new issue

[Guest guest]

A new issue is coming up in our lives and I'm wondering how others have handled

it. One of our pals from horseback riding has a degenerative syndrome and has

been declining over the past several years. He was airlifted to the hospital a

few days ago. I am afraid the time is coming when we will be dealing with the

death of a friend.

Aubrie is only 8, but she has a huge heart. She's seen me mourn the loss of

friends and help others who are grieving for lost loved ones. She will want to

be a part of supporting this boy's family. Do I let her attend a visitation or

funeral?? Do we just send a card or flowers together? How do you handle it

when your child will undoubtedly see her peers die??

Another very close pal of hers is in the same grade and has a form of muscular

dystrophy that is degenerative. This friends is also starting to decline in her

motor skills. Instead of continuing to improve as Aubrie will, this friend will

require a wheelchair and many other supports someday. She may not live a long

adult life.

Even if it's not the death of child friends, it is just handling the declining

skills of friends. And she asks questions when we are with disabled peers about

their disability. The first question is always " Is so-and-so deaf? " . Then " Can

so-and-so walk ok? " This weekend, she asked how old and in what grade was the

child. That was uncomfortable for the mom cuz this child is in a special class

and is not on typical grade level so she prefers not to think in terms of grade.

So I just repeated to Aubrie his age and ignored the grade question. Luckily

she didn't ask where he goes to school or anything. I don't want her to think

that talking about disability is taboo, but she also needs to be aware of the

other person's feelings -- which isn't always predictable.

I am still muddling this over in my mind. Any thoughts??

Michele Westmaas

mom to Aubrie 7 yrs CHaRgE and 13 yrs, wife to DJ