Re: very stressed right now...

[Guest guest]

I wish i could help - My mind and emotions are scrambled from being here, so I

cant see clear with my own stuff..

Just KNOW THIS...

I read your posts..I FEEL what you are going through and my heart aches for

you...

for your Soul's Right to Live and be Free.

Just know that RIGHT NOW, Right where you are...You ARE ok.

You are alive, and you are NOT in danger !! I repeat...you are NOTin danger.

You are LOVED just as you are !! and THIS needs to be repeated:

You ARE Loved.. JUST AS YOU ARE !!

Remember that illy song?

Just believe it, because its true ... " Dont go trying, some new fashion....dont

change the color of your hair....

Dont go...trying to please me/them/anyone...

Because

You ARE loved JUST THE WAY YOU ARE !!

((((((((((((((((((((( Joy )))))))))))))))))))

Love Steve

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I feel so down and out right now. Maybe I'm getting depressed again, I don't

know...but I'm still making myself do what I need to do. I started a new job

today; got all of my correspondence outta the way...got back from a trip.

>

> I just feel so confused. I finally gave my number to my sister. She's not bpd.

I just didn't give it to her sooner because I recently went NC, and I knew I

would get calls from her. She is deeply enmeshed with my Nada.

>

> I have only gotten texts from her. I thought I could handle them because they

were fairly neutral at first. Then, they became more demanding and boundary

violating.

>

> Apparently, everyone is upset with me in my FOO. (I don't know my Dad's side)

Except for my 3 uncles...but who knows? It may be a matter of time before they

become upset as well. One is impartial/nuetral--but the other 2 want me to make

up with my Mom...but they aren't demanding about it or upset. They think it will

make my life easier.

>

> My sister, and my 2 uncles have said that the longer I wait, the more

irreparable the damage will be. They said I will also be cutting ties with my

grandparents, and possibly both of my sisters because they are all upset. My

uncles are now the " gate keepers " to my grandparents. They live with their

parents(my grandparents), and they are the only ones who answer the phone.

>

> I have not heard from one sister because apparently she is very upset and

stressed which my sister made a point of mentioning to me. She also said I

offended my grandmother. Though, I no not how.

>

> I am sure I'm rehashing the same old FOO stuff as before, its just so

stressful.

>

> Sometimes, I wish I never sent the letter. I think my FOO would have been fine

if I had just gradually and quietly detached and only saw my Mom 2 times a year

at major holidays. My 2 uncles said I should have done this...and my grandmother

even seemed fine with me doing this.

>

> So, I wish I hadn't sent the letter some times. I read " Toxic Parents " and

felt I should send it. But perhaps it was the wrong kind of confrontation? I

didn't give my Nada the option of discussing anything with me. The part where

they book asks you to think about what you want from the relationship, I

thought: I just want her to no longer interfere in my relationships. So that's

what I wrote. I also said I did not want to have her in my life.

>

> So, of course her family would be PO'ed at me. She's their daughter.

>

> I feel very confused.

>

> -Joy

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Joy,

I'm sure this must be a very difficult time for you.

I can understand regretting the letter.  You ended things with your nada in a

way that made everyone have to face the problem, which no one wants to do. 

There may be advantages to this for you.  The letter brought things out into the

open finally, and you now know how everyone stands.  You do not have to wonder

where their true loyalties lie or what they would say if you told the truth. 

You have said the truth, and you know what they think of it now.  It's hard to

get this kind of information all at once, though.

I wanted to suggest one thing.  I don't know if it will help or not.  I am sure

if you think about it, there are a number of other things and people in your

life right now.  What is going on in your family is just one part.  It is

important and painful, but it's just one.  Sometimes, it can help if you can

make the other things in your life seem a little bit bigger and more important

in comparison, because they are important, too.  And then if you can make your

family and the drama going on with that seem a little bit smaller in your mind.

Depression has the opposite effect--the bad things loom large and begin to taint

everything, the things that are neutral and even some things that are good.  You

can sometimes fight this a little bit in your mind just by what you allow to

seem significant to you and to take up your time and thoughts.  It won't fix the

problem, but sometimes it can help.

Best of luck,

Ashana

Love Cricket? Check out live scores, photos, video highlights and more.

Click here http://cricket.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

Hi Ashana,

Thank you for your advice! I felt better after I went to my group therapy

session today. Much better.

-Joy

>

> Hi Joy,

>

> I'm sure this must be a very difficult time for you.

>

> I can understand regretting the letter.  You ended things with your nada in a

way that made everyone have to face the problem, which no one wants to do. 

There may be advantages to this for you.  The letter brought things out into the

open finally, and you now know how everyone stands.  You do not have to wonder

where their true loyalties lie or what they would say if you told the truth. 

You have said the truth, and you know what they think of it now.  It's hard to

get this kind of information all at once, though.

>

> I wanted to suggest one thing.  I don't know if it will help or not.  I am

sure if you think about it, there are a number of other things and people in

your life right now.  What is going on in your family is just one part.  It is

important and painful, but it's just one.  Sometimes, it can help if you can

make the other things in your life seem a little bit bigger and more important

in comparison, because they are important, too.  And then if you can make your

family and the drama going on with that seem a little bit smaller in your mind.

>

> Depression has the opposite effect--the bad things loom large and begin to

taint everything, the things that are neutral and even some things that are

good.  You can sometimes fight this a little bit in your mind just by what you

allow to seem significant to you and to take up your time and thoughts.  It

won't fix the problem, but sometimes it can help.

>

> Best of luck,

> Ashana

>

>

> Love Cricket? Check out live scores, photos, video highlights and more.

Click here http://cricket.yahoo.com

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Steve,

Thank you for your feed back. I love that song, by the way. It is hard to clear

one's mind amidst this kind of insanity. Group therapy seems to be a great tool

for me, though.

I read what Ashana wrote about where my family's loyalties lie. It feels a lot

better realizing this, and that sending the letter was not a waste. It will help

me cut the unbalanced relationships where I " lose " myself; and find healthier,

meaningful relationships. In the end, my life will be more balanced and

ultimately healthier. This is good news.

" you are NOT in danger. " ...

How true, Steve!

-Joy

> >

> > Hi Everyone,

> >

> > I feel so down and out right now. Maybe I'm getting depressed again, I don't

know...but I'm still making myself do what I need to do. I started a new job

today; got all of my correspondence outta the way...got back from a trip.

> >

> > I just feel so confused. I finally gave my number to my sister. She's not

bpd. I just didn't give it to her sooner because I recently went NC, and I knew

I would get calls from her. She is deeply enmeshed with my Nada.

> >

> > I have only gotten texts from her. I thought I could handle them because

they were fairly neutral at first. Then, they became more demanding and boundary

violating.

> >

> > Apparently, everyone is upset with me in my FOO. (I don't know my Dad's

side) Except for my 3 uncles...but who knows? It may be a matter of time before

they become upset as well. One is impartial/nuetral--but the other 2 want me to

make up with my Mom...but they aren't demanding about it or upset. They think it

will make my life easier.

> >

> > My sister, and my 2 uncles have said that the longer I wait, the more

irreparable the damage will be. They said I will also be cutting ties with my

grandparents, and possibly both of my sisters because they are all upset. My

uncles are now the " gate keepers " to my grandparents. They live with their

parents(my grandparents), and they are the only ones who answer the phone.

> >

> > I have not heard from one sister because apparently she is very upset and

stressed which my sister made a point of mentioning to me. She also said I

offended my grandmother. Though, I no not how.

> >

> > I am sure I'm rehashing the same old FOO stuff as before, its just so

stressful.

> >

> > Sometimes, I wish I never sent the letter. I think my FOO would have been

fine if I had just gradually and quietly detached and only saw my Mom 2 times a

year at major holidays. My 2 uncles said I should have done this...and my

grandmother even seemed fine with me doing this.

> >

> > So, I wish I hadn't sent the letter some times. I read " Toxic Parents " and

felt I should send it. But perhaps it was the wrong kind of confrontation? I

didn't give my Nada the option of discussing anything with me. The part where

they book asks you to think about what you want from the relationship, I

thought: I just want her to no longer interfere in my relationships. So that's

what I wrote. I also said I did not want to have her in my life.

> >

> > So, of course her family would be PO'ed at me. She's their daughter.

> >

> > I feel very confused.

> >

> > -Joy

> >

>