Re: fear has me in a deathgrip, need some help getting out of it

[Guest guest]

le,

I find that it helps to come up with a plan of action to deal

with the various things you're afraid of. The more elements of

the unknown are involved, the scarier these things are, so

remove as much of the unknown as you can. If you are afraid of

her contacting you, make a reaction plan for each way she might

reasonably do it. What will you do and say? Phone calls are

relatively simple for example - use caller ID if possible to

identify calls from her and don't answer them. Having her show

up at your door is harder to deal with, but you can still be

prepared with things to say if she shows up. If you're afraid of

your step-sister being on Facebook, make sure that you don't

allow her to have access to things your write there that you

don't want your stepnada to know about. Facebook allows you to

ban people and to choose whether various things are made public

or not.

At 05:04 PM 07/04/2010 isisv60 wrote:

>Hi,

>

>I'm pretty new to the board and haven't posted very much. I

>have found reading various posts helps me greatly in so many

>ways and are also very comforting. However, I need some help

>with the lingering fear I have from my stepnada that is turning

>out to be much bigger than I had previously been aware of. my

>mom and stepmom are both BPD, but things are at a reasonable

>place with my nada. She lives in another state, we don't see

>each other very much (once a year at most), and have limited

>phone contact. Since our contact is limited I am able to

>maintain positive phone calls when we do talk, which is nice.

>The relationship is far from perfect, but it is much better

>than it has been (I think partly owing to her mother dying

>about a year and a half ago).

>

>The issues now is my stepnada. I have very recently gone NC

>with her and my dad and still have some significant fear in a

>number of areas. The first fear area, which is not as bad as it

>was and is slowly subsiding, is the immediate " is she gonna try

>to get me? " " what is she gonna say that violates me or takes

>things I told her in confidence against me? " However, I have

>not heard from her in over a month, so I don't think this is

>going to be an issue.

>

>The fear that is really turning out to be bigger than I thought

>is the fear of doing well. I'm trying to lose 30 pounds and am

>about to quit smoking again (my quit date will be in August

>sometime), and I am reapplying to grad school this fall. So I

>am really working very hard to make some very positive changes

>in my lifestyle and for my health, as well as to continue to

>advance my career and be able to work towards some long-term

>financial security and well being. Given the many issues I have

>faced over the years, these are things I have been working

>towards for most of my adult life (I'll be 31 in a few months).

>

>My stepnada was always the cruelest to me when I was doing well

>and my fear of her cutting me down when I'm doing well is far

>more deep seated and MUCH stronger than I thought. The irony of

>the whole situations is that I was so severely depressed for so

>long (about 22 or 23 years, partially due to her treatment of

>me), that her cutting me down totally prevented me from

>realizing I had any worthwhile qualities whatsoever. In

>reality, I have since come to realize (through years of therapy

>and intense spiritual/religious devotion), that I have many

>amazing qualities and am actually a very sweet, nice person,

>which I am incredibly humble and grateful about. However, due

>to my fear, I have a knee jerk response to stay in my comfort

>zone and not move in any direction for fear of her judgment.

>When I do well, she cuts me down, when I fail, it makes her

>happy because then her children are clearly still " superior " to

>me (I am smarter and prettier than her children are, and have

>far more common sense and people skills- after about a year in

>therapy, I started to identify with Cinderella, to my complete

>surprise).

>

>I suspect some of the fear might be because the NC has been so

>recent (it's been less than 2 months). I think some of it is

>also having my stepsister on my Facebook. My stepnada is not,

>but I still don't really trust my stepsister and on some level

>feel like they will find a way to ruin my happiness and

>success. Some of my concern is that she will find a way to

>break contact or something will happen in the family for her to

>break contact. I know she's vindictive and will wait as

>many years as she has to in order to get her " revenge. " When

>her and my father (who I have no relationship with b/c his

>marriage to her is more important than his relationship with me

>and he's said this is so many words before) celebrated their

>20th wedding anniversary, they sent cards to the people who

>thought their marriage wouldn't work out and they were nasty

>cards. The first time I knowingly went NC with her, she waited

>a year for her 'perfect " opportunity to tell me off, which

>resulted in an even lengthier period of me going NC.

>

>I am determined to make this NC as permanent as possible. This

>is partially because dealing with my nada easily gets

>exhausting, but it is important for me to maintain a

>relationship with her. So partially, I do not have the energy,

>strength, or desire to manage relationships with 2 BPD's in

>maternal roles. One is all I can reasonably handle. The other

>reason is through my trial NC periods in my 20's, I have

>realized my life is truly better and happier without her in it.

>I am not afraid to pursue my various ambitions, to fail (which

>I have since come to realize is a normal and healthy part of

>life), my anxiety is lower, I am less depressed, and in

>general, enjoy life more.

>

>I am at a point where it is important that I continue to push

>myself to help continue with all these lifestyle changes I want

>to make, and in my mind, complete the transition from victim to

>survivor. I want this to be done and to be able to move on

>without looking back, which I have been able to do previously

>many times in a number of areas. I know I can do this, but it

>almost feels like my fear of her is like a safety mechanism

>holding me back that I have not yet learned to disarm. Any and

>all suggestions, ways of looking at it, and so on and so forth

>are welcome. If anyone is curious for more information about

>various things, I will be happy to oblige.

>

>Sorry this is so long and thank you to everyone on here for

>posting. Simply reading the posts gives me great comfort and

>helps give me strength by knowing I'm not the only one in a

>situation like this.

>

>le

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean about fear. It has taken me a long time to go past my fear

(see my recent post), but I would suggest realizing that you are an adult now,

not a child dependent on your stepnada. She doesn't have that much power over

you anymore.

You know the patterns and behavior of BPD, and knowledge is power.

You can stop her in her tracks at any time. You are an adult and can leave the

room/house/city at any time. You have your own life far away from the BP in

your life.

Take a baby step and see what happens. I really do believe that our BPs can't

touch us as adults anymore. We are not children anymore.

I hope you can find a way out of the fear, because that is a lingering effect of

a BP laced childhood, and it just gives them power and control in our adult

lives. As far as I am concerned, nada does not belong in my adult mind. Ding

Dong the Witch is Dead!

Wishing you the best

Hugs

Walkingto Happiness

>

> Hi,

>

> I'm pretty new to the board and haven't posted very much. I have found reading

various posts helps me greatly in so many ways and are also very comforting.

However, I need some help with the lingering fear I have from my stepnada that

is turning out to be much bigger than I had previously been aware of. my mom and

stepmom are both BPD, but things are at a reasonable place with my nada. She

lives in another state, we don't see each other very much (once a year at most),

and have limited phone contact. Since our contact is limited I am able to

maintain positive phone calls when we do talk, which is nice. The relationship

is far from perfect, but it is much better than it has been (I think partly

owing to her mother dying about a year and a half ago).

>

> The issues now is my stepnada. I have very recently gone NC with her and my

dad and still have some significant fear in a number of areas. The first fear

area, which is not as bad as it was and is slowly subsiding, is the immediate

" is she gonna try to get me? " " what is she gonna say that violates me or takes

things I told her in confidence against me? " However, I have not heard from her

in over a month, so I don't think this is going to be an issue.

>

> The fear that is really turning out to be bigger than I thought is the fear of

doing well. I'm trying to lose 30 pounds and am about to quit smoking again (my

quit date will be in August sometime), and I am reapplying to grad school this

fall. So I am really working very hard to make some very positive changes in my

lifestyle and for my health, as well as to continue to advance my career and be

able to work towards some long-term financial security and well being. Given the

many issues I have faced over the years, these are things I have been working

towards for most of my adult life (I'll be 31 in a few months).

>

> My stepnada was always the cruelest to me when I was doing well and my fear of

her cutting me down when I'm doing well is far more deep seated and MUCH

stronger than I thought. The irony of the whole situations is that I was so

severely depressed for so long (about 22 or 23 years, partially due to her

treatment of me), that her cutting me down totally prevented me from realizing I

had any worthwhile qualities whatsoever. In reality, I have since come to

realize (through years of therapy and intense spiritual/religious devotion),

that I have many amazing qualities and am actually a very sweet, nice person,

which I am incredibly humble and grateful about. However, due to my fear, I have

a knee jerk response to stay in my comfort zone and not move in any direction

for fear of her judgment. When I do well, she cuts me down, when I fail, it

makes her happy because then her children are clearly still " superior " to me (I

am smarter and prettier than her children are, and have far more common sense

and people skills- after about a year in therapy, I started to identify with

Cinderella, to my complete surprise).

>

> I suspect some of the fear might be because the NC has been so recent (it's

been less than 2 months). I think some of it is also having my stepsister on my

Facebook. My stepnada is not, but I still don't really trust my stepsister and

on some level feel like they will find a way to ruin my happiness and success.

Some of my concern is that she will find a way to break contact or something

will happen in the family for her to break contact. I know she's vindictive and

will wait as many years as she has to in order to get her " revenge. " When her

and my father (who I have no relationship with b/c his marriage to her is more

important than his relationship with me and he's said this is so many words

before) celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary, they sent cards to the

people who thought their marriage wouldn't work out and they were nasty cards.

The first time I knowingly went NC with her, she waited a year for her 'perfect "

opportunity to tell me off, which resulted in an even lengthier period of me

going NC.

>

> I am determined to make this NC as permanent as possible. This is partially

because dealing with my nada easily gets exhausting, but it is important for me

to maintain a relationship with her. So partially, I do not have the energy,

strength, or desire to manage relationships with 2 BPD's in maternal roles. One

is all I can reasonably handle. The other reason is through my trial NC periods

in my 20's, I have realized my life is truly better and happier without her in

it. I am not afraid to pursue my various ambitions, to fail (which I have since

come to realize is a normal and healthy part of life), my anxiety is lower, I am

less depressed, and in general, enjoy life more.

>

> I am at a point where it is important that I continue to push myself to help

continue with all these lifestyle changes I want to make, and in my mind,

complete the transition from victim to survivor. I want this to be done and to

be able to move on without looking back, which I have been able to do previously

many times in a number of areas. I know I can do this, but it almost feels like

my fear of her is like a safety mechanism holding me back that I have not yet

learned to disarm. Any and all suggestions, ways of looking at it, and so on and

so forth are welcome. If anyone is curious for more information about various

things, I will be happy to oblige.

>

> Sorry this is so long and thank you to everyone on here for posting. Simply

reading the posts gives me great comfort and helps give me strength by knowing

I'm not the only one in a situation like this.

>

> le

>

[Guest guest]

congrats on finding your strengths and getting appreciation for your good

qualities. your post just underscores that the negative feedback and treatment

has one purpose, to keep us from moving forward and growing as people (and away

from them) because they are so afraid of abandonment. it's actually good to know

that you are afraid. if you are moving toward quitting smoking you are going to

be feeling more and more of the fear so it's good progress to know you are in it

and acknowledge it.

I have pretty strong feelings about social networking sites, i think they should

be for fun and if they are not fun then something needs to change. I never had

any family on mine when I had one. Initially I had all of my family hid. I

eventually closed my facebook for other reasons but I don't see the point in

having this stuff if it's not something you enjoy, if it gives you anxiety you

can adjust your settings, there are certain ways of adjusting your posts and

info so they are not visible to certain users. There was some facebook drama in

my family a couple of weeks ago that I thought was ridiculous, and since I dont'

have a page I just was able to laugh about it and feel sorry for the people

involved.

>

> Hi,

>

> I'm pretty new to the board and haven't posted very much. I have found reading

various posts helps me greatly in so many ways and are also very comforting.

However, I need some help with the lingering fear I have from my stepnada that

is turning out to be much bigger than I had previously been aware of. my mom and

stepmom are both BPD, but things are at a reasonable place with my nada. She

lives in another state, we don't see each other very much (once a year at most),

and have limited phone contact. Since our contact is limited I am able to

maintain positive phone calls when we do talk, which is nice. The relationship

is far from perfect, but it is much better than it has been (I think partly

owing to her mother dying about a year and a half ago).

>

> The issues now is my stepnada. I have very recently gone NC with her and my

dad and still have some significant fear in a number of areas. The first fear

area, which is not as bad as it was and is slowly subsiding, is the immediate

" is she gonna try to get me? " " what is she gonna say that violates me or takes

things I told her in confidence against me? " However, I have not heard from her

in over a month, so I don't think this is going to be an issue.

>

> The fear that is really turning out to be bigger than I thought is the fear of

doing well. I'm trying to lose 30 pounds and am about to quit smoking again (my

quit date will be in August sometime), and I am reapplying to grad school this

fall. So I am really working very hard to make some very positive changes in my

lifestyle and for my health, as well as to continue to advance my career and be

able to work towards some long-term financial security and well being. Given the

many issues I have faced over the years, these are things I have been working

towards for most of my adult life (I'll be 31 in a few months).

>

> My stepnada was always the cruelest to me when I was doing well and my fear of

her cutting me down when I'm doing well is far more deep seated and MUCH

stronger than I thought. The irony of the whole situations is that I was so

severely depressed for so long (about 22 or 23 years, partially due to her

treatment of me), that her cutting me down totally prevented me from realizing I

had any worthwhile qualities whatsoever. In reality, I have since come to

realize (through years of therapy and intense spiritual/religious devotion),

that I have many amazing qualities and am actually a very sweet, nice person,

which I am incredibly humble and grateful about. However, due to my fear, I have

a knee jerk response to stay in my comfort zone and not move in any direction

for fear of her judgment. When I do well, she cuts me down, when I fail, it

makes her happy because then her children are clearly still " superior " to me (I

am smarter and prettier than her children are, and have far more common sense

and people skills- after about a year in therapy, I started to identify with

Cinderella, to my complete surprise).

>

> I suspect some of the fear might be because the NC has been so recent (it's

been less than 2 months). I think some of it is also having my stepsister on my

Facebook. My stepnada is not, but I still don't really trust my stepsister and

on some level feel like they will find a way to ruin my happiness and success.

Some of my concern is that she will find a way to break contact or something

will happen in the family for her to break contact. I know she's vindictive and

will wait as many years as she has to in order to get her " revenge. " When her

and my father (who I have no relationship with b/c his marriage to her is more

important than his relationship with me and he's said this is so many words

before) celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary, they sent cards to the

people who thought their marriage wouldn't work out and they were nasty cards.

The first time I knowingly went NC with her, she waited a year for her 'perfect "

opportunity to tell me off, which resulted in an even lengthier period of me

going NC.

>

> I am determined to make this NC as permanent as possible. This is partially

because dealing with my nada easily gets exhausting, but it is important for me

to maintain a relationship with her. So partially, I do not have the energy,

strength, or desire to manage relationships with 2 BPD's in maternal roles. One

is all I can reasonably handle. The other reason is through my trial NC periods

in my 20's, I have realized my life is truly better and happier without her in

it. I am not afraid to pursue my various ambitions, to fail (which I have since

come to realize is a normal and healthy part of life), my anxiety is lower, I am

less depressed, and in general, enjoy life more.

>

> I am at a point where it is important that I continue to push myself to help

continue with all these lifestyle changes I want to make, and in my mind,

complete the transition from victim to survivor. I want this to be done and to

be able to move on without looking back, which I have been able to do previously

many times in a number of areas. I know I can do this, but it almost feels like

my fear of her is like a safety mechanism holding me back that I have not yet

learned to disarm. Any and all suggestions, ways of looking at it, and so on and

so forth are welcome. If anyone is curious for more information about various

things, I will be happy to oblige.

>

> Sorry this is so long and thank you to everyone on here for posting. Simply

reading the posts gives me great comfort and helps give me strength by knowing

I'm not the only one in a situation like this.

>

> le

>

[Guest guest]

Well done on taking positive steps in your own life. For me, keeping going down

my own path of positivity and recovery no matter the craziness around me has in

the long run helped me with my fear. The satisfaction of achieving a goal (no

matter how small- at first it was as simple as keeping my apartment tidy) is a

good antidote to fear.

A turnng point for me was reading 'feel the fear and do it anyway' (can't

remember author, I am sure google will know). It really broke down for me what

my fear was about and put it in some perspective.

Nav

> >

> > Hi,

> >

> > I'm pretty new to the board and haven't posted very much. I have found

reading various posts helps me greatly in so many ways and are also very

comforting. However, I need some help with the lingering fear I have from my

stepnada that is turning out to be much bigger than I had previously been aware

of. my mom and stepmom are both BPD, but things are at a reasonable place with

my nada. She lives in another state, we don't see each other very much (once a

year at most), and have limited phone contact. Since our contact is limited I am

able to maintain positive phone calls when we do talk, which is nice. The

relationship is far from perfect, but it is much better than it has been (I

think partly owing to her mother dying about a year and a half ago).

> >

> > The issues now is my stepnada. I have very recently gone NC with her and my

dad and still have some significant fear in a number of areas. The first fear

area, which is not as bad as it was and is slowly subsiding, is the immediate

" is she gonna try to get me? " " what is she gonna say that violates me or takes

things I told her in confidence against me? " However, I have not heard from her

in over a month, so I don't think this is going to be an issue.

> >

> > The fear that is really turning out to be bigger than I thought is the fear

of doing well. I'm trying to lose 30 pounds and am about to quit smoking again

(my quit date will be in August sometime), and I am reapplying to grad school

this fall. So I am really working very hard to make some very positive changes

in my lifestyle and for my health, as well as to continue to advance my career

and be able to work towards some long-term financial security and well being.

Given the many issues I have faced over the years, these are things I have been

working towards for most of my adult life (I'll be 31 in a few months).

> >

> > My stepnada was always the cruelest to me when I was doing well and my fear

of her cutting me down when I'm doing well is far more deep seated and MUCH

stronger than I thought. The irony of the whole situations is that I was so

severely depressed for so long (about 22 or 23 years, partially due to her

treatment of me), that her cutting me down totally prevented me from realizing I

had any worthwhile qualities whatsoever. In reality, I have since come to

realize (through years of therapy and intense spiritual/religious devotion),

that I have many amazing qualities and am actually a very sweet, nice person,

which I am incredibly humble and grateful about. However, due to my fear, I have

a knee jerk response to stay in my comfort zone and not move in any direction

for fear of her judgment. When I do well, she cuts me down, when I fail, it

makes her happy because then her children are clearly still " superior " to me (I

am smarter and prettier than her children are, and have far more common sense

and people skills- after about a year in therapy, I started to identify with

Cinderella, to my complete surprise).

> >

> > I suspect some of the fear might be because the NC has been so recent (it's

been less than 2 months). I think some of it is also having my stepsister on my

Facebook. My stepnada is not, but I still don't really trust my stepsister and

on some level feel like they will find a way to ruin my happiness and success.

Some of my concern is that she will find a way to break contact or something

will happen in the family for her to break contact. I know she's vindictive and

will wait as many years as she has to in order to get her " revenge. " When her

and my father (who I have no relationship with b/c his marriage to her is more

important than his relationship with me and he's said this is so many words

before) celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary, they sent cards to the

people who thought their marriage wouldn't work out and they were nasty cards.

The first time I knowingly went NC with her, she waited a year for her 'perfect "

opportunity to tell me off, which resulted in an even lengthier period of me

going NC.

> >

> > I am determined to make this NC as permanent as possible. This is partially

because dealing with my nada easily gets exhausting, but it is important for me

to maintain a relationship with her. So partially, I do not have the energy,

strength, or desire to manage relationships with 2 BPD's in maternal roles. One

is all I can reasonably handle. The other reason is through my trial NC periods

in my 20's, I have realized my life is truly better and happier without her in

it. I am not afraid to pursue my various ambitions, to fail (which I have since

come to realize is a normal and healthy part of life), my anxiety is lower, I am

less depressed, and in general, enjoy life more.

> >

> > I am at a point where it is important that I continue to push myself to help

continue with all these lifestyle changes I want to make, and in my mind,

complete the transition from victim to survivor. I want this to be done and to

be able to move on without looking back, which I have been able to do previously

many times in a number of areas. I know I can do this, but it almost feels like

my fear of her is like a safety mechanism holding me back that I have not yet

learned to disarm. Any and all suggestions, ways of looking at it, and so on and

so forth are welcome. If anyone is curious for more information about various

things, I will be happy to oblige.

> >

> > Sorry this is so long and thank you to everyone on here for posting. Simply

reading the posts gives me great comfort and helps give me strength by knowing

I'm not the only one in a situation like this.

> >

> > le

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Isis,

I am in very much a similar situation, with a nada mom and a stepnada. I see my

nada once a year too, and we have a decent relationship. Stepnada, on the other

hand... I think she is much lower functioning than my nada.

Fear took a while for me to disarm as well. When she would sabotage me, in much

the same ways you describe, I began to realize that other people saw her

nuttiness and actually had sympathy for me. That told me that her insanity was

all on her -- that her cruelty came from her insanity and was her

responsibility. It was a revelation that I did not have to make peace with her,

did not have to subjugate myself to her -- and that others saw her the way I

did. That was a huge encouragement.

My husband also said something else the other day that was a complete

revelation. SHE IS NOT YOUR FAMILY. You owe her NOTHING. You don't have to take

care of her in her old age. You don't have to give her mother birthday cards to

avoid her next rage. YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

And once you realize there IS no obligation, you can de-friend your stepsiblings

if you want to, depending on whether they are her flying monkeys. Or, if they

also see her madness, perhaps you and they have something in common, a joint

struggle.

But, bottom line, she's not family and you owe her NOTHING.

Best of everything to you, and may you have much success.

Tina

>

> Hi,

>

> I'm pretty new to the board and haven't posted very much. I have found reading

various posts helps me greatly in so many ways and are also very comforting.

However, I need some help with the lingering fear I have from my stepnada that

is turning out to be much bigger than I had previously been aware of. my mom and

stepmom are both BPD, but things are at a reasonable place with my nada. She

lives in another state, we don't see each other very much (once a year at most),

and have limited phone contact. Since our contact is limited I am able to

maintain positive phone calls when we do talk, which is nice. The relationship

is far from perfect, but it is much better than it has been (I think partly

owing to her mother dying about a year and a half ago).

>

> The issues now is my stepnada. I have very recently gone NC with her and my

dad and still have some significant fear in a number of areas. The first fear

area, which is not as bad as it was and is slowly subsiding, is the immediate

" is she gonna try to get me? " " what is she gonna say that violates me or takes

things I told her in confidence against me? " However, I have not heard from her

in over a month, so I don't think this is going to be an issue.

>

> The fear that is really turning out to be bigger than I thought is the fear of

doing well. I'm trying to lose 30 pounds and am about to quit smoking again (my

quit date will be in August sometime), and I am reapplying to grad school this

fall. So I am really working very hard to make some very positive changes in my

lifestyle and for my health, as well as to continue to advance my career and be

able to work towards some long-term financial security and well being. Given the

many issues I have faced over the years, these are things I have been working

towards for most of my adult life (I'll be 31 in a few months).

>

> My stepnada was always the cruelest to me when I was doing well and my fear of

her cutting me down when I'm doing well is far more deep seated and MUCH

stronger than I thought. The irony of the whole situations is that I was so

severely depressed for so long (about 22 or 23 years, partially due to her

treatment of me), that her cutting me down totally prevented me from realizing I

had any worthwhile qualities whatsoever. In reality, I have since come to

realize (through years of therapy and intense spiritual/religious devotion),

that I have many amazing qualities and am actually a very sweet, nice person,

which I am incredibly humble and grateful about. However, due to my fear, I have

a knee jerk response to stay in my comfort zone and not move in any direction

for fear of her judgment. When I do well, she cuts me down, when I fail, it

makes her happy because then her children are clearly still " superior " to me (I

am smarter and prettier than her children are, and have far more common sense

and people skills- after about a year in therapy, I started to identify with

Cinderella, to my complete surprise).

>

> I suspect some of the fear might be because the NC has been so recent (it's

been less than 2 months). I think some of it is also having my stepsister on my

Facebook. My stepnada is not, but I still don't really trust my stepsister and

on some level feel like they will find a way to ruin my happiness and success.

Some of my concern is that she will find a way to break contact or something

will happen in the family for her to break contact. I know she's vindictive and

will wait as many years as she has to in order to get her " revenge. " When her

and my father (who I have no relationship with b/c his marriage to her is more

important than his relationship with me and he's said this is so many words

before) celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary, they sent cards to the

people who thought their marriage wouldn't work out and they were nasty cards.

The first time I knowingly went NC with her, she waited a year for her 'perfect "

opportunity to tell me off, which resulted in an even lengthier period of me

going NC.

>

> I am determined to make this NC as permanent as possible. This is partially

because dealing with my nada easily gets exhausting, but it is important for me

to maintain a relationship with her. So partially, I do not have the energy,

strength, or desire to manage relationships with 2 BPD's in maternal roles. One

is all I can reasonably handle. The other reason is through my trial NC periods

in my 20's, I have realized my life is truly better and happier without her in

it. I am not afraid to pursue my various ambitions, to fail (which I have since

come to realize is a normal and healthy part of life), my anxiety is lower, I am

less depressed, and in general, enjoy life more.

>

> I am at a point where it is important that I continue to push myself to help

continue with all these lifestyle changes I want to make, and in my mind,

complete the transition from victim to survivor. I want this to be done and to

be able to move on without looking back, which I have been able to do previously

many times in a number of areas. I know I can do this, but it almost feels like

my fear of her is like a safety mechanism holding me back that I have not yet

learned to disarm. Any and all suggestions, ways of looking at it, and so on and

so forth are welcome. If anyone is curious for more information about various

things, I will be happy to oblige.

>

> Sorry this is so long and thank you to everyone on here for posting. Simply

reading the posts gives me great comfort and helps give me strength by knowing

I'm not the only one in a situation like this.

>

> le

>