Guest guest Posted June 21, 2009 Report Share Posted June 21, 2009 Kim, I am no expert by any means, but I'll share with you what I believe I experienced. My dad was BPD (un-Dxd) and my step mom was NPD (narcisstic PD - also undiagnosed) and probably BPD as well. It has not been until very recently I've come to believe this STRONGLY. It would take MUCH to convince me they weren't bpd/npd. My dad died in '01, my stepmom in '06. It dawned on me recently what the pecking order seems to have been. Step nada was the top of the totem pole and pretty much called the shots (including alienating all 3 of my sibs at one time or another for various lengths of time). She seemed to have no problem belittling my dad in front of me/us, and he seemed to have not much of a spine when it came to her (he certainly seemed to have one when it came to me!). She did talk down to me and make cutting, belittling remarks, but most of the BPD behavior that I received came from my fada. He raged at me, she did not. He told me I was responsible for his well being, she did not, etc. She did however think that my hair, clothes, make up, etc should be just like hers. Sadly, even literally on his death bed, he let her rule. She insisted we pile blankets on him despite the fact he was sweating profusely. He seemed unconscious, so no harm no foul. But shortly after she left the room, he 'woke up' yelling and insisting we take off the blankets. Yah, the pecking order continued. During their life together, I don't think they fought alot (he let her rule), but when they did, they did. My suspicion is that he'd reach points where he was tired of 'taking it' and speak up, but I think after a go-round or two, that was quickly squelched. No, it wasn't a healthy couple, but it worked for them in a twisted way. Others would comment on how well-matched, loving, etc they were. Confused me greatly at the time. But it was most toxic to us kids. They were happy in their dysfuntion, we had no choice but to take it. Again, just one experience; my thoughts to take or leave. Take care, I have been wonering, been a person with BP comes across another with BP, do they just validate each other, or instead clash because both are in need of control or both need to be the victim?? In other words, I wonder what happens when she comes across a couple in which one partener is BP? I imagine it is not health for the couple, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2009 Report Share Posted June 21, 2009 Thank you for sharing . It seems that if two BP meet, that they ultimately one must be " the waif " ? Willing to think s/he deserves the abuse, and play the victim, and the waif must find someone to abuse that is not the other BP. I imagine that two Queens would not fair well together. I am sorry that both of your parents were ill and that you did not have either one to offer you a beacon of light of sanity. You should be proud of yourself that you had the insight to find your way out of that mess. ~Kim > I have been wonering, been a person with BP comes across another with BP, do they just validate each other, or instead clash because both are in need of control or both need to be the victim?? In other words, I wonder what happens when she comes across a couple in which one partener is BP? I imagine it is not health for the couple, though. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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