whoa, was that a kick in the ass from Texas or what?????

[Guest guest]

Hi Barb,

okay baby, points taken....

thank you...

first off, let me explain about ...she is a 9 year old little girl,

going on 18...her insecurities lie in so many things...I've spoken here

before about my daughter Sara and her abuse, well has witnessed her

mouth on more than one occasion...this is a little girl who will get up in

the morning, change spencer's diaper, get him cereal and curl him up in a

chair with her so as not to wake his cranky selfish mother.....she can look

after that child better than his own mother at times. I've noticed her

lately hanging onto Mike, cuddling more......since 911, she is scared for me

to ride in the elevator at work, scared for Mike to get on that plane,

afraid something will happen...if we both leave her, well, I know it will be

upsetting....if Mike gets a transplant, hopefully it will be in Halifax, a

two hour drive from home, if not, I guess she'll have to deal with it then,

but she will be a couple of years older....

When I tell you that Mike and I have no real close friends, it is true,

we've always kind of been loners together, oddly, even though he plays in a

band, we aren't real social, I have my weekend friends, he has his musician

friends, but no real tight good friends that step up to the bat.....

does go to friend's homes to play for hours but lately I've noticed she does

not want to stay overnight, she used to but not anymore, she wants to be

close to Mike and I.

Emotionally, she needs that.....

Am I in denial? maybe, I don't know, I don't think so......I know what this

disease is doing to Mike's liver, I've never been fool enough to think

anything I've tried or he's tried would cure it, but I think we did and are

still doing a damm good job of keeping it in it's place......Mike does not

want this transplant, ever, he is so convinced he will die getting it, that

I'm scared for him to have it....I tell him the success stories every day, I

don't tell him about the failures. I spoke to the transplant nurse in

Halifax and asked her to give me her honest opinion on whether or not Mike

would be listed this time, she told me she feels he will...his liver

functions haven't really changed in the past five years...bilirubin up

slightly, INR up by not even one point just over normal, PTT just slightly

over normal, albumin normal, but it's his bloodtype that makes them want him

listed....they want him ready if he gets sick, rather than get sick and not

be ready........I know he is sick now, but you know what I mean, if the

disease exacerbates.

So, it's not even Monday and I can tell you what we did this weekend.....no,

didn't pile the kids in the car to go for Pizza, but I did spend a little

quality time with him last night if you know what I mean...(hee-hee), then

we had lunch together today, he's playing tonight, so I went with a friend

for a drink and put five bucks in the machines and won $450.00 (cindy will

love that)....tomorrow night he plays a big dance again, so I'm going out

with more of my weekend friends...Sunday we will spend together, this week

we will get ready for his trip...I did not go to the gym..and there's no

hussy that's going to get my man, well not without some sort of chickfight

or bitchslap......

We've been in the middle of this shitstorm for a long time Barb and we're

still standing, a little wobbly at times, but still here...

thanks for the swift kick, and thanks to everybody for your overwhelming

support, I'll certainly give you day to day reports as I get them.

Patti

_________________________________________________________________

Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online

http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963