Re: FOO Hoovering Attempts

[Guest guest]

Tell nada that if someone is suicidal, they need professional help, from a

PROFESSIONAL.

>

> Any feedback or sharing of similar stories on this would be appreciated. I

realize this is long so my apologies in advance.

>

> Just a quick run down of my scenario: I have been LC with nada (BPD waif/witch

type) and LC with older bada age 34 (I will refer to him has bada #1 he is

probably dependent personality disordered) and I am NC with middle bada age 32(I

will refer to him as bada#2 he is a NPD).

>

> I have been dilligently maintaining my contact boundaries with all of them for

a few years now. Recently my nada phoned to tell me that bada#2 is having a

mental breakdown. He lives with her at age 32 and doesnt work, and abuses nada's

resources. Nada then tries to convince me that I should email bada#2 and give

him some words of encouragement. Bada#2 is reportedly suicidal and extremely

unstable emotionally (what else is new?). Some of you might remember my posting

about him defacing photos of me which nada displayed in her house. Obviously he

is a huge burden to nada but nada always has and always will allow her sons to

abuse her in every way with no end in sight. I told nada that I was sorry to

hear about this but I am not able to send bada#2 an email but I wish them all

the best in their difficult time. I also mentioned that I was acutely aware that

bada#2's emotionaly health has been unstable for years. Nada didn't like this

reaction of course.

>

> I have learned no amount of logical discussion with any of my FOO is fruitful

so I have given up and now I employ " compassionate detachment. " Nada was

obviously displeased with my response but I don't care. She has been ignoring me

since, not that I don't enjoy her silent treatment secretly.

>

> To be honest I feel the old sting of past resentments boiling up here since

nada has never encouraged my bada's to be respectful or civil to me. Nada has

only fostered an environment of allowing my older bada's to abuse me verbally,

emotionally, physically, and financially..... since I was a child. Badas used to

humiliate me in public around their friends by throwing beverages over my head,

referring to me as 'bitch' instead of my name since I was younger than 10,

screaming in my face, threats, stealing and destroying my favourite things,

unprovoked and brutal physical beatings, purposefully urinating all over the

bathroom seat so I had to clean it up before I went, turning schoolmates and

their older friends against me, lying, stealing, I could go on but you get the

point. Nada just sat back and allowed it all to happen with no control or

discipline for them. I learned early that nada would not protect me, only she

blamed me for all of it.

>

> I am still expected to 'put up and shut up' as I call it. Not only that, I am

still expected to shell out sweetness and support to my abusers. ACK! Crazy

making!

>

> I should mention this call from nada came the day after I broke up with my

boyfriend of 1.5 yrs and I was in a lot of personal pain to begin with. I have

not discussed my situation with any most of my FOO for obvious reasons.

>

> Bada #1 with whom I am LC, wanted to join me for a visit two weekends ago. I

agreed as I can tolerate him when he's on his best behavior. Although I was

aware he probably had motives behind this visit. Bada #1 tried to convince me to

that he wanted me to help him with nada and bada#2 to try and " set them

straight. " Basically he wants for me to re-engage in the dysfunctional family

abuses, spend time with all of them together for holidays, and try and " help "

with nada with the mental breakdown of bada#2.

>

> I am not going to engage in any of this, and calmly explained to bada#1 that

although I admire that he wanted to help his family that I know this is not

possible, and that nada and bada#1 are very unhappy people by choice and will

proabably remain so no matter what bada#1, me, or anybody else does to try and

help so therefore I am " caring from afar. " I always get accused of " not caring "

since I started with boundaries. I also explained that he would have to accept

my decision for NC and LC boundaries and although he doesn't have to like it,

this is my choice. Bada complained that we never spend time together so I also

explained I would like to spend time with him as my brother but it would have to

be separate from the other FOO members. Bada#1 is having a hard time with this,

so I explained BPD and NPD, and that I had spent a lot of time researching these

issues which ultimately explains why the FOO is so messed up. He seemed to be

fairly open to this part which is good, but he's not yet understanding the whole

dysfunctional picture as of yet, he probably never will.

>

> I am sure this is just an attempt at FOGGING me but bada#1 then revealed some

of the rotten things that nada and bada#2 say about me since I have gone NC and

LC with them. Such as how I think I am too good for my family now that I have a

rich boyfriend, etc. I calmly explained to bada#1 that I don't even have a

boyfriend anymore and that my feelings about my boundaries have not changed, nor

will they ever, boyfriend or not. Bada#1 then went into assh#*e mode and gave me

a hard time about my relationship failing. I think he had his sights on my ex's

resources, not that I would ever allow that kind of thing. Bada#1 then insisted

that I just " get over it " meaning, the fact that he was always the golden child,

and spend time with my FOO again.

>

> Later on bada ran out of money so I had to pay for part of his portion of the

restaurant tab, and give him cab fare to get home. Of course there was no

thank-you from bada, not that I would expect one. At the end of the night our

unfortunate mutual friend who bore witness to this ridiculousness asked for a

hug goodbye from me, which I happily obliged. As bada#1 was leaving I went to

give him a hug goodbye too and he roughly pushed my arm out of the way while

storming out the door. I said " oh I guess you don't want a hug " and he grumbled

" NO! " and off they went. So its still becoming more and more clear how messed up

and dysfunctional my FOO truly is. Bada#1 claims to wants more time with me yet

bounces back and forth from hating me to wanting more of my time. Ugh

>

> I have not spoken to any FOO since this and I guess I am just looking for

support on my feelings about it all. I feel mostly and strangely calm and

disengaged which I hope means I am not enmeshed with them anymore. But I guess

its just a bit depressing that I have zero family support during difficult times

such as a painful breakup, I know I will never have this support from them,ever.

I am also wondering what I shall do for Christmas this year as I won't have my

ex's lovely family to spend it with this year and i'm basically on my own. Any

ideas?

>

> I fully expect the FOO to kick up a notch closer to Christmas as the FOGGING

will surely persist. I just don't want to deal with it, deep down sometimes I

actually think I hate them.

>

[Guest guest]

He has got professional help, meds, etc. He should have had it when he was a

child mind you. It's about 25 years too late I think.

> >

> > Any feedback or sharing of similar stories on this would be appreciated. I

realize this is long so my apologies in advance.

> >

> > Just a quick run down of my scenario: I have been LC with nada (BPD

waif/witch type) and LC with older bada age 34 (I will refer to him has bada #1

he is probably dependent personality disordered) and I am NC with middle bada

age 32(I will refer to him as bada#2 he is a NPD).

> >

> > I have been dilligently maintaining my contact boundaries with all of them

for a few years now. Recently my nada phoned to tell me that bada#2 is having a

mental breakdown. He lives with her at age 32 and doesnt work, and abuses nada's

resources. Nada then tries to convince me that I should email bada#2 and give

him some words of encouragement. Bada#2 is reportedly suicidal and extremely

unstable emotionally (what else is new?). Some of you might remember my posting

about him defacing photos of me which nada displayed in her house. Obviously he

is a huge burden to nada but nada always has and always will allow her sons to

abuse her in every way with no end in sight. I told nada that I was sorry to

hear about this but I am not able to send bada#2 an email but I wish them all

the best in their difficult time. I also mentioned that I was acutely aware that

bada#2's emotionaly health has been unstable for years. Nada didn't like this

reaction of course.

> >

> > I have learned no amount of logical discussion with any of my FOO is

fruitful so I have given up and now I employ " compassionate detachment. " Nada

was obviously displeased with my response but I don't care. She has been

ignoring me since, not that I don't enjoy her silent treatment secretly.

> >

> > To be honest I feel the old sting of past resentments boiling up here since

nada has never encouraged my bada's to be respectful or civil to me. Nada has

only fostered an environment of allowing my older bada's to abuse me verbally,

emotionally, physically, and financially..... since I was a child. Badas used to

humiliate me in public around their friends by throwing beverages over my head,

referring to me as 'bitch' instead of my name since I was younger than 10,

screaming in my face, threats, stealing and destroying my favourite things,

unprovoked and brutal physical beatings, purposefully urinating all over the

bathroom seat so I had to clean it up before I went, turning schoolmates and

their older friends against me, lying, stealing, I could go on but you get the

point. Nada just sat back and allowed it all to happen with no control or

discipline for them. I learned early that nada would not protect me, only she

blamed me for all of it.

> >

> > I am still expected to 'put up and shut up' as I call it. Not only that, I

am still expected to shell out sweetness and support to my abusers. ACK! Crazy

making!

> >

> > I should mention this call from nada came the day after I broke up with my

boyfriend of 1.5 yrs and I was in a lot of personal pain to begin with. I have

not discussed my situation with any most of my FOO for obvious reasons.

> >

> > Bada #1 with whom I am LC, wanted to join me for a visit two weekends ago. I

agreed as I can tolerate him when he's on his best behavior. Although I was

aware he probably had motives behind this visit. Bada #1 tried to convince me to

that he wanted me to help him with nada and bada#2 to try and " set them

straight. " Basically he wants for me to re-engage in the dysfunctional family

abuses, spend time with all of them together for holidays, and try and " help "

with nada with the mental breakdown of bada#2.

> >

> > I am not going to engage in any of this, and calmly explained to bada#1 that

although I admire that he wanted to help his family that I know this is not

possible, and that nada and bada#1 are very unhappy people by choice and will

proabably remain so no matter what bada#1, me, or anybody else does to try and

help so therefore I am " caring from afar. " I always get accused of " not caring "

since I started with boundaries. I also explained that he would have to accept

my decision for NC and LC boundaries and although he doesn't have to like it,

this is my choice. Bada complained that we never spend time together so I also

explained I would like to spend time with him as my brother but it would have to

be separate from the other FOO members. Bada#1 is having a hard time with this,

so I explained BPD and NPD, and that I had spent a lot of time researching these

issues which ultimately explains why the FOO is so messed up. He seemed to be

fairly open to this part which is good, but he's not yet understanding the whole

dysfunctional picture as of yet, he probably never will.

> >

> > I am sure this is just an attempt at FOGGING me but bada#1 then revealed

some of the rotten things that nada and bada#2 say about me since I have gone NC

and LC with them. Such as how I think I am too good for my family now that I

have a rich boyfriend, etc. I calmly explained to bada#1 that I don't even have

a boyfriend anymore and that my feelings about my boundaries have not changed,

nor will they ever, boyfriend or not. Bada#1 then went into assh#*e mode and

gave me a hard time about my relationship failing. I think he had his sights on

my ex's resources, not that I would ever allow that kind of thing. Bada#1 then

insisted that I just " get over it " meaning, the fact that he was always the

golden child, and spend time with my FOO again.

> >

> > Later on bada ran out of money so I had to pay for part of his portion of

the restaurant tab, and give him cab fare to get home. Of course there was no

thank-you from bada, not that I would expect one. At the end of the night our

unfortunate mutual friend who bore witness to this ridiculousness asked for a

hug goodbye from me, which I happily obliged. As bada#1 was leaving I went to

give him a hug goodbye too and he roughly pushed my arm out of the way while

storming out the door. I said " oh I guess you don't want a hug " and he grumbled

" NO! " and off they went. So its still becoming more and more clear how messed up

and dysfunctional my FOO truly is. Bada#1 claims to wants more time with me yet

bounces back and forth from hating me to wanting more of my time. Ugh

> >

> > I have not spoken to any FOO since this and I guess I am just looking for

support on my feelings about it all. I feel mostly and strangely calm and

disengaged which I hope means I am not enmeshed with them anymore. But I guess

its just a bit depressing that I have zero family support during difficult times

such as a painful breakup, I know I will never have this support from them,ever.

I am also wondering what I shall do for Christmas this year as I won't have my

ex's lovely family to spend it with this year and i'm basically on my own. Any

ideas?

> >

> > I fully expect the FOO to kick up a notch closer to Christmas as the FOGGING

will surely persist. I just don't want to deal with it, deep down sometimes I

actually think I hate them.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

But if he is suicidal right now, there are emergency resources that can help him

right now.

> > >

> > > Any feedback or sharing of similar stories on this would be appreciated. I

realize this is long so my apologies in advance.

> > >

> > > Just a quick run down of my scenario: I have been LC with nada (BPD

waif/witch type) and LC with older bada age 34 (I will refer to him has bada #1

he is probably dependent personality disordered) and I am NC with middle bada

age 32(I will refer to him as bada#2 he is a NPD).

> > >

> > > I have been dilligently maintaining my contact boundaries with all of them

for a few years now. Recently my nada phoned to tell me that bada#2 is having a

mental breakdown. He lives with her at age 32 and doesnt work, and abuses nada's

resources. Nada then tries to convince me that I should email bada#2 and give

him some words of encouragement. Bada#2 is reportedly suicidal and extremely

unstable emotionally (what else is new?). Some of you might remember my posting

about him defacing photos of me which nada displayed in her house. Obviously he

is a huge burden to nada but nada always has and always will allow her sons to

abuse her in every way with no end in sight. I told nada that I was sorry to

hear about this but I am not able to send bada#2 an email but I wish them all

the best in their difficult time. I also mentioned that I was acutely aware that

bada#2's emotionaly health has been unstable for years. Nada didn't like this

reaction of course.

> > >

> > > I have learned no amount of logical discussion with any of my FOO is

fruitful so I have given up and now I employ " compassionate detachment. " Nada

was obviously displeased with my response but I don't care. She has been

ignoring me since, not that I don't enjoy her silent treatment secretly.

> > >

> > > To be honest I feel the old sting of past resentments boiling up here

since nada has never encouraged my bada's to be respectful or civil to me. Nada

has only fostered an environment of allowing my older bada's to abuse me

verbally, emotionally, physically, and financially..... since I was a child.

Badas used to humiliate me in public around their friends by throwing beverages

over my head, referring to me as 'bitch' instead of my name since I was younger

than 10, screaming in my face, threats, stealing and destroying my favourite

things, unprovoked and brutal physical beatings, purposefully urinating all over

the bathroom seat so I had to clean it up before I went, turning schoolmates and

their older friends against me, lying, stealing, I could go on but you get the

point. Nada just sat back and allowed it all to happen with no control or

discipline for them. I learned early that nada would not protect me, only she

blamed me for all of it.

> > >

> > > I am still expected to 'put up and shut up' as I call it. Not only that, I

am still expected to shell out sweetness and support to my abusers. ACK! Crazy

making!

> > >

> > > I should mention this call from nada came the day after I broke up with my

boyfriend of 1.5 yrs and I was in a lot of personal pain to begin with. I have

not discussed my situation with any most of my FOO for obvious reasons.

> > >

> > > Bada #1 with whom I am LC, wanted to join me for a visit two weekends ago.

I agreed as I can tolerate him when he's on his best behavior. Although I was

aware he probably had motives behind this visit. Bada #1 tried to convince me to

that he wanted me to help him with nada and bada#2 to try and " set them

straight. " Basically he wants for me to re-engage in the dysfunctional family

abuses, spend time with all of them together for holidays, and try and " help "

with nada with the mental breakdown of bada#2.

> > >

> > > I am not going to engage in any of this, and calmly explained to bada#1

that although I admire that he wanted to help his family that I know this is not

possible, and that nada and bada#1 are very unhappy people by choice and will

proabably remain so no matter what bada#1, me, or anybody else does to try and

help so therefore I am " caring from afar. " I always get accused of " not caring "

since I started with boundaries. I also explained that he would have to accept

my decision for NC and LC boundaries and although he doesn't have to like it,

this is my choice. Bada complained that we never spend time together so I also

explained I would like to spend time with him as my brother but it would have to

be separate from the other FOO members. Bada#1 is having a hard time with this,

so I explained BPD and NPD, and that I had spent a lot of time researching these

issues which ultimately explains why the FOO is so messed up. He seemed to be

fairly open to this part which is good, but he's not yet understanding the whole

dysfunctional picture as of yet, he probably never will.

> > >

> > > I am sure this is just an attempt at FOGGING me but bada#1 then revealed

some of the rotten things that nada and bada#2 say about me since I have gone NC

and LC with them. Such as how I think I am too good for my family now that I

have a rich boyfriend, etc. I calmly explained to bada#1 that I don't even have

a boyfriend anymore and that my feelings about my boundaries have not changed,

nor will they ever, boyfriend or not. Bada#1 then went into assh#*e mode and

gave me a hard time about my relationship failing. I think he had his sights on

my ex's resources, not that I would ever allow that kind of thing. Bada#1 then

insisted that I just " get over it " meaning, the fact that he was always the

golden child, and spend time with my FOO again.

> > >

> > > Later on bada ran out of money so I had to pay for part of his portion of

the restaurant tab, and give him cab fare to get home. Of course there was no

thank-you from bada, not that I would expect one. At the end of the night our

unfortunate mutual friend who bore witness to this ridiculousness asked for a

hug goodbye from me, which I happily obliged. As bada#1 was leaving I went to

give him a hug goodbye too and he roughly pushed my arm out of the way while

storming out the door. I said " oh I guess you don't want a hug " and he grumbled

" NO! " and off they went. So its still becoming more and more clear how messed up

and dysfunctional my FOO truly is. Bada#1 claims to wants more time with me yet

bounces back and forth from hating me to wanting more of my time. Ugh

> > >

> > > I have not spoken to any FOO since this and I guess I am just looking for

support on my feelings about it all. I feel mostly and strangely calm and

disengaged which I hope means I am not enmeshed with them anymore. But I guess

its just a bit depressing that I have zero family support during difficult times

such as a painful breakup, I know I will never have this support from them,ever.

I am also wondering what I shall do for Christmas this year as I won't have my

ex's lovely family to spend it with this year and i'm basically on my own. Any

ideas?

> > >

> > > I fully expect the FOO to kick up a notch closer to Christmas as the

FOGGING will surely persist. I just don't want to deal with it, deep down

sometimes I actually think I hate them.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Nada has decided SHE will be his emergency services instead. She says she is

afraid to leave him alone. Believe me, I tried telling her this but I could

probably have a more fruitful conversation with Curious the monkey.

> > > >

> > > > Any feedback or sharing of similar stories on this would be appreciated.

I realize this is long so my apologies in advance.

> > > >

> > > > Just a quick run down of my scenario: I have been LC with nada (BPD

waif/witch type) and LC with older bada age 34 (I will refer to him has bada #1

he is probably dependent personality disordered) and I am NC with middle bada

age 32(I will refer to him as bada#2 he is a NPD).

> > > >

> > > > I have been dilligently maintaining my contact boundaries with all of

them for a few years now. Recently my nada phoned to tell me that bada#2 is

having a mental breakdown. He lives with her at age 32 and doesnt work, and

abuses nada's resources. Nada then tries to convince me that I should email

bada#2 and give him some words of encouragement. Bada#2 is reportedly suicidal

and extremely unstable emotionally (what else is new?). Some of you might

remember my posting about him defacing photos of me which nada displayed in her

house. Obviously he is a huge burden to nada but nada always has and always will

allow her sons to abuse her in every way with no end in sight. I told nada that

I was sorry to hear about this but I am not able to send bada#2 an email but I

wish them all the best in their difficult time. I also mentioned that I was

acutely aware that bada#2's emotionaly health has been unstable for years. Nada

didn't like this reaction of course.

> > > >

> > > > I have learned no amount of logical discussion with any of my FOO is

fruitful so I have given up and now I employ " compassionate detachment. " Nada

was obviously displeased with my response but I don't care. She has been

ignoring me since, not that I don't enjoy her silent treatment secretly.

> > > >

> > > > To be honest I feel the old sting of past resentments boiling up here

since nada has never encouraged my bada's to be respectful or civil to me. Nada

has only fostered an environment of allowing my older bada's to abuse me

verbally, emotionally, physically, and financially..... since I was a child.

Badas used to humiliate me in public around their friends by throwing beverages

over my head, referring to me as 'bitch' instead of my name since I was younger

than 10, screaming in my face, threats, stealing and destroying my favourite

things, unprovoked and brutal physical beatings, purposefully urinating all over

the bathroom seat so I had to clean it up before I went, turning schoolmates and

their older friends against me, lying, stealing, I could go on but you get the

point. Nada just sat back and allowed it all to happen with no control or

discipline for them. I learned early that nada would not protect me, only she

blamed me for all of it.

> > > >

> > > > I am still expected to 'put up and shut up' as I call it. Not only that,

I am still expected to shell out sweetness and support to my abusers. ACK! Crazy

making!

> > > >

> > > > I should mention this call from nada came the day after I broke up with

my boyfriend of 1.5 yrs and I was in a lot of personal pain to begin with. I

have not discussed my situation with any most of my FOO for obvious reasons.

> > > >

> > > > Bada #1 with whom I am LC, wanted to join me for a visit two weekends

ago. I agreed as I can tolerate him when he's on his best behavior. Although I

was aware he probably had motives behind this visit. Bada #1 tried to convince

me to that he wanted me to help him with nada and bada#2 to try and " set them

straight. " Basically he wants for me to re-engage in the dysfunctional family

abuses, spend time with all of them together for holidays, and try and " help "

with nada with the mental breakdown of bada#2.

> > > >

> > > > I am not going to engage in any of this, and calmly explained to bada#1

that although I admire that he wanted to help his family that I know this is not

possible, and that nada and bada#1 are very unhappy people by choice and will

proabably remain so no matter what bada#1, me, or anybody else does to try and

help so therefore I am " caring from afar. " I always get accused of " not caring "

since I started with boundaries. I also explained that he would have to accept

my decision for NC and LC boundaries and although he doesn't have to like it,

this is my choice. Bada complained that we never spend time together so I also

explained I would like to spend time with him as my brother but it would have to

be separate from the other FOO members. Bada#1 is having a hard time with this,

so I explained BPD and NPD, and that I had spent a lot of time researching these

issues which ultimately explains why the FOO is so messed up. He seemed to be

fairly open to this part which is good, but he's not yet understanding the whole

dysfunctional picture as of yet, he probably never will.

> > > >

> > > > I am sure this is just an attempt at FOGGING me but bada#1 then revealed

some of the rotten things that nada and bada#2 say about me since I have gone NC

and LC with them. Such as how I think I am too good for my family now that I

have a rich boyfriend, etc. I calmly explained to bada#1 that I don't even have

a boyfriend anymore and that my feelings about my boundaries have not changed,

nor will they ever, boyfriend or not. Bada#1 then went into assh#*e mode and

gave me a hard time about my relationship failing. I think he had his sights on

my ex's resources, not that I would ever allow that kind of thing. Bada#1 then

insisted that I just " get over it " meaning, the fact that he was always the

golden child, and spend time with my FOO again.

> > > >

> > > > Later on bada ran out of money so I had to pay for part of his portion

of the restaurant tab, and give him cab fare to get home. Of course there was no

thank-you from bada, not that I would expect one. At the end of the night our

unfortunate mutual friend who bore witness to this ridiculousness asked for a

hug goodbye from me, which I happily obliged. As bada#1 was leaving I went to

give him a hug goodbye too and he roughly pushed my arm out of the way while

storming out the door. I said " oh I guess you don't want a hug " and he grumbled

" NO! " and off they went. So its still becoming more and more clear how messed up

and dysfunctional my FOO truly is. Bada#1 claims to wants more time with me yet

bounces back and forth from hating me to wanting more of my time. Ugh

> > > >

> > > > I have not spoken to any FOO since this and I guess I am just looking

for support on my feelings about it all. I feel mostly and strangely calm and

disengaged which I hope means I am not enmeshed with them anymore. But I guess

its just a bit depressing that I have zero family support during difficult times

such as a painful breakup, I know I will never have this support from them,ever.

I am also wondering what I shall do for Christmas this year as I won't have my

ex's lovely family to spend it with this year and i'm basically on my own. Any

ideas?

> > > >

> > > > I fully expect the FOO to kick up a notch closer to Christmas as the

FOGGING will surely persist. I just don't want to deal with it, deep down

sometimes I actually think I hate them.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You do realize you could call the police in the area they live in and tell them?

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thu, November 5, 2009 6:18:46 PM

Subject: Re: FOO Hoovering Attempts

Nada has decided SHE will be his emergency services instead. She says she is

afraid to leave him alone. Believe me, I tried telling her this but I could

probably have a more fruitful conversation with Curious the monkey.

> > > >

> > > > Any feedback or sharing of similar stories on this would be appreciated.

I realize this is long so my apologies in advance.

> > > >

> > > > Just a quick run down of my scenario: I have been LC with nada (BPD

waif/witch type) and LC with older bada age 34 (I will refer to him has bada #1

he is probably dependent personality disordered) and I am NC with middle bada

age 32(I will refer to him as bada#2 he is a NPD).

> > > >

> > > > I have been dilligently maintaining my contact boundaries with all of

them for a few years now. Recently my nada phoned to tell me that bada#2 is

having a mental breakdown. He lives with her at age 32 and doesnt work, and

abuses nada's resources. Nada then tries to convince me that I should email

bada#2 and give him some words of encouragement. Bada#2 is reportedly suicidal

and extremely unstable emotionally (what else is new?). Some of you might

remember my posting about him defacing photos of me which nada displayed in her

house. Obviously he is a huge burden to nada but nada always has and always will

allow her sons to abuse her in every way with no end in sight. I told nada that

I was sorry to hear about this but I am not able to send bada#2 an email but I

wish them all the best in their difficult time. I also mentioned that I was

acutely aware that bada#2's emotionaly health has been unstable for years. Nada

didn't like this reaction of

course.

> > > >

> > > > I have learned no amount of logical discussion with any of my FOO is

fruitful so I have given up and now I employ " compassionate detachment. " Nada

was obviously displeased with my response but I don't care. She has been

ignoring me since, not that I don't enjoy her silent treatment secretly.

> > > >

> > > > To be honest I feel the old sting of past resentments boiling up here

since nada has never encouraged my bada's to be respectful or civil to me. Nada

has only fostered an environment of allowing my older bada's to abuse me

verbally, emotionally, physically, and financially. .... since I was a child.

Badas used to humiliate me in public around their friends by throwing beverages

over my head, referring to me as 'bitch' instead of my name since I was younger

than 10, screaming in my face, threats, stealing and destroying my favourite

things, unprovoked and brutal physical beatings, purposefully urinating all over

the bathroom seat so I had to clean it up before I went, turning schoolmates and

their older friends against me, lying, stealing, I could go on but you get the

point. Nada just sat back and allowed it all to happen with no control or

discipline for them. I learned early that nada would not protect me, only she

blamed me for all of it.

> > > >

> > > > I am still expected to 'put up and shut up' as I call it. Not only that,

I am still expected to shell out sweetness and support to my abusers. ACK! Crazy

making!

> > > >

> > > > I should mention this call from nada came the day after I broke up with

my boyfriend of 1.5 yrs and I was in a lot of personal pain to begin with. I

have not discussed my situation with any most of my FOO for obvious reasons.

> > > >

> > > > Bada #1 with whom I am LC, wanted to join me for a visit two weekends

ago. I agreed as I can tolerate him when he's on his best behavior. Although I

was aware he probably had motives behind this visit. Bada #1 tried to convince

me to that he wanted me to help him with nada and bada#2 to try and " set them

straight. " Basically he wants for me to re-engage in the dysfunctional family

abuses, spend time with all of them together for holidays, and try and " help "

with nada with the mental breakdown of bada#2.

> > > >

> > > > I am not going to engage in any of this, and calmly explained to bada#1

that although I admire that he wanted to help his family that I know this is not

possible, and that nada and bada#1 are very unhappy people by choice and will

proabably remain so no matter what bada#1, me, or anybody else does to try and

help so therefore I am " caring from afar. " I always get accused of " not caring "

since I started with boundaries. I also explained that he would have to accept

my decision for NC and LC boundaries and although he doesn't have to like it,

this is my choice. Bada complained that we never spend time together so I also

explained I would like to spend time with him as my brother but it would have to

be separate from the other FOO members. Bada#1 is having a hard time with this,

so I explained BPD and NPD, and that I had spent a lot of time researching these

issues which ultimately explains why the FOO is so messed up. He seemed to be

fairly open to

this part which is good, but he's not yet understanding the whole dysfunctional

picture as of yet, he probably never will.

> > > >

> > > > I am sure this is just an attempt at FOGGING me but bada#1 then revealed

some of the rotten things that nada and bada#2 say about me since I have gone NC

and LC with them. Such as how I think I am too good for my family now that I

have a rich boyfriend, etc. I calmly explained to bada#1 that I don't even have

a boyfriend anymore and that my feelings about my boundaries have not changed,

nor will they ever, boyfriend or not. Bada#1 then went into assh#*e mode and

gave me a hard time about my relationship failing. I think he had his sights on

my ex's resources, not that I would ever allow that kind of thing. Bada#1 then

insisted that I just " get over it " meaning, the fact that he was always the

golden child, and spend time with my FOO again.

> > > >

> > > > Later on bada ran out of money so I had to pay for part of his portion

of the restaurant tab, and give him cab fare to get home. Of course there was no

thank-you from bada, not that I would expect one. At the end of the night our

unfortunate mutual friend who bore witness to this ridiculousness asked for a

hug goodbye from me, which I happily obliged. As bada#1 was leaving I went to

give him a hug goodbye too and he roughly pushed my arm out of the way while

storming out the door. I said " oh I guess you don't want a hug " and he grumbled

" NO! " and off they went. So its still becoming more and more clear how messed up

and dysfunctional my FOO truly is. Bada#1 claims to wants more time with me yet

bounces back and forth from hating me to wanting more of my time. Ugh

> > > >

> > > > I have not spoken to any FOO since this and I guess I am just looking

for support on my feelings about it all. I feel mostly and strangely calm and

disengaged which I hope means I am not enmeshed with them anymore. But I guess

its just a bit depressing that I have zero family support during difficult times

such as a painful breakup, I know I will never have this support from them,ever.

I am also wondering what I shall do for Christmas this year as I won't have my

ex's lovely family to spend it with this year and i'm basically on my own. Any

ideas?

> > > >

> > > > I fully expect the FOO to kick up a notch closer to Christmas as the

FOGGING will surely persist. I just don't want to deal with it, deep down

sometimes I actually think I hate them.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I have no contact with this brother so I cannot personally confirm whether he

has made suicide threats, this information comes to me through nada. I do not

want to get involved whatsoever particulary as nada is prone to histrionics,

exaggerating, etc. Nada has said she does take him to the hospital sometimes so

I am thinking this is her emergency response, at least she has enough sense to

bring him in.

> > > > >

> > > > > Any feedback or sharing of similar stories on this would be

appreciated. I realize this is long so my apologies in advance.

> > > > >

> > > > > Just a quick run down of my scenario: I have been LC with nada (BPD

waif/witch type) and LC with older bada age 34 (I will refer to him has bada #1

he is probably dependent personality disordered) and I am NC with middle bada

age 32(I will refer to him as bada#2 he is a NPD).

> > > > >

> > > > > I have been dilligently maintaining my contact boundaries with all of

them for a few years now. Recently my nada phoned to tell me that bada#2 is

having a mental breakdown. He lives with her at age 32 and doesnt work, and

abuses nada's resources. Nada then tries to convince me that I should email

bada#2 and give him some words of encouragement. Bada#2 is reportedly suicidal

and extremely unstable emotionally (what else is new?). Some of you might

remember my posting about him defacing photos of me which nada displayed in her

house. Obviously he is a huge burden to nada but nada always has and always will

allow her sons to abuse her in every way with no end in sight. I told nada that

I was sorry to hear about this but I am not able to send bada#2 an email but I

wish them all the best in their difficult time. I also mentioned that I was

acutely aware that bada#2's emotionaly health has been unstable for years. Nada

didn't like this reaction of

> course.

> > > > >

> > > > > I have learned no amount of logical discussion with any of my FOO is

fruitful so I have given up and now I employ " compassionate detachment. " Nada

was obviously displeased with my response but I don't care. She has been

ignoring me since, not that I don't enjoy her silent treatment secretly.

> > > > >

> > > > > To be honest I feel the old sting of past resentments boiling up here

since nada has never encouraged my bada's to be respectful or civil to me. Nada

has only fostered an environment of allowing my older bada's to abuse me

verbally, emotionally, physically, and financially. .... since I was a child.

Badas used to humiliate me in public around their friends by throwing beverages

over my head, referring to me as 'bitch' instead of my name since I was younger

than 10, screaming in my face, threats, stealing and destroying my favourite

things, unprovoked and brutal physical beatings, purposefully urinating all over

the bathroom seat so I had to clean it up before I went, turning schoolmates and

their older friends against me, lying, stealing, I could go on but you get the

point. Nada just sat back and allowed it all to happen with no control or

discipline for them. I learned early that nada would not protect me, only she

blamed me for all of it.

> > > > >

> > > > > I am still expected to 'put up and shut up' as I call it. Not only

that, I am still expected to shell out sweetness and support to my abusers. ACK!

Crazy making!

> > > > >

> > > > > I should mention this call from nada came the day after I broke up

with my boyfriend of 1.5 yrs and I was in a lot of personal pain to begin with.

I have not discussed my situation with any most of my FOO for obvious reasons.

> > > > >

> > > > > Bada #1 with whom I am LC, wanted to join me for a visit two weekends

ago. I agreed as I can tolerate him when he's on his best behavior. Although I

was aware he probably had motives behind this visit. Bada #1 tried to convince

me to that he wanted me to help him with nada and bada#2 to try and " set them

straight. " Basically he wants for me to re-engage in the dysfunctional family

abuses, spend time with all of them together for holidays, and try and " help "

with nada with the mental breakdown of bada#2.

> > > > >

> > > > > I am not going to engage in any of this, and calmly explained to

bada#1 that although I admire that he wanted to help his family that I know this

is not possible, and that nada and bada#1 are very unhappy people by choice and

will proabably remain so no matter what bada#1, me, or anybody else does to try

and help so therefore I am " caring from afar. " I always get accused of " not

caring " since I started with boundaries. I also explained that he would have to

accept my decision for NC and LC boundaries and although he doesn't have to like

it, this is my choice. Bada complained that we never spend time together so I

also explained I would like to spend time with him as my brother but it would

have to be separate from the other FOO members. Bada#1 is having a hard time

with this, so I explained BPD and NPD, and that I had spent a lot of time

researching these issues which ultimately explains why the FOO is so messed up.

He seemed to be fairly open to

> this part which is good, but he's not yet understanding the whole

dysfunctional picture as of yet, he probably never will.

> > > > >

> > > > > I am sure this is just an attempt at FOGGING me but bada#1 then

revealed some of the rotten things that nada and bada#2 say about me since I

have gone NC and LC with them. Such as how I think I am too good for my family

now that I have a rich boyfriend, etc. I calmly explained to bada#1 that I don't

even have a boyfriend anymore and that my feelings about my boundaries have not

changed, nor will they ever, boyfriend or not. Bada#1 then went into assh#*e

mode and gave me a hard time about my relationship failing. I think he had his

sights on my ex's resources, not that I would ever allow that kind of thing.

Bada#1 then insisted that I just " get over it " meaning, the fact that he was

always the golden child, and spend time with my FOO again.

> > > > >

> > > > > Later on bada ran out of money so I had to pay for part of his portion

of the restaurant tab, and give him cab fare to get home. Of course there was no

thank-you from bada, not that I would expect one. At the end of the night our

unfortunate mutual friend who bore witness to this ridiculousness asked for a

hug goodbye from me, which I happily obliged. As bada#1 was leaving I went to

give him a hug goodbye too and he roughly pushed my arm out of the way while

storming out the door. I said " oh I guess you don't want a hug " and he grumbled

" NO! " and off they went. So its still becoming more and more clear how messed up

and dysfunctional my FOO truly is. Bada#1 claims to wants more time with me yet

bounces back and forth from hating me to wanting more of my time. Ugh

> > > > >

> > > > > I have not spoken to any FOO since this and I guess I am just looking

for support on my feelings about it all. I feel mostly and strangely calm and

disengaged which I hope means I am not enmeshed with them anymore. But I guess

its just a bit depressing that I have zero family support during difficult times

such as a painful breakup, I know I will never have this support from them,ever.

I am also wondering what I shall do for Christmas this year as I won't have my

ex's lovely family to spend it with this year and i'm basically on my own. Any

ideas?

> > > > >

> > > > > I fully expect the FOO to kick up a notch closer to Christmas as the

FOGGING will surely persist. I just don't want to deal with it, deep down

sometimes I actually think I hate them.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Its hard to know what to do in a situation like this. On the one hand you want

to maintain low contact with your foo and not get dragged back in to their

dramas and hysterics (which I think is very wise on your part) but on the other

hand *if* your older brother is truly suicidal and your nada isn't caring for

him properly, then what do you do with that knowledge?

Maybe its time to set another boundary with nada, along the lines of, " I will

not talk with you about my brothers, mom. If you want to talk to me about

yourself, OK, but there is nothing I can do to help brother #1 and I will not

discuss him with you. " If she persists in claiming that " He's suicidal! " you

could respond with, " Here's the suicide hot-line number, they know how to handle

things like this.

Since he is living with you and under your care, mother, you could be held

responsible for his death if you don't report his suicide threats, you know. "

Put the burden of responsibility back on her, don't let her dump it on you.

My Sister, my nephew and I are already on the same page with each other if our

nada should make a suicide threat or attempt. We are going to take it quite

seriously and nada will find herself under observation in a mental facility so

fast it will make her head spin.

If she truly means it, then she very much needs to be under psychiatric

supervision and observation for a couple of days, but if she's just threatening

suicide as a manipulation tactic she'll discover that it has backfired and not

gotten her what she wanted at all.

-Annie

>

> Any feedback or sharing of similar stories on this would be appreciated. I

realize this is long so my apologies in advance.

>

> Just a quick run down of my scenario: I have been LC with nada (BPD waif/witch

type) and LC with older bada age 34 (I will refer to him has bada #1 he is

probably dependent personality disordered) and I am NC with middle bada age 32(I

will refer to him as bada#2 he is a NPD).

>

> I have been dilligently maintaining my contact boundaries with all of them for

a few years now. Recently my nada phoned to tell me that bada#2 is having a

mental breakdown. He lives with her at age 32 and doesnt work, and abuses nada's

resources. Nada then tries to convince me that I should email bada#2 and give

him some words of encouragement. Bada#2 is reportedly suicidal and extremely

unstable emotionally (what else is new?). Some of you might remember my posting

about him defacing photos of me which nada displayed in her house. Obviously he

is a huge burden to nada but nada always has and always will allow her sons to

abuse her in every way with no end in sight. I told nada that I was sorry to

hear about this but I am not able to send bada#2 an email but I wish them all

the best in their difficult time. I also mentioned that I was acutely aware that

bada#2's emotionaly health has been unstable for years. Nada didn't like this

reaction of course.

>

> I have learned no amount of logical discussion with any of my FOO is fruitful

so I have given up and now I employ " compassionate detachment. " Nada was

obviously displeased with my response but I don't care. She has been ignoring me

since, not that I don't enjoy her silent treatment secretly.

>

> To be honest I feel the old sting of past resentments boiling up here since

nada has never encouraged my bada's to be respectful or civil to me. Nada has

only fostered an environment of allowing my older bada's to abuse me verbally,

emotionally, physically, and financially..... since I was a child. Badas used to

humiliate me in public around their friends by throwing beverages over my head,

referring to me as 'bitch' instead of my name since I was younger than 10,

screaming in my face, threats, stealing and destroying my favourite things,

unprovoked and brutal physical beatings, purposefully urinating all over the

bathroom seat so I had to clean it up before I went, turning schoolmates and

their older friends against me, lying, stealing, I could go on but you get the

point. Nada just sat back and allowed it all to happen with no control or

discipline for them. I learned early that nada would not protect me, only she

blamed me for all of it.

>

> I am still expected to 'put up and shut up' as I call it. Not only that, I am

still expected to shell out sweetness and support to my abusers. ACK! Crazy

making!

>

> I should mention this call from nada came the day after I broke up with my

boyfriend of 1.5 yrs and I was in a lot of personal pain to begin with. I have

not discussed my situation with any most of my FOO for obvious reasons.

>

> Bada #1 with whom I am LC, wanted to join me for a visit two weekends ago. I

agreed as I can tolerate him when he's on his best behavior. Although I was

aware he probably had motives behind this visit. Bada #1 tried to convince me to

that he wanted me to help him with nada and bada#2 to try and " set them

straight. " Basically he wants for me to re-engage in the dysfunctional family

abuses, spend time with all of them together for holidays, and try and " help "

with nada with the mental breakdown of bada#2.

>

> I am not going to engage in any of this, and calmly explained to bada#1 that

although I admire that he wanted to help his family that I know this is not

possible, and that nada and bada#1 are very unhappy people by choice and will

proabably remain so no matter what bada#1, me, or anybody else does to try and

help so therefore I am " caring from afar. " I always get accused of " not caring "

since I started with boundaries. I also explained that he would have to accept

my decision for NC and LC boundaries and although he doesn't have to like it,

this is my choice. Bada complained that we never spend time together so I also

explained I would like to spend time with him as my brother but it would have to

be separate from the other FOO members. Bada#1 is having a hard time with this,

so I explained BPD and NPD, and that I had spent a lot of time researching these

issues which ultimately explains why the FOO is so messed up. He seemed to be

fairly open to this part which is good, but he's not yet understanding the whole

dysfunctional picture as of yet, he probably never will.

>

> I am sure this is just an attempt at FOGGING me but bada#1 then revealed some

of the rotten things that nada and bada#2 say about me since I have gone NC and

LC with them. Such as how I think I am too good for my family now that I have a

rich boyfriend, etc. I calmly explained to bada#1 that I don't even have a

boyfriend anymore and that my feelings about my boundaries have not changed, nor

will they ever, boyfriend or not. Bada#1 then went into assh#*e mode and gave me

a hard time about my relationship failing. I think he had his sights on my ex's

resources, not that I would ever allow that kind of thing. Bada#1 then insisted

that I just " get over it " meaning, the fact that he was always the golden child,

and spend time with my FOO again.

>

> Later on bada ran out of money so I had to pay for part of his portion of the

restaurant tab, and give him cab fare to get home. Of course there was no

thank-you from bada, not that I would expect one. At the end of the night our

unfortunate mutual friend who bore witness to this ridiculousness asked for a

hug goodbye from me, which I happily obliged. As bada#1 was leaving I went to

give him a hug goodbye too and he roughly pushed my arm out of the way while

storming out the door. I said " oh I guess you don't want a hug " and he grumbled

" NO! " and off they went. So its still becoming more and more clear how messed up

and dysfunctional my FOO truly is. Bada#1 claims to wants more time with me yet

bounces back and forth from hating me to wanting more of my time. Ugh

>

> I have not spoken to any FOO since this and I guess I am just looking for

support on my feelings about it all. I feel mostly and strangely calm and

disengaged which I hope means I am not enmeshed with them anymore. But I guess

its just a bit depressing that I have zero family support during difficult times

such as a painful breakup, I know I will never have this support from them,ever.

I am also wondering what I shall do for Christmas this year as I won't have my

ex's lovely family to spend it with this year and i'm basically on my own. Any

ideas?

>

> I fully expect the FOO to kick up a notch closer to Christmas as the FOGGING

will surely persist. I just don't want to deal with it, deep down sometimes I

actually think I hate them.

>

[Guest guest]

It's funny how they seem to know when you are in a weakened state to make their

move - since you are in a vulnerable space recovering from your breakup you need

even more space from them and their " opinions " about you. You are not

responsible in any way shape or form for your brothers (#1 and #2) mental health

- THEY need to get themselves to a therapist. And if they won't, all the

support in the world won't make a difference. Bada#2 may indeed need a lot of

intensive help, but again you aren't the one to give it. If your nada says that

he's suicidal you could go ahead and call the police of adult services to

investigate. I think you'd only have to do that *one* time to stop her from

ever trying to put that on your again. He may indeed be having suicidal

ideation, but there's a big difference between thinking about it and being about

to do it.

It's a very serious sacrifice to step into to support the shaky mental healthy

of another person. Also even if you wanted to do it, are you qualified to do

it? Your nada and bada#1 sure aren't!

Don't let them FOG you. And Christmas alone isn't so bad...you can make your

own tradition. Or volunteer. Or give yourself the gift of a special trip.

Many options.

>

> Any feedback or sharing of similar stories on this would be appreciated. I

realize this is long so my apologies in advance.

>

> Just a quick run down of my scenario: I have been LC with nada (BPD waif/witch

type) and LC with older bada age 34 (I will refer to him has bada #1 he is

probably dependent personality disordered) and I am NC with middle bada age 32(I

will refer to him as bada#2 he is a NPD).

>

> I have been dilligently maintaining my contact boundaries with all of them for

a few years now. Recently my nada phoned to tell me that bada#2 is having a

mental breakdown. He lives with her at age 32 and doesnt work, and abuses nada's

resources. Nada then tries to convince me that I should email bada#2 and give

him some words of encouragement. Bada#2 is reportedly suicidal and extremely

unstable emotionally (what else is new?). Some of you might remember my posting

about him defacing photos of me which nada displayed in her house. Obviously he

is a huge burden to nada but nada always has and always will allow her sons to

abuse her in every way with no end in sight. I told nada that I was sorry to

hear about this but I am not able to send bada#2 an email but I wish them all

the best in their difficult time. I also mentioned that I was acutely aware that

bada#2's emotionaly health has been unstable for years. Nada didn't like this

reaction of course.

>

> I have learned no amount of logical discussion with any of my FOO is fruitful

so I have given up and now I employ " compassionate detachment. " Nada was

obviously displeased with my response but I don't care. She has been ignoring me

since, not that I don't enjoy her silent treatment secretly.

>

> To be honest I feel the old sting of past resentments boiling up here since

nada has never encouraged my bada's to be respectful or civil to me. Nada has

only fostered an environment of allowing my older bada's to abuse me verbally,

emotionally, physically, and financially..... since I was a child. Badas used to

humiliate me in public around their friends by throwing beverages over my head,

referring to me as 'bitch' instead of my name since I was younger than 10,

screaming in my face, threats, stealing and destroying my favourite things,

unprovoked and brutal physical beatings, purposefully urinating all over the

bathroom seat so I had to clean it up before I went, turning schoolmates and

their older friends against me, lying, stealing, I could go on but you get the

point. Nada just sat back and allowed it all to happen with no control or

discipline for them. I learned early that nada would not protect me, only she

blamed me for all of it.

>

> I am still expected to 'put up and shut up' as I call it. Not only that, I am

still expected to shell out sweetness and support to my abusers. ACK! Crazy

making!

>

> I should mention this call from nada came the day after I broke up with my

boyfriend of 1.5 yrs and I was in a lot of personal pain to begin with. I have

not discussed my situation with any most of my FOO for obvious reasons.

>

> Bada #1 with whom I am LC, wanted to join me for a visit two weekends ago. I

agreed as I can tolerate him when he's on his best behavior. Although I was

aware he probably had motives behind this visit. Bada #1 tried to convince me to

that he wanted me to help him with nada and bada#2 to try and " set them

straight. " Basically he wants for me to re-engage in the dysfunctional family

abuses, spend time with all of them together for holidays, and try and " help "

with nada with the mental breakdown of bada#2.

>

> I am not going to engage in any of this, and calmly explained to bada#1 that

although I admire that he wanted to help his family that I know this is not

possible, and that nada and bada#1 are very unhappy people by choice and will

proabably remain so no matter what bada#1, me, or anybody else does to try and

help so therefore I am " caring from afar. " I always get accused of " not caring "

since I started with boundaries. I also explained that he would have to accept

my decision for NC and LC boundaries and although he doesn't have to like it,

this is my choice. Bada complained that we never spend time together so I also

explained I would like to spend time with him as my brother but it would have to

be separate from the other FOO members. Bada#1 is having a hard time with this,

so I explained BPD and NPD, and that I had spent a lot of time researching these

issues which ultimately explains why the FOO is so messed up. He seemed to be

fairly open to this part which is good, but he's not yet understanding the whole

dysfunctional picture as of yet, he probably never will.

>

> I am sure this is just an attempt at FOGGING me but bada#1 then revealed some

of the rotten things that nada and bada#2 say about me since I have gone NC and

LC with them. Such as how I think I am too good for my family now that I have a

rich boyfriend, etc. I calmly explained to bada#1 that I don't even have a

boyfriend anymore and that my feelings about my boundaries have not changed, nor

will they ever, boyfriend or not. Bada#1 then went into assh#*e mode and gave me

a hard time about my relationship failing. I think he had his sights on my ex's

resources, not that I would ever allow that kind of thing. Bada#1 then insisted

that I just " get over it " meaning, the fact that he was always the golden child,

and spend time with my FOO again.

>

> Later on bada ran out of money so I had to pay for part of his portion of the

restaurant tab, and give him cab fare to get home. Of course there was no

thank-you from bada, not that I would expect one. At the end of the night our

unfortunate mutual friend who bore witness to this ridiculousness asked for a

hug goodbye from me, which I happily obliged. As bada#1 was leaving I went to

give him a hug goodbye too and he roughly pushed my arm out of the way while

storming out the door. I said " oh I guess you don't want a hug " and he grumbled

" NO! " and off they went. So its still becoming more and more clear how messed up

and dysfunctional my FOO truly is. Bada#1 claims to wants more time with me yet

bounces back and forth from hating me to wanting more of my time. Ugh

>

> I have not spoken to any FOO since this and I guess I am just looking for

support on my feelings about it all. I feel mostly and strangely calm and

disengaged which I hope means I am not enmeshed with them anymore. But I guess

its just a bit depressing that I have zero family support during difficult times

such as a painful breakup, I know I will never have this support from them,ever.

I am also wondering what I shall do for Christmas this year as I won't have my

ex's lovely family to spend it with this year and i'm basically on my own. Any

ideas?

>

> I fully expect the FOO to kick up a notch closer to Christmas as the FOGGING

will surely persist. I just don't want to deal with it, deep down sometimes I

actually think I hate them.

>

[Guest guest]

First, just want to say I'm sorry for your recent breakup - that's difficult, no

matter what else is going on..

As for the situation with the FOO, I think your nada's call totally reeks of

FOG. She's may be at odds about what to do with Bada#2, but you should not

allow yourself to be sucked back in. Based on what you have described, I can see

nothing positive coming from it, either for you or for them - but especially for

you. If your bada truly is suicidal or having a breakdown, then a call from a NC

sister with whom he's not had a positive relationship to start with will do

nothing (or might even exacerbate the situation). If your nada is truly

concerned then your brother should be hospitalized and/or get professional help

- that's all that's going to make a difference. It is NOT your responsibility.

I'm sorry, too, that your visit with bada#1 didn't end well. It sounds as

though he still has major issues, and did want something from you (probably

rescue). When you wisely didn't provide it, the facade came down. Maybe, at

least the BPD/NPD discussion planted a seed and he'll do some research on his

own....

As for the holidays, when I've been on my own and away from family (sometimes by

choice, sometimes not), I've found that volunteering at a local shelter or soup

kitchen type of place is very rewarding and helps to put a LOT in perspective.

There are ALWAYS places looking for volunteer help around the holidays

(hospitals, care homes, shelters, etc). Other friends of mine, swear by taking

a trip - maybe with another single friend, if you can manage it.

And who knows, there's still a bit of time between now and the holidays (and I'm

not thinking in terms of your family).....

Stay strong in your resolve.

Suzy