Re: Update/blahblahblaaaaaaah Long one / Shan

[Guest guest]

> Yeppers..its me again...the chronically bitching whining &

complaining Shan-o-la.

#### We love ya Shan!!!!

>

> Soooo..here is the deal. This past week has brought the unexpected

and tragic death of someone VERY dear to me at the young young age

of 45. This was after being excoriated by an aunt who in all reality

doesnt KNOW me at all. My mom is also very ill from all the meds

that have built up in her system.

#### That is waaaaaaaaaaay too young to die mate. Sorry to hear

that ya mum is doing it tough too. Life is soooo unfair sometimes...

NO I havent visited her or checked on her as much as I should have

this last week but dammit I can only be stretched so thin yanno??!!!

Ugh..sorry I am getting defensive w/ MYSELF now.

#### You're right Shan!! You're only human and can only do so

much! LOL @ getting defensive with yourself.

>

> Soooooo to top it ALL off today...I went to speak to someone who

knew both Terry & myself about a recurring problem...one that I have

complained about many times in the last 6 months. And.....get this

shit. He had the utter nerve and gall to say ''dont talk to me about

that area....someone else walked out and quit Saturday and Terry

died Sunday....blahblahexcusesexcuses.''....and I said....Hey now

chump....DONT YOU DAAAAARRREEEEEEEEEE USE TERRY AS AN EXCUSE FOR

YOUUUUURRRRRRRRR INABILITY TO MANAGE THIS DEPARTMENT....AND

HEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!!!! WHILE IM THINKING ABOUT IT....M WOULDNT HAVE

WALKED OUT IF YOU HAD HANDLED THIS ALREADY ANDDDDDDDDD IF YOU HADNT

SCREAMED AT HER AND BELITTLED HER EVERYDAY SHE WAS HERE!!!!!!!!''

#### Woohooooo! Way to go Shan....you tell 'em honey!!! LOL!!

He thinks nothing of degrading and belittling people

and as long as its not done to him..hes alright w/ it.

#### Oh this sort of thing makes my blood boil after putting up

with that from a boss for waaaaaaaaaay too long when I was young,

inexperienced and didn't dare talk back! Now I'd tell him where he

could stick his job. Ooops, sorry, got a bit side tracked. lol

Back to you Shan....

>

> I have ALWAYS maintained a VERY professional relationship with him

even though he has ignored alllllll my other reports about those

women. SO today was the breaking point. Yes I acknowledge and

understand he is grieving over Terry and kicking himself in the ass

about M but you know what??? If one of his own employees was

performing ''under par'' due to personal reasons..he would have no

trouble saying ''then you need to go home'' and being very callous

about it. So ...and I am NOT proud of this.....but when he tried to

> bring up Terry again I told him just that......if was going to be

weak enough to pin his inaction on Terrys death then he needed to

take his ass to the house and stay there until he felt better. He

got so red in the face I thought he was going to have a damn heart

attack and dammit for 2 seconds that exactly what I was hoping for.

Im not proud to say that either but its only the truth. He then told

me that he ''hates dealing with me b/c I am such a negative person''

#### Huh?! You negative....no way. This man needed to look closer

to home before pointing any fingers or that's the way it sounds

anyway.

.....what??? Excuse me....did Mr Pot just call me Ms Kettle??!!! Yall

I know I have been INEXCUSABLY cranky the last few days but he may

as well have put a knife into my own heart. ME?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> Negative??!!!!

#### As I said just before....you negative...no way!!!! And as far

as being cranky mate...you have every right to be cranky with the

shit that you havd had to deal with! I take my hat off to ya for

still being able to function at all!

>

> Me who in a years time though I have had many many many many need

I say again MANY chances to bitch about the way he runs his

departments and have only complained about ONE circumstance?? And

thats not even a complaint..its a demand for civility. Hell I dont

even want respect from them....just common civility!!!!!

MEEEEEEEEE>>>>!!!! NEgative??!!!

Anywho...as you can already imagine the situation only deteriorated

from there and I left sooooooooo angry I didnt know what to do with

myself. Of course I was sobbing madly by the time I got to my car

but thankfully he didnt see that....that would have only made it

that much worse if he knew he made me cry..and this was

not 'crying' ...it was omg I cant even catch my breath tears burning

my face and soaking my shirt sobbing that lasted >

foreveeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr. And as you ladies probably know...once you

have been on a sobbing jag like that for the rest of the day youre

shot...one wrong look...ANYTHING can set the tears flowing

again..and again...and yet again.

#### Oh yes Shan...I know I've been there many times before.

((((((SHAN))))))

>

> Sooooo I did the only thing that made me feel even slightly in

control and came home tonight and emailed HIS ''home office'' in

Houston and hopefully will be able to speak to someone tomorrow. In

my heart as black as it feels right now I know SO much of what

transpired today has alot more to due w/ Terrys death than even I

wanted to acknowledge earlier...we are both (the assmonkey I was

fighting with..not Terry) very used to being 'in control' of

> various situations and hes been smacked with at least one very

serious one (T's death) and I have had a sheer mountain of them

lately and ...that of course effected our behavior today. BUT it

does NOT change the fact that he is a weak and ineffective 'manager'

every other day of the year and I am sick of dealing with it and

cleaning up behind him. So I dunno..wish me luck tomorrow in talking

to someone in Houston.

### I'll be thinking of ya mate....believe me!!!! Good luck!!!!!!!!!

>

> Ah and finally on a positive note...my sister came over for a bit

tonight and Suz is spending the night. Tomorrow is Lea's day off and

she has scads of stuff to do sooooooooo I just said she could stay

and Im glad I did. Shes such an angel and I know she will be a calm

and very loving influence tomorrow...and man do I need that. What I

really need right now.....shit crying again now....ugh....what I

really need right now is a hug...a big huge hug would make me feel

so much better right now.

#### ((((((((((((((((((((SHAN))))))))))))))))))))

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sometimes I realllllllllllllly

miss sharing a bed with someone...not in THAT way lol

#### Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure mate..LOL!!!! It's called sexercise I

believe...

....just to have someone to snuggle with and make you feel 'safe' on

nights like this when every nerve and cell in your body feels so raw

and exposed. Ahhhhh maybe I will get a body pillow lol.

#### Oh mate, I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally wish I could give ya the

biggest hugs right now....

>

> Blaaaaaaaah. So......that was a novel in itself huh? Sorry for

blathering on so but eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkk I just couldnt hold

it allll in anymore.

#### Anytime Shan...you know that. One thing's for sure, when you

write a novel, no matter what has been happening in your life you

manage to make me giggle with the way you word it and that's a

reeeeeeal talent. Gotta love ya mate.......you take good care and

try, try, trrrrrrrrrrrrrry to get some much needed rest. Know that

you'll be in my thoughts!

>

> Thanks for listening.

>

> Hugs

> nnnnnnn

#### Even bigger hugs back, Kel xx

>

>

>