, actually) and I offered

to install a free anti-virus on all of them (recommeded by a CIO of a major

security company) and did, immediately. This particular program requires a

key-encrypted registration within 60 days of installation.... they send you

several emails til you do it. We all did it immediately, all except Nada. She

claimed she 1) never got an email, 2) couldn't figure it out (it's a click to

activate thing), 3) Was just too stupid to understand these things so, 4) would

YOU do it for me? Ok, fine... whatever, I didn't want her computer to die....

so - mind you she moved 3 1/2 hours away over a year ago but comes back every

4-6 weeks and causes trouble (most times)... each time I asked her to bring me

the computer so I could install office on it, she " forgot " , " will get to it

later " , " too tired " or whatever. Eventually I stopped asking and figured that,

after 3 requests, it wasn't that important to her.

>

> So yesterday she calls just as I'm headed into a telephone conference. I hear

the phone but don't bother to see who it is. Then son's phone rings. He gets

it. It's Nada... " something about her computer... " " Tell her I'm headed into a

meeting and will be free after 7pm " He did and got off the phone with a " why

did she call ME for HER computer issues? " comment. I told him he did the right

thing by not getting sucked in. He went back to his Xbox360.

>

> I got on my meeting, not thinking a lot about it and, within 15 minutes, she's

calling my cell during my meeting. I turn it off. After my meeting, I listen

to message - all about the Trojan she now has because I never updated her

anti-virus and what can she do now. I called dad and asked him if he'd heard

from her. " Yep... but she didn't leave a message. " I told him what's up.

Needless to say he's very annoyed because things like this always result in her

coming over him and HIM paying money to fix her crap because 1) she claims not

to have $ and 2) He's trying to insulate me from her while I'm finishing my

Ed.D. (that came out in therapy last month - god bless em.) We developed a

cohesive answer for her that might get the computer fixed for cheap but would

require HER taking action. We both plan on presenting that front. He wants to

lay into her (again) about how irresponsible to not follow up with the

installation, or bringing it to me to do it, or taking care of the details,

etc... he knows it's useless and all she'd do is cry and go waif but we're both

just tired of this crap....

>

> Anyway... I didn't hear from her the rest of the night. This means 1) He

talked to her and blew up, 2) He talked to her and told her this was what " we "

came up with, 3) She found somebody else to meet her needs (unlikely) 4) She's

laying in wait to strike today (most likely.)

>

> This isn't life changing... this isn't a personal attack issues (ok, maybe it

is but it's minor leagues from her normal) ... this is just ONEMORETHING that

somehow has to involve the entire family to fix/consult/whineto because she

didn't take care of her end...a minor thing that has gone horribly wrong...

>

> I'm just posting here to vent (nevermind that I have antoher meeting in an

hour and need to do some work for it...) and say, AREN'T YOU ALL JUST SICK TO

DEATH OF THE CONSTANTNESS OF THESE BPD's?

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette - Oh, my, yes. Sick to death and far beyond. It never changes, she

never learns, and it's always some idiotic thing a middle schooler could handle,

if she'd just DO WHAT SHE'S SUPPOSED TO DO. -

>

>AREN'T YOU ALL JUST SICK TO DEATH OF THE CONSTANTNESS OF THESE BPD's?

>

> Lynnette

>